Hey! This is my first attempt in ToFuu and this song really hit me when I first heard it. Yes, this is a songfic (and my very first songfic at that), but I terribly wanted to write it. And with my dearest Tokiya and his ever lovable Fuuko nagging me like wow, I do guess they are the best couple around to be the stars of this story. Haha. I'm so glad I finally had the chance to write for ToFuu! Ayayayayayay! (^_^) I'm so excited!
DISCLAIMER: Flame of Recca and its characters, plot, and the great Mikagami Tokiya are not my properties, although I wish they were.
Please read, enjoy, and review!
Need You Now
by four-eyed 0-0
Picture-perfect memories
Scattered all around the floor
The silhouette of a young woman sat by the corner, engulfed in the semi-darkness of her room that had gone disarrayed for almost a quarter of an hour ago, littered by bits of paper bearing happy faces of the people she loved. Standing out amidst the heads was her own lovely mane of purple, a subject to a man's curiosity why she had that weird choice for her color. In almost all the pictures ― yes, she could distinguish them despite the gloom surrounding her in a nonplussed state ― she was next to a beautiful young man whose long silver hair added up to the freezing effect his cold, blue eyes gave everyone. And in every shot her arm was on his shoulders.
She had always been the person to make him do as she wanted and so as to be a normal person, a true person. She had always been the one to pull him to the picture even when he did not bother to smile and instead glare at the lens, as though every single second spent was wasted and that he could actually break the glass just by staring. She had always been patient with him even though he was not toward her. She had always been there for him. How many more photographs had she shared with him? As she stared at the strewn pieces, she agonizingly concluded they numbered to more than a hundred. And they were then, in the past. How could time be so fast?
Reaching for the phone
'Cause I can't fight it anymore
She was sitting with her phone a foot away from her hands, within reach, anytime she felt the need to call him. And tonight was the night, despite the searing pain she could still clearly feel in the very core of her. Her tired hands fumbled for the battered gadget she had tossed very hesitantly in her turmoil and clutched it firmly that she heard a very slight crunch. Silent tears brimmed in her eyelids, and before she could move a hand to dab at them, they fell onto the phone's grazed screen.
With eyes fogged by the salty substance leaking out and fingers aquiver, she searched for his number, swallowing before she pressed the dial key.
And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind
For me it happens all the time
The disheveled girl stared blankly into the darkness, the phone's ringing reverberating in her ears. It had just been a week ago when she found out about his plan to work abroad, his plan to leave them, to leave her. His being a snotty little executive was all it took him to easily have the job, she was sure of it. And it was high time he made her late sister proud by having such opportunity. He could go away anytime he wished to soar high like the arrogant and ambitious man he could ever be. And it pained her to think that he did not even give a single thought to the persons around him. That his plans did not include any of them who had always been there for him.
"I know you all would miss the mighty me," he said simply in spite of the frowns he was receiving, "but I have to do this. I have to go away, without you around me. I can't always be with you. I have my own dreams, my own responsibilities to materialize. And they're all for me to do, not with you."
Recca glared at him. "We are happy for you, Mi-bo. But you sound like you really want to go away and live without us, like we are no longer important. You're mad."
His ice-cold eyes were transfixed at him. "It is my duty to tell you that I need to space out, all right?"
"SPACE OUT?" Fuuko yelled, affronted. "SPACE OUT, MI-CHAN? DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING?" She could not help it anymore. Did he absolutely think they were all nuisances to his dreams?
"Yes, Kirisawa," he replied, making Fuuko flinch. He had not used her surname ever since they got back from all the battlefields. "I am spacing myself out. I need to live and breathe, even if it meant I must forget all of you. You can't always be with me."
"No, Mi-chan, you are being selfish again."
"Selfish or not, I want to bid you all farewell."
Fuuko made a mad grab for a stone and threw it at his leg so that he winced and quickly turned around, walking away.
"BE HAPPY AND DIE ALONE, YOU ROTTEN ICE BLOCK!"
"I will," he called over his shoulder, his hands safely tucked inside his pockets.
It had been a week and he still had not gone away, much to their annoyed surprise although they perfectly knew that he was indeed leaving. It had been half of a fortnight that she had been deprived of sleep. His face always floated across her line of vision every time she decided to shut her eyes tight in desperate concentration to have a wink of sleep. But hell. She did not have any peaceful night. Her eyes were drooping in front of all her paperwork in the office where he too worked and it seemed like a game of evasion ever since. When he chanced upon her in the elevator, she would walk out of it and ran by the stairs instead. When he happened to pass by her compartment in the financing department to check on some of the employees, she would simply look as intent as she could at the computer monitor and be as busy as she could get so that when he had his turn to speak to her she did not have to look at him or even pay any attention.
He did not know that she was hurting with every single word he said for she knew that those words would just be few of the last she would ever hear. And to think that they were meant to make them feel abandoned.
It's a quarter after one
I'm all alone and I need you now
Her belly did a morbid somersault as his voice echoed in her ear.
"Fuuko?" Why did he have to call her with her first name? It hurt even more. It would be terrible not to hear him say her name like that. All the time annoyed and not happy, but she always loved his way. "It's past one. What are you thinking, calling me at a very non-mundane time?" he asked, annoyed.
She blinked and straightened, willing herself to speak as normal as she could. "I'm not the monkey you used to know," she slyly replied, smirking despite herself. "You're busy with your beloved wife ― your paperwork ― I'm sure. And this time is still mundane to you as much as it is to your brother, the zany bat."
He was laughing derisively and she covered her mouth before she could sob. How many times would she hear him laugh before he left? "But really, I did not expect you to call at all. Not when you left an annoying little bruise on my flawless leg. It makes me think you are being some little damsel in distress." He laughed again and added, "Why did you call?"
Said I wouldn't call
But I lost all control and I need you now
Trying to sound as composed as she had always been, she replied, "I'm materializing my plan in killing you through irritation so that you won't be able to go away." Such a white lie.
There was a lengthy silence that she even thought he already hung up. But then he spoke, "You're not going to stop me."
"Yes, I am."
"Fuuko, just quit it, will you? I'm tired of all your being the naughty little monkey you are."
"I won't." Her voice gave way to her emotions. "I can't."
"Fuuko?" came his voice, as though surprised. She was now positively weeping.
She picked up a photo from the pile. She was there, her arms around his neck, and his wrapped around her waist out of instinct, face full of shock since she had jumped at him just as the camera flashed. "Yes?"
"Why?"
"Why?"
"Yes. Why?"
"I'm losing control. I want to kill you. Tear you to bits so that no one will ever ogle at you again." She was sure that he smirked. "And…"
"And?" he pushed.
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
"I want to tell you that I need you now."
"Huh?"
"Have a good sleep for you would not be able to see the sun rising in the east ever again."
"Really, monkey, you're being a loony."
"I've always been as you have always told yourself and everyone else." Her chest hitched awfully, voice shaking. "You always think and say I'm an idiot. So why bother."
"Fuuko ― "
"Sleep tight, Tokiya." She hung up and crumpled the photo that was wet with her cold tears. It was true. He had always thought and spoken of her and her friends as idiots. He had never given them a second glance. He had never considered their feelings. He never had. He had always been the arrogant bastard he was.
Yet still she could not imagine life without him. She needed him like air. She would die without him, and the prospect of him leaving already stabbed her again and again. She curled in her corner, hugging her knees, her long mane concealing her soaked face.
Another shot of whiskey
Can't stop looking at the door
The day in the office was torturous. She had been at the worst mood he had ever seen her. They fought yet again. And it was the very reason why he was drowning himself in alcohol, his eyes directed at the door of his room as though wanting to burn it down with his glare. It was all his fault why she was acting like this. It was his entire fault why his friends avoided him so much. But he needed to say those things. He needed to make them think he did not need them. He was not sure if he could ever live without them, without the annoying and meddlesome lot of them he had discreetly considered friends. Moreover, he needed to make himself think that he did not need them. It hurt like hell. And to see her being so cold and distant, especially after the phone call, it killed him repeatedly.
"Kirisawa-san," he called for the umpteenth time. She was so busy with the telephone, her back turned at him. For sure, she was doing it on purpose so as to vex him. "Miss Kirisawa, I warn you," he said through gritted teeth, "if you do not face me ― "
The purple-haired girl smashed the receiver back down and stood up, arms crossed along her chest. "Yes, sir?" she asked haughtily.
"I know that you are aware that unnecessary phone calls ― "
"I am not making an unnecessary phone call, sir," she retorted angrily. "Unless you consider the giving of directions to a new messenger who got lost not a necessity, that is."
He stared at her incredulously. "I am not a fool, Kirisawa."
"I know. I'm aware of that, mighty Mikagami Tokiya." She rolled her eyes at him. "And I am so aware that it is only yourself that you consider able to think straight. Don't bother telling me," and she added bitterly, "sir." With that, she grabbed her bag and walked away, pausing to tell him, "Sack me if you don't wish to have me save my pride by resigning."
And he was red in the face now from the only bottle he had drained. He would be leaving in a matter of a few days and his noose had been tightening faster than he imagined. She could not be doing this to him. She should not be able to affect him like that. He chose to hurt them so that he could be free. And now despite all the alcohol fogging his brain, clear realization was dawning upon him.
He was so selfish indeed.
Wishing you'd come sweeping
In the way you did before
There was a resounding bang from his bedroom door. "Mi-chan!" He tossed on his bed to catch the hand that was about to swat his tired bottoms. "Good for you to wake up. We'll be going to the amusement park, remember? It's Sunday and it's our day out of office! We should make the most of it! And here we are fetching you only to find out that you haven't even got that lazy butt of yours off the bed!" She pulled her wrist from his grasp and pushed him off the bed when he decided to turn his back at her to sleep further, his bones cracking against the marbled floor.
"Are you nuts?" he bellowed furiously. "If I ever break my handsome jaw because you pushed me off my sleep I swear I'll pull your head off your neck." He stood up and made a move to take a bath.
"What would you want, Mi-chan? A friend to wake you up like that or a friend to speed you up in bathing by peeping through the space between the bathroom door and its hinges?"
He froze on his spot. "Don't you dare do anything! I'll be fast."
"Okay," she said, starting to fix his bed. He stood transfixed, watching her. "Hey, be fast, will you? And you're welcome," she told him, smiling wickedly. He obliged.
Those were the days. And he longed for those times. He was hurting inside. He perfectly knew that. He was the mighty him, after all.
And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind
For me it happens all the time
He threw his dizzy head back, his eyes closed. It had been a week since he bade farewell, but why could he not help thinking of them, of her? By now he should have been easing his things out of his office. But why did he keep delaying his departure? Why could he not bring himself to begin packing?
He thought it was a piece of cake. He thought leaving for the States was not hard at all. But now that he had come to think of it, he was losing every single thing he held as reason to continue living. He could not imagine himself without the lot of them. Leaving would mean another painful adjustment, another crowd he should worm his way in to fit in, another building of reputation. And missing them. Missing her.
The way she talked to him hurt so much. Had she not considered his feelings at all? Was she blind? Or was he unimportant to her anymore?
She haunted his dreams. He missed her calling him with his pet name. He loved the way she said his name. It sounded addicting. It sent waves throughout his body like that of a nicotine rush. He was fond of her being the playful girl she was. Her antics in making him do just as she wanted and did not know that he too wanted were crazy but yes, clever. She was never an idiot. He did not mean to say that. Well, Recca and Domon must be considered so, it was a necessity. But she, she was not stupid at all. He only wanted to insult her. It was his way of showing playful affection. But why did she suddenly take it seriously? Why?
The handsome young man clutched at his temples that were burning. Damn his low tolerance of alcohol.
Unconsciously, his hand found his phone and he stared at it.
It's a quarter after one
I'm a little drunk and I need you now
He groggily dialed her number. He needed to talk to her. He needed to hear her voice. It was his remedy.
"Speak," she said rudely. His heart jolted painfully, making his throat and tongue run dry. "Mikagami, I don't have all the time in the world. Speak now, will you?"
"Fuuko..." His head spun. That was all he could bring himself to say.
"I know. What now?"
"Fuuko…"
She sounded affronted. "What? Will you just keep calling my name like some drunk ― wait, are you drunk?"
He grunted. "A bit." He felt really dizzy now; his eyes were being pulled shut. Her voice sounded like a lullaby.
She snorted. "Thought so. I can smell your stench through the phone, do you know that?" Despite his state, he could tell that she scrunched her nose and pinched it as emphasis. He smiled. "Man, you're really drunk. You're not retorting at all."
"I just want to hear your voice for now." He sat back, relaxing.
"Mi-chan?" He smiled. He missed that. Please, say it again for me. "Hey, Mi-chan."
His tongue entangled. "Yes?"
"Why did you call me?"
Said I wouldn't call
But I lost all control and I need you now
He opened his eyes to the darkness of his own room. It felt so unusually cold. "I'm cold."
"Of course you are cold!" she scolded. "You are the ice block, right?" She snorted once again.
"Physically." His tongue was not cooperating. Darn.
She chuckled in disbelief. "You didn't. Hey, I'm getting the impression that you are not Tokiya. Goodness, I guess I have to hang up before you convince me you're not the impostor who decided to kill that bastard for good."
"Fuuko, don't." His chest tightened. She would not be hanging up even if it meant he would hear her speak ill of him on and on.
"Huh?"
"Don't hang up."
"Why shouldn't I?" she asked, so that he sighed submissively.
"I need you now."
"What did you say?"
His stomach churned and he was quite sure he would be retching. Out of instinct and incredibly, he ran toward the bathroom and puked right into the toilet bowl, his knees giving way so that he fell to the tiled floor, his hand still unconsciously holding his phone, the girl calling him again and again.
He clutched at his stomach and drew terrible gasps of breath, beads of sweat trickling from his neck and forehead. His eyes suddenly caught sight of his phone and he brought it to his ear to hear her worrying.
"Mi-chan! Do you hear me? Hey, answer me! What's happening?"
"I regurgitated," he answered, brain clicking on and off.
"Pardon me?"
"I puked." Slang would perhaps do her good.
"Are you all right?"
"No." Honestly.
"Wait for me."
"What?"
"Just shut up and lean on something, will you? I'll be fast."
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
"I need you now, Fuuko," he murmured in time for her to end the call so that he was not able to hear her reaction, if there was any. She said she would be fast. It meant she would come. But why? Was it because he did not feel right?
She worried for him. She did not care about everything he had said. She was being selfless, very much unlike him. Why was that?
But as he stared at himself right now, he knew he needed her in his arms. He was getting cold, literally and emotionally. His chest was hitching again and again like madness. He needed a cure. He could not do anything without her. He could not live without her.
Yet he had inflicted pain upon her. It was a truth they both knew.
Guess I'd rather hurt
Than feel nothing at all
He helped himself to his feet. He could not be this weak. After all he had done, he was not deserving of any concern from her. Even if it meant he should be as rude as he was. He could not make her feel anything special toward him. He could not make her wait for nothing. He was afraid he would always hurt her. Again and again and again. Until she could no longer take it anymore and leave him. It would hurt like hell in hell, if there was any place like that.
Flushing the puddle of sick down the toilet, he stood up in shaky knees and made his way to the sink to stare at his face that showed more than the stitch his chest held at the very moment. It was an exceptional turmoil that made him rot inside. It was not like any of the wounds he had acquired before. It was no way like this.
He washed his face and brushed his teeth to sparkling white. He straightened himself. This was not the time to look weak facing her. He should be deceiving. She should not worry.
It's quarter after one
I'm all alone and I need you now
She had been standing outside his gate, staring at the closed window of his room, trying to comprehend the mood he was in. After the fight in the office, she decided it was best to talk to him calmly. He was leaving. Perhaps it would be better to talk him over. To tell him all the things she needed to tell him. He had every right to know how she felt. Even though she was freezing from the cold air now.
Seeing the utter darkness of his room made her hopes lower to the ground. She was quite sure he was still angry at her. Or annoyed, as he always was when it came to her. When she went to watch him by his window before, when everything was still right, it was alight, his dark silhouette shining, appearing to be the busy man he was. But tonight was different. His room was engulfed in darkness. And it only meant one thing.
He was wallowing in something stressful, being held captive by his own room, oblivious to his concerned maids. He was like that, too proud to even seek attention.
And right now she badly needed him. But how would she be able to reach him? It was killing her like hell.
And I said I wouldn't call
But I'm a little drunk and I need you now
The moment he managed to go back to his seat, she came bursting into the room, hair windswept, sweater hanging loose from her shoulder, teeth gritted and naked knees shaking. She looked harassed. Cold. Alone.
"Mi-chan!" she cried, throwing herself to him like a mad woman. "What have you been thinking?" she asked, shaking him violently like those times when she wanted to wake him up because they would be going elsewhere away from work, and those times when she wanted to knock some sense into him. Still kneeling on his lap, she reached for the glass and sniffed at it. "Whiskey? You stupid, little ice block!" She jumped out of her position and punched him hard on the jaw.
His head was thrown back and he was sure she cracked a bone. But instead of feeling pain, why did he feel like smiling? She had done this many times before. And he loved her for it.
Wait, he loved her? Was that right?
"You brat. Thinking you can stand up to alcohol like any other guy," she scolded, jabbing at his head with her forefinger like an offended mother. He glared at her. "I needed to hit your guard in the face just to get in and slapped your maid as well only to find you in this state!"
"I thought I told you I am a bit drunk, Fuuko," he argued, standing with wobbly knees.
"You did, but not in this state that you can even fight with me!" She huffed stomped her foot. "Remember the days you said you were drunk a little bit? You can't even stand up, you fridge boy! And with that punch, you should've been snoring right now!"
"I do not snore! You do!" he yelled, offended. His head spun and his knees were giving away.
She caught him and wrapped her arms around his middle, his head safely tucked atop hers, so that he could get drunk once again just because of inhaling her scent. He towered over her but she was so strong compared to him. He felt so… vulnerable.
"See?" she spat, turning around so that she could lay him down on his bed. "Now, don't be a dear, Mi-chan. You are heavier than Domon!" When she released him, his legs got tangled with hers so that she landed on him, her head slightly painfully colliding with his still burning chest. She gave a little squeak and he could not help but feel the urge to smile again.
She lifted her head and stared at him whose eyes found a hard time to focus at her beautiful face. "I guess I've got to go now."
"Don't," he whispered breathlessly, grabbing her by the shoulder.
She knitted her eyebrows at him. "Why?"
No. He was doing the biggest mistake he could ever do. He could hurt her. He was inclined to doing that. Instead of giving an answer, he stared at her with an expression that must have been that of a mentally subnormal person.
"I don't have all the time in the world and I'm going NOW."
Again, no. He could not have her leave him now. No way. "Please. I need you now."
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
"Now?" she asked, eyes wide.
"Today's now," he said, sitting up so that her face was close to his, frozen. "Tomorrow's now, yesterday's now, next year's now, forever's now."
"Mi-chan, I thought ― "
He placed a finger on her lips so that she quietly whimpered. His hands cupped her face, brushing her loose locks out of his way. "I need you. I needed you. I will need you. I love you, Fuuko. I can't imagine anything without you. Please don't leave."
"You said you were leaving."
"I will not… anymore." Her cheeks glowed hot red and he leaned in catching her full lips he had so long wanted to lock with his own. A warm wave he had never felt before traversed throughout his body as she responded, gladly taking him in, fulfilling her need of him. He smiled against her lips and a sleeping hunger for her awoke in the pit of his belly fanned by the intense feeling in his chest. He let himself lie back down the pillows so that she followed, kissing him ever more demandingly.
She pulled away, eyes sparkling and his hands snaked to her waist. He rolled the two of them over so that her vivid hair was splayed onto the light blue pillows, shining like the goddess he knew would make him bend down on one knee. She smiled and his hand blindly found the strap of her bra that had been exposed from the time she banged into his room yet stay unacknowledged until this very moment. He was now heated. He wanted her. He needed her. This felt just right.
He bent his head down and snapped the strap, exposing the creamy skin underneath which he kissed so that she writhed below him. He smiled and pecked again at the spot, trailing kisses upon her tender skin.
Oh baby, I need you now...
Her belly felt aquiver against him. Her chest heaved again and again, a hot rush leaking out of her very core. She dimly reached for his hair, playing with the silky strands that smelled so much like him. She loved his hair. She loved him. And she let herself slip into the kaleidoscopic void he was powerfully creating for the two of them.
At last she had found her one true happiness… her sustenance.
(^_^)v T H E_E N D (¬_¬)
A/N: I do wish you felt happy about it. I love Tokiya so much and Fuuko is such an admirable woman that I did not resist the inclination to finally write about them! I'm really looking forward to another stroke of inspiration for a plot for a longer ToFuu fic and hopefully I come up with one sooner upon the conclusion of my other fics (Forsaken and Over The Rose). Check them out too if you wish!
Thank you so much for reading! And please review because I live by them. Haha. (0_o)
Love,
~four-eyed 0-0
