Sheldon: Where have you been?

Spoot: Mars.

Sheldon: I find that hard to believe…

Spoot: Why?

Sheldon: Why would they invite you to go but not me…I'm clearly more qualified to-

Spoot: On with the story!

At A Loss

Sheldon looked back over his shoulder at his wife. The glasses clad woman urged him with a stern hand. Sheldon didn't look to happy about what he was about to do. He looked back at the door he was stationed in front of. He reached a hand up and knocked three times. "Sussy?" He spoke. Amy rolled her eyes. A knock came from the other side of the door. "Daddy?" The young girl spoke. Sheldon physically twitched. "Now that's not fair…" He snapped as he looked back at his wife with distain. She was laughing. "Oh ha ha! I suppose this must be 'Torture Sheldon Day'? Well…I'll alert the media." He snapped at her. Amy, ever displeased, reached over and began to bang on the door. "You get you gluteus maximus out here right now young lady, or so help me!"

The door opened so suddenly that Amy almost smacked her own child in the head. Sussy stood in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest. Sheldon reached over and knocked on the door three times. "Sussy…" He mumbled. Amy pushed him back and glared down at her 12 year old. "Care to explain the B Minus you got in science?" She barked. Sussy shifted her weight and rolled her eyes. "What's the big deal…it's just a little B…" She scoffed. Sheldon jerked into action with a jolt of his body. "Ah, just A 'B'? just a 'B'! Oh Heavens, next she'll be selling dope!" He exclaimed. "Sheldon let's not be irrational…" Amy began. "Irrational…eh…irrational! Listen to this…my brother got B's and D's most of his scholastic career…"

"So." Amy said dully.

"So!" Sheldon snapped. "SO! He's in jail now…for selling…" He lowered his voice to a whisper, "Dope…"

Sussy rolled her eyes. "I just don't like science, ok." She snapped in that typical pre-teen sneer. Amy and Sheldon both simultaneously gasped and clutched at their chests, feigning heart problems. Sussy rolled her eyes once more and sucked at her teeth. She rolled off the doorframe she had been leaning on and slumped back to her room, promptly closing the door. Amy looked to her almost comatose husband. "We have to do something Sheldon…" He nodded after taking a moment to compose himself. "I know just what to do." He said with a glimmer of confidence.

Penny smiled as she offered her new guest a spot of hot…water. Sheldon looked into the cup then back up at her. "Sorry, we're out of tea." She said with a sarcastic smile. Sheldon pushed the cup away as he cleared his throat. "I need a favor." He spoke. "Oh yeah? What's in it for me?" Penny said, keeping the smile. Sheldon rolled his eyes and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a drink ticket for a local club in town. "There's more where that came from." He said. She snatched the ticket from him. "What can I do ya' for?" She asked. "It's Sussy…she's bringing home…" Sheldon paused as he looked around the room. When he felt that all was well he leaned in, "B's…" He said in a hushed tone. Penny let out a fake gasp. "Oh no!" She bantered to start. He stayed quiet. "Wow, you're really serious about this, well…what do you need me for?"

"I want you to spend this upcoming Saturday with her. Show her how you live your life."

"I know there's an insult coming Sheldon, so let me make this clear…" She passed him the ticket and crossed her arms. "Nnnno." Sheldon's gaze cast downward. "Please, I know you think it's an insult…but…it's not…If she doesn't want to peruse a life of science and endeavors of the mind…then…I would want her to be like you…" Penny glared at him. "Yeah, that's an insult."

He looked up at her. "It's not, I admire you Penny." She was taken aback by his sudden kindness and warmth. "She may have a better chance in life if she were more like you." He said softly. Penny placed a hand on her chest. A smile of pure joy crossed her face. "Aww, Sheldon….wait…" Her smile faded. "There's an insult coming, I just know it…" He shook his head. "I'm afraid I don't have one, looks like we won't be playing that game today." He said. Penny eyed him as she leaned forward. "What game…Sheldon?"

"The one I play with you. I pretend to insult you, you pretend to get mad, it's all in good fun…but I'm not feeling up to it today." He said simply. She stood slowly. "This...has all been a game to you?" She snapped. "All these years…you've been playing with me!"

"You're telling me you took all that seriously? Oh Penny…" He stood and faced her. "I think you're the smartest girl I have ever met…well…if you don't count Priya…or Amy…or-"

"Sheldon…"

"I'm sorry. Let me try that again…" He cleared his throat and began over. "I believe you to be a very smart girl, considering your upbringing. I see you as one of my closest friends. You've always been there for me when I needed someone. I only teased you because I thought it was social protocol between people such as yourself…I may have been mistaken."

Penny stood before him, flabbergasted. "Did I say something wrong again?" He asked with such innocence, it almost made her cry. She took a deep breath. "I'll do it, no drink ticket required." She said with a cheerful smile. "Oh good!" He chirped with glee. "I sure hope she learns something from you. You're not that good of a teacher." He sucked in a few gasps of air then smiled big for her. Penny rolled her eyes. "Well, with a father like you, here's hoping she can learn something." Sheldon sucked in some more air. "Bazinga." He said as he turned to go. "Sheldon…" He turned to her with a puzzled glance. "Thank you." She said softly. He smiled, collected his things, then left the apartment.

Spoot: So, what do ya' think?

Sheldon: Are you asking? You may need my help on the matter, see…here, in the second parag-

Lenard: It's great! Just great!

Spoot: Thank you Lenny.