Hi guys :). I know it's been forever, but I've got a little something started. I will be getting back to Hold Back My Heart (if anyone even remembers it...it's been awhile). I hope you like this new fic. It will be a few chapters, at the least. Please let me know if it's worth continuing? Thanks so much, Mona xoxo
"Are you walking out now?" Ivy asked Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes cheerfully as she entered the servants hall, seeing them leaned in towards one another and talking quietly.
"What would give you that ridiculous idea, Ivy?" Mr. Carson barked back at her. "And how impertinent to ask such a question!"
"I'm...I'm sorry, Mr. Carson." Ivy stammered under his glare. "It's just... I saw yas holding hands at the sea last week, and I... I thought perhaps.."
"Well I should stop that train of thought if I was you!" Mr. Carson cut her off, shaking his head, mumbling something that sounded like, preposterous, ridiculous. "Mrs Hughes and I are colleagues. Nothing more!" Her quiet beginning to unnerve him, he turned to Mrs. Hughes. "Am I not right, Mrs. Hughes?"
"You certainly are." Mrs. Hughes said stiffly as she looked down to avoid eye contact with him. Pulling her napkin from her lap and placing it on her plate, she stood. "Nothing more. Nothing more at all." She spoke quietly as she excused herself for the day and left the hall. This was the final straw for her. He continued to push her away and keep his walls firmly built up around him. At least now she knew for sure that the decision she was making would be for the best. She could leave with her sanity and self dignity. She would not spend the remainder of her years pining away for a man who considered her an excellent coworker. She needed more from life. She needed more from him.
Carson stared after her as she quickly exited the room. Hoping with all his might that it was the lighting, and not a tear he saw rolling down her cheek as she walked away. He knew he was harsh with his words. Of course they were more, she was more to him. Mrs. Hughes was his dearest friend. He had shared more with her than any other person in his life. She must know he was only putting up a front to squash any seedy rumors about them before they began. And in all honesty, the whole notion was in fact ridiculous. They had worked side by side for over twenty years and never crossed the lines of propriety. No innocent handholding at the beach would change that. Even if, in the secret of his heart he had hoped it would.
...
It was two weeks later when Mrs. Hughes informed Lord and Lady Grantham of her wishes to retire before the snowfall. They acquiesced to her request and offered her a small cottage on the grounds, not far from the house. She accepted gratefully, under the intention she would be moving the next summer to live with her sister in Scotland. Her only other request was that they not tell Mr. Carson of her plans to leave. She would have a couple months to find her replacement, and wished to tell him of her departure in her own time. Well, being the house that it was, her secret was out within the day. Lady Grantham had absentmindedly let the news slip when speaking to Mary.
Mary was completely uncomfortable keeping a secret from Carson, her dearest friend and confidant. After all, without his guidance, she would never have married her Mathew, had George, or experienced the kind of love she only thought possible in fairytales. It was true that her fairytale did not have a happily ever after, but she wondered if Carson's could. Could it be there was more between the Butler and Housekeeper than met the eye? She knew he was fond of Mrs. Hughes, always speaking very highly of her. But over the next week she began to open her eyes and really watch the two. It was fairly obvious Mrs. Hughes was intentionally avoiding Carson at every opportunity. It was also completely obvious to her that Carson was in love with Mrs. Hughes. His mood had shifted since their return from London. Of course she had heard from Anna all about their day at the sea. She remembered Anna smiling as she spoke happily of Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes walking hand in hand in the surf. Her adoration and respect for the two was written all over her face as she told of her wishes for the couple, saying their love for each other was as plain to see as the stars in the sky. She can recall rolling her eyes and teasing Anna. Telling her she was a romantic at heart, and that the only romance she could see Carson or Mrs. Hughes having, was one with the house. They giggled like schoolgirls at the notion, but after watching him these past weeks, she now wondered if Carson's two loves were tearing him apart.
It was only weeks later that Mary found herself alone in the library with Carson. He had just arrived with her tea and was setting about her service when she plucked up the courage to confront him. "Carson?" She said quietly, with a voice that was far less demanding than normal.
"Yes, Milady?" He replied smiling down at her.
Mary hesitated for a moment before beginning. "Now that I have you alone, would you mind sitting for a moment? There is something I need to tell you. Don't fuss either, please. Just sit."
"I don't think that would be proper, Milady. But, as you wish." And he sat down on the settee across from her. "What is troubling you, my dea.. Milady?" Carson fumbled with his term of endearment and Mary smiled sweetly at him.
"You see, Carson. I have learned something that I think you'll find rather upsetting." Mary paused to take in his reaction. He looked a bit angered and she knew he was immediately thinking of ways to reprimand his young footmen. "It concerns Mrs. Hughes, Carson."
"Mrs. Hughes?" He questioned. A surprised look coming over his face. "Well, whatever it is...If you think she's done something wrong...I'm sure it's a misundersta..." He immediately began to defend her, which warmed Mary's heart, but also made her next words more difficult.
"No, no, Carson. I must be saying this all wrong. I might as well just get out with it." Mary inhaled deeply before letting the secret out. "Mrs. Hughes is retiring."
"What?" Carson exclaimed rather vehemently. "I do apologize, Milady. You must be mistaken. I've never...she's never said a word. She.. How do..." He stopped speaking altogether and Mary watched as all the color drained from his face.
"So you did not know?" Mary stated, knowing her answer. "Carson, weeks ago Mrs. Hughes told Lord and Lady Grantham in the strictest of confidences. She said she was telling you in her own time. I was not even suppose to know. Of course, Mother let it slip. You know how American she is." Mary joked, trying to alleviate some of the tension in the room to no avail. She studied Carson's face, looking for telltale signs of a broken heart.
"And you're certain of this, Milady?" Carson spoke softly, she could see the heartache in his sad, kind, eyes.
"I'm so sorry, Carson. I am. If you could please keep it to yourself though. I just thought you should know. To prepare yourself." Mary spoke gently to him. "You may go if you need to."
"Thank you, Milady." He stood up from the settee and walked from the room. His mind racing and a tight, painful feeling in his chest, he could only describe as a broken heart.
