NOTE: This is set in the time when Ash defeats the Unova Leage. AND REMEMBER, TRAINERS DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE TRANSLATIONS OF WHAT THE POKéMON SAY!
The Misadventures of Ash Ketchum in the Chuck Norris Region…
Chapter 1
So where is Ash?
ZAAAAAAP. Hey you. Wake up!
"Huh? What? Who are you?"
Your conscience.
"Really?"
No.
"Then who?"
The narrator.
"Aren't you breaking the fourth wall?"
Yes I am.
"Oh okay. Then who am I?"
Ash Ketchum. From Pallet Town. You just defeated the red-haired champion of Unova. Then a Pidove pooped on your head and you got knocked out. Aren't you lame?
"Oh right. Umm, why are you speaking with the greater and lesser symbol stuff?"
Because I want to.
"Oh okay. So whatcha want?"
I am here to help you learn.
"Learn what? I don't need any learning, I'm Ash Ketchum! From Pallet Town. And if it's math, forget it. I'm already an expert. Go on ask me a question."
1 plus 1. Oh, that's not even the point! Listen…
"23 is the obvious answer. Too easy. So what's the point?"
You're dumb. A plain dumb person. You gotta learn.
"Learn what?"
About being a person, dummy.
"Where will I learn that?"
The Chuck Norris Region.
"Where is that?"
Originally, Professor Oak was planning for you to go there, after you beat the champion of Unova, whose name I keep on forgetting.
"I think it was Bob or something."
That's not it. Anyway, I made arrangements for you to go there.
"How do I get there? Don't tell me teleportation."
Actually, that's the idea. The only way to access the Chuck Norris Region is by teleportation. I have here my TruthTeleporter.
"Haha, very funny. Now you're going to make me pay you something so you'll pretend to teleport me. What a scammer."
You know what, that's exactly what I was going to do. Minus the scamming part.
"Fine. I'll play along with your game. What do you want from me?"
The only way for my teleporter to work is to say something about you which is true. That's why it's called the TruthTeleporter.
"Okay, I'm an awesome Pokémon trainer who has several super strong Pokémon and a freakish Pikachu who defies the laws of physics."
Liar.
"What do you want me to say then?"
Say that you're an idiot three times.
"Why would I do that?"
First of all, you're a plain idiot. You pick the worst Pokémon. Second of all, you're a sleepyhead. Third of all, you can't notice the girls you travel with.
"What girls?"
Misty, May, Dawn, Iris.
"Who are they?"
…
"Anyway, that doesn't matter. What matters is I'm not going, scammer. I am not calling myself what I'm not."
So what are you not then?
"An idio— Oh I know this trick! You're not fooling me," said Ash as he crossed his arms and pouted.
Oh looky, I have this chocolatey drink! C'mon have it!
"OOOOH! GIVE IT! GIVE IT!"
Bottom's up!
Glug, glug, glug.
"Oh that tasted great. But I feel like I'm dizzy, in some sort of trance."
Yes! My HypnoticChocolateyDrink Concoction works! You are getting veeeeeeeeeery sleepy!
"I am sleepy. Yaaaaawn."
You will say you are an idiot three times.
"I am an idiot, I am an idiot, I am an idiot, wait what? SCAAAAAAMEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR—"
Ash didn't have time to finish his sentence as he was sucked through a warphole. He was stretched, pulled, and flattened as he traveled through time and space. As he blasted through the psybeam-colored warphole, he saw Dialga and Palkia working together, fueling the portal. After a few minutes of blasting through for time and space, appeared.
See? You are an idiot. My TruthTeleporter is proof.
"Fine, fine! So where again are we going?"
A few corrections for you: You are going, not we. I'll be there every now and basically, just you. And just to remind you again, we're going to the Chuck Norris Region. Got it?
"Got it. Where again?"
Idiot.
"Idiot? Where is that? I thought Idiot was an adjective, not a place?"
…Nevermind. When you arrive there, there will be a tollbooth guarding the entrance. You got to pay—too late. You're here. See ya Ash!
"Wait, what?"
CRASH! Ash fell on an open field, which was enclosed by huge, chocolate-covered mountains, which reached high above the sky. The only way out of that field was through a… tollgate. Ash gathered himself, and walked to the tollbooth.
"Hi! Welcome to the Chuck Norris Region. May I help you?" asked the friendly receptionist who looked a lot like Nurse Joy.
"Nurse Joy?"
"No Receptionist Amanda. There are a lot of us here. We are comparable to Nurse Joys though. I see you are a rookie trainer. You have no Pokémon?"
"I have LOTS of Pokémon Nurse Joy—err… I mean Receptionist Amanda!"
"So where are they? I need to register them."
"Ummm…" said Ash as he checked his pockets for Pokéballs.
Suddenly, a bright light appeared and a Pikachu fell down from the sky, with a tag around his neck.
Pikapika. (That was dizzy.)
"Pikachu! There you are! What's that, a note? …Sorry Ash, I found out that Pikachu dislikes sweet food and likes spicy food more, so my HypnoticChocolateyDrink Concoction didn't work, so I had to make HypnoticChiliConcoction…" said Ash.
"That . Hypnotizing my poor Pikachu. Anyway Receptionist Amanda, I'm registering this Pikachu."
"Okay. What's your name by the way?"
"Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town."
"Good. This is your ChuckNorrisDex, to scan Pokémon from this region, and your NorrisCard. That's your license to be a Pokémon trainer in this region."
"By the way Receptionist Amanda, why is this place called the Chuck Norris Region?"
Suddenly, everyone in the tollbooth gasped.
"How could you not know?" asked Receptionist Amanda. "It's called Chuck Norris Region because this is where Chuck Norris resides."
"Oh okay. Who's Chuck Norris?"
An even louder gasp was heard.
"Only one of the awesomest mortal human beings ever."
"Oh okay."
"Alright Ash, your total payment will be 10,000 CN (Chuck Norris) Coins."
"WHAT? THAT MUCH?"
"Yes, because you are bringing in a Pikachu from another region, 1000 coins, you are an idiot, 2,000 coins, and tax would be 7,000 coins."
"WHERE WILL I GET THAT MONEY? IT'S NOT LIKE MONEY GROWS ON TREES OR FALLS FROM THE SKY?"
"Actually, the Money Plant exists here in the Chuck Norris Region but—"
Suddenly, another bright light appeared and a huge bag of coins dropped from the sky, knocking out Ash.
30 minutes later…
Ash gave the huge bag of coins, (which had a note on it: Sorry again Ash, I couldn't give the money any hypnotic food substance…) to the receptionist, with a bandage around his head and a crutch under his left arm.
"Thank you very much Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town, you may proceed."
"Yo-your ve-ery we-welcome…" said Ash in a weak and creaky tone as he limped out of the tollbooth.
To be continued…
AUTHOR'S NOTES: AHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FAIL, ASH! XD This was super fun to write. Ash is just sooooo dumb. This by the way will be somewhat connected to my other story, Pokemon: The Next Journey. I hope you enjoy this series. I didn't put much description in this chapter because I believe you guys already know how Ash looks like...
