Caitlin's Way: Second Chances Dear Diary-

Today I watched Will walk away from me and the last words he muttered to me before he left keep ringing in my ears:

"You're not who I thought you were"

I watched helplessly with Eric and Griffin by my side as Will staggered back away from me, our eyes connected and I saw the hurt and the confusion in his eyes and then he was gone. He got on Sinbad, looked back at me once more, and then galloped off. After doing the work Eric assigned me to do, I wandered around for a while not really wanting to go home, Dori would probably ask me how my day was and knowing the emotions that were flowing through my body at the moment, I would have probably spilled everything out on Dori, exposing how much I really cared for Will. I, Caitlin Seegar, cared for Will McNeil, yes it's true, sadly enough it's the truth, I really did like him. He was the first boy who ever paid any sort of attention to me, sure Griffin, Brett, Eric and Jordan have looked at me and talked to me and just recently they have treated me like a human being but they didn't treat me or look at me or even speak to me the way Will did. Will always acted like being with me was the most important thing he could do, he made life fun, he made it less boring and he wasn't fake like almost all of the people in High River.

There's this study that says things happen for a reason, a specific reason, that some people enter our life because they were destined for us, that us meeting them was a plan destiny created for us. Crap right? Destiny... Fate.... Things happening for a specific reason... that just doesn't add up. That's like wishing on a shooting star, those wishes never come true, it's just all an act, or is it? Maybe me meeting Will was for a specific reason in my life that I have yet to understand... maybe today will not be the last day I see Will. Or maybe destiny has given up on me, given me all the good cards they can and now they are out of good cards and now destiny have to start giving me some bad, unlucky cards. Things were going so great with Will and then everything went downhill, maybe that was destiny telling me to slow it down. Or maybe it's just because my life sucks, you know that could be it, you never know.

Griffin's right though.... my head is in a good place right now, I have finally cleaned up my act, I am doing real good and Will has some real big problems. He thinks it's his mom's fault his dad died, that is why he denies to open his heart to his mother, actually he refuses to open his heart to anyone.... except me. He opened his heart up to me and I turned him away, I couldn't just have him buy off Eric, making what we did to Eric's property disappear, to cleanse my conscious I had to fix what I did and because of that I lost Will.

-Forever Lost
Cailin Seegar


Dear Diary-

Summer School is almost over finally! And right when Summer School is over I get to go back to regular school, wow my summer sucked majorly. It's been 3 weeks since I have talked or even seen Will, it's like he had disappeared off the face of the world, I miss talking to him, complaining about something stupid to him... I miss dancing with him... I miss Will. I sit in my room studying math, I can hear Eric yelling about something to Griffin, he yells something back to Eric and so on.... god it's boring here. I want so badly to pick up the phone and call Will and tell him I really need to see him, but like Griffin said, I need to clear my head, and to clear my head that means no Will. No Will.... god that sounds horrible. He's just so great, he understands me like no one else ever has, he makes me laugh like no one can, he makes me smile big and I just have this urge to crawl out of my window, hop on Bandit and ride over there right now and tell him I miss him so much and that I want him back in my life.

But I can't do that, it's not who I am, I'm not a person that takes things back, I'm a beggar, I'm a cruel bitch... excuse the language... Dori sorry for saying that, yes I know you are probably reading this as of now.

Great Griffin is yelling at me to do something... talk to you later.

-Missing Will
Caitlin Seegar


Dear Diary-

Summer School is officially over and in a few days regular school starts. I'm actually scared to start regular school back up, what if me and Will bump into each other in the halls? Do we pretend we don't even know each other? Or do we talk? And who makes the first move? Do I? Or does he? And what happens if we have some classes together? So many questions but no one to answer them..... what do I do??!!

Things are just so complicated.

-Complicated And Scared
Caitlin Seegar


Dear Diary-

Got a email today... here I attached it... read it below:

Subj: Crop Circles...walking away....missing you....etc.
Date: 4/01/2001 11:05:11 AM Pacific Standard Time
From: WillMcNeil@earthsend.net (Will)
To: CaitlinSeegar@earthsend.net

Dear Caitlin-

Hi it's Will.

But you probably guessed that by the email address, plus you already know my email address and now I just sound really stupid. Don't ask me what possesed me to write you, I know that you probably want to have nothing to do with me... it's just that I miss you. I have been thinking about you ever since that day where I walked away and you didn't come after me, it doesn't matter who was in the right and who was in the wrong... maybe we were both wrong or right or whatever... it's just that I miss you. Okay I get the crop circle thing was a dumb idea, at the time it sounded like the perfect idea to use as rebellion against Jim for fibidding us to see each other but it just ended up being the thing that tore us apart.

The tattoo wasn't real. It was fake. I was trying to impress you but in the end I didn't have the guts to actually do it so I just drew it on, Eric was right... I'm a phony. I'm nothing but a phony, a phony that has fallen for you. All I wanted to do was be near you Caitlin, that is all I ever wanted to do and maybe it was a mistake for me for liking you... but I can't stop. Oh well, my mom is calling me so um talk to you in school?

-Will aka the phony guy :)

See I can have a sense of humor and be a bad boy at the same time, and you said it was impossible.

Can you believe it diary? He emailed me!? So he really didn't get the tattoo, when I think about it, it's not that big of a deal. No one has ever tried that HARD to impress me, am I worth impressing? Well obviously to Will I am. Oh gotta get ready to go to the movies with Griffin. Tomorrow School Starts!!!


UNEMAILED LETTER TO WILL:

Subj: I miss you too Will
Date: 4/01/2001 12:00:32 PM Pacific Standard Time
From: CaitlinSeegar@earthsend.net (Caitlin)
To: WillMcNeil@earthsend.net

WillMcNeil@earthsend.net (Will) Writes:

Dear Caitlin-

Hi it's Will.

But you probably guessed that by the email address, plus you already know my email address and now I just sound really stupid. Don't ask me what possesed me to write you, I know that you probably want to have nothing to do with me... it's just that I miss you. I have been thinking about you ever since that day where I walked away and you didn't come after me, it doesn't matter who was in the right and who was in the wrong... maybe we were both wrong or right or whatever... it's just that I miss you. Okay I get the crop circle thing was a dumb idea, at the time it sounded like the perfect idea to use as rebellion against Jim for fibidding us to see each other but it just ended up being the thing that tore us apart.

The tattoo wasn't real. It was fake. I was trying to impress you but in the end I didn't have the guts to actually do it so I just drew it on, Eric was right... I'm a phony. I'm nothing but a phony, a phony that has fallen for you. All I wanted to do was be near you Caitlin, that is all I ever wanted to do and maybe it was a mistake for me for liking you... but I can't stop. Oh well, my mom is calling me so um talk to you in school?

-Will aka the phony guy :)

See I can have a sense of humor and be a bad boy at the same time, and you said it was impossible.>>>

Hi Will :)

I was surprised when I got an email from you, I thought you hated me, or you were disgusted with me, I thought I would never hear from you again but I was happy when I got that email from you. :) I miss talking to you Will, I miss confiding in you, I miss just being with you and having fun times with you. When we danced in the diner, that was the greatest moment in my life and for that one second before Jim came in, I looked into your eyes and for once in my life I saw love instead of hatred or envy or disgust.

I think I love you.

-Caitlin

STATUS: (UNSENT)


Subj: WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE!
Date: 4/01/2001 4:53:15 PM Pacific Standard Time
From: WillMcNeil@earthsend.net (Will)
To: CaitlinSeegar@earthsend.net

Hello residents of High River, Montana have you seen this girl? Her name is Caitlin Seegar, she's wanted for being the most unique person in this hoky poky town... if you find her bring her to me:)

ATTACHMENT: JPG FILE:

[Unable to display image]

Am I being corny enough?

-Will


Second Chances [Prolouge]

Caitlin stared at some of the items she had saved from the past month and so--- most of the items had something to do with Will and her feelings about what had recently been going on and that was the main reason she saved them. Ever since the day her and Will had gone their separate ways she felt so scared and alone-- it was weird, she didn't know she could care about Will so much until he had walked away from her with that sad expression on his face that Caitlin couldn't get out of her mind. He had emailed her twice recently but she was afraid to write back to him, what if she wrote the wrong thing? What if she wrote something totally stupid? Caitlin sighed; she grabbed for her purple hair brush, she gripped onto the brush and then started brushing through her long brown hair absently, obviously her brain was somewhere else, the better thing to say would be that her brain was on someone else. She had never felt so alive then she did when she had been with Will, he made her smile like a big grinning idiot, he made her laugh harder then anyone could make her laugh and whenever she was around him she felt as if she could be floating... she felt like she was on cloud nine. Caitlin sighed once more and stopped brushing her hair, she placed the hair brush on Griffin's desk where his computer stood--- she touched her hair, once she felt the silkiness of her hair she decided that she had brushed it enough; Caitlin grabbed the blue bandana with jewels on it which she was had put on her lap---- she had put the bandana on her lap when she came into Griffin's room--- Caitlin put the bandana over her silky, shiny hair, once she did that she pushed herself up from the chair but she remembered to close up all the programs that she had open and to shut off the computer, before she walked out of Griffin's room nonchantly, it was like she had never been in there, it was better that way because if Griffin knew she had been in HIS room on HIS computer without HIS permission he would have thrown a fit and then she would of probably lost her temper and they would have yet another fight. The main reason they fought so much wasn't because they were mad at each other or anything, their fighting was like this way to communicate with one another, it had been funny, because the way they fought so passionately you would think that they hated each other but in reality it was the other way around--- yes Caitlin and Griffin loved each other, they had grown on one another and when things got too rough they always knew they could depend on each other but of course that didn't stop them from fighting at least twice everyday.

"Morning Caitlin"
"Morning sweetheart"
"Hi"

Caitlin smirked to herself when she heard the three familar voices that could only belong to Dori, Jim and Griffin Lowe as she walked down the stairs and entered the kitchen, she waved at them and grabbed a donut, she looked down at the donut making sure she got the right one--- Caitlin only liked one kind of donut---- the custard filling donuts--- Will loved those too--- Don't think about Will Caitlin! The little voice at the back of her head reminded her. Caitlin dug through her pants pockets, she pulled her hand out of the pocket a few seconds later with a little container of lip gloss, that she had bought at the 99 cent store when her and Dori went last week--- Caitlin twisted the top open and put the strawberry flavored lip gloss on her lips--- she put the container back in her pocket and then rubbed her lips together blotching the lip gloss against every inch of her rose colored lips.
"Ready Griff?"
Griffin nodded taking the last bite of his what used to be his once full bowl of cheerios, he grabbed his bowl and put it in the sink and grabbed a jelly filled donut and waved to his parents before following Caitlin out the door and towards the school bus.

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!!!!!!! For most teenagers this would be the worst day possible because now all teenagers would have to realize that summer was over and their carefree and fun hanging in the sun days were over and wouldn't be back until next year, and to make it worse it was a Monday! Which meant that they had 5 long boring days until their 2 days of freedom which was called the weekend descended upon them. But to Caitlin Seegar first day of school wasn't really a bother, she had to go to summer school so this was just like another day in her life, except now there were about a million more kids---- okay not a million but a lot--- and one of those hurried, chatting, busy teenagers would be Will. Caitlin's body jerked forward as the big yellow school bus came to a stop, all of the teenagers slowly walked off the bus complaining the whole time, Griffin and Caitlin looked at each other before being the last ones off the school bus.

"Aloha!"
"Yo"

Caitlin shook her head when she heard the two male voices that belonged to Eric and Brett--- Caitlin looked around and noticed that Jordan wasn't around, he must already be in there Caitlin guessed. Caitlin nodded acknowledging Eric and Brett before walking up to the entrance of the school with her three male companions shortly behind her; She could hear them chatting about something which sounded stupid to her, well at least what she listened to sounded stupid, it sounded so stupid that she had zoned them out. Caitlin pushed her way through the big doors to their high school, she pushed her way through the crowd of teenagers and managed to stumble over to her locker without getting completely squashed.
"Geez"
Caitlin threw some kids a dirty look, she turned to her locker and put in her combination numbers but to her aggravation her locker door wouldn't open---- Caitlin looked around trying to catch a glimpse of Brett, Eric or Griffin but she had lost them through the crowd. 'Oh well I'll find them sooner or later' Caitlin thought to herself, she turned to her locker and glared at it and kicked it, she felt a throbbing pain enter her body once her foot came into contact with the metal locker, Caitlin yelped quietly at the pain that was pounding through her foot... things were not looking up.

"Let me help you"

Caitlin looked up and felt her heart get caught up in her throat when she found her brown eyes staring at Will's face, he brushed gently past her, pushed her combination numbers in, pounded his fist against the locker and smiled triumphantly when the locker popped open. Caitlin tore her gaze away from Will just in time to avoid eye contact, she looked over at her locker and rolled her eyes.
"Of course it works for you, this doesn't mean a thing you know that?"
Caitlin heard the school bell and frowned, she shut her locker and turned to Will.
"Of course"
He said calmly obviously mocking her. Caitlin opened her mouth but Will cut her off.
"See ya around Caitlin"
With that Will was gone. Caitlin sighed and went to sunk her head against her locker but she was ambushed by Eric and Griffin.
"We're late come on Caitlin"
Griffin grabbed Caitlin by the arm.
"Yeah all three of us has the same first period class"
Caitlin rolled her eyes at Eric.
"How peachy"

[History Class- Mrs. DeSantis- First Period]

"Turn to page 12---"

Caitlin tilted her head a little to the left pretending she was listening to what the teacher was saying, but in reality she had zoned the teacher out and she was deep in her thoughts--- God he looked so adorable--- Caitlin bit down on her bottom lip as she let her thoughts continue to wander about Will. Caitlin turned her head tearing herself away from her thoughts, she semi-froze when she saw Will staring back at her, she had expected him to tear his eyes away when her eyes had came in contact with his but they stayed where they were--- either he was in a trance and hadn't noticed her staring at him or he didn't really care that she saw him.
"You're staring at him Caitlin"
Caitlin could hear Griffin's hushed voice enter her ear, she felt his breath against her face, she sighed and shoo-ed him off not really caring that she was staring, it was like she couldn't take her eyes off of him.

[15 minutes later]

"----Class dismissed"
Caitlin blinked her brown eyes once she heard Mrs. DeSantis's voice, she looked around and noticed all the students leaving the classroom in a hurry. Caitlin shook her head and pushed herself up and headed out of the class, she headed towards her locker but she froze when she felt a hand go over her mouth.
"Wanna have some real fun?"
Caitlin pushed away and turned around to find herself face to face with Will.
"Like what kind of fun?"
Will smirked.
"Like the old fashioned ditching first day of school kind of fun"
Caitlin opened her mouth to protest but then smiled.
"Lead the way"
Will smiled once more and interlocked arms with Caitlin and hit the fire alarm and led Caitlin through the screaming crowd.