Chapter one:
Tears ran down her cheeks, much like the rain that crashed onto the window. Everything was wrong. How could this happen? She'd been the one to fuck up, somehow, she always was the problem. Anger, hurt, so many different emotions flashing through her head. But why?
Paul rarely left his laptop unlocked, especially while she was home. Many different reasons led to it being open though, mainly their drinking last night. He was completely drunk, and passed out on the living room floor. She did too, but woke first to her phone vibrating. The sound was never on anymore, she didn't want to be harassed about why she was on it, or who she was talking to. It was none of his damn business.
Beth only used it because hers was dead, she had forgotten to plug it in yesterday. There was something her partner wanted her to look up before heading in early, so by nature her intentions were good. Until she saw an icon flashing on the menu. Just to get it to stop, she hovered the mouse over it before clicking it. But she recognized the program, it was one they often used at her work when tailing someone undercover.
"What the hell..?" She mouthed before clicking it. A phone number showed up on the map, as with another number which she didn't recognize. Paul was tracking someone. Tracking her. It was her phone number. A shot in the dark told her the other number was her car, because of their proximity on the map. Glancing from the screen, she looked at his motionless body on the floor. This made no sense. Why would he be tracking her? Sure, some nights she wouldn't come home, but that wasn't any of his business.
There was no saying how long he'd been doing this, the spying. Beth's phone went off again, making her jump. "Shit." Instead of her eyes going to her phone they went to Paul, instantly. He was still asleep. Wiping her eyes, she opened her phone.
Well?
From Art. Cleaning her thoughts, she minimized the tracking program, as if having never touched it, then quickly checking into what Art wanted. Her fingers were shaking, moving sloppily as she messaged him back, sending many typos and errors.
She needed to leave, to get out of there before all hell broke loose from her. Anger was filling her faster than imaginable. All of the reasons to doubt Paul for having loved her reassured themselves. If Paul was tracking her, what else was he doing? She didn't have the time to dig through his laptop to see what other tabs he was keeping; the sun was rising, and that meant so was he. Quickly, however, she opened his email, still signed in, eyes scanning through the inbox, the sent- hell, even the spam. There had to be something. Was he cheating on her and feeling guilty, keeping tabs on her? It was no secret that there was a rift between them, that they weren't as close as when they once were. But there was nothing. Not a damn thing. Maybe on his phone? Just as she cleared the history and closed the browser, she heard Paul. Beth locked his laptop, and sprinted silently to their bathroom, closing the door and turning on the hot water to the shower with no intentions of showering, but to humidify the room quickly, as if she had taken one. Her hands wouldn't relax from clenched fists as she leaned over the sink. There was nothing more that she wanted to do than give Paul a kick in his balls, something. She wanted to hit him, to hurt him. Anything. Opening the cabinet she stared down the countless bottles of prescription with her name on them.
Just this once, she told herself. She needed to calm down before getting to work otherwise Art would know something was up. Taking a handful of various pills, she swallowed as many as she could before leaning over the sink, taking a mouthful of water and finishing them off.
"Beth?" There was a knock on the door, the handle jiggled but didn't open. Thank god she had locked it.
"What?" She shut the water off, trying not to sound as pissed off as she was.
"What are you doing up?"
"Getting ready for work."
"With the door locked?"
"Yeah. I, uh, didn't want any distractions." Grabbing a bottle or two, Beth shoved them into her pocket for later.
"You said you had the day off."
"Art called, he needs me at the station." She quickly brushed her hair, pulling it back so that she at least looked different from last night, even if the clothing was the same.
Paul wasn't too convinced about Art, but he wasn't going to push it with her. They had gotten into another argument last night, with her shoving him away at one point. They were drunk, she was probably high. It would have been her fault anyway, she was asking for a fight by being contrary to everything he said. He walked into the kitchen, opening his computer and unlocking it. Nothing out of the ordinary. As he loaded up his work email, he'd turned around to start some coffee.
The bathroom door opened, and thankfully Paul was nowhere to be seen in the bedroom either. Beth wasn't keen on sticking around, but needed to change her clothes, so she swapped out her shirt, and put on her coat before making her way to the front door.
"You're not even going to say goodbye?" Paul called out when he heard her keys.
"No, I'm not." The door shut harder than usual.
God, she needed out. As soon as Beth was in the car the tears began to fall again. Why was he tracking her? She should've just said something about it, called him out, but Beth couldn't bring herself to think or say anything rational. She was shutting down, especially when it came to their relationship. They were already hanging on to each other by threads, but now those threads were frayed, ready to split at any given moment. She shut her phone off and threw it across the car, at least while it was off he couldn't track it. Maybe while she was at work she could wrap her mind around all of this.
Art was being a pushover, a total jackass as always, somehow that brought comfort to her. It felt normal. He couldn't even tell she had been crying, so the pills must have been working. When she arrived at work she'd swallowed a few more, just incase. Beth was already becoming numb to the pain, and the medicine helped block it out, clearing her head so she could think clearly, even if the clearness she was seeking out was more of a fog. Emotionally, it helped her.
The computers were being updated today, that meant more of Raj being a pester. Art was right, he had a total boner for her. Somehow that might be an advantage to her today. Manipulation was easy, Beth had a lot of charm. He already liked her, so teasing him would be easy. Beth straightened her shirt, over her jeans, popping a button out to show off more cleavage.
"Heyy, Beth." Raj walked towards her desk, shutting down her computer.
"Raj, what's up?" It was a rhetoric question, cause she could care less about his life.
"Not much, just updating the software on this floor. Didn't you get the email?"
"Tsk, no. I must have missed it."
"Yeah, well it shouldn't take too long."
"Oh good." She reached back, messing with her hair, ignoring him the entire time.
"Say, I had a question. Maybe you could help me out?"
"Sure, what is it?"
Would you mind fucking off?
"Do you think you could wait until the end of the day to work on mine?"
"Uhh... I could, but the chief wanted them done first thing."
"C'mon, just for me?"
"Oh, well.. Alright. For you."
"Thanks, Raj."
All too easy. At least now the pester was out of her hair for the time being.
What else? There had to be more she could be doing. She was a cop, for Christ's sake. Beth could have Paul arrested for assaulting an officer. Something in the back of her mind said that was going too far, and that they needed boundaries. The day just needed to pass, the whole ruse of being at work was just to get away from Paul. Digging her fingers into the sides of her head, she hit her head against her desk repeatedly.
"Jesus, Beth." Angie muttered from behind, head over her shoulder as she stared at the younger woman. Great, now the bitch of the station was going to be up her ass.
"What do you want?"Beth nearly snapped, groaning as her face planted into the papers on the desk.
"Hey, just because you're in a shitty mood doesn't mean you take it out on me."
Beth could've made some snotty retort, but kept it in. Angie wasn't worth it, getting into an argument. That was bait she knew to ignore. She couldn't go on this way, being torn apart by everything she knew. The only thing on her mind was Paul. How he would so secretively betray her. Just as she had thought things were getting better between them. She needed to mask to pain within, quickly for her sake. Rising from her chair, Beth grabbed her coat and threw it on as she bolted in a speed walk to the stairwell. Somewhere, anywhere, her empty mind needed to be emptier.
Pounding within her head only made her walk faster, nearly jumping down each step. Beth wasn't quite sure where she was going, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing.
More rain. Did this city ever stop raining? It only added to the depressing mood Beth had fallen into. Why couldn't she have minded her own damn business, or blown off her partner? Her feet picked up the already fast pace before thundering down the streets. She was running, sprinting, trying to escape. The lightening overhead reverberated through the city, flashing all about.
Miles later, Beth finally stopped. There was a small diner, a hole in the wall sort of restaurant. Soaking wet, she stepped inside. It wasn't busy, just one other person, sitting at the furthest booth from the entrance, eating something that didn't smell too appetizing. The waitress that stood behind the counter looked no older than sixteen, probably someone who wouldn't ever amount to much.
"You got any coffee?" Beth asked, leaning against the second seat, directly in front of the girl who was too busy with her phone to even look up.
"What? Yeah. Gimme a minute." That's about all it took before she hurried to get her done and away with, so she could return to her phone, something much more important. Taking it, Beth sat facing towards the back wall. The mug was hot, the heat spreading among her water logged fingers.
Everything felt so empty, the pills must have been doing their purpose. Beth stared blankly at her shaking hands. Shaking from being cold, from the anger.
"You alright?" the waitress asked, staring from across the room. at first Beth had no idea why she was being asked this, but then noticed. Since when were tears falling down her cheeks again?
