Chapter 1: The Lords in all Their Cindery Splendor

A peaceful quiet reigned over Firelink Shrine as the bell's toll faded away into a calm din. With a blank stare the Shrine's Firekeeper sat on the steps to the resident bonfire, which had no fire at all. Useful. The only sound made was the rhythmic clanking of the blacksmith's hammer on an estoc that never seemed sharp enough. He never even so much as changed where he hit the weapon. Another clang assaulted the Firekeeper's ears. Then another, a third.

"Andre," she called behind her, "I doth fancy that weapon is sharpeth quite enough for now. Might it be fitting to cease?"

"Sorry ma'am!" The gruff smith yelled in response. "Just gettin' this blade ready for company. Wanted to impress the Lords."

The Firekeeper buried her head in her hands."I see, understandable." A sigh escaped her as the clanking started up again.

This time the Shrine Handmaiden spoke up."Pay him no mind, Firekeeper. That hammer-jocky is just upset he won't be useful this time around. Seeing as the Lords of Cinder don't need him in the slightest." A baleful laugh then swallowed the sound of Andre's hammer.

"You old hag!" Andre yelled. "They'll need my hammer as much as they'll need your trinkets. Unless the Lords fancy throwing shiny stones at one another?"

"Stuff it and go stroke your furnace, has-been."

"Prithee, say that to my face. Witch!"

"I am, I'm only ten feet away from you. Learn some maths, barbarian, then you might know the financial benefits of a blacksmith that actually sells weapons."

"I... I don't need to sell weapons... Oh, you're just jealous I've kept my good looks so long!"

Their squabble soon devolved into a general melee of insults that resounded in every inch of the acoustically sound shrine. "That pair hath spent overmuch time together." The Firekeeper muttered, silently damning their shared fate of undeath as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Yo bros! I found a building!"

"Sweet bro, maybe it's a club."

"Dude, maybe they've got chicks!"

"Alright! Might finally get some puss around here!"

The argument ground to a sudden halt, with a hundred sets of clanking armor and fifty high fives creating a commotion that put every past disturbance to shame. The Firekeeper chose to ignore their past outbursts and instead looked on in reverence at the collective Lord of Cinder: The Abyss Watchers, Head of the Undead Legion. A platoon of a round hundred undead warriors, clothed in leather armor emblazoned with a red cape. The force settled around the small room, sitting wherever they could. The apparent leader walking a few steps ahead of the rest. He stopped short in front of the Firekeeper, anticipation etched on what little of his face was visible over his… what was going on with that neck?

The Firekeeper again ignored their fashion sense and curtsied low to the warrior. "Welcome, Lord of Cinder, please excuse these abrupt summons. Alas I must impart to you that the First Flame has once again grown low, its rightful heir having abandoned it. It is in need of sustenance, to this end I must implore your assistance in once again linking the fire for a new age. A most noble sacrifice, I promise. Please, won't you once again die, for the sake of the fire?" Her speech done she looked up through her tiara at the leader, trying her best to read his expression. In return all she received was flat dissatisfaction.

"No." The leader responded flatly. "I am not burning in that fire again. How about you bros?" He yelled behind him, a deafening rally cry of "Yeah bro!" greeted him.

Oh no, nonononono. Not this. The Firekeeper thought. She curtsied lower, bending more into a bow. "Please, I implore you to reconsider Lord of Cinder. This world has not much time if no action is taken."

"Fine, you want my help." He smirked under his turtleneck, an evil glint flashing in his eye. "Show me your Twin Humanities." The Abyss Watcher responded without losing a step, in response the legion exploded into whoops and whistles.

"Um, Twin Humanities? I doth not understand what thou meanest."

The lanky warrior pointed a bony finger at her chest. "Those. Now. Or no deal. Pull those warlocks out of their magistry." Another scream of agreement from his legion resounded.

"IZALITH N-" Quickly she clapped a hand over her mouth. With a breath, she counted to ten and tried again. "Come now, surely be reasonable, you must agree it is most unwise to stake our world on something so primal."

"Why?" The leader shot back. "This world isn't mine anymore, prude. I just got brought back, like, five minutes ago. And from what I've seen, there isn't much worth saving. Other than my sweet booby pics and those are at Farron Keep." With that, he turned around on his heel and walked back toward the entrance to Firelink Shrine. Walking through the entry he stuck his middle finger in the air. "Undead Legion is outie!"

She could hear their conversation as they faded into the distance.

"Nicolaus! Let's have a JO sesh when we get back."

"Hell yeah, JO! Get the crystals Markous! Bradlian, pick up some lube! We're JO-ing tonight!"

"Let's get some positive energy flowing!"

The voices fading away to nothing the Firekeeper let out a cry of defeat and sunk to her knees. In her anguish, she let go of her proper speech."That's it. We're done for. Five minutes into my job and I already messed up! Pack up guys, we'll just up and head to Catarina. They've got all the jolly people, right? They won't even know the world is ending they're so drunk. We could follow that example."

"Calm down, Firekeeper. Do not despair yet, we have two more chances. Worse comes to worse we can send an Unkindled after the Abyss Watchers."

The Firekeeper leaped from the ground, lifting her tiara and wiping her eyes. She pumped a fist into the air. "Yeah, we've still got this! No stubborn Lord can beat this power trio, right? Heh, I'll just have to be even more persuasive in getting those overgrown brats to those damn thrones. WE CAN DO THIS!"

Twenty minutes later…

The illustrious Firekeeper laid forlorn in the fetal position at the base of the bonfire, sucking her thumb without shame. "Oh no… I'm going to die… Here comes my doom… I'll be off to death soon, Firekeeper Tower here I come… Throw me in and throw away the key..." She sang despondently.

Andre broke her reverie. "You know, you'd think if the Flame could revive people it could also make 'em come to the Shrine. That'd work out a lot better. 'Specially with Aldrich."

Yes, Aldrich had simply not even shown up at the Shrine. Andre continued, hammer strikes punctuating his sentences. "Which, when ye think about it, means the First Flame just revived an omnicidal cannibal and unleashed it on the world again. I mean, think about it. He can do whatever he wants with no restrictions. Actually, he'd be even mightier, being a Lord of Cinder and all. Who knows how many people he'll eat this time. Really makes you wish we could have stopped 'em."

"Andre, I appreciate your comfort immensely, but perhaps you should focus on your work for now.'

"Ay, Firekeeper!" Andre yelled as blows rained like hail on the ever-unsharpened Estoc.

The Shrine Handmaid made her final attempt at comforting the Firekeeper. "We shall be fine young one, there is still Yhorm, and I am sure he shall cause no problem. He is a lonely creature, only wishing to be accepted. We need only be present to persuade his cooperation."

"Right," the Firekeeper sniffled out. "There's still Yhorm, I'm sure that'll work out great. Reviving two Unkindled won't make much of a difference, right? I can..." Her voice became shaky. "I can…" She sniffled. "I CAN'T DO THIS!" The Firekeeper erupted into sobs, the ground around her becoming wet with tears in an instant. "I can't take this anymore! I've been stuck in this darn Shrine for ages. When I finally get the chance to talk to people, besides you two!" She interrupted when she heard Andre begin to speak. "No one decent shows up. I was told I'd be the head of a legendary quest to revive the First Flame. Not a desperate corralling of half-baked Lords that includes an entire group of people sharing one stinking s-" She stopped mid-rant as the ground shook beneath her. She paused to listen. Soon after another impact shook the entire Shrine. The impacts grew in power until a giant form, almost human, paused at the entrance to the Shrine. A massive iron mask peeked through the entrance. It took only that much of the creature to block the entrance in its entirety. There was only one being it could be, Yhorm the Giant, King of the Profaned Capital.

His deep voice boomed out, reverberating in all of her bones. "Um, excuse me? Is this Firelink Shrine?" The mask trained its hole on her. "Oh, are you alright Miss?

The Firekeeper bounded up from her self-pity at light speed and brushed off her dress with a huff. With her face still red from embarrassment she held her breath and entered Firekeeper mode again. One more time, come on now, put on that Firekeeper magic. "Welcome, Lord of Cinder, please excuse these abrupt summons. Alas, I must impart to you that the First Flame has once again grown low, its rightful heir having abandoned it. It is in need of sustenance, to this end I must implore your assistance in once again linking the fire for a new age. A most noble sacrifice, I promise. Please, won't you once again die, for the sake of the fire?" One final touch for good measure. "Pretty please? With a soul on top?"

"But," The head retreated and was replaced with an arm in the entrance, it gestured to the thrones of the Abyss Watchers and Aldrich. The arms pulled back and again the head was stuck back in. "Where are the others Lords? There are four thrones here. Goodness, I sure hope I have not come early again. I tend to do that at parties."

"Ah, well you see…" The Firekeeper trailed off. Already, she knew this was going to be bad. Very bad. "Your fellow Lords of Cinder seem to have abandoned their duties. But do not worry! Unkindled can be sent after them, they may be ashes at that point." She added with a whisper. "But you shan't be alone in your duties. I promise you."

If the giant could look sad he would have. "I'm truly sorry, miss, but I must be going too then. My citizens have been without a protector for too long and I fear for the Capital's safety. I must check on them. Will you allow me to do this?"

"You are asking me if… Oh my." The Firekeeper was at a loss. She held her head down and considered the truth. No, it was too cruel. "Of course, Yhorm, if you must leave I will not stop you, only… You know what must be done to retrieve you when necessary, correct?"

Without a word, the giant began pulling his head out to leave but paused midway. He added solemnly, sounding as wise and soft as a sage despite his booming voice, "Do not worry too much, when the time comes I will not resist the Unkindled you send for me. I realize my time is short, but I wish to use what little I have wisely. Thank you, Firekeeper, for this chance to see my dear subjects again." And with that, his thundering steps faded off into a distant sad memory.

The Firekeeper fell into sadness once again, but not for the reason she had before. She collapsed onto the steps surrounding the bonfire and buried her face on crossed arms. She posed a question to the Shrine Handmaid. "Handmaid, should I have told him what happened to the Profaned Capital when he linked the fire?"

She heard a sorrowful sigh from up the steps, where the Handmaid sat. "No, young one, you made the most merciful decision possible. It is best that he enjoys the small happiness of anticipation for a while, he has so little joy. Besides, it will be easier for him now, he shall hollow before he links the fire."

"Right, I hoped so. Thank you."

"Think nothing of it."

The Shrine lapsed into contemplative silence. The Handmade spoke again. "Now be prepared, the bell is preparing to toll once more, to call the Unkindled from their graves."

As if to underscore her statement the great bells tolled once more in a final effort of salvation. And what an effort it was, great ringing tolls shook the foundations of the Shrine. Eclipsing the giant's footfalls as though they were the steps of a flea. Amidst dust falling on her ruined robes the old woman chuckled. "Pathetic really, our final hope is to be those who were too weak-willed to link the fire in the first place. So it is that seeketh ember."

The Firekeeper from her seat clenched her fists in determination. "That's right, this is our very last chance. We can't fail this time guys. No matter what we will save the fire! If it's a quest the fire wants it's a quest it'll get. With me strengthening the Unkindled, Andre outfitting them with weapons, and you… selling them knickknacks, we will as a unit be the backbone of the world's revival." She jogged up the steps to where Andre and the Handmaid sat. She held out her arm to them and they placed their hands on top of hers. "Will you stick with this rookie Firekeeper for a little longer?" They nodded without hesitation and she felt tears prick her eyes. "Then…" She began lifting her arm in triumph.

"Let's save the world!" The Firekeeper and Handmaid yelled, wait. "Andre, you were supposed to yell with us."

Andre scratched his head with his hammer. "Uh, Firekeeper, you never exactly specified what to say. Or that we were yelling anything at all. Um, I'm ready now though."

"Learn to read the moment, hammer jockey." The Handmaid retorted.

"It wasn't clear! Let's try again, I'll get it this time!

"No, it's fine. The moment's been lost anyway. Damn it."