"Those bells," Hanschen sighed. "So peaceful." He glanced at me, causing my heart to race a little.
"I know!" I exclaimed immediately, too enthusiastically. I heard Hanschen chuckle and we met eyes. There was a certain lust in his eyes that made my heart bang against my ribcage. The longer we held eye contact, the more heat and intensity there was. I finally looked away, sensing that Hanschen was smirking at my embarrassment. I tried to avoid his gaze by looking into the distance. My palms were starting to sweat a little. The silence was so intense, I had to break it. "Sometimes," I started, a fairytale-like dream fumbling out of my mouth. "when it's quiet in the evening like this, I imagine myself a country pastor. My red cheeked wife, my library, my degrees. Boys and girls nearby give me their hands when I go walking." I looked at Hanschen, whose eyebrows were furrowed.
"You can't be serious." He drawled. I cocked my head at him. "Really Ernst, you're such a sentimentalist. The pious serene faces you see on the clergy, it's all an act. To hide their envy. Trust me." Hanschen coaxed, sliding closer to me. "There are only three wars a man can go. He can let the status quo defeat him, like Moritz. He can rock the boat like Melchior and be expelled. Or he can bide his time, and let the system work for him, like me." Once again, he slid a little closer. Our knees were almost touching, but also painfully too far away. I clung to his every word, mesmerized by what he was saying.
"Think of the future as a pail of warm milk," he drawled. "One man sweats and stirs, churning it into butter, like Otto for example. Another man frets and spills his milk and cries all night, like Georg. But me," he paused, as his eyes glanced down to my crotch, which was gradually growing harder and harder as his presence stirred closer to me. "I just…skim off…the cream." Licking his lips, he caressed his thumb with his pointer finger, then flicked.
"Just…skim off the cream?" I squeaked, uncertain of what he mean.
"Right," he answered deeply. I sat there confused, but amazed and trying to understand.
"But what about the-" I started before I noticed Hanschen laughing softly. "You're laughing! Hanschen?" I groaned, leaning forward in confusion. Hanschen's face immediately flushed. There was a moment where Hanschen's eyes flashed from lust to longing. Before I knew it Hanschen hopped up, interrupting our intense moment.
"Come cream away the bliss, travel the world within my lips," he sang to me, hot heaviness adding to his voice. He circled around me, with his hand outward almost if he wanted to caress my face. "Fondle the pearly of your distant dreams." He bent down behind me and whispered into my ear. His breath made the hairs on my neck stand up and made my pants very, very tight. "Haven't you heard the word of your body?" I froze and stared up at him with wide eyes. Hanschen circled back and kneeled in front me again, very close to my face. "Oh, you're gonna be wounded. Oh you're gonna be my wound. Oh, you're gonna bruise. Oh, I'm gonna be your bruise." He sang softly to me, his face inches away from mine. My heart was beating at an unhealthy speed. So many thoughts ran through my head.
He leaned in and planted a blissful kiss on my lips. His mouth was so warm and his lips were so tasteful…I pulled away.
"Oh God!" I exclaimed, out of breath. This couldn't be happening. It's not right to have these feelings towards other boys, right? It was frowned upon. But…I can't resist him. His face did not move away and was still close to mine.
"Mm…I know," he moaned, confidently. My face was hot with excitement. "When we look back thirty years from now, tonight will seem unbelievably beautiful." He slid into me, interlacing our legs. How could it beautiful then, and not now?
"And in the meantime?" I said softly, my eyes slowly meeting his. He shrugged.
"Why not?" soon, his hand was cupping my cheek and he pulled my face to his. We were kissing again, but this time it was filled with confidence and love. I leaned into him, placing my hands on his shoulders. Hanschen eagerly let his hands roam around my whole body. My limbs melted into his as we exchanged the second kiss.
Soon, I pulled back again. Hanschen kept his hands on my chest as he stared at me with a loving and accomplished look.
"On my way here this afternoon, I thought perhaps we'd only talk!" my voice cracked on the last word. Hanschen raised an eyebrow and pursed his lips.
"Are you sorry we-" he questioned defensively, obviously disappointed and misunderstanding what I meant.
"No! I love you Hanschen, as I have never loved anyone!" I protested, even though the statement was sudden. We'd only just bonded this way, but I'd been having feelings for Hanschen for a long time. He smiled at me, pursing his lips once again.
"And so you should," he stated.
"Oh, I'm gonna be wounded. Oh, I'm gonna be your wound." I sang to him.
"Oh, you're gonna bruise too…oh, I'm gonna be your bruise," he sang as he smirked at me. I gaped at him.
I had so much wanting for him and this past moment was so strong and passionate…was it real, I wondered. I knew of Hanschen's games…but he was so convincing. I loved him…so Ernst, take a chance, I told myself. Let yourself love someone. Let yourself be happy for once.
