Lily is numb. She doesn't smile when she sees Harry or James anymore; it only reminds her that they too might die in this War. She tortures herself day and night by imagining out how Dorcas went down, with a fight no doubt. She only ever comes to the conclusion that she's dead. Her best friend is dead.
"Lily, look at me!" James snaps. She meets his eyes for the first time since Dorcas's death.
"What?" She stares into his hazel eyes, seeing a fury there and matches it with cool calmness.
"Don't 'what' me, Lily! You have barely looked at me in days! You barely interact with Harry anymore!" Lily breaks when she can't defend against his true accusations.
"Your best friend didn't just die, James! How would you feel if Sirius had been killed instead of – of…" She can't even say her name, it hurts too much.
"I would be just as devastated as you! But, unlike you, I wouldn't shut down! I would only hold you and Harry closer! I wouldn't be able to lose you as well!" James's voice shakes, but he speaks truthfully, trying to make his wife see what she's doing. Lily doesn't respond to that, because she knows how stupid she's acting. She just can't feel as if it was the same as before.
"It's not the same!" She says instead "I can't – can't just pretend it never happened and go on with my life!"
"I'm not asking you to." James lowers his voice "I'm asking you to continue fighting."
"What's the point?!" Lily throws up her hands and collapses on the couch. James kneels in front of her, keeping their faces level.
"What's the point, Lily? The point is that what those bastards are doing is wrong! They kill people based on their blood! How stupid is that? Yes, they killed Dorcas, but that doesn't mean they'll get us too. And if they do, well, at least we'll take some of them down with us! We need to keep fighting! Dorcas wouldn't want you to react like this. She would want you to continue to fight. She died fighting. That, Lily, is the point." A passion like fire dances behind James's glasses. He's right. Dorcas would probably kick her ass if she saw Lily right now. She smiles fondly at the thought.
"You're right. I'm being stupid." She whispers. "Have you put Harry to bed yet?" James jolts at the sudden change of subject; he expected her to deny him.
"Erm – no" Lily stands quickly.
"Alright then, I will." With that she bounds up the stairs. James stares after her in wonderment.
Soon enough, she's back downstairs, pulling James into the backyard of their cottage in Godric's Hollow.
"Lily-" She cuts off her husband with a gentle smile.
"You know what we haven't done in a while?" James raises his eyebrows. "Talked on the roof, like we used to." That's how James and Lily kept in touch with each other during the first part of the War, but recently, they simply didn't have the time. James grins when she suggests it. He grabs her hand and leads the way up the back staircase they fashioned for easier access.
They watch the sunset and talk far into the night. This is the most at peace Lily has felt since they graduated from Hogwarts. She laughs at James's stupid jokes. They hold hands under the stars, both giggling at how cheesy they are. It's almost as if they don't have a care in the world.
By the time they finish, it's very late in the night and they hear Harry crying from inside. Lily sighs; back to their dark reality. She flashes a grateful smile at James, pecks him on the lips and goes to deal with their noisy son.
Dorcas might be dead and Lily may be in hiding, but she has all she could ever need here with her. She has little Harry. She has the Order to protect and fight alongside her. And, of course, she has James. James is her husband, her lover and her friend.
