Authors Note: Hey guys, so you may have noticed I've rewritten most of my stories, I think they're much better now so you may want to check them out! I will warn you now that since most of these stories will be crack fics you should only eat or drink in front of your computer at your computer's own risk. There will be LOLZ, now, I'll stop rambling so you can read the story.

I don't own Naruto or Naruto Shippuden... I wish I did... *Sighs*

-Midnathething

Wandering through the base, Deidara yawned and stretched. He had a mission to do with Sasori later, but it was an assassination mission. A stealthy assassination mission. The mission would be so boring that just thinking about it almost put him to sleep. He stopped mid-step to examine a strange list in the wall, hung there by a senbon.

The list was titled "Rules" and had a subtitle reading "Things the Akatsuki aren't allowed to do anymore." Some of the things on the list had been scribbled over or smudged, making the list difficult to read. After examining the list Deidara decided he wanted to copy the list and ask about some of the rules on it because honestly some of them seemed ridiculous.

He decided to copy the rules onto a separate paper so he could put the battered list back when he was done with it; Deidara suspected he wasn't allowed to keep it. After carefully removing the senbon from the wall Deidara caught the battered list of rules as it attempted to flutter to the floor.

. . .

After their boring mission, which Deidara had spent copying rules instead of doing anything because "Explosions aren't stealthy brat." He carefully put the list back on the wall, violently stabbing the senbon into the wall again so it wouldn't fall and cursing because his hand had been skewered, Deidara, with his new copied list, set out to look for Sasori for explanations about some of the rules.

When Deidara finally found Sasori he was completely unsurprised to find him in his puppet workshop. "Sasori, I need you to explain some things un." Deidara said, walking into the room without knocking, much to the irritation of the puppet nin.

Sasori growled in irritation. "What in the world could be so important?" He asked, carefully connecting wires in his current project's joint. If Deidara caused him to make an error while he worked on his puppet…

Respectfully, Deidara waited till Sasori was finished working on the joint of his puppet. This was Sasori's art, and even if it wasn't true art it was just wrong to cause someone to make a mistake with their art when it could have been prevented. When Sasori was finished working with the puppets joint he turned to face Deidara.

Deidara was absentmindedly poking at a puddle of purple liquid, the most recent batch of poison Sasori had made. "Are you done for now un?" He asked, examining his finger with a frown. "And how poisonous is the stuff I've been poking?" Deidara added with a sigh.

Sasori shook his head wondering about Deidara's sanity and absence of a sense of self-preservation once again. "Yes I'm done for now because you're bothering me, fine I'll answer your questions about whatever it is you want me to explain to you, and the poison is deadly. " He answered.

Deidara made an unhappy noise and waved his hand away from himself. In response Sasori threw a towel at Deidara, hitting the younger missing nin's face. The blond grabbed the towel before it could hit the floor and began cleaning his hands. "Why do you have puddles of poison sitting around un?" Deidara asked, dropping the towel onto the puddle of poison.

"Why do you poke strange liquids in the workshop of a ninja who you know uses poisons brat?" Was Sasori's answer.

Deidara realized he'd almost forgotten why he'd went into Sasori's workshop in the first place. "Oh, I wanted to ask you to explain this un." Deidara passed his copy of the list of rules over to Sasori.

The redhead's eyes skimmed over the page.

Rules:

(Things the Akatsuki aren't allowed to do anymore.)

#1: Samahada is not allowed in the kitchen.

#2: Snakes are not to be left around the base to see if ninja are paying attention.

#3: Poisoned traps are also not to be left around the base to see if people are paying attention.

#4: Swords aren't allowed in the kitchen.

#5: Zetsu must clean up after his meals. Snacks included.

#6: Sasori is not allowed to use poison to teach people. Exception: If the lesson is on how to use poisons it is acceptable.

#7: Everyone must wear clothing when not bathing.

#8: Do not steal Kakuzu's money… Why does this have to be a rule?

#9: Itachi is a boy, do not imply otherwise.

#10: Kakuzu is not allowed to cook.

#11: No vengeance rants at the table. This means you Sasori, Itachi.

#12: Deidara is not allowed to cook.

#13: Deidara is a boy, do not imply otherwise.

#14: Explosives are not allowed in the kitchen.

#15: Do not steal Itachi's pocky or dango. Ever.

#16: Sasori is also a boy, do not imply otherwise.

#17: Shredding a body with Samahada and leaving the corpse soaking in the bathtub is not taking a bath.

#18: DO NOT give Tobi sugar. Or candy.

#19: DON'T EVER TAKE AWAY TOBI'S BRAWNDO. EVER.

#20: Itachi is not allowed to cook.

#21: Do not take away Deidara's explosive clay.

#22: Romances of the same gender are forbidden.

#23: Scythes aren't allowed in the kitchen.

#24: Weapons aren't allowed in the kitchen.

#25: Deidara is not allowed to blow up the base.

#26: Itachi is a genjutsu user, not a medic.

#27: Tobi is not allowed to cook.

#28: Do not buy store made explosive tags. They are made by drunks.

#29: Tobi's stories are bad and he should feel bad.

#30: Do not leave Hidan's severed head in the freezer.

#31: Do not try to eat Hidan. He complains.

#32: The Akatsuki are not morning people, do not wander around the base shouting about Jashin at 7AM.

#33: No pets.

Sasori sighed. He could understand why Deidara would ask about some of the rules on the list. A voice in the back of his head screamed to leave his puppet workshop before he started rulebook story time. Sasori had a brief vision of multiple missing nin trying to fit inside the workshop because there were stories being told, most likely knocking something down and making it even more broken than it had been before. He shuddered thinking of the time that would be wasted fixing things that hadn't needed fixed before.

"Fine, I'll explain the rules." The redhead stood up, feeling a spark of irritation that Deidara was taller than him, "but not in my workshop, I don't want to end up with more broken puppets." He added the second part as a dark mutter.

"Yay!" Deidara cheered, pulling Sasori away from his workshop. The duo entered the lounge where Sasori sat in a squishy black chair and Deidara flopped onto a soft black sofa.

"Now Brat, where should I begin?" Sasori asked passing the copied page of rules to Deidara.