Disclaimers-
I don't own The Mortal Instruments or any of its characters (duh)
"Unlike Any Other" belongs to Delta Rae
I look at the crowd; most of them are more focused on their drinks than the band. I see a couple of eyes on us as I breathe heavily, still on the high of performance. I freeze when I see him. His golden eyes are fixed on me, following me.
He sees right through me, just like he always does. I could never read him as well as he read me. Looking back on all of it now, I don't think I ever knew him. But I thought I did. I fell for that way that he was always so sweet with me. But it was an act. All of it, every sweet word, the flowers in my locker, the smiles he would send back to me, like we shared the best secret in the world. But he showed me who he really is. And I think that I have to thank him for that. In the end, that's what set me free.
At least that's what I told Simon. Isabelle and I drifted apart after it. She lives with him, and we met through him. She shut me out, so I guess she chose him. She still thinks that that monster is a sweet, if a little rebellious, teenage boy. I don't have the heart to tell anyone who he is. He cursed me with that secret, and I can't give it away.
I turn back to the band, a bunch of college kids that were looking for some extra cash- and a lead singer. Luckily, they accepted a high schooler. We got this job playing every Friday and Saturday night. I glance once back into the sea of faces, distorted in the light and shadow. But I spot his lion eyes in an instant.
"Why doesn't everyone except Ethan take a breather?" They nod gratefully, and walk off the stage, leaving me and my keyboardist. "Alright, I hate to ask this of you, but I know how good you are. Even when you're a little bit tipsy," I add, noticing the dark brown bottles set carefully at his feet. "I want- no, I need- to sing 'Unlike Any Other', okay?" Confusion fills his eyes, and I clarify, "By Delta Rae? Ballad? I know that I've made you learn it."
Ethan nods, and I step back under the bright lights. I don't give the song any introduction, the few that have their heads toward me are too drunk to notice. Except for Jace. I look at him while the intro plays, slow and strong. My eyes stay fixed on him as I start to sing.
Here I am in this empty room
Miles away from you, if you ask me
I'd get in my car and I'd drive all night
I'm coming home to you, if you'll have me
I can feel the memory of his lips on mine, holding me close and looking at me like I'm his angel.
But no one needs to know
His forehead is pushed against mine as he tries to teach me math, and he says it for the first time.
When you hold me, it's unlike any other
His foster parents pull me aside when he takes me home to meet them. They thank me for changing him, telling me that he'd been broken ever since he came to their home. And I came in and I fixed him.
I've been this girl so many times
Blurring all the lines like it's easy
I can't believe that I got this close again
Now I'm afraid to move, you might really see me
He'd been pushing me away, just when I thought I was getting closer to him, he pushed me away.
You don't need to know
When you hold me, it's unlike any other
No one needs to know
I walked in on him with that girl, and I was going to forgive him. Until he spoke to me like that. When he said those words, and I kept trying to find a fragment of the boy I loved inside of that cold man. But there was nothing. So I left. And he didn't even try to get me to come back, much less apologize.
The memories assault me, coming in from every direction.
"I need a drink," I mutter to no one in particular. I walk off the stage, trying to slide along the wall to get to the bar. My quest for alcohol is interrupted when I'm pulled into a closet, and a hand is around my mouth. I tense, but relax immediately into the familiar form.
"I need to talk to you without you interrupting me. I loved you, no damn it, I love you. I wanted to save you from myself, because an angel like you should never be chained to a demon like me. Saying all of that bullshit to try and get you to go away, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I don't expect you to take me back, because God knows what causes an angel to love a fool. I just needed you to know that. I will always love you, and it is for that reason that I had to set you free."
He looks into my eyes and he slowly drops his hand. We look at each other, and it is as it always was. It was us, together, against the world. We had those inside jokes, and he can make me smile like no one else can. We love each other as much as we did back when we were too shy to tell each other.
"That was never going to be the end of us, was it?" his voice cracks as he speaks. I shake my head.
"But this has to be. We can't go on like this. I can't keep waiting for you to decide that you deserve me. I can't walk in on you and some skank you met here. You broke me, and someone who truly loved me would've helped me pick up the pieces. I can't do this again Jace. I've spent the past six months putting myself back together in such a way that only I can see the cracks. I can't be broken again."
"Clary," he chokes out my name. His eyes are full of regret, pain, and the sting of loss.
I don't want to do what I have to. But after Jace, I stopped letting my heart make decisions for me. The damn kamikaze will take me down with it. "Goodbye. And a word of advice, get used to that look. Because if any of what you just said is true, it will haunt you every time you see a mirror. And it never stops."
I walk out of the room, just like I did six months ago. In tears.
"God knows what causes an angel to love a fool" is a lyric in "Stumbling In" by Great Big Sea
