Headaches and Heartbreak


i. a prelude

For as long as I can remember, I have been, by extension, a faithful servant of the Dark Lord.

I am Daphne Greengrass, and this is my story.


ii. headaches

My life has always revolved around him. It still does. When I was little, my father would tell me bedtime stories of a pure world; of how once there was a man who tried to rid the world of filth. He has since disappeared, I was told, but one day he will rise again and he will lead us to glory.

Of course, I was five, and he was some sort of superhero to me. Lord Voldemort, savior of the world. I admired him from a young age, and when I was older, I took my little sister out to our backyard and played 'Dark Lord' with her. I was Voldemort, and she was my servant. We would squish all of the bugs that we didn't like.

My mother and father were very pleased that I showed so much devotion, and they told me that when he returned to us they would introduce me to some of his closest circle. At that time, they didn't want to be caught, as it was extremely dangerous for them to be such staunch supporters of my hero.

I made do with bedtime stories and child's play; at least, until I was older. Everything changed in the year I went to Hogwarts.

Harry Potter was practically my sworn enemy. The way I saw it, any enemy of the Dark Lord's was an enemy of mine. I detested him even more for taking Voldemort away from us. I found common ground with many of the other Slytherins-the house I was thankfully sorted into. Merlin knows what my parents would have done. Almost every Slytherin in my year had grown up with tales of Voldemort as I had, and so we spent our time in the dungeons talking about his return and swapping our parents' stories. It was home for me, like so many others.

By the beginning of fourth year, every source of my distress stemmed from Harry Potter. He had defeated Lord Voldemort three times; and with each defeat my hatred grew. My parents were constantly on edge as the stakes grew higher, and between them, my housemates, and my sister, all I ever heard was "We'll get him next time" and other profanities regarding Potter.

It was enough to give anyone a headache. I was constantly torn between being unwaveringly faithful to the man I served and wanting to say "Let's just give up." I was scared, and I began to realize that the crystal dreams of my childhood could be shattered and that games were sometimes just a wish.

It wasn't all fun anymore. It was something entirely new. And when the Dark Lord's plan to return fell into place during the course of my fourth year, it took on a whole new meaning.

I was excited. It was like living in the shadows, making the darkness your home. He became even more of my everything than before, and the darkness enveloped me into its waiting arms.

Daphne, it called. Come. Join us.

And when he rose, all of my headaches disappeared. My feelings became euphoric. I was ready to serve.


iii. heartbreak

And now, I am here. In the presence of my childhood hero, ready to stand in front of him and be presented by my father to serve. At fifteen years old, I am finally doing what I was meant to do all along.

"He'll see you now," a man says, and I recognize him as Draco's father. I smile at him, but he doesn't smile back. My father puts his hand on the small of my back and pushes me gently into the room as if I'll need persuasion to enter. I walk in as quickly as I can without looking too eager, and immediately I see him. He is obviously the man I've loved all my life.

He looks a little...well, different than I thought he would, but it's no matter. He is still our saviour. He sits on a throne, it seems, and he's surrounded by his Death Eaters. They are the lucky ones, I know. The ones he has chosen to serve him.

"Greengrass," he says, acknowledging my father. "You've brought me...?"

"This is my daughter, sir, Daphne." I curtsy. The Dark Lord makes no reaction. "She's been told of your goals, my Lord, and has wished to serve you since she was a child. Since your return, she has been eager to make the pleasure of your acquaintance."

"Yes, my Lord," I chime in.

He stands up and walks around me, his expression giving nothing away. He glides across the floor, and the moment he gets close to me I tense up. He's centimetres away from me; staring at me; scrutinizing me.

And for some reason, it all becomes clear. My childhood obsession is an obsession no longer. Lord Voldemort is no longer my hero. He is my knight in shining armour. I love him.

"She'll do," he says, finally, and returns to his chair. "You may take her out."

"Father?" I turn towards him and he refuses to meet my eyes. "What's going on?"

"Daphne, I had to. This is what you wanted, isn't it?" Something in his eyes terrifies me.

I am gone. My father disappears and the cellar of this strange house becomes my new home. After a rough trip down the stairs, the cold walls are all I have to look at for days on end.

He'll visit me, at night. The nights are when I think this is all a dream, and the days are when I remember it's a nightmare. I am hidden away from the world. My food comes through doors.

For some strange reason, the only person I am not hidden from is my Lord. He is truly all I have, now more than ever. And so I must take a chance. If I've been keeping track, school starts again in two weeks. I'll ask him. He loves me, doesn't he? Of course he does. He wouldn't visit me if he didn't.

"My Lord," I whisper to him. "I love you, do you know that?"

"I do," he says, sighing.

"May I go back to school this year?" I quickly go on, before he has a chance to say no. "I want to learn more so that I can become one of your full servants, my Lord. I wish to do all I can for you."

He gets up and walks to the door. "You will go. But I am through with you, Daphne. You need not come back." He unlocks the door, and I stare at his fingers while they work instead of his face. I can't look him in the eyes; he'll see that I'm crying.

"My Lord," I say. "Do you love me? Surely you wouldn't send me away if you loved me. I am so faithful to you!" My heart is shattering.

He laughs, and it's so soulless that I already know the answer before he utters the words. "Never."

My passion stops burning and all of my dreams turn to ashes. The door is left open, and I know that's my cue to leave. He doesn't want me now. He never wanted me.


iv. war and peace

"There's a war coming," they say.

I haven't seen him since I left. True to his word, I've not been allowed back into his presence. My father is still one of his servants, but we've been on hostile terms.

He sold me, I betrayed him. It's not exactly the best relationship.

I fight in the war, of course, but not for Harry. For Voldemort, my Lord, my love. I fight my classmates, my mother, my sister, my friends, my teachers. And we lose. Somehow, it all comes crumbling down in a single moment.

They tell me I screamed. They tell me that I was unconsolable, that I fell to the ground and curled into a ball and screamed and cried. I don't remember much, except for the uncontrollable grief.

Everything I had ever believed in, everything my childhood was founded on, and everything I ever loved was gone in one moment. My world literally tore itself apart and then crookedly stitched itself back together. The foundation of my life and how I spent my days and my efforts-all gone. He was supposed to save the world and save me.

My family called me 'mentally unstable.' I spent months in St. Mungo's so that they could claim I was healed and accept me back into the family instead of send me to Azkaban. All of that is gone from my mind. All I know is that I am again in a room, alone with the walls and without him. My days and my nights are both nightmares, and I never wake up.

They call it peace. I call it the worst fate I could have ever imagined for myself.


v. happily ever after (for some)

My story is almost done. You see, there's not much left of it, nor is there much left of me. Harry Potter has destroyed my only love. My sister has renounced the Dark Lord and married the traitor Malfoy. It seems that happily ever after exists for everyone now.

Well, almost everyone.

It is so easy to just slip away. To disappear, to just stop it all. And so I think I will join him, even if he won't have me. I'll be near him; my hero; my love.

I was Daphne Greengrass, and my story is over.


A/N: Written for Serena, because she said she likes odd pairings. I hope you enjoy, love, and that this was unusual enough for you!

Also for the Title Swap Competition where I was given the title and character Daphne Greengrass.

Please leave a review on your way out!

Allie