Something I wrote while I was bored, volunteering at the hospital.

To Death


Perhaps it was nothing.

Just another, inconsistent thought about life.

But she could not put it from her mind.

What would it be like, her mind kept saying, to put it on, just once? To pretend to be needed? To pretend to be useful in serving her country?

No.

It was just a thought. Something she could not act upon.

The center of her palms began to get clammy, cold and wet, as she glanced over her shoulder. The soldiers were getting ready to leave. No one was paying attention to her. No one noticed that she was standing next to her brother's spare coat of arms.

There would be no one left at Meduseld except a few servants for her. They had all left Edoras to go to safety or to war. She was the only one left.

Who would know?

No, she told herself. It was not possible. What difference could one woman make in battle? She was not as strong or as experienced as the soldiers and going would surely mean her death.

Then there would be no one to govern Rohan.

But would Rohan still exist after this war?

The cold feeling from her palms began to rise up her arms, sending goose pimples up to her shoulders. It crawled into her chest and squeezed her heart until she had to turn away from the crowd, facing the coat.

Her breath was coming in shallow gasps. The early spring air filled her lungs, but did nothing for the icy surge of fear in her heart. The men were leaving.

Then what is my purpose after all? she thought. If I stay and do nothing, I will never know the life I wish.

If she stayed and Rohan collapsed, what then? Was she to face a world of darkness alone?

And if she stayed and Rohan was victorious, what then? Could she bear a life behind bars, always caged, always yearning to be free?

Or if she went…

She did not fear death.

There was only one option.

The sound of hooves had faded, and the hall was empty.

With a steady hand, she picked up the heavy helm and set it on her head.

"To death," she whispered out loud. A bubble of hysteria was rising in her throat. "To death. The shield maiden of Rohan salutes you."


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