Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Icha or colon Movies for Theater. F--ing sandals!
Something light and totally unrelated to any other fic, to cleanse the angst palate before starting on sequel work. Hope you enjoy! And your reviews are so appreciated!
here goes nothing...
Let's join the date, already in progress...
Chapter One
They emerged from the velvety darkness of the theater, Kakashi smiling to himself as he remembered a few choice scenes that had fulfilled his expectations. As much as he liked the books, he often found the movies to be a bit heavy-handed and, well, perhaps a little less than well-funded in the production quality department.
But they were always good enough, always brought that familiar warm feeling that normally had him groping for more than the popcorn in the anonymous darkness of the balcony seats.
But this time he didn't go alone, and he was a little nervous about it. His bashful companion had been rather stiff in his seat throughout, occasionally shifting and looking strained and uncomfortable.
It was a mistake to cajole his partner into going, considering his reaction to the books. He really didn't expect unbridled enthusiasm or wanton leering, he really knew his chunin far better than that. But he'd hoped that maybe there'd be a little reluctant, embarrassed arousal at the explicit scenes; perhaps some little seeds of thought that might bloom later in the privacy of the Umino/Hatake bedroom in the form of new more adventurous positions and role-playing. It didn't seem like such an impossible outcome when he urged Iruka to join him on this date.
But it looked like this had been a thoroughly bad idea. The vein bulging on the tanned neck spoke of one gritting their teeth in great restraint. The hand that pawed the scarred nose told a tale of unspoken words poised for release.
Kakashi prepared to apologize thoroughly. He really had totally disregarded Iruka's feeling about this genre of entertainment. The corners of his mouth shot downward in horror as he saw the shoulders begin to shake.
Holy crap, is it some kind of porn phobia? Is he crying?
They barely made it clear of the theater lobby doors. Iruka bent double, hands over his face.
"Iruka, come on," Kakashi grabbed his elbow and in no small amount of embarrassment hauled the unstable man to a nearby bench.
"I'm sorry!" squeaked Iruka, barely able to speak. Then the rhythmic sounds began, choked at first, then growing louder and freer.
He was laughing almost uncontrollably.
Is he hysterical? wondered the copy-nin.
"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry," gasped Iruka, swiping away tears with the edge of his hand. "that was… that was…"
Kakashi patted him in concern, glancing up as passersby ignored them for the most part.
"That was hilarious."
The eye above the mask boinked an eyebrow skyward. "How so?"
"You don't mean to tell me that was a serious drama? They would have spent more than a buck ninety-five on production then, don't you think? I mean, some of those scenes - you could just almost smell the cheap makeup on their assholes, and it was caked on like frosting down there, I never imagined!"
Well, a little perplexed, Kakashi did have to admit the bodies looked a little unnatural. It really wasn't his focus when he watched this sort of thing. With a Jiraiya movie you just lowered your expectations about such things. Iruka just wasn't indoctrinated, that's all. "Well, yeah, I guess."
"You mean you weren't dying to laugh when they first flashed Claudius's package? You didn't think it was funny that he was so huge they had to use a snake jutsu and unhinge her jaws for her to suck him off? My gods, it was so big, if he'd cum it would have blown the back of her head off!" Iruka snorted and his eyes glittered.
"So you didn't see anything in that movie that was the least bit erotic?" sighed Kakashi.
"Well…" Iruka said, slightly more subdued. "Yes, I found some of it a little, erm, appealing."
"Oh." Well, this was more like it. Now some slap with that tickle, finally. The jounin leaned in closer, lowered his voice. "And what might that have been?"
Iruka blushed. "Caligula. That redhead with the guy liner, what an hottie. My heavens." He fanned himself.
It's official, Kakashi grumped. Never taking him to one of these again. Not only does he NOT get any ideas, not only does he pick apart my movie to the point where it seems silly to have enjoyed it, he reveals that he finds the character that is totally the opposite of me to be the most desirable.
A voice behind them called to Kakashi, growing closer.
"Jiraiya!" smiled the copy-nin.
"So, Hatake, does it pass muster?" smiled the wealthy sannin.
"Of course!"
Iruka stood and nodded in greeting, began backing away a bit. He didn't want to lie, and he didn't want to offend the honorable pervert, so he opted for a respectful retreat.
"You were really laughing quite a bit there," A husky voice observed mildly. "Are they showing a comedy?"
Iruka turned, caught a little off-balance. A slightly shorter, barrel-chested man faced him, inscrutable behind dark glasses and a scarf wrapping his head.
Sand-nin, thought Iruka, noting the special sandals.
"Not exactly. I just saw that movie," he pointed to the poster, showing a writhing partially-toga-clad orgy scene in tastefully incomplete detail.
"You didn't have a very typical reaction. Please, I'm dying to know. What did you really think of the movie?" the sand-nin asked smoothly.
Iruka hesitated; there was something vaguely familiar about the face below the glasses. But he was motivated to keep up the conversation to avoid facing the movie's author. So he walked a few steps in the opposite direction and launched into roughly the same tirade he'd graced Kakashi with earlier.
The difference being, this man seemed very pleased with Iruka's assessment of the film. The more Iruka explained, the more animated the man became in his agreement. He finally snagged Iruka by the elbow and drug him to the spot where Kakashi and Jiraiya were talking.
"I told you!" blurted the man, waggling a finger at the towering sannin. "People notice when you cut corners! You'll have to do better than that if you want me to sign that contract!"
"What?" Jiraiya asked, startled.
"This man just told me, word for word, the very same things that I told you were wrong with this film! Don't you dare tell me I'm imagining things now!"
Iruka and Kakashi stared at each other and at the two bickering men.
The sand-nin worked his arm around Iruka, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Iruka looked puzzled and Kakashi began to fume.
"This man needs to be on staff for the next picture. Put it in the contract or I won't sign. We need somebody with an impartial eye. Everyone else get lost in the pleasures of the flesh, and for once we have someone with a sense of realism to guide us, a chance to make something besides cheap smut." He whipped off his shades for dramatic emphasis and graced them with a sultry million-dollar smile.
Iruka gasped. Kakashi forgot to glare. The scarf fell back, and the thought that the camera did the man no justice struck them solidly between the eyes .
Caligula looked at them and basked in the usual adoration. His hand dropped and casually squeezed Iruka's humbly worshipping ass. "We'll call you my personal assistant."
Up until now, Kakashi thought this date was a nominee for worst in history. Now it just won the Oscar.
xx
So the saga begins! Review and tell me if this is worth updating!
