A Wing and a Prayer
An original work of FF7 fanfiction by Ry (OzZMaN)
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"Your mind tricked you to feel the pain, of someone close to you leaving the
game….of life. So here it is, another chance. Wide awake, you face the day,
your dream is over……or has it just begun?"
Silent Lucidity, Queensrÿche
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Chapter 1
I sat there in that lonely place feeling guilty, as I had done so well since that dreadful night. A million curses be set upon my soul for letting an angel die. She was perfect in every way; a true blessing to humanity.
Aeris.
Over and over again her name echoed in my mind like a recurring nightmare, or was it a dream? Indeed her presence here on this forsaken Planet was a dream come true for all who knew her, especially myself. But the nightmare didn't begin for me until her innocence and radiance was destroyed at the hands of a possessed murderer. No, destroyed at the hands of her would-be protector, her pathetic excuse for a 'knight in shining armor.' Yeah, right. Who the hell am I kidding? I guess I fooled her, because she trusted me with her life, and now she is dead because of her faulty investment. I failed as her bodyguard, thus she was killed – by me, not Sephiroth. Now I am doomed to live the rest of my life in this bleak isolation, this curse. The future here holds nothing for me. I do not look to the future for hope, nor comfort, but instead for despair, for that is all I have to keep me going. These feelings have been bestowed upon me by my own tortured soul, and not of anyone else. It is only I that chooses not to give up feeling guilty for what happened and getting on with my life. No one else is making this decision but poor, hapless old me. I now seem to understand why Vincent is the way he is all the time. I'm turning into him.
"Aeris, if I could have one more moment to see your face, to hold you, to tell you everything, how much I loved you Aeris, and how sorry I am, oh God how sorry I am…."
I didn't think I had spoken aloud when I heard a familiar voice from behind me.
"You okay man?" urged Cid, with a somewhat concerned look on his usually gruff face. "You were talkin' to yourself or something."
I spun around on the barstool and one look upon my empty void of an expression was enough to answer his question.
"Okay that was a dumb question, so I'm just gonna slip out of here and head on back to the inn, man."
Before I had the chance to reply he was already heading the other way. He stopped and turned back to look at me again and said, "Oh, and Cloud, try to stop thinking about it, kid. We all miss her sure, but it wasn't your fault, and no one in this group holds any blame on you."
With his little comment which somewhat annoyed me he walked out the door and into the street. "I've been that way before, and I'm not going back there." I was, of course, referring to Tifa's house, the new one she had built for herself, Barret, and Marlene in Kalm. Everyone in AVALANCE, or more recently the members of the former terrorist group AVALANCE, wanted me to go and live with her. She made her feelings for me so obvious now that I really never figured out why she didn't just scream them to my face one day. Yes, I know she loves me. Yes, I know she has for a long time, but ever since Aeris had come into my life, I found loving anyone but her to be impossible. I love Tifa a great deal, just not in the way that she wants me to, which both disappoints and hurts her tremendously. But then again, she also doesn't have to live with something as bad as I have to on her conscience, either. She's better off without me; I would only bring pain and misery to her life. She should move on.
What is this horrible pain I continue to feel?
I have never been in love before, and I never truly understood the ways in which love works until I met Aeris. I had never even cried in my entire life, not even shed so much as a tear over anything, until that cold day when I saw my beloved impaled by that monster's eight-foot long destroyer of souls. It took me a long while before the events unfolding in front of me to sink in, even though they all happened in the span of only a few seconds. It was the shock, the horror, and the realization that Aeris was dying in front of me, no not dying, dead, in a single instant. I heard Sephiroth's voice in the background, but it was like a distant thunder in my mind; simply hearing it but not understanding it. All I understood at that moment was that my first, and probably only love was gone, forever, never to come back. Never to laugh, cry, get angry or jealous, never to sing that sweet melody of a voice she had, nothing for me to live for again. I lost all of this because of my mistake, a mistake I would spend the rest of my life paying for. This mistake, this failure, unlike many, wouldn't be paid for with prison time, or physical beatings, or other punishments which one would likely to receive for doing wrong. No, this mistake will be paid for with mental anguish, with a searing fire in my heart and in my soul, and on my conscience for as long as I shall live. I would gladly have given my life and everything I could possibly give for Aeris to live again, that is if my tortured and miserable soul would be worthy for the Planet's taking back.
All I know at this point in time is Aeris, and as far as I'm concerned, all I will ever know is Aeris, and all I will ever think about in the many days to come is Aeris. Why should I sit here for the rest of my life paying for my sin by wallowing in my own self-angst, when I could instead try to do something about it, if anything?
All these thoughts are crossing my mind as I sit here at his empty little bar drinking the night away, trying to bury my feelings under an alcoholic haze, which is only seeming to make things worse. I've got to get out of here…..
I threw down a wad of gil on the bar and stumbled off the stool towards the door when it suddenly hit me.
All the nights I have dreamed of seeing Aeris again, of possibly resurrecting her, but then putting myself down saying "Cloud, you really are a sick person who needs emotional help, you know in all your logic that there is no way it could be done…." But could it? Is it at all possible to bring back the one and only thing which completed my life?
"You're being selfish again, Cloud, the Planet would never allow you to do such a thing without a legitimate reason, and not for your own self indulgences or simple desires to be with her again…."
Desires was a serious understatement. More like craving or propensity would be even minimally sufficient to describe what I am feeling. But the Planet doesn't care about my wishes, even though I saved its ass from its would-be killer.
My emotions already overpowering my rational thought, I hopped on my gold chocobo I had tied up outside and headed for the Forgotten Capital.
"Aeris, I have to know if it can be done. Please, hear my voice calling to you now, wherever you are within the Planet. Meet me there, at the Forgotten Capital, Aeris, please, if you can, just once more……"
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Deep within the recesses of the Lifestream, Aeris' eyes fluttered open upon hearing Cloud's desperate prayer.
"I will see you soon, Cloud……"
