Disclaimer: I own nothing. If I did then JJ and Hotch would be together.
A/N: This story is a set of one shots (kind of) based on different members of the team.
~ A shot to kill the pain ~
Spencer Reid looked down at his arm, the needle shaking in his hand as he bit down on his lip; Could he really go back to this life? He shook his head at the thought, trying to tell himself that it was just the once, he would never do it again – he just needed it right now, he wanted it more than anything else.
He heaved a deep sigh, closing his eyes before piercing the needle into his skin – just like he had done so many times before. His heart pace quickened as he felt that familiar feeling wash over him.
It was as though he was breathing for the first time, seeing things right for the first time, hearing it all correctly – he was on top of the world for once. He wasn't Spencer Reid anymore, he was someone. He wasn't that nerd that everyone would laugh at, he was someone else, someone different, someone better.
He inhaled sharply, his breath shaking a little as he looked around the room, smiling a little before relaxing back into the couch. He laughed to himself quietly, his fingers lightly tracing the fresh needle mark, they were all too easy to hide.
Reid looked down at his hands, shaking his head at the blurred version before closing them once more and leaning back, a smile still on his face as, for what seemed like the first time in ages, he felt.. nothing.
No guilt. No pain. No fear. No sadness. No panic. No chaos. Nothing.
Just this once; he kept telling himself, I won't let myself do this again. But he knows that as soon as he comes back down it will start all over again – the longing, the need, the want. It will all come back and he will be sitting in this exact same place, telling himself it was just one more time, he wouldn't do it again. Just the second time... just the fifth time, just the twentieth time...
He's lost, he doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know how to love, he doesn't know who to be. He wants to be Spencer Reid – some people seem to like him that way – but the years of bullying has changed him too much, Tobias was just the person who supplied him with the drugs to get rid of all those feelings of inadequacy. Tobias had never been the cause. His job had never been the reason. It was him – there was something wrong with him.
He bit down on his lip as he thought about it, there had always been something wrong with him. He had never been capable of fitting in with those around him, just his mother. He accepted the bullying all his life, trying his best to tell himself that none of it mattered because he was going to be so much better than them when he was older. But now look at where he is.
The flash of anger comes quickly, his hand grabbing the closest thing to him – a glass – throwing it across the room in an instant, smiling at the sound of smashing glass before settling back down.
He has everything, friends, a life, a job and yet, one moment of weakness and he's back to where he started. He's back to that scared little boy, who nobody really cared for. He's back to the life that he hated. He's back to little Spencer Reid, the nerd who everyone liked to pick on.
But after all, an addiction is an addiction – it all hurts the same.
A/N: Review! The next chapter will be Morgan and so on. Let me know if you want me to carry on with this.
