Had to get this one out of my head! As always, unbetaed :) Hope you enjoy!
PreMission
Tony hadn't been able to stop thinking about Gibbs' situation for days, researching every free moment that he could scrounge together to find dirt on Parsons. The only other thing he'd been able to think about was Ziva. She'd cut deep, but it wasn't in the way he had expected. Between the two situations, he preferred to think about finding a way to save Gibbs.
They'd finally gathered enough intel to blackmail the blackmailer, but Gibbs wasn't willing to accept their help. He stared at the small safe in his apartment where they had stored all of the info as he sipped on a beer, and thought about what he had found out from Director Vance that night. Gibbs had a way out, and in turn, they all handed over their badges, but he hadn't realized the extreme danger of the situation Gibbs was walking into. He felt a strange combination of horrible rage and sadness, and when he admitted it, fear.
He wasn't afraid of never getting back to NCIS. They had enough dirt on Parsons to get him to drop the argument when Vance planned to try and reinstate them after Gibbs' mission. He wasn't going to be able to enjoy the time off though if he knew that Gibbs could very well be killed as he played a major role in a political backstabbing war game. He also knew that Vance had revealed the mission to him knowing that Gibbs would need someone to have his back through it all that appeared far enough away from the situation to not have any ties to it. He just hoped that Gibbs would pull him in when he needed him. Gibbs trusted him, but was overprotective of him at the same time. He wouldn't pull Tony into anything that he thought could kill him, and Tony knew that this one very well could.
Tony found himself on his feet, keys in his hand and jacket on. He reached into the box on the bookcase and swallowed hard when he realized his badge wasn't in there with his gun. He ignored the sensation, shaking it off, and slipped his gun in his waistband. With Parsons pissed and tied to a dozen political miscreants with reason to fear him, Tony wasn't going to take any chances- the gun went with him.
On the drive over, he thought about what he wanted to say to Gibbs. He was pissed that he hadn't come to him with the information about the mission himself, especially when Vance had made it so obvious to him that he was Gibbs' off the books backup. He thought about their discussion. Vance wouldn't let Tony sign his statement until he'd kicked Ziva and McGee out and locked down the room to read him in on Gibbs' situation. Vance had automatically expected that Gibbs would come to Tony despite his resignation, but he hadn't, and that had made Tony hurt, confused and angry.
He pulled into Gibbs' driveway, and made his way down to the basement. Gibbs was already on his feet, waiting for him. Tony had never seen that expression on Gibbs' face before, and it threw him off guard. There was a touch of sadness, a touch of anxiety, some anger, and for the first time in Tony's life, he thought he saw fear there. Tony's own anger fizzled out, and worry replaced it.
Gibbs had heard DiNozzo's footsteps as he came into the house and relief had settled in. If there was anyone he wanted to hear come into his house, it was Tony.
"Glad you came," Gibbs said quietly, making Tony's heart race and his throat go dry. He swallowed hard.
"You could have just asked me to," he said softly.
Gibbs shook his head slowly. "I've already dragged you guys through the muck. Ziva stopped by earlier, told me you all went through with the other end of this deal. You didn't have to."
"Yeah, we did. Loyalty is a two way street, Boss." Tony walked over to stand in front of Gibbs who leaned against the end of his work table, staring at the end of the stairs. "Vance read me in on the mission." Gibbs' head snapped up to meet Tony's eyes, and they locked.
"He did what? Why?"
"He knew that you might need a little outside help along the way. Now that we're not agents anymore, we're free to be as vigilante as we need to be. The constrictions have been removed, and you," Tony's hand reached out and smacked the back of Jethro's head hard, making the older man furiously reach for the place he'd just swatted, "You should have told me to begin with."
He watched Gibbs' eyes soften back to that place he was in when Tony first arrived.
"I can't keep expecting you guys to get involved with my messes," he said quietly.
"OUR MESSES!" Tony yelled. "OURS, JETHRO! We got into this together, and we're going to get through it all together. You, and I. As your SFA, I could have spoken up a million times against your orders to protect the team, but I knew the team, and I know you, and we all were more than willing to get involved with every case, every step of the way. We're not helpless kids- we chose to follow where you led, and each of us would do so all over again." Tony felt that lump forming in his throat that he had been fighting back all night. "I just… thought you'd trust me enough to tell me about the mission. To tell me because you knew you could come to me if you needed help."
Gibbs watched Tony's expression go from angry and hurt to an almost intimate gaze. They had shared that look many times, but not as much lately. Gibbs blamed whatever was going on between him and Ziva, and the thought of it set that buzzing jealousy off in the back of his head.
"Yeah, well I thought you'd trust me enough to tell me what's going on between you and Ziva, so I guess this lack of trust is a two-way street, too." He hadn't meant for it to sound so cold, but it did. He saw the hurt register in Tony's eyes, but Tony didn't break their stare.
"There wasn't anything to tell. Nothing ever really happened between us. We considered it, and I thought it was leading somewhere, but finding out she slept with Adam despite it all just proved it wasn't meant to be. Go figure." Tony laughed darkly, still staring into Gibbs' blue eyes, and Gibbs was slightly unnerved by how open Tony was suddenly being. "She's family. Thought it would be easier with family; easier to let my guard down, let someone see the real me, the more serious side. I thought maybe, if anyone had a chance of loving me for who I am, it might be her, but until I knew for sure, I wasn't going to chance saying anything. Doesn't matter. There was too much missing, for both of us. There's some kind of love there, but not that kind." He shook his head, and gave a tiny shrug as he broke eye contact and looked around the basement. "It was nice though, ya know? Letting someone see that part of me," Tony's eyes locked back on Gibbs', and the rest of his words were aimed like daggers. "To see it, and have them appreciate it for once."
Gibbs took a deep breath, the words hitting him in the gut, and the edge to Tony's glare hurting even worse. He had never meant to make Tony feel unappreciated it. He had spent more than ten years now hiding so much of what he felt for the man in front of him that apparently he had hidden too much. He wasn't sure of what to say now. He watched Tony turn around to leave, and in a moment, his world stopped.
The man he had trusted with his life, his entire world, was about to walk away from him, and Gibbs had a feeling that if he didn't say something, if he didn't do something, he would never see Tony again. He'd been afraid of that so many times as he watched Tony go off undercover, or when they were together on a scene and the danger was high enough to make the infamous gut churn, but none of it had felt as lethal as that cold stare had. He knew that if he didn't do something, he was never going to see Tony again, even if he lived through this mission.
The worst part was, if he let Tony leave now, and he died going after their target, he would never have told Tony what he always thought somewhere in the back of his mind he'd eventually tell him. He realized that now was that time. It wasn't how he had wanted it to be, it wasn't the perfect timing or the way he had dreamt of it so many times, but it was now or never.
He followed Tony to the steps, reached out and grabbed his wrist, and jumped to stand before him on the small platform before the stairs turned to go up.
"I have always seen it, and I have always appreciated it. I don't know how to show it, but I… I didn't tell you about the mission because I didn't and don't want you involved. I might not come back from this, Tony. If for some reason, you got involved and I lost you…" Gibbs swallowed, frantically searching for the words as he watched Tony's expression soften. "If you died because of what I have to do to clean up my mistakes, I'd never forgive myself. I-" He swallowed again, closing his eyes hard for a moment as he realized what he was about to say. "I have spent twenty years blaming myself for Shannon and Kelly's deaths when there was absolutely nothing I could have done to stop them. What do you think I'd do if I lost you because you got involved with something that actually was my fault?"
Tony's gaze softened, and Gibbs recognized the confusion he saw, but also saw something else that made him keep going.
"When I met you, I knew from the beginning that we had something pretty important in common. We cared about what we did in a way most people don't. Yeah, everyone gets into this because they care about people, they want to protect them, but there was more there. I saw you get screwed over, and I was afraid you'd give up on it, and I- I didn't want to see that happen, because I needed to believe that there was someone else out there who gave the same kinda damn that I did. I never expected you to stay. I- I never expected to want you to stay, but you made me want you to stay."
Tony felt his heart racing, and the warmth spreading up his arm from where Gibbs held his wrist was unlike anything he'd ever felt. All he could do was stare into the blue eyes in front of him and listen to words tumble out of Gibbs' mouth and hit every chord in him. He'd waited twelve years to hear Gibbs tell him anything more than an "atta boy". He'd given up on Gibbs ever returning the love he had for him, and yet Tony felt it coursing up his arm from that touch and the intensity of it was nothing like he had ever dreamed.
"You have no idea how I was before I met you, but over the years, you have turned my team into my family. You made me trust people again; you helped me to let them in. Your lighthearted side has brought me out of some of the most bitter places when you have had no idea you were even doing it. And your drive has been inspiring. Your passion makes me feel less alone every day, and your warmth reminds me of what it's like to be human again bit by bit." Gibbs wasn't sure if Tony was ever going to speak to him again, but he wasn't going to die without telling him how he felt. That was one mistake he wouldn't have on his conscience when the man he cared about more than anyone else on the Earth needed to hear it so badly.
"If I live through this, I don't want to lose that. I can't. I need you, Tony. Don't do this. Don't get involved. I need to have a reason to come out of the other side of this, and if something happens to you, I won't." Gibbs' heart was racing, and he knew that he had basically just told Tony that he was in love with him.
Tony knew it too. He saw it in the completely lost and desperate look on Gibbs' face, and he was in shock. He had never, not once in their entire friendship, considered that love was actually possible on Jethro's side. He'd felt it for a long time, and gave up on it ever being returned years ago. He had never been able to let it go, but he had decided to try to move on. Then Jeanne happened, and EJ. He suddenly understood why Gibbs had been so pissed about both of them.
"How long?" he asked quietly, and Gibbs knew that Tony knew exactly what he'd meant. He was both relieved and terrified as Tony moved his arm out of his grasp only to take his hand and entwine it with his own.
"Since the day I met you."
Tony swallowed hard. "That explains a lot."
Gibbs rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah, I guess it does."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because isn't this all sorts of fucked up?" Gibbs said with a sardonic laugh. "Been watching you chase skirt for years, Tony. Then Jeanne, then EJ… Ziva though? That's too close to home. That's… I care a lot about both of you. I want you both to be happy more than anything, but… DAMN IT Tony that hurt! It all hurts, but that? That has been the worst."
Tony looked at him with an amazed sadness in his eyes. If Gibbs would have said something to him years ago, he could have saved both of them from a lot of heartache.
"You wait until you're going off on a mission that might kill you to finally tell me this? You've had twelve fucking years to tell me this, and now that I know, I get one night before I don't see you for God knows how long, and possibly lose you forever?"
"What?" Gibbs asked, sure he was hearing things wrong.
"You're a fucking idiot, Jethro." Tony took a step closer, bridging the gap between them except for a few inches. He stared down into those bewitching blue eyes an inch lower than his own as they came to terms with Tony's acceptance. Tony shook his head with a small smile as he saw those eyes widen. "I didn't understand what I felt when I met you. It was confusing as hell. I was engaged for Christ's sake! But there you were, meaning more to me than anyone ever had, making me feel more important than anyone ever had, more worthwhile…" Tony sighed, still looking down into those captivating eyes.
"I'd never even considered being with a man, but something about you would not let me go. When Wendy left, I was crushed, but it took the blinders off, and I finally understood what I felt. You were finishing off your third divorce, Jethro- to women! I didn't think I had a prayer. If I would have known, if you would have said something, anything, we could have skipped a lot of the bullshit we've been through over the past decade." Tony ached for the older man to lean forward and kiss him. He'd imagined him doing it so many times, and yet none of the fantasies came with a pounding heart like he had, or the sweaty palms and the tremor he felt running down his back. None of them came with the fear of rejection he still felt despite everything Gibbs had just admitted to him.
Gibbs' free hand came up and cupped Tony's neck, his thumb running over Tony's jaw. "I guess things happen when they should. Just a few years ago, we probably would have been too stubborn to understand how important this is. Things would have been left unsaid that needed to be, but now…"
"Are there things still left unsaid?" Tony asked quietly, trying not to close his eyes at the caress.
"Yes," Gibbs leaned in until his lips were right next to Tony's. "I love you, and I promise I'm coming back to you."
Tony's eyes closed involuntarily, and he shook from head to toe. He threw his arms around Gibbs and pulled him close, and felt Gibbs' arms come around him as well, holding him tightly as he shook.
"You'd better! You'd better come back to me, Jethro." Tony held on to him for dear life, afraid that he'd let go and wake up months from now to the news that he'd lost him forever.
Gibbs pulled back and leaned his forehead against Tony's. "I promise, Tony. We're hoping this will only take a couple of months, but no matter how long it takes, I'll come back to you."
Tony nodded a little, swallowing hard. "If you're not back by July first, I'm coming to find you. You'd better keep in touch with me. I don't care how. Find a way to let me know you're alright, and if you need me, you'd better let me know that, too."
"Tony-"
"Don't! Don't give me that! I don't care that you want me out of the line of fire. I don't want you in the line of fire, but you are. Understand this- I love you, and I would be just as miserable without you as you would be without me. As much as you feel it's your job to protect me, I feel it's my job to protect you. So if the time comes, you'll have two options. The first option, is you tell me what I can do to help, and I have some direction and can remain as safe as possible. The second option, is that I don't know what you need and I try to help anyway, wasting precious time in finding out what needs to be done, and putting myself in harm's way to do so."
Gibbs hated it, but he knew that it was true. Tony would do just that to protect him, and he would have done the same thing to protect Tony. He took Tony's hand, looked into his eyes, and nodded. "Okay. I'll let you know."
Tony was taken aback by the easy win. He sighed as he saw the honesty in Gibbs' eyes. "Thank you."
They stood in silence for a long moment, locked in a mesmerized gaze.
"Come with me?" Gibbs asked quietly.
"Anywhere and everywhere."
Gibbs gave him a little smile and led him up the stairs by the hand, then across the house and up the second flight of stairs to the bedroom.
Tony thought his heart was going to explode. It was beating, if at all possible, even harder in his chest. Everything in his body ached as he realized he was getting closer and closer to Gibbs' bedroom. He had wanted nothing more than to be invited there to make love to him for years, but had denied himself real hope for it. Now that it was happening, he stared after Gibbs in disbelief.
Gibbs pulled Tony through the door to his bedroom and pushed the door shut. Neither he nor Tony said a word; they didn't have to. He pulled Tony closer to him, a hand going around the back of his neck, and with one last lingering look into his expressive green eyes, he leaned forward and took Tony's lips in his.
The kiss started gently, a soft touch, welcomed warmly by Tony as his hands went to Gibbs' waist. The kiss deepened, both men opening their mouths at the same time, slipping on one another's tongues as they trespassed against moist lips. Tony pulled Gibbs closer to him by his hold on his waist and slipped his hands behind his back, pressing him into himself. Gibbs' fingers were tangling themselves in Tony's hair, the grasp tightening as the kiss made his toes tingle.
Tony's fingers started slipping under the edge of Gibbs' paint-splattered t-shirt. As they made contact with the burning skin, Gibbs moaned into the kiss. The slow exchange started becoming more fervent as Tony's hands coasted up Gibbs' back, fingers learning the terrain. Gibbs started pulling Tony's grey button down out of his pants and found Tony's piece stuck in his back waistband. He sat it on the dresser and immediately went back to trying to disrobe the younger man. Once his hands finally found skin, Tony threw his head back, his eyes rolling up into his head. Gibbs' mouth began kissing down Tony's jaw and chin to his neck, nibbling and suckling.
Tony felt Gibbs' hard-on press against his own as he pulled his body closer. Both men groaned, Gibbs through clinched teeth around Tony's earlobe. Tony pulled on Gibbs' shirt until it made its way over his head. They separated for just a moment to fully discard it, and Gibbs began working on Tony's buttons as Tony's hands started learning Gibbs' chest. Once Gibbs got to the last button, he unbuckled Tony's belt, jerking his pants open to pull the shirt out the rest of the way to get at the last button. Tony moaned loudly, looking into Gibbs' eyes as hands began a journey across his abs and up over his chest to his shoulders. Gibbs lips came in to take Tony's again, tasting the urgent passion on them as Tony's hands reached for his pants button.
Gibbs' hands slipped down Tony's back, across his ass as he pushed his pants down, letting them fall to the floor with a thunk of keys and wallet. Both men were starting to pant in their efforts, and their kiss was all over the place. Tony finally got Gibbs' pants to fall to the floor as well, and both men stood naked, pressed against each other as they kissed, hands exploring one another's bodies. Gibbs turned and began pulling Tony towards the bed. They kicked out of their pile of clothes and tumbled down onto the mattress together.
Tony's breath was shaky as he looked up into the loving and fiery gaze Gibbs was giving him. Gibbs' own heart was racing as he looked down into the smoldering look Tony was returning. Gibbs whispered, "I love you, Tony," and Tony's hand came up to cup Gibbs' jaw.
"I love you, too, Jethro."
Gibbs smiled down on him, then bent to take his lips again. The kiss became a full-body exploration with mouths and tongues. Gibbs licked down Tony's chest, kissing and tasting Tony's nipples. Tony began suckling on Gibbs' fingers, making him growl deep in his chest. Their touches became a series of thrusts as their hands interlinked.
"Can I have you, Tony?" Gibbs finally whispered into his ear.
"God, yes! In anyway, and in every way. I'm yours, Jethro." Tony ached to be taken, and when the thrusting stopped, he whimpered. Jethro reached into his nightstand drawer and retrieved lube and a condom. He slipped the condom on and lubed two fingers. He took the first finger and slid it into Tony, making him groan. "Feels incredible."
Gibbs didn't want to think about whether or not Tony had decided to let another man take him since he had realized his feelings for him, but he wasn't under the illusion that he was Tony's first. He did know that he would be Tony's last. He slipped the second finger into him and began stretching him gently, earning gasps and whimpers from the man below him.
His eyes looked into Tony's and he saw an absolute trust there, a trust he felt in himself being offered to Tony. He bent to kiss him as he pumped his finger into him over and over again, reaching for and grazing his prostate, making him cry out. Tony's hands reached up and slipped around his neck, pulling Gibbs down against him, breathing him in and gasping in his ear. The sound made Gibbs ache sweetly and close his eyes. He wanted to take his time with Tony. This might be the only time they had the chance to be together, and he wanted it to last.
Tony sensed his hesitation, and he understood his reasons without a word.
"What time do you report tomorrow?" Tony asked into Gibbs' ear quietly while at the same dragging his nails down his lover's back.
Gibbs gasped at the way Tony's nails etched a pattern into him.
"0900," he whispered.
"Plenty of time to go again and get some sleep. I need you, Jethro. Please," he begged.
Gibbs couldn't deny him, he pulled his fingers out and used them to add lube to his painfully engorged cock. Gibbs suddenly found himself being pushed over and onto his back on the bed as Tony straddled him, his hands on Gibbs' shoulders. Tony watched as Gibbs' eyes closed and he growled in such an animalistic way that it fed Tony's own beast within. He part bounced, part rocked over Gibbs' cock and the older man's blue eyes snapped open to find Tony's own fiery green orbs challenging him from above.
Gibbs grabbed his cock and slid it up and down Tony's crack until it rested against his moist, stretched and inviting hole. Tony kept the eye contact as he began lowering himself down on Gibbs' wide dick. He breathed deep and slow as the head tried to breach him, causing a kind of pain that Tony had learned to translate into pleasure. As soon as the head made it past the tight ring of muscle, Tony froze, partially to adjust to Gibbs' size, and partially to tease his lover. He squeezed the ring of muscle around him over and over again as he watched Gibbs struggle to keep his eyes open.
Tony started to slowly lower himself onto him until finally, he was full and seated against Gibbs' thighs. His mouth hung open in ecstasy, and he struggled to breathe. He felt Gibbs' hands come up to run down his chest, and it reminded him to inhale. He sat up straight and the angle was perfect to hit his prostate. He whimpered and reached out to take Gibbs' hands in his. He used them as leverage to start moving, raising up slowly and then crashing down again.
Gibbs grunted and his eyes fluttered, trying desperately to keep sight of Tony's. He clung to Tony's hands as he started an agonizing slow pace up and down over him. He swallowed hard and watched the sweat dripping off of Tony's face as he shook, lowering himself once again.
Jethro sat up so that he was chest to chest with Tony. Tony's arms went around Gibbs' neck again and his knees were planted on either side of Gibbs' thighs. He began riding him in earnest now that he had something to hold on to, and Gibbs' hands moved to Tony's ass to support him. Tony felt his cock trapped between them, the friction of their bodies creating a delicious harmony to having Gibbs inside of him.
Tony's breaths were half-breath, half-moan, and were in time with his rising and falling as he impaled himself on Gibbs' cock over and over again. Gibbs's grunts were in perfect counterpoint for a couple of minutes until the pattern ceased and they were both sporadic. Tony found that he couldn't breathe suddenly as Gibbs' cock hit his prostate again and again. Gibbs' hand was wrapped in Tony's hair as Tony's head rested on his shoulder. They bounced and thrusted until finally Tony sat up with a sharp gasp. "Jethro!" he whispered.
"That's it, Tony. That's it…"Gibbs encouraged, signs of his own orgasm starting to run down his spine. Tony cried out, his cum shooting out in sticky wads between their bodies. Gibbs' hands lifted Tony up over him a few more times as he thrust into him in short spurts. He roared out his orgasm over the shoulder of Tony's limp body, and then fell backwards, Tony landing on top of him.
They had made love again and taken showers before falling into bed and sleeping for four hours. Now it was 0820 and they were getting ready to leave Gibbs' house. Tony offered to drive him to the Yard, and Gibbs accepted. Before he opened the door, he turned to Tony.
"Can you come check on the house for me while I'm gone?" he asked quietly. Tony nodded, swallowing hard. "You can stay here if you want." Gibbs' eyes looked back into Tony's, a slight nervousness in them. "Forever."
Tony took a deep breath that got caught in his chest. "Are you saying you want me to move in with you, Jethro?"
Gibbs nodded.
Tony smiled. "As soon as you come home to me," he said quietly.
Gibbs nodded again. They stared into each other's eyes for a long minute. "I love you, Tony."
"I love you, too, Jethro. Always will."
"I'm coming home to you, Tony. I promise you- I'm coming back to you." They wrapped their arms around each other and held on tightly.
"You'd better, Jethro. Don't make me hunt you down, because you know I will. If I'll go to Somalia for Ziva, imagine where I'd go for you. I'll search the world over for you, even if I end up in North Korea. Keep in touch with me."
Gibbs clung to him tighter. "You've got the code. I'll do what I can."
Tony nodded and they pulled back, but they didn't let go of one another. Gibbs reached up and cupped Tony's face as he leaned in for a kiss that conveyed everything he was feeling; his fear, his hope, his trust, his need, his longing, his anxiety and more than anything, his love. Tony felt it all and it was immensely heavy. He swallowed hard as the kiss came to an end, and they rested their foreheads together.
"We need to go," Tony said softly.
"Yeah," Gibbs said, his voice cracking. He took Tony's hand, and together they walked to the car. They spent the entire ride there silent, hand in hand, and when they got to the Navy Yard, Gibbs directed Tony to where he was meeting Vance and Captain Wayne.
Tony parked, and got out with Gibbs. Vance and the Captain looked at them in confusion, wondering why Tony was there. Tony came to stand in front of Gibbs. "Take care of yourself, Jethro. You have a promise to keep."
Gibbs tried to smile. "I need for you to know that if I don't make it back, you mean everything to me, Tony. Everything. Last night…"
Tony cut him off. "Last night was the first of many. Come home to me, Jethro." Gibbs nodded curtly, but then took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around Tony's neck, pulling him close and kissing him thoroughly as Tony's hands went around his waist. They finally pulled back an inch to look into each other's eyes. "Love you, Jethro."
"Love you, Tony," Gibbs whispered back. They finally let each other go, and Gibbs turned to walked towards Vance and the Captain. Tony stared after him, ignoring the shocked expressions of the two men waiting.
"Can't say that I was expecting that, Gibbs," Vance said with a stern look.
"He's not my agent now, Leon. Back off." Gibbs' words had more than a little bite to them, and both men kept their mouths shut after that. Tony watched as Vance handed Gibbs a couple of folders, and then Captain Wayne and Gibbs headed for a car that was waiting for them. Tony watched as Gibbs turned to look at him before getting into the car. Their eyes locked, and Gibbs nodded. Tony nodded back, and then watched Gibbs disappear behind closed doors. He memorized the license plate as the car drove way, and Vance came to stand next to him.
"Something you wanna tell me, DiNozzo?" Vance asked.
Tony turned to lock his glare on his former Director. "Yeah, actually. Make sure he gets home to me in one piece, Leon." Tony nodded at him, then turned to walk back to the drivers' side of the car. His eyes met Vance's again over the top of the car as he opened the door. "And soon." He got in, turned the ignition over, and pulled away.
