I would just like everyone to know that you shouldn't take this seriously. This is crack. This is weird. This is written badly on purpose.
On a bright and sunny day Kuja found a random maid outfit that fell from the sky. Mateus then proceeded to bitch-slap the maid outfit out of Kuja's arms. He then said. "OH HELLLLL NO! YOU AIN'T GONNA PUT THAT ON YOU LITTLE MAN WHORE!" Kuja got pissed off so he kicked Mateus in the nuts. "Bitch, I'm not going to put it on!" Kuja screamed at the crying Mateus. "I am going to kidnap Zidane, put this on him, then fuck him senseless!" Kuja then walked away with the maid outfit wiggling his ass like Meryl from Metal Gear Solid.
Zidane was eating some bread he stole from some hooker that turned out to be Cloud when all of a sudden, a bag was pulled over his head. Zidane screamed. "What the fuck?" He was then hit in the back of the head with a bottle.
Kuja dragged Zidane to an inn that didn't ask any questions and then proceeded to cuddle Zidane for the rest of the night.
The next morning, Cloud broke into the inn, punched Zidane in the stomach, and stole back the bread that Zidane stole and ate. Kuja then slapped Cloud out the window and on top of a naked Sephiroth.
