Authors Note: Here I go, starting something new and fresh.
This will eventually be a JasperxBella story. I don't entend on updating this often, my other stories come first, but I've had this saved on my computer for a few months.
The next chapter will be Jasper's Preface. This will be told in equal amounts Jasper and Bella POV
My heart is broke
But I have some glue
Help me inhale
And mend it with you
We'll float around
And hang out on clouds
Then we'll come down
-Dumb- Nirvana
Preface- semi journal style.
Why the fuck is all this happening now? After so long I've escaped it. I guess I should start from the beginning.
I was born in 1978, to the frightened parents, Charlie and Renée Swan. They were only eighteen, having married the moment both were legally able. It was the seventies, they were young, and had high hopes and dreams. I was not planned, and I was not wanted. Seems like that described my life perfectly. My mother left my father when I was six months old, taking me with her to start over. We started over, and over, living in six cities before I even hit double digits. I wondered why she just didn't leave me too, but I think, Renée was just to frightened to actually be alone.
She found her place in Arizona, she loved the sun, and I did too. Even though she had a job, and Charlie sent money, we lived in a tiny apartment. Renée spent the money quicker than water spilling to the floor when filled in a broken glass. I finally started balancing the money, and making a budget when I was twelve or so. We even were able to afford a house. I hadn't lived in one, besides the summers I spent with Charlie.
Summers with my Dad were great, Renée would always ship me off for two months, while she did whatever it was she did. My Dad would always do whatever I wanted, and take care of me. I cherished the time I spent there, and cried every time I had to leave. Leave the stable happy home, that was only me and Dad, but that was all I wanted. It had no gunshots in the background, no leery men walking in your living room, and no needles on the floor to avoid stepping on. When I went back to Renée, I would come back to a filthy home or no home at all, and an ill mother who couldn't stand straight.
I wrote down everything, and I still do to this day. I write my feelings, to let someone know, even if it's just the paper. I started writing poetry when I was thirteen or so, then I moved on to writing lyrics. I fell in love with Kurt Cobain, and I was convinced I would marry him one day.
That was until, she met Phil. He had looks, he had youth, and he had money. Everything Mom wanted, and Phil apparently saw everything he wanted in her. Besides a fourteen year old daughter. So, I got what I wanted, I got to live with my Dad. I got to leave her behind, praying she would survive. Then she brought me to the airport, and told me she loved me, that I could call her anytime. But that wasn't true, because I never heard from her again. No mail, no calls, no visits. She dropped from the planet. I cried, and I mourned her, and I felt shame. Shame for feeling relief that she was gone from my life.
It was sophomore year when they came, I had just turned sixteen. My father had just remarried to his true highschool sweet heart who had lost her husband a few years back. She had two kid's, Leah, who was a year older than me, and Seth who was only nine. I loved Sue like a mother, and her kids as the siblings I never had. My life was starting to get really wonderful.
They were the new people now, and I lost my shine, that I had never wanted. Five stunning people, inhumanly attractive, and pale. They said they were from Alaska, they said they were adopted by the new doctor and his wife. He was my lab partner, and he nearly killed me. I guess he couldn't get me out of his head, because he returned from his week-long absence.
How quickly I discovered what they were, I guess you could find anything when you have enough determination. I wish I would have never asked my childhood friend to tell me a scary story. I wish I would have never fell in love with his golden eyes and bronze hair. I wish I would have never believed a word from his mouth. I wish I could have hated his family. I wish I could have done alot of things different. But I didn't.
Instead I listened to his words, and basked in his 'love'. For I had never felt it before, and it was new, and it was shiny. But not everything that is shiny, is a diamond. I let him call me words like 'darling', 'love' and 'mate.' I listened to her tell me I was unexpected, but that they were extremely happy to have me. She told me we were going to be best friends, she told me she saw me as one of them. I even let him hold me when I heard the news of Kurt Cobain dying. I cried for days. I should have known he wasn't for me the moment he said Nirvana was just 'okay', and on the second day, when he said you didn't even know him. But I didn't. For a few moments, we all had happiness.
Then at a family baseball game, we were attacked. We ran, I was stupid, but we won. He sucked the venom out, and this was when I learned I was unwanted. I didn't understand, if I was his 'mate' wouldn't he want me to be with him forever?
It was only months later, when a fateful seventeenth birthday party shattered my world. Ironcally, the first vampire I had ever seen, was the one to nearly kill me. It was in the lunchroom, before bio, that I smacked into Jasper Hale's chest. A friend had talked my ear off, and kept saying to look at her when she talked. Being accident prone me, I soon met his cold chest. I still remember the blackness of his eyes, and the slow smirk that spread out on his oddly red tinted lips. My first thought was I bet that's how the devil looks. I still don't know why I thought it, but I did.
Jasper had a past that I still didn't know, all Edward ever said was that he had a much different upbringing that the rest of them. Things that I needn't know about. Jasper's control was the weakest of the Cullen's because of it, and his power. His power to feel emotions, and change them. So when I got a paper cut.. Things got shitty for me.
Edward brought truth to my wayward thoughts, and voiced how unwanted I exactly was to him. He left me alone in the middle of the woods. Like a piece of trash, and I felt like it. I felt like I was nothing. Like I was just a pet for him to play with, unworthy of his greatness.
But then I was suddenly taken. Cold arms were around me, and the world was blaring past me. I thought he had came back for me, but I soon realized the person was far to thin. I don't know how long had past before the person holding me stopped, setting me down, to where I promptly fell to the ground.
"Who are you?" My voice was raspy from my screaming, and my bones ached, feeling hollow and weak. I tried to stand, holding on to a beam in the middle of the room. I looked weakly around, the room was actually an abandoned factory.
"Why did he leave you?" She was instantly standing in front of me. Wild red hair, matching eyes, and leather jacket. Victoria. I inhaled sharply, stumbling.
"I don't know." I shook my head, trying to calm my breathing.
"A mate doesn't say those words.. I came back, to tell you all that I was sorry.." She scoffed, shaking her wild red hair. " I had thought I was going to kill you all at one point. For you killing my mate, but then I went to visit Laurent.. He and the gold-eyed girl are so happy, so in love, and he cherishes her. He would never leave her, never. Neither would the other couple there. Nor would they say horrible words like the boy did to you.. Or James ever said to me." She looked away, her bottom lip quivering, and her eyes were glossy. I took deep breaths, realizing that what this woman said was right. Hadn't I always thought that his words where lies, but I wanted so badly for them to be truth?
"I never thought he could love someone like me." I said softly. Her head whipped back around, her features harder than before and I felt a spike of fear.
"Someone like you? Your a human who lives in the company of vampires, a human who willing would sacrifice herself to save her mother. What do you think your not pretty? You are, your gorgeous babe. You just need to grow up, and realize it. Good thing I'm here." I frowned, standing a bit straighter. She held her chin up higher, and crossed her arms.
"Good thing your here?" My eyebrows must have been up to my hair-line.
"Yeah. We're going to learn to get better men together." She straightened her back, moving her hands to her hips. I laughed.
"Are you saying you want to be friends? I don't want anything to do with men right now." She nodded.
"Yes to both. We gotta go though, got to find a car." She walked past me, and I caught her arm. This woman was clearly insane, but hell, so was I.
"I can't leave Forks, not at seventeen. I have to graduate at least. I can't leave my Dad."
"Why? Why would you want to stay there? We can travel the world, do anything you want, and when your ready I'll turn you."
"Wha-what?"
"Didn't you hear me?" She asked, confused.
"I heard you, but you'd... You'd turn me?"
"Yes of course. I used to play a little loose with the law, but I don't break that one."
"Laws?" They are the Volturi, sort of like our royalty, and police I guess. She sighed.
"There are three laws. One, never turn a child. Two, do not create to many vampires or over feeding, which is basically the same thing. Three, never tell humans what you are, and if you do kill them, or turn them. I don't want to kill you, I want you as a friend."
"Why though?" I asked, completely puzzled.
"You remind me of someone. And us girls need to stick together." She smiled, and I couldn't help but smile back. Something about her was familiar, and exciting all at the same time.
My world changed completely from then on. I grew closer to Victoria than Alice and I ever were. We got over our loss together, and plotted evil doings late at night. I had convinced Victoria to try feeding from animals, and when she told me how nasty it was, I mentioned the idea of only killing criminals. It made more sense than killing so many animals a week, then killing one human every two. One human that no one would miss, and that didn't deserve to be living. She even enrolled at Forks High to keep me company. Laurent had given her the contact number for fake documents.
Victoria was leather, rock music, fiery hair, and brass language. She spoke her mind, and was proud of herself. She was free, and she rubbed off on me. Victoria was the oldest vampire I had ever met, but she had a spark of youth in her like no other. She was born in the 1550s in England. Eighteen years later, her sister Anne, turned her. She told her story one night, of how she was just a poor maid girl, of how men had always used her and her sister. Anne disappeared when Victoria was thirteen, to return five years later as a vampire. She brought her back to four other female vampires, and they lived happily for many years. She told me that we had the same shade of mahogany hair, and rosy cheeks.
Anne was killed when the Volturi came for the coven of women, accusing them of drawing to much attention to themselves. Victoria managed to escape, but admitted she regretted leaving her every single day. She told me she always got feelings when danger was near, and her flight instincts always kicked in so hard she couldn't control herself. "It's like a pull, and I can't stop myself, even if I want too." She had said.
In my last year as a human, I was the best daughter I could have been, and lived the best I could with what I was given. I knew Charlie would miss me, but I also knew leaving him was saving him. Victoria explained, that if Charlie even had the slightest suspicions about her or me, the Volturi wouldn't hesitate to kill him. I couldn't risk my father , or Sue or my brother and sister. I knew to much, and the choices I had made had already set the motions in place.
I graduated at the top of my class, and had to make a speech. It was embarrassing, but I managed to keep my head held high. I even dated a boy, and fell in love with him. The kind of love that you thought was nice, not the kind that consumed your being. It was the sort of love I should have expeiranced in high school. For my short life, I think I lived it well for what I was given.
So when I left for 'traveling' Victoria took me away to Canada to turn me. The burn was... the worst thing in my entire life. It spread threw my veins like a wildfire, and my lungs hurt from my screams. Victoria couldn't calm me for very long, but when I was silent, she would tell me stories. Stories I had told her about my human life late at night. She didn't mention a single thing about the vampires I had met before, and I was thankful for it. For when I woke only rough memories remained of them. Blurred images, and things that screamed don't go there. All of the bad things in my life seemed to be harder to touch, and I had nothing but possiblities, and places to see.
I still love Kurt Cobain though. It's been seventeen years since I died. Victoria and I have come a long way, we're living in New York now. We haven't been here for very long, only a few months. I never again spoke to my human family again, and I never looked back on my life. The possessions I had brought with me were few, all of my clothes were gone now, besides the most important ones. My Nirvana shirts. I never wore them anymore, they were too precious. I had one photo album, that I hadn't opened, and my cassettes, my books, a few pieces of jelewery.
Vicky and I had, for the first few years of my life, hunted, and took the money of victims. A few times we even robbed a wealthy man, but for good reason of course. He didn't need it, we did, and he was cheating on his wife. Perfectly good reasons. After awhile my head started telling me that was wrong though. So we got paper work, and made identity for our selves. Living a year in a town, working common jobs, and then moving on. Over all the cities, and all the towns, we had never ran into the Cullens, not once.
Friendly nomads, and the like, of course. Victoria had even formed an on again off again relationship with one. Garrett, he was sexy as hell, but had never had eyes for me. Only her, but there denial and the insistence that they didn't need anyone kept pushing them apart. They had fun about though, us running, and him having a go at trying to find us. He always did, and Vicky always left a trail for him. Thinking I didn't notice of course.
So why, after all this time, did we have to run into them here?
Well one, to be honest. I was walking home from work, just bounding the corner when. It was twilight, of course it was twilight, and there he was. Leaning against a wall, outside of a bar, taking a drag off of a cigarette, was the devil himself. I wouldn't have recognized him, not if my first and last encounter with him hadn't been as.. Impression leaving as it was. He was in all black, and he wore a hat, but it was him. A small growl rose from my throat, I didn't know why exactly, but it did, and his head shot in my direction, and I. I ran, slamming my back against the brick wall of the nearest building.
He didn't come though.. He didn't search for me or anything, and I was.. I was a little disappointed.
What is wrong with me?
