Title: Mary Sues 101
Rating: PG/PG-13 for some language and some raunchy humor
Summary: the Ducks are teaching a class on Mary Sue. Come, watch, learn.
Dedication: for Star, who conspired with me, giving me the idea to have the Ducks teaching a class.…I bow to you. Also for everyone else who can't stand the Mary Sues running rampant through the Ducks fandom.
Feedback: hit the review button. Go on, I dare ya.
Special Thanks: this story was heavily inspired by Feana Puddlefoot (user ID: 113486), who wrote The Essential Guide to Mary Sue in the Lord of the Rings fandom. She has allowed people to borrow both the idea and format. I'm writing it for the Ducks fandom with a different twist, but she gets all credit for the original idea and some of the formatting. Thank you for giving me such a great idea. More special thanks to StalkyStar (user ID: 143987) for lending me the names and categories from the Queertet "Which Mary Sue Are You?" test. Cheers.
Disclaimer: the Mighty Ducks belong to Disney.
Story Notes: I am making fun of Mary Sues. I am not talking about anyone in particular. Please don't leave me reviews talking about how mean I am because I'm picking on you. I'm not picking on you. I am merely poking fun at Mary Sues. Any similarities you see between what I'm mocking and your character are purely coincidental. I have written my own original characters, and one of them is somewhat Mary Sue. See, I'm making fun of myself too. It's all in good fun.
(Not So) Friendly Warning: Please don't plagiarize. If you do, you will be reported for abuse. On a similar note, don't run out and do the same thing. Do it in a different fandom or give it an original twist of your own. If you do it in this fandom, I'll just find you annoying.
So let's get this show on the road, eh? Happy reading, and do me the favor of reviewing, all right? Cheers!
Mary Sues 101
Introduction - according to Charlie
"Fan fiction readers, writers, fangirls, and casual observers, welcome to Mary Sues 101. I'm Charlie Conway, captain of the Mighty Ducks, and these fine people here with me are my teammates: Les Averman, Julie Gaffney, Fulton Reed, Dean Portman, Adam Banks, Connie Moreau, Guy Germaine, Greg Goldberg, Kenny Wu, Russ Tyler, Dwayne Robertson, and Luis Mendoza.
Mary Sues 101 is a class taught by us, the Ducks, to educate you, the readers/students, on Mary Sue. She's been running rampant at Eden Hall lately, and must be stopped. She must be destroyed before our fandom is completely obliterated!
We realize that you people out there in fan fiction land enjoy creating characters, and you can pair us with anyone you like. Hell, I've been paired with Adam just about a thousand times, and personally think he's the ugliest thing since-"
"Watch it, Charlie."
"Oh, um, sorry Adam. It's nothing personal. Anyway, pairings are not what we're worried about. We can have wild, drunken orgies in the dorms and life would be good as long as no Mary Sue was involved. So please, for our dignity, and the dignity of our fandom, please heed our advice concerning Mary Sue! She is evil, we hate her, and must see her destroyed!
'How do we recognize and avoid Mary Sue?' you ask.
Well, it is difficult, but we, the Ducks, are here to help! We've put together an educational program with each of us, and maybe even two of us, teaching a lesson. We will discuss Mary Sue, theories on what she is, her many forms, how to spot her, and how to avoid her, among other things.
So authors, readers, observers, and fangirls, pull out your pens and get ready to take some notes. The sooner we get through this course, the sooner the fandom becomes a better place.
Kenny Wu will be teaching the first lesson shortly, but before we go any further, let us warn you: there will be blatant Mary Sue bashing ahead. Many Mary Sues will be let out of their cages and will be running wild here, and no matter how cruel it may seem, our goal is to beat them with big sticks. We are a hockey team, after all.
Also, let us warn you that Mary Sue is incredibly irritating with her perfect hair, body, talents, and eyes of every color that change at random. So for those of you who get motion sickness, do not look into Mary Sue's ocean blue/purple sunset/emerald fields/craps of brown eyes. The janitor is off today and I have no desire to clean vomit off the floor.
'But if Mary Sue is perfect, what is the problem?' you ask. You may think she's wonderful at first, but that's how she sucks you in. She wants you to become a Sue creator, and make more Sues. She is power hungry. She wants to take over the fandom by using you, the authors, to breed her. This isn't a game. She wants your soul.
So if you happen to see an incarnation of perfection run by, back away slowly. If one happens to corner you, call a handler. If a handler doesn't come, be afraid. Be very afraid."
