As of Yet
Untitled
By Doomofraven
Rating:
PG-13
Warnings: romance, technical pedobear
Pairing:
ZADR
Disclaimer: Invader Zim is owned by Jhonen Vasquez,
who hates my guts for writing this
Dedicated to:
Yeyana
Summary: In this universe, Zim is tall. Zim is an
invader and Zim is in the Milky Way galaxy researching the planets
for Tallest Miyuki. For some reason, he crashes on Earth and meets
kid Dib. And all of a sudden, the confident invader is questioning
himself. What sort of insane things will ensue? Only one way to find
out...
Beta: None
Chapter 1
"Ugh… What on Irk just happened?" A gloved hand reached up to gingerly touch a swollen temple. He hissed in pain. "Computer, run diagnostic scan. "Nothing happened. "Computer?" Large red orbs blinked open, then shot wide at the scene they beheld. His Voot! His glorious Voot! IT was in ruins! His dark red cruiser had somehow managed to come half apart in what appeared to be a crash landing. He was lying just outside of the wreckage in a tangle of tree limbs and machinery. He tried to sit up, but found a large chunk of wood baring his passage. "GIR! Where are you Gir?"
A smart-looking SIR unit popped out of the rubble nearby. "Yes, my master?" it answered with a sharp salute.
"Get this thing off of me!" He shoved at the wood as spider limbs slipped out of his pak to assist in the maneuver. "Why in the name of the Tallest did we crash anyway?"
"I suspect the navigation system, master, sir," the robot replied as it nimbly lifted the large chunk off of the Irken as if it weighed no more than a feather.
"The nav system? I just upgraded the nav system!" A now infuriated, disoriented Irken stood to his full height – a grand total of a very-proud-of six feet and three inches – and brushed off his deep red tunic. "What planet are we on anyway? I remember being in the Milky Way galaxy and this was the only solar system with inhabitable planets in it. But which one is this?" He reached up to finger a leaf on one of the still-intact trees and was quite astonished when the thing simply popped off in his hand. Bringing the foliage closer for further inspection, he remarked "This planet may actually be interesting…" Then he turned to the robot, quickly regretting the quick action when the world started to spin – and not in the way it was supposed to. "GIR! Go scout the area for any inteslligent beings and see what we should disguise ourselves as while I assess the damage."
"Yes, my master!" the SIR unit said with another sharp salute before dashing off into the trees.
Metal legs brought the Irken closer to the wreckage that was his precious Voot cruiser. "Ah, Irk! This is going to take forever to fix!" His hand drifted over twisted metal, still hot from its trip through the atmosphere. "Just great. Miyuki is going to kill me for this wasted time." He let out a sigh and continued to peruse the damage, noting his navigational system looked beyond repair. He'd just have to fashion a new one or oder it and wait even longer. The engines at least looked okay… Then a bright flash had him seeing stars. He whirled to its source only to get flashed again. The bright light in the almost inky darkness was far too much for his eyes to bear so he shut them and allowed his lekku to do the searching.
Soon, his hand had found a collar and the apparatus that had been causing such optic disturbances. With a quick toss, he heard a satisfying crash – indicating the damned thing was broken. Now he leveled eyes on what was the strangest creature he'd ever seen. Pale pinkish skin, garish amber eyes behind thick circular optic lenses, and a tuft of what appeared to be fur on top in place of lekku – although there was one piece that looked like an odd antennae of sorts. He smugly noticed the organism was quite short – and he had a HUGE head. But one thing unnerved him. The creature was staring at him as if he'd never seen an Irken before – which wasn't likely seeing as he'd been the first of the Empire to step foot in the galaxy. "What are you looking at?" he growled, his lekku flattening against his head – but that only made the thing smile!
It wiggled around happily, grinning in a half-triumphant, half-amazed manner. "Wow! A real alien! I can't believe I finally found one!"
"Alien? Pfft." The Irken dropped the creature – he could study it later when he wasn't so busy and it was properly sedated. "I'm no alien. Haven't you ever seen an Irken before?" He glanced at the organism who had fallen silent when the Irken had begun speaking. The taller of the two smiled at the other's dumbfounded expression. "Of course not. I'm the first one here anyway. By the way, what planet is this? Venus, Earth or Mars?" The Irken had returned his attention to the engine, poking, prodding, trying not to burn himself on the superheated metal.
"Earth!" the creature cried suddenly, bounding up to the taller to watch what he was doing. "What planet are you from? What's that? Why'd you crash here?"
The Irken rolled his eyes at the questions. But at least he knew where he was now. "I'm from Irk. This is – or was – a Voot Cruiser. And I have no idea why I crashed. Will you get out of the way?" He nudged the excited creature away with a booted foot. "Don't you have someplace else to be?" His annoyance was getting the best of him as his training kicked in – Remain Undetected. "On second thought, you should probably stay here…" He'd have to wipe the creature's memory later.
The thing only seemed to get more excited at the Irken's comment as it squeed happily before moving right back next to the Irken who was now trying to reconnect the Voot's computer system. "So, why are you here on Earth?"
"I crashed. Other than that, I have no purpose here."
"Why were you over here? I bet Irk is far away."
"Irk is far away. I'm exploring for my Tallests."
"Your tallest? What's that?"
"My people's most benevolent leader."
"Like a king or something?"
"In this case Queen." He'd heard of other planets that used 'king' and 'queen' as titles for their rulers. Earth must be one of those as well. "Why so many questions, Earth-thing? You are very curious."
"It's Earthling."
"What?" The Irken turned to glare at the creature. He hated being corrected by anyone or anything – and especially by something shorter than him.
"It's not Earth-thing. It's Earthling. Besides, my name's Dib Membrane anyway. What's your name?"
"Dib Membrane… What an amusing title, Earthling." He emphasized the last bit with an angry furrowing of his brow ridges. "I am called Zim back home. My title is Invader of the Irken Empire. Though I mostly do exploring these days…" He trailed off as his attention returned to reconnecting wires, so he missed the look of horror that spread across the young features of Dib Membrane.
"So you're an alien invader?" he asked, clutching the hem of his short trench coat in his hands. His amber eyes were huge in both fear and astonishment. "I thought invaders were supposed to be mean and scary!"
"Am I not mean and scary? I guess I'm not trying hard enough." He let the sarcasm drip, thought he doubted the Dib would catch much of it. He'd seen far more intelligent creatures in his explorations. And in truth, his patience was wearing thin as his temple began to throb more instantly with pain. He'd have to attend to that wound rather soon. "And I guess you could call me an alien invader – if you insist upon using the term 'alien.' After all, technically you're an alien too."
"I am not!" the Earthling protested immediately. Zim didn't have to look up to know there was a pout on the Dib's face. He could hear it in his tone of voice. "I was born here on Earth. You're the alien!"
"But to me you are foreign. I've never seen an Earthling before and therefore, you're an alien – to me at least." Zim explained this as if he were explaining it to a newborn smeet. Were these Earthlings rejects or something in intelligence? Probably.
Dib frowned. "When you put it that way… I guess you're right… But you're still the extraterrestrial here!" He pointed an accusing finger at the Irken.
Zim narrowed his eyes at the fleshy digit, mildly curious, but moreover annoyed. "What. Ever," he hissed through clenched teeth before returning to his work once more. Finally, a hologram – thought shattered looking – popped out of the halo-monitor-disk. "Thank Irk! I was afraid I wasn't going to get this piece of junk working!"
"Is that a hologram?" the Dib asked as he circled the busted piece of machinery to get a better look. "My dad tried making one once – before he decided making a toaster better was more important… He's a scientist you know."
"Toaster…?" Zim gave the Earthling a confused look. He'd never heard of a toaster. What did that have to do with science?
"You know! It's a small appliance that you stick slices of bread or frozen waffles into and you push down the lever and the coils get hot and then the bread pops back out a minute or two later all toasty and brown. Toaster." Dib looked a little bemused, as if he'd never had to explain something like that before – and he probably hadn't.
Zim's mouth opened for a moment before he promptly shut it. He frowned, then opened his mouth again. "What does any of that have to do with science? It performs the function already, doesn't it? What's to make better?"
"Exactly!" Dib cried, turning on the spot to face away from the Irken. "Finally somebody understands! I keep telling them there's no need to make a stupid toaster better! But nooo! They won't listen to me! 'Course they never do anyway…"
Zim nodded, half-listening to the Earthling as he tried to find the communications icon on the blurry hologram. He needed to call Tallest Miyuki and tell her what happened before she sent out a search party or something equally ridiculous. "There you are!" he declared happily as he selected the icon.
"There who is?" Dib asked, turning back just as a wire snaked out of Zim's pak and hooked itself to a port. "Woah! How'd you do that?"
Zim thumbed at his pak. "My pak is way more advanced than your toaster." He disregarded the Earthlings sudden shift to look at his back, not feeling threatened by the tiny Earthenoid in the least. Another arm slipped out – earning a gasp from the Dib – with a communicator held in its clamped end. He took it and thumbed through the contact list until he found the Massive's direct line. He hated having to do all of this manually.
Just then, Gir returned, laden with information, but he suddenly stopped when the Earthling cried out "COOL! A robot!" The SIR unit went on the defensive, crouching into kung fu position.
Zim grimaced at the shout. "Gir, keep an eye on the Earthling while I call the Tallest. We don't want any accidents."
"Yes, my master!" Gir said with another salute before moving to distract the Dib.
Zim's attention was already back on the communicator as it connected to the Massive. A communications drone answered it. "Good day, sir!" it said cheerfully. "How may I direct your call?"
"Connect me to Tallest Miyuki immediately," Zim ordered, glaring at the cheerful drone.
"Right away, Invader Zim."
The screen went black and was replaced by the Armada's insignia. 'Please hold' circled the logo in his native language and cheesy elevator music played over the speakers. Finally, the Tallest picked up. Teal eyes searched Zim's face with worry. "We'd received a message your ship had gone down. Are you okay, Zim?"
"I'm fine. A little bruised, but otherwise fine. I appreciate your concern, my Tallest."
"What happened, Zim? Voots don't just suddenly crash into planets."
"I'm not sure what happened at the moment." He gave her a slight panorama of the damage, editing out Gir and the earthling – no need for his Tallest to know he'd been discovered already. "But as you can see the damage is quite extensive and will require a lot of work."
"We could send you another one immediately—"
"By the time it got here I'd already be done fixing this one. I'll just have to set up base here and fix the cruiser. Though I think I need to place an order for a new navigation system immediately."
"I'll get a drone on that. Skizzy! Order a Voot Nav 4000 system for Zim immediately!" she ordered a drone off screen. "What planet are you on?"
"I'm on Earth. I'll try to find out what I can about this and the other two inhabitable planets in the solar system while I'm here. I won't waste my time here, my Tallest."
"I never thought that you would. Just keep me updated, Zim. That's important as you well know."
"You've got it, my Tallest. Invader Zim, over and out." The wire disconnected as the last of the computer's battery died. "Gir, we're going to be stuck here for a while. Give me an update on this Earth planet." He turned back to find Dib squatting next to the robot, which was glaring at him, and poking at Gir's abdomen.
But the robot snapped to attention as soon as it was addressed. "Planet Earth. Only intelligent life form: human. This one appears to be smarter than average as well. Disguise level: low. No advanced technology can be seen though her Tallest may appreciate a few new playthings." It glared at the human. "This one probably wouldn't make a good one."
"I'm a perfectly good playmate, thank you very much!" the human retorted indignantly. "Way better than you robot."
Gir scoffed and turned away.
Zim simply rolled his eyes. "Well, her Tallest Miyuki has stated that I can stay as long as it takes to fix the voot – or as long as it takes to get the nav system here." He looked around at the wreckage. "But we'll probably be here well after the arrival of that as well." He sighed. "This is just great."
"You're staying? That is SO great! Now the other kids can't say I'm crazy! I did find a real alien!"
"Irken!" Zim corrected in a shouting manner. But he quickly lost his annoyance when he processed the rest of the statement. "Kids? You associate yourself with a bunch of young goats?" 'Kid' was the term the goat-people of Baabalon 9 called their smeets.
Dib laughed. "You're funny. And no, I don't hang out with a bunch of goats – although I do wonder about Billy sometimes – but that's aside from the point! Kid is used in place of child sometimes."
"You Earthlings and your strange terms," Zim said with a waving gesture. How odd how they associated those two terms together. "There shall be no show-and-tell of the great Invader Zim. I have more important things to do than wow your smeetling companions." He turned back to the wreckage as a small pod popped out of his pack and into his three-fingered hand. He held it out for Gir to take – the robot already knowing what he was supposed to do.
The robot set to vacuuming up the pieces into the pod – a pink bubble expanding on one end as it was filled.
"Gir, did you find any suitable location for our new base?" Zim asked, watching the robot and blatantly ignoring the human.
"There was one location that seems as if it would work. An abandoned lot next to a boxy white structure."
"That sounds like my house! You could live next to me! That would be so cool!"
Zim frowned. "I suppose that would do. But you can't tell anyone what I am."
Dib immediately teared up. "B-but! What's the point of that? Don't you want to take over the planet or something? Would you want your presence known? You know, the whole 'take me to your leader' kind of thing? That's how it happens in the movies. And I can be the dashing hero who saves the planet—"
"Listen, Dib-thing!" Zim cried, thoroughly irritated now. "That is no way to go about taking over a planet. You have to be subtle with creatures like yourself. Blend in for a time, learn about the planet and its defenses against intergalactic attack, then strike when the moment is right. Not before. And never, EVER let your presence be known to the beings you are trying to conquer. And didn't I already tell you I'm not interested in taking over this dirt ball? I just want to fix my ship so I can go home. I've already been away for three years and I would very much like to go back to Irk. Understand?"
Dib just stared up at the Irken for the longest time. And after a while, Zim's hardened glare softened as he felt a brief sense of fondness for the human child – which was immediately squashed like the bug it was when he turned away.
Another pod popped out of the Irken's pak and he held it up as it expanded into a small tablet computer screen. "Dib-Earthling, what would make a proper disguise for this planet?" He waved the boy over as he sat on a fallen log. The Earthling picked his way over. Zim scrolled through various disguises provided by the information Gir had collected – thank Irk for wireless linkups between SIR and pak.
"How about that one?" Dib asked as Zim scrolled to an interesting ensemble: long black hair pulled back into a pony tail, a long sleeved red shirt and loose fitting slacks over standard uniform boots with human-eye contacts in a shade of gray.
"It will do for the time being." He clicked a button with one claw-like finger, then snapped the pod shut and handed it to a spider leg as it came out to receive the implement. A few moments later, a hologram was serving as a disguise until a more permanent form could be created. Zim buffed his fingers, disliking their apparent nudity – even though he knew they were still covered under the hologram. But then his gaze shifted to the boy staring at him. Zim was more on his level as he was sitting so the human didn't need to crane his neck to peruse the disguised Irken. And he just couldn't help but stare. Zim's face grew hot and a few shades darker as he flushed in a combination of embarrassment and flattery. Apparently his disguised suited his frame. But he was getting annoyed again. "What are you staring at?" His eyes narrowing dangerously at the boy, he suddenly felt as if he shouldn't be so angry – but he was Zim and Zim did as Zim pleased.
"N-nothing…" Dib replied, his own face flushing an interesting shade of red that intrigued the invader and averted his eyes.
"Clean up complete, master," Gir called from some distance away.
"Come here Gir. We'll have to find suitable disguises for you and the bag."
The robot trailed over, its face set in a grave expression. If there was anything the SIR hated more, it was a disguise. He preferred being 'in the nude.'
"He could be a kid!" Dib said excitedly as a key pad and halo-monitor popped out of the top of the SIR unit's head.
Zim started scrolling through Gir-sized disguises and waited until Dib picked one he liked. "That one! It's so cool!" He was talking about a little goth boy disguise – complete with eye liner and pentagram necklace. He smirked wickedly as the robot took on the form.
The Irken's brow rose. "Interesting choice…" One he would be changing later – if the robot would even where a disguise to begin with, that is. Gir glared up at him, looking quite the little devil. Zim smirked back as he quickly disguised the hovering bag as a common garbage bag and moved to put it on his shoulders – as if he were carrying it. "All right Gir, lead the way."
Gir glared again before doing as he was bid. "Yes, my master," he grated.
Dib snickered – earning him a glance from the Irken. But the boy simply smiled at the invader as if nothing was wrong. The Irken knew better. The human had something against the robot. And Zim wasn't sure what he would do if the pair got into a fight. Which was unusual. Usually he'd side with his robot. But could an hour with a strange creature change his view of things?
