Have you ever seen that butterfly?

The one that shows up when spring is born, the one that shows up when the cold still kisses our bones?

It's so strong. And there it is. Flying around fearing nothing.

It's so beautiful. And there it is. Showing us its silk wings, like it is inviting us to dance in that cold wind, which doesn't seem to affect it.

That butterfly...

I want to be like that.

The coffee is already cold. Not that we drink coffee, I just noticed it because the ones who do, let it get cold. That means time has passed and that means you still didn't show up. Else, how would I even notice the coffee was cold? If you where here, your white pure wings would have stolen away my gaze and breath...

there you are.

I should be the one late, not you. But if I got late everyone would ask why i let myself sleep; while you, everyone just smiles and nods away like it's so normal to fall asleep during the whole morning. It's unfair, so unfair, Near.

Near is a perfect butterfly. Strong, confident, smart, pure.

I'm a moth that came from the shadows crawling for you.

I hate you.

I hate you with all my heart.

This heart that belongs to you.

Talk about ironic.

That night you cried because of that childish nightmare. I felt like I had it all on that moment, that I was the butterfly and you were the moth. But the way you crawled to my arms only reduced me more. It was like you stole my wings with those crystal tears and tender sobs. And in a mad moment, I let you take over me. I became yours.

Near's white childish body shows anyone that glances it, how shy he is. No tan marks, not even for his underwear. He smells like baby roses. His hair, when sweaty, leaves behind a sweet scent of jasmine. For seconds I forgot what was going on and wondered if it was your shampoo; however the moment you thrusted inside, all those odours mixed together made my head go dizzy.

The slow movements showed how inexperienced you were; I could have stopped you, I was strong enough for that, but at that point I realized the big difference between you and me: my wings were yours, either if I was a butterfly or a moth.

I wrapped my arms around Near's white body. His skin, just like silk, shivered at my touch, but not even that made me feel stronger than you, because I was already moaning for the sweet pushes you made inside me.

When we finally reached our climax of pleasure together, I felt I was about to melt and become one with you for the eternity. I did fear that might happen, since I knew it has happened emotionally.

You woke me up few hours after, with that indifferent tone of yours in your speech. I had to leave, even if I could feel some part of you still inside myself. I didn't want to take a bath thought. Do you have any idea how it feels having you inside me? It's like I can finally be like you.

But those moments last less than we could expect.

So I finally had my opportunity to run away, to set my wings free from your thigh grip.

But still, I didn't become the butterfly I wanted to be.

And now, when I look in the mirror, I realize that I'll never be.

And that makes me hate you even more than I already do.