A Dip In Hell I

((Cover Image is a Fanart done by CheshireCatxAlice of Deviantart, dip1080 of this site. It was presented to me on June 5th, 2012))

((Joyful Note: Yes! I have begun the 3rd story in my South Park Ultimate Gayness Saga! This one is going to follow Pip mostly, and features mostly him and Damien. But there's also Kyle and Cartman in Hell, with Kenny showing up frequently of course. So that's exciting. I've already figured out the titles for the rest of the stories of the saga, so expect plenty to come! I think I might have… um… 11 fanfic stories total. I've done 2, this is the 3rd. I expect this one to actually be fairly long, at least 20 chapters. I hope at least. So anyway, I guess I'll get started!

Oh, and for those of you joining me now at this point in the Gayness Saga, I will have to explain myself. All my fanfictions that are multi-part so far belong to the same, long storyline, basically from different points of view. But each may be read as an individual story as well. I would prefer you read them all but… ah well. I hope you enjoy!))

Pip hadn't been expecting to die that day in the cafeteria. But when Cartman decided to torch the school in a jealous rage, Pip was bound to get in the way of his fire. He just wasn't very lucky when Cartman was shooting fire, be it from a flamethrower or from his ass. In this case it was a flame thrower, and also in this case, it proved fatal. Bad luck all around for young Pip.

And of course Pip, not being a Mormon, discovered himself amongst the crowd of new arrivals in… hell.

"Oh dear" Pip said with a small frown as the crowd began to disperse and he was jostled around until he ended up face planting on some pumice "OW!"

"…do I know you?" a high squeaky voice rang out and Pip recognized it instantly.

"Oh! Damian! Yes, it's me Pip!" Pip grinned, struggling to his feet to see Damian talking to Kyle who seemed rather bewildered and freaked out.

"Uh yeah, you're that Damian kid right? You turned Pip into a firework for Cartman's birthday!" Kyle said with a small smile.

"Yeah… hey, isn't that you?" Damian asked, turning towards Pip now. Pip blinked, looking a little sheepish.

"Oh, uh, yes" Pip nodded.

"No, Cartman was the fat one" Kyle explained.

"Oh, right" Damian nodded "Then who're you?" he asked.

"Oh, I'm Pip, the one you made into a firework?"

"I'm Kyle, Kyle Broflovski?"

"Oh, right, the Jewish kid" Damian nodded "So why're you dead?"

"It's a long story" Kyle sighed.

"Well my Dad's making cookies, if you want to come over." Damian suggested and of course Kyle agreed. Pip blinked and frowned.

"Erm… righto… then…" he bit his lips and looked around at the fire and brimstone. That didn't look too cheerful. He wondered if he should follow his two former classmates. They hadn't really acknowledged him…so they hadn't said he couldn't follow them. Pip decided to give following a try.

However, when they reached Damian's front door it was closed in his face.

"Oh dear" the British boy bit his lip and rang the doorbell. He heard some shuffling and the door opened. Damian glared at him.

"What do you want?" he asked rather rudely.

Pip frowned "Oh, uh, well… y-you do remember me Damian… don't you?" Pip asked hesitantly.

Damian raised an eyebrow "No. I think I would remember a gay French drag queen"

Pip stared aghast "I-I'm not French! Or a drag queen! I'm just British!"

"Oh… oh wait" Damian squinted at Pip "Yeah... I remember you!" he smiled.

"R-really? Oh jolly good!" Pip grinned.

"That's right, I hired French maid! I didn't think you were a guy at the time though…" Damian shrugged "Whatever. You can still wear the uniform, you're fem enough" he grabbed Pip's arm and dragged him inside.

"AH! Uh, I'm not French!" Pip insisted as Damian dragged Pip up the stairs to his bedroom where Kyle was already waiting with cookies. He wasn't looking at Pip though as Damian brought him the bathroom and shoved a maid's outfit into his arms.

"Here, put that on" Damian ordered and slammed the bathroom door. Through the door Pip could hear Kyle beginning to regale his tale of how he ended up in hell to Damian son of Satan. Pip turned his attention to the maid uniform in his hands.

"Oh dear… how humiliating" Pip muttered to himself and glanced at the closed bathroom door. Damian might not remember him as more then 'that one kid I turned into a firework' and even then did not seem to remember his physical appearance, but Pip himself remembered quite vividly how violent Damian could be when angered. Pip, being a pacifist, preferred to avoid conflict when possible. Damian had a fair possibility of getting angry about Pip not changing into the French maid outfit, and turning him into a beast of burden or something of the like. Therefore, Pip began to strip.

Taking off his clothes was no trouble, he did that every day and it took him half a minute. However, upon looking at the French maid outfit he realized that donning it could be… difficult.

"Oh, I see Damian even bought the ladies' undergarments… charming" Pip said with distaste as he noted their lacy quality. This was not a good day for Pip at all. First he burns to death, and now he has to put on lacey woman's underwear. Poor, poor Pip.

The panties weren't so hand to put on, even if they were a bit restricting. The bra was tad more difficult. He noticed it sort of drooped in the front where the breasts would normally be on a girl, so he decided, for visual appeal, to stuff the bra with toilet paper. Perhaps he used a little more then was absolutely necessary, but none the less the British boy improved his fem look to a point where he might pass for a girl on a regular basis. Not that he'd want to.

Then… the fishnet stockings.

"URG!" came the cry of frustration after 10 minutes trying to get those on without ripping them. By the time he managed, he did in fact have 3 runs already and he felt more restricted then before. Tragic day for Pip, really. After the stockings though, the dress was easy enough, even if it was cut kind of low. His toilet paper boobs were showing. He tried to tuck it away and pull up the dress, but it didn't work out so well. Pip sighed and decided to leave it alone for the moment and put on the apron and head… frilly… thing. Grabbing the duster he checked his reflection in the mirror.

"Well… erm… at least I look pretty" Pip muttered, blushing furiously and tucked away toilet paper self-consciously. With a final nod he opened the bathroom door "Alright Damian I put on the- oh bugger, where did everybody go?"

Indeed, the room was sadly empty. It seemed that the Jewish boy and Satan spawn had grown bored of the surroundings or something. Pip wondered what to do now. It was certainly a pickle. He left the bathroom and made his way carefully into the hallway and down the stairs. Then he ran into Satan.

"Oh, uh, hi! Are you the new maid that Damian hired then?" the giant red devil smiled. Pip frowned up at him.

"Well, erm, not exactl-"

"I hope so, because if you weren't, I'd have to send you out for torturing in the lake of fire!" Satan said, still smiling.

"Uuuuummm…. Yes. Yes I'm definitely a maid. Yes" Pip nodded.

Satan looked a little surprised and frowned "Oh, oh I guess the agency made a mistake and got a British maid. Oh well, it's not like Damian wants to use you for sexual purposes, I told him British maids were better at cleaning anyway. And they're magical!"

Pip blinked "Um… I think you're thinking of British nannies. Like Mary Poppins, Nanny McPhee" he paused and muttered "In my case Mrs. Doubtfire might be more appropriate"

"Well whatever" Satan shrugged "You can start by dusting the knickknacks in the living room, just don't break anything. But when Damian gets back, if he asks you to do something, you have to listen to him. Oh by the way, what's your name little girl?"

Pip stared at Satan "I'm not a little girl"

Satan chuckled "I'm sorry, young lady" he winked "What's your name?"

"Uh, it's Pip"

"Well Miss Pip, I'm sure you'll love working here, it definitely beats the eternal torture that faces any and all who don't fall under the favor of me and mine!" Satan laughed.

"Uh, Pip's my first name, not my surname. My surname is Pirrup" Pip said hesitantly.

"Well from now on you'll be called Pip and nothing else. So says me, Lord of Hell. Because I can do that. Don't make me do it again" Satan growled and then pranced off to the kitchen, humming a tune.

"Well. He was quite the odd fellow" Pip said blinking and, without anything better to do, headed for the living room, duster in hand.

Roughly an hour later (the living room was very large, clearly used for dinner parties or something like that) Pip sighed and looked about the space approvingly. He actually felt pretty good about his work. He really didn't expect it to be noticed but… it did look rather nice in there now. With a smile and nod he headed into the hallway to find the kitchen and perchance find a drink of water when a crash was heard from the room he'd just left.

"OH MY GOODNESS!" Pip gasped and rushed back into the living room to find the place trashed and Damian walking through it with a smirk on his face, followed by Cartman and Kyle (who were holding hands). Cartman snorted with laughter.

"Dude, that was awesome!" the evil fat boy chortled.

"Erm, yes, rather" Pip murmured, looking around the room dismayed. The couch was ripped open and spewing stuffing like a monster, there was dirt everywhere, but the ornaments in the display case were intact. Apparently even Damian knew his dad would be very unhappy to find them destroyed. But Pip wasn't very excited about the mess anyway "Erm, Mr. Damian, ah, sir? May I ask why you felt the need to destroy the living room? I ask only because your father told me to dust it and I'd only just finished…"

Damian looked at Pip vaguely for a moment "Oh, well, I thought it would be cool" he shrugged "You can clean it again. Then you can clean my room, but stay the fuck out of my closet and don't forget to change the sheets" he motioned to Kyle and Cartman to follow him.

As they passed, Pip heard Cartman whisper to Kyle:

"Hey, isn't that the French bitch from our class?"

"Yeah that's Pip, didn't you kill him today?"

"Uh, I don't know. I killed a few people today, you can't expect me to keep track"

"… sure" Kyle shook his head as they left the room and Pip looked at the living room and the couch monster still spewing stuffing everywhere and growling.

Pip also noticed the couch seemed to have grabbed his duster and was chewing on it "Oh dear" he sighed and shuffled over to the couch monster to try to pull his duster free.

2 hours later, Pip had made the room presentable… except for the couch. What had happened there was Pip ran around picking up stuffing until the couch ran out and started flinging springs. Pip had to dodge those and grab them until the couch was completely empty and seemed to breathe a last wheeze and died on the ground. Pip wasn't exactly sure how to go about cleaning that up, or putting a new couch in… so he decided to leave it for the moment and go clean Damian's room.

When he knocked on the door a grunt greeted him and he carefully tip toed inside. Damian seemed to be reading a nudie-mag. Pip couldn't see the cover, but he could see flesh and Damian, being face up on his bed, appeared to have a hard on. Lovely.

"Erm, so, I'll just start dusting then shall I?" Pip said with some brightness and started for the dresser.

"Huh? Oh, yeah sure" Damian said waving a hand dismissively "And the wood polish is in the bathroom"

"Righto!" Pip smiled and opened the bathroom door. Kyle was kneeling in front of Cartman and… "AAAH!" Pip screamed.

"Ooh, I forgot about them" Damian said, coming up beside Pip and looking at Cartman and Kyle with a smirk, his nudie-mag dangling from his hand. THE BEST OF YAOI PORN was on the cover. Interesting. Pip wondered what the word 'yaoi' meant.

"AH!" Kyle garbled and spat out Cartman's balls and looked up red in the face and covering himself "A LITTLE PRIVACY PLEASE?"

"Dude, lighten up and get back down Jew" Cartman snorted and pushed as Kyle's shoulders.

"QUIT IT FAT ASS!" Kyle raged as Satan entered the scene.

"Hey kids! I brought some browni- oh" Satan might've blushed if he wasn't already red "I see, so you're a little busy I take it?"

"NO! I mean, well, we were but, urg…" Kyle rubbed his forehead vigorously in irritation.

"Hey Satan, it's Jerry, I'm here to interview you for Hell's Celebs!" a voice from the door came out and a man in a hot pink shirt came in with a camera crew "Ooh, so the great master of hell keeps young naked boys in his bathroom?"

"OH NO PAPARAZII!" Satan yelled and tried to push the tide of newsies out.

"Yes, me and the Jew are together, you can order 'I Love CartmanXKyle t-shirts at 1-800…"

"CARTMAN!"

Pip was of course jostled out of the bathroom and into Damian's room. Damian seemed to have been shuffled out as well.

"Fucking paparazzi. I hate those guys." Damian growled.

"Well, erm, can't you just make their heads explode or something?" Pip asked hesitantly.

"There's too many. I'd like too but…" Damian sighed and flopped back on his mattress and opened his yaoi porn magazine again. Pip then noticed the two on the cover were clearly animated males having it on. Oh. So that's what yaoi meant.

"So, um, you're gay then?" Pip asked.

"I don't know. These are just the only naked pictures my dad has in the house." Damian shrugged.

"I see." Pip noticed the mess the camera crews were making "Erm, when they leave, I'll have to clean all this up won't I?"

"Of course, who else is going to do it?" Damian asked in his high pitched voice. Pip sighed.

"Well I expected as much" he muttered.

Damian looked up from the magazine "You know you're actually pretty cute for a guy in drag"

"W-what?" Pip yelped in alarm.

"Um… maybe it's just the light" Damian turned back to his magazine and Pip stared at the evil boy in surprise and complete confusion. This was definitely an odd day. And when the paparazzi cleared out and left a complete mess everywhere, he knew it was a very bad day as well.