Well, I haven't posted anything in awhile. I kinda got introduced into the world of Tumblr roleplaying and I've been hooked ever since. Seriously, it's addicting.

But this is actually a selfpara I wrote for one of my characters, Xander Pucey. A bit of background for him, he's the Death Eater leader at Hogwarts as a new generation starts to rise up. He holds the same beliefs as his father but to a lesser extent than he puts on. All his life he's been told what to belief and how to act and what he's meant to become. For him, it's always been about being the next leader to be feared, that's what his father wants of him. But during the course of the years at Hogwarts he slowly softens, falling in love with girl named Aryia. His father, not wanting him to lose track of what's important, forces him to reject these feelings and do the unthinkable. It's an event that has and always will haunt him for his life and I wanted to highlight it in this little story.

Hopefully you all like it. I'll probably be posting more with him soon!

And if you're interested, check out the roleplay here: [link]


His hands clutched tightly to the golden picture frame. His blue eyes glassed with tears, fixated on the image in front of him. His lips turned down into a small frown, pressing into a thin line as he remained without a single word.

Flash.

Xander stood at his mother's side, fingers laced behind his back as he rocked onto his heels. Boredom had taken effect, as it always had at these high society balls he'd been forced to attend. The people were too proper with their noses in the air, his dress robes too stuffy, and the music lulling him to sleep.

With a deep exasperated breath, he shifted his gaze away from the chatting woman, puttering on about this season's latest beauty charm. It was all so dull. All he wanted was a bit of excitement, for thing to go wrong on this perfect evening.

"Aryia Grace McTavish! What in Merlin's name have you done now, hmm?" A tall man hissed from across the ballroom, capturing Xander's attention. An amused smile slipped onto his lips as he surveyed the damage; a shattered cup lying on the floor in pieces, a puddle of tea splattered about, and a stubborn brown stain painting the front of a pretty dress.

Flash.

Xander leafed through the textbook that rest on his desk, scanning each row of words and each diagram in hopes of finding some sort of clue to making this bloody potion mix his teacher had thrown at them to concoct. As he continued to fumble through the book, Xander let out a huff of frustration. Potions had never been his forte, though you'd never catch him admitting that aloud. No, his pride was far too great for such things. He much preferred to pretend. To fool everyone.

"I think you're looking for page 73," a soft voice piped in from beside him.

Xander arched his brow, turning his gaze away from the text. "And how is It that you know what I'm looking for, McTavish?" he asked, his eyes raking over her pretty face. Her blonde hair had been tied back with black ribbon, a light splash of freckles dotting her cheeks, and a tiny smudge of ink left on her forehead. "Didn't know I had a seer as a partner."

Aryia shrugged, "Fine, don't take my help. I mean, I'm not the one with an O or anything. It's not like I have any idea what I'm doing."

Pursing his lips for a moment Xander brought his eyes back to the text that lay in front of him, all the words staring back at him like a jumbled mess. Nodding his head in defeat he sighed, "Alright, you win. What do I do next?"

Flash.

Snow fell slowly from the sky, dancing in the crisp winter wind and sprinkling down to land atop his dark hair as his feet trudged through the lumps of white, piled on the ground beneath him. His arm lay draped across a girl's shoulders, his eyes focused on her pink lips as she spoke. Each words floating in one ear and out the other, his mind too occupied with other thoughts listen to her trill on about getting a butterbeer or buying a new set of quills from the local store.

Instead he merely smiled, wondering silently how he had gotten so lucky. A girl like her, perfectly pleasant and friendly to everyone, those types of girls were meant to find a Prince Charming. Yet, somehow here they were, together. Her a princess and him, just another toad never destined to be anything different.

Flash.

"Xander, you aren't listening to me!"

The boy continued to stare blankly in front of him, half of his attention guided towards her, the other still devoted to his thoughts. "Hmm, what'd you say, Aryia?"

"Don't you ever listen?" she giggled, stopping them in their tracks to peer up at him, her usual smile spread across her lips as she shook her head. "I said I love you, you twat. You know, I thought maybe you'd pay attention long enough to hear me but," she sighed, shrugging her shoulders, "I suppose you always did like to prove me wrong."

Flash.

Xander's brow furrowed in confusion, his mind unable to wrap around the reality she was presenting him with. He was a toad. That was it, that was all he was ever meant to be. A disappointment for her, for his father, for himself. A toad. "I… I love you too." But maybe for her he could be something different. Maybe for her he could try.

Flash.

"I love you, Xander Pucey."

"I love you too, Aryia McTavish."

Flash.

Tears slipped down his cheek as he clenched his jaw tightly, trying to fight back the emotions that wanted to flow through him, to spill out and take control. His bottom lips shook slightly, as with the wand in his hands that aimed forward at its target.

"Xander," she whispered, frozen in her place with eyes wide with fright, trying to comprehend her surroundings and the boy she loved. "Xander, please, what are you doing?"

Flash.

A firm hand fell onto his shoulder, adding to the pressures already fighting to break him down. "Do it, son," the deep voice spoke. It wasn't a suggestion. It was a command.

Flash.

"Xander, you don't have to listen to him!" Tears ran down her face as she stood in line of his wand, terror screaming from her voice. "Xander, please!"

Flash.

His grip grew tighter, the tears starting to blur his vision as he choked back the lump in his throat.

Flash.

"Xander-"

Flash.

"I'm so sorry, Aryia."

Flash.

"-I love you!"

Flash.

"Avada Kedavra!"

A flash of green light, sprung from his wand, consuming the terrified girl and quickly stripping her of life. Her green-blue eyes fluttered closed, her limp body fell to the ground, and the heart in her chest came to an untimely stop. He had done it. He who stood her with watery eyes filled with regret, a heavy burden cast on his shoulder, but a beating heart.

And in that moment Xander wasn't a toad. He wasn't a Prince Charming. He was a monster. Ruining the only good thing he had to live for.

Flash.