She'd never look at me twice
She'd never understand my feelings
She'd never understand ME.
I understand her.
Probably more than herself.
Maybe it just wasn't meant to be.
It was raining again. It rained nearly everyday now, despite it being Summer. So I had nothing better to do than sit around all day doing nothing. No people. No games. Not even watching TV. Left to my thoughts, my fantasies. Of her. Of what we could be. It made my heart ache to know that I will never be loved back. Me, the delinquent. Me, who Ayumi Shinozaki will never love back. I used to sleep with that one shred of hope that she may like me back, even a little. But now I know I was kidding myself- who could ever like a delinquent like me? Certainly not the class rep. I can barely sleep now.
I am in love with the cute pigtails and adorable smile but instead, I am treated to taunting smirks and hard stares. What's the point in living if your one true love hates your guts?
A burst of lightening startles me from my thoughts. The power has gone out. I didn't care. The dark offered solitude and peace, although I was still wallowing in self pity.
Suddenly, my phone lights up the room as I receive a text.
[Hi Kishinuma, the power has gone out and I wondered if you were okay home alone... Would you like to come over? -Ayumi]
My heart was beating frantically.
[I'd love to -Yoshiki]
I knew why she was inviting me over. Not because she cared but because she has a fear of the dark. Despite this, I was happy she invited me over and not Satoshi. Despite his liking for Nakashima, Shinozaki obsesses over him too much.
The rain is still pelting down so I grab a jacket and make my way to her house, two roads away.
Hesitantly, I knock on the door to the house tucked away in the corner and am almost immediately answered.
"Hi Shinozaki," I greet her.
"Mochida is busy." My heart sinks. So I was her backup. Great. And such a pleasant greeting.
"What's up?"
"Well... I'm alone for a week and the power went out and it got really dark. I was scare- I mean, I was worried about you," she tells me. I smirk. Course you were.
"Well, I'm okay so I might as well go..." I say, knowing what her reaction would be.
"No! Kishinuma please stay! Don't leave me!" she pleads.
I pretend to think, secretly pleased she wants me to stay.
"Well... I guess I can stay for a little to keep you company."
She seems rather unhappy. "What's that supposed to mean? Don't treat me like I'm a little girl afraid of the dark!"
I raise an eyebrow and come in. This was going to be lots of fun.
"You're soaking," Ayumi noted as I sat on her couch.
She went to get me towel and gave it to me. I started to dry my hair. "Kishinuma! You're getting water everywhere!" She sighed impatiently. "Here, let me do it!" She grabbed the towel from me and started to dry my hair with it. She was surprisingly gentle and long after my hair was dry, she continued. "Shinozaki... You can stop..." I said softly.
She blushed and put the towel down. "I-I'm sorry… it's so dark! When will the lights come on?" She spurts, attempting to change the subject. How cute.
"I'm not sure but how about we light a candle, you have one don't you?" I respond.
She looks at me. "Really Kishinuma? Of course I have a candle!"
Once the candle is lit, we sit together but not too close. I watch her from the corner of my eye, her beautiful face partially hidden in the shadows cast by the candle. Her bright blue eyes are focused on the dancing flame. She is frowning slightly as if lost in thought. This is one of the rare chances I get to see her natural beauty, not the usual smirks and glares. I really did love her.
We sat there in silence on the carpet. I wanted to grab her hand and hold on forever. That simple move will make me happy. But I can't. She'd hate it. And I couldn't bear to upset her.
Gradually, her hand moves down until it is brushing against my own. Does... She want me to hold it? Without thinking, I grab it. It's cold. But she let's me. "You're hands warm Kishinuma." She tells me. I trace circles onto her palm as we both stare at the candle. I think she likes it but it's pointless to ask. We sit like that for so long that the candle eventually dies out but still, neither of us moves. It takes a burst of lightening to bring us back. "…help!" Cries Ayumi.
Naturally, I rub her back and whisper words of comfort in her ear. She slowly relaxes and closes her eyes.
"Kishinuma..."
"…yes?"
"Will you… visit me again tomorrow?"
I look at her red tinted face as she gazes timidly at me.
"Sure."
I'll update this often but it's up to you if you'd like to see more. Thank you for reading ~~~
