Author's Note - This story is a series of journal entries written by Todd as he and Marty go through the experience of trying to have a family. They will experience joy and heartbreak along the journey. I do not own ABC, One Life to Live, or the characters. This story was written for entertainment only.
Journal Entry 1 - We're Having a Baby!
Marty and I are ecstatic. We're having a baby. It's unbelievable that it's finally happened. This time it's for real. This time, we get to keep our baby. At least I pray that we do.
You see, this isn't our first pregnancy. We lost two precious babies before their birth. The first time, Marty was six weeks pregnant. She went to the bathroom and she saw blood. She called me from work, crying her heart out. I couldn't even understand her on the phone. I rushed home, but it was too late. She had already lost our precious baby. Our first child was gone.
Two months later, it happened all over again. The doctors didn't know why. We wanted a baby so much, but it didn't seem in the cards for us. Not after two miscarriages.
I am hoping we were wrong. Because this time Marty's six weeks pregnant, and it seems to be going well. The HCG tests were good. Marty's numbers were in the normal range. There hasn't been any blood. And we had an ultrasound today. We saw a healthy baby with a strong heartbeat. He or she just looked like a little blob on the screen. There were no recognizable arms or legs yet. But then we saw the heartbeat. There is nothing in this world as amazing as seeing your unborn child's heartbeat!
Marty and I are in our early twenties. We've been married for two years. We met in college. Now we live in a small apartment. It won't be long before we are setting up the spare room for the new baby. I can't wait to be a dad!
Ever since Marty announced she was pregnant again, I've been scared. We don't talk about it much, but we've both been scared of another loss. Now that we've had the ultrasound and we actually saw the baby, it's becoming more real. I want to shout it from the rooftops. "I am gonna be a dad!"
I want to yell out my joy to complete strangers. Marty and I have created this incredible little being and I cannot wait until our baby arrives. Sure, I am gonna make mistakes, but I am going to do my best to be a good dad. I love my wife so much and I love this baby, too.
Despite all my excitement, Marty's feeling very nervous. It doesn't help that she's running to the bathroom all the time to pee or to throw up. Everything makes her nauseous. She's having incredible mood swingsand crankiness. Everything I say seems to make her cry.
I try to reassure her. I tell her everything is going to be okay this time, although I just don't know. I pray that it will be, and in my heart, I do believe this little baby will make it. We are going to be a family; me, Marty, and our precious child.
Now that we saw the heartbeat, we have so much planning to do. Do we buy a crib now... or do we wait? When do we start telling all our relatives? When is it really safe?
It's never the same when your joy has been shattered. It's never the same when you have lost so much. You're afraid to experience happiness when it was so cruelly taken from you two times before.
All we can do is hope and pray. We wait for a miracle. Let our prayers be answered.
