A/N Hi! I just wanted to begin with thanking everybody who read my last story; I hope you'll like this one too!
Disclaimers: I, sadly, don't own anything that Joss Whedon created; all the characters belong to him. Yadda, yadda, yadda… You know the rest!
Summary: Post-Chosen. Spike doesn't end up at Angel's. You have to read to find out the rest!
Sunshine Through a Dirty Window
By Iona Goldilocks
Chapter 1
"I love you…"
"No, you don't but thanks for saying it."
The words echoed through Buffy's head as she stood at the edge of the crater, looking down on what used to be Sunnydale. She smiled a little as a thought came into her mind.
'Ha! No one messes with Buffy Summers! Not even the First Evil!'
Then that annoying side of her brain reminded her;
'About that… YOU didn't defeat the First. Remember Spike? Bleach blond, black duster, the man you love, now a pile of dust at the bottom of that crater?'
Buffy felt tears well up in her eyes.
'Yeah, he's the one who killed the First and closed the Hellmouth, with a little help from that amulet you gave him…'
Buffy gasped and put her hand over her mouth. Dawn, who stood next to Buffy, put a hand on her sister's shoulder.
"Buffy? Are you alright?" She could feel Buffy shake. "Buffy, what's wrong?" She looked horrified at her sister's tearstained face.
"I…I…I kill…" Buffy tried to speak between her sobs. "I killed him, Dawn!"
Then it seemed to occur to Dawn that there were a few people missing. "Him…?" She turned around, frantically trying to see a flash of black leather, even though the back of her mind told her that if he was alive he would probably be inside the bus, hiding from the sun.
"Spike's…Spike's dead?" She felt sick.
Buffy fell to her knees, and wept.
Giles walked out from the hotel room that Buffy and Dawn had been sharing for a few days.
"She doesn't seem to do very well, I'm afraid…" He sighed. "It seemed to have dawned on her that she's lost a lot of things, besides Spike, when Sunnydale went down."
Dawn sighed. "Can I go in to her? Please? I know she's a total wreck, but… She's my sister, and… It hurts to see her like this, okay? I know that she and Spike had something but I just didn't know it was that serious…"
Giles took of his glasses and ran his hand through his hair.
"Well, go in and try to talk to her, and do try to get her to eat…"
Dawn nodded in response and walked into the dark hotel room.
Giles walked down the dimly lit corridor and, lost in thought, almost bumped into Willow.
"Oh, I'm so terribly sorry, dear…"
Willow smiled. "It's okay… How's Buffy coping?"
Giles shook his head. "Not very well at all..."
Willow sighed a little. "Well, she'll snap out of it soon… I mean, there's not much we can do, right?"
When Giles had shook his head for the second time she continued.
"Well, I've done a little bit of sightseeing, and I've found a small shop that I think you'll like!"
At Giles frown she almost began to jump up and down. "Aw, come on! You need to get out of here; we've been her for days! Buffy isn't going to get better just because you refuse to go out!"
Giles threw his hands up in defeat. "Oh, alright, but it better be a nice shop and just not something to fool me with, young lady!"
Willow just smiled sweetly.
"Buffy?" Dawn sat down next to her sister, who seemed to have gone comatose, because she was just staring out the window, not aware of the world around her. "Buffy!" Dawn pleaded "please… He wouldn't want you to mourn… He wouldn't…"
Then she heard Buffy speak to her through clenched teeth.
"Don't you dare, tell me what he would want, you didn't know him! You didn't love him like I did… Like I still do! You didn't even speak to him! You hurt him so much, Dawn."
"Healmostrapedyou!" She spat angrily at Buffy.
Buffy turned from the window, fury written across her face.
"Notice the world almost, here… And what happened in the bathroom is between Spike and me, and we've talked it over. You don't know… I used him; I don't blame him for doing what he… What he ALMOST did."
She wiped a tear from her cheek. "God, Dawn… He got a soul for me! He loved me so much… If I only had one moment more… Just a day." She turned back to the window. "Just enough time to make him understand."
Dawn understood that the conversation was over, and she quietly made her way out from the room, that almost reeked with sorrow.
Giles stood awestruck outside of 'Hidden Treasures' that Willow had shown him to. The window was crammed with priceless books and trinkets, and Giles let himself willingly be dragged into the shop by the redheaded witch.
The shop was small but Giles felt like he was a small child on Christmas morning. An elderly woman stood behind the counter and smiled at Giles and Willow when they walked in.
Willow walked up to the woman and gave her a list of books and wondered if she had them.
"Yes, dear, we do… They're in the back. I'd be grateful if you could help me, my back isn't what it used to be."
Willow agreed to help and followed the woman, while Giles were left to do a little bit of treasure hunting, himself.
He quickly found a few books that had been lost when the Hellmouth was destroyed. He was just about to search a small bookcase for a volume about reversing spells, when something caught his eye.
There, in a monter lay several pieces of jewellery, and amongst them was… He had to polish his glasses. Yes, he was certain. It was the amulet that Spike had worn during the Hellmouth's destruction.
A/N Hope you liked my first chappie! I apologize for the non-spuffiness, but I'll make it up to you! Please review! XOXO
/Anna
