"Mmm..." Dean grumbled, rolling out of bed with his phone already open and pressed to his ear.

"Dean, what is it?" Lisa asked sleepily. Dean waved the phone, patting her leg reassuringly as he left the room.

"Hello?" Dean finally muttered once he was down the hall and out of earshot so he wouldn't keep Lisa awake.

"Dean." His name came across the line broken, almost a sob, but he still recognized the voice, and instantly he was alert

"Cas? Why are you calling so late? You woke us," Dean said, hoping he'd been wrong about the crying. A moment later he was proven wrong as Cas sniffled and let another sob escape when he tried to speak. "Cas, is something wrong? Why are you crying?"

Cas muttered something, but Dean couldn't understand him. "Cas, I need you to speak up. I gotta whisper or Lisa will wake up."

"Do- do you ever think about us?" Cas stammered out, small, hitching cries interrupting him. Dean frowned.

"Lisa is just down the hall..." Dean said, but as he heard Cas stammer/sob through an apology, he was struck by the urge to tell the truth. "But sometimes... Yeah, sometimes I wish she was you." So much for having moved on. "In fact... When you called, I'd been dreaming of you." And now he was probably out of line, but this was Cas, and though he cared very deeply for Lisa and wanted so badly to love her with his whole heart, he loved Cas now more than he thought he could ever love someone else, no matter how hard he tried.

"Listen, Cas, you should tell me what's wrong quick. If Balthazar catches us talking... I mean, the guy really doesn't like me," Dean said, hoping the thought of Cas's long-term boyfriend would set his own mind straight.

"D-does Lisa kn-know we're talking?" Cas asked, sounding frightened. Dean was instantly suspicious. If Cas was scared, something was really, truly wrong.

"No, she doesn't," Dean answered. "Cas, baby, I need you tell me what's wrong. Please."

"Dean," Cas whimpered, and the sound of his name made Dean go a bit weak. But he held strong, kept Lisa in mind as he spoke, because no matter what, Dean Winchester didn't cheat, or even think about cheating. Not even with the love of his life.

"Dean," Cas said again, "Balthazar... He proposed." His voice still sounded thick with tears but Dean only heard the words that hit him like a physical blow. Dean was about to give hollow congratulations when Cas carried on. "I said no." Now his voice was stronger, more like the confident rumble Dean had fallen in love with before he'd even known the man's name. "And Dean, I've got to tell you why."

Dean only nodded mutely, forgetting Cas couldn't see him through the phone. Cas kept going like he could though.

"And, I don't expect you to do anything, say anything. I just need to tell you. I- I still love you. I don't think I ever stopped." Cas's voice finally broke again, a soft sob filtering out.

"Cas," Dean croaked, not certain of what to say. "We, we broke up for a reason. You didn't share, I didn't trust, we didn't work." But the reasons seemed distant and flimsy, just like Dean's awareness of his taken status with Lisa. Cas was part of a different world, and he took Dean with him.

"I know, I know, and you love Lisa, and you're happy but I just don't care. I don't expect you to do anything, but Dean, I'm not over you after three years, and I won't be in another three. I love you, and it's not going away. I'd stop if I could but-"

"I love you." And I'm going to Hell.