Some Like It Hot
Chapter 1
Kirk/Spock
"See Bones! I told you nothing would go wrong."
"Uh, Jim are you sure about that?"
"Of course I am! Look at me. Does it look like I am injured?"
"I am looking at you. That's why I am asking."
"What are you talking about?"
"Jim have you looked at yourself?"
"No, why?"
McCoy just sighed in response. Only Jim would find the way to get himself into this kind of trouble and not even realize it. How the hell was he going to fix this?
"Kid, look at your body."
Jim did and then looked up at Bones, " I still don't know what you are talking about."
"Dammit Jim! Don't get cocky with me! You're a damn girl!"
"Yeah... What the hell does that have to do with anything?"
Bones could only gape at his friend. Was Jim trying to pull his leg? How could he be taking this so well? Knowing Jim, he would either be freaking out about his condition or exploiting it. But he would NOT be so calm and neutral about this kind of situation.
"Bones!" McCoy snapped out of his thoughts to Jim standing in front of him. He-she had her hands on her hips and a very annoyed look her face. "I asked you a question."
Bones pulled out his tricorder and started taking some scans. Jim was clearly not pleased with Bones' actions and tried to push the tricorder away with her hand but McCoy stopped her as if it was second nature, which with Jim it actually was.
"Okay, I need you to tell me what happened down there."
"What? Bones what does that have to do with anything?"
"Just answer the question dammit! Or I'll lock you in sickbay for a week!"
Jim frowned. 'Good,' thought McCoy, 'Boy or girl...Jim hated sickbay either way.'
"Nothing much really. I just beamed down there alone, like they requested, and I talked to their leader. She seemed to be very interested in joining the Federation. Then after we were done talking, they escorted me back to the beam down point. That's it."
"So nothing unusual happened? They didn't give you anything to eat or drink?"
Jim hesitated slightly. "Well they did give me some water when I first arrived."
"Dammit Jim! How many times have I told you not to consume anything on missions without my approval!"
"Well you weren't there! And they said it was part of their tradition. What was I supposed to do? Risk offending them and screwing up the mission? Besides, I had no adverse reaction to the drink. So what's the big deal?"
"NO ADVERSE REACTION!?" Bones couldn't help but yell at Jim. It was clear that he-she wasn't taking the situation seriously. Jim stared at him, her blue eyes showing a mixture of shock and confusion. This made Bones reconsider...maybe the liquid had affected Jim's brain. He would need to run some tests to determine the cause of Jim's current state.
"Okay Jim. You are coming to sickbay with me. I need to run some tests."
"But..."
"No buts! I am the Chief Medical Officer and I am giving you an order."
Jim grumbled under her breath. "Fine. But no hypos!"
Bones rolled his eyes. Yup definitely Jim in there.
Once they were in sickbay, Bones was able to get a more detailed account on Jim's physical and mental state.
Physically, she was as healthy as a horse. Not a scratch on her. Bones couldn't deny that it was interesting to see what Jim looked like as a girl. She was slightly shorter and leaner but she had the same hair and eye colors. The only difference in her hair was that it now almost reached her hips.
It was when McCoy got to the psych evaluation that he noticed some discrepancies. Jim had all of the memories from when he was a man. But for whatever reason, he now believed he had always been a woman. Bones tried to find discrepancies in order to make Jim realize that there was no way he could have always been a girl. But his mind seemed to have created some logical explanation for every discrepancy.
"What is your name?"
"Oh come on Bones. This is a waste of time!"
"Answer the damn question Jim or I am putting you on psychiatric hold for the next 72 hours!"
"Ugh. Fine. James Tiberius Kirk. Happy?"
Bones ignored her sassy tone. "Don't you think that's an odd name for a girl?"
"Come on Bones! We have had this discussion before!"
Bones glared at her but at the same time he made a note on his PADD about Jim having false memories.
"My father chose my name before he died. My parents had thought I was going to be a boy. My mom decided to name me what my father wanted anyways. I don't mind it. A name is a name."
"What is your relationship with your mother?"
Jim's expression darkened a little. "We rarely talk."
Then they got to Jim's academy days.
"it was admiral Pike who convinced you to join Starfleet, correct?"
"Yes, I was working as a waitress at a local bar in Riverside. Cupcake tried to make a pass at me and I punched him in the face. Pike was both amused and impressed. When I told him my name, he dared me to join Starfleet. I didn't have anything holding me in Iowa, so I enlisted the very next day."
"You had a reputation for being 'loose' at the Academy?"
Jim's face turned into a frown. "How much longer do we need to do this?"
"Not much longer, now answer the question!"
"Fine. Yes people thought I was loose. But those were just rumors."
"Please explain."
Jim gave Bones an annoyed glare. In all honesty, Bones was very interested in seeing how Jim was going to reason her way around his/her playboy reputation.
"I had a lot of friends who were guys, you included. A psychologist at the academy tried to convince me that I was looking for a father figure, but I think he was crazy. Anyways, I hung out with the guys a lot and everyone just incorrectly assumed that I must have been sleeping with them. Also my best friend was Galia, so that probably didn't help my image."
During the interview, all of Jim's readings and brain waves were normal. At that point Bones was convinced of his friends delusion. Jim was 100% sure that he had always been a girl. He couldn't be lying; the scans would have picked up on that. Jim's mind had even fabricated memories to support that belief. The only thing he could do was to go along with Jim's delusion. At least until they were able to determine what had caused this and how to fix it. Bones knew they couldn't risk beaming someone down. For all they knew the same thing could happen to them if not something worse.
Bones knew they would have to get Starfleet involved, but he hated the thought of Jim being forced to step down.
So McCoy did what he knew had to be done first. He picked up his communicator and dialed the person he knew would be able to come up with a logical solution, even if he didn't agree with it.
"Spock here."
"Spock. Can you come down to sickbay. It's important."
"Does it involve the Captain?"
Bones rolled his eyes. "When doesn't it involve the Captain? Now get your ass down here you pointy eared bastard."
Brief pause. "I am on my way."
So, this is my attempt at a slightly different FemKirk Story! I hope you guys like it so far :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek (but you all knew that already!)
Also, the title was taken from one of my favorite Marilyn Monroe movies [:
