It was a warm, balmy night in Malibu, and Rose was perched on the balcony, watching yet another fight erupt between Alan and Charlie. From the muffled shouts, she deduced that Charlie had slept with the lady that Alan bought coffee from, prompting her to throw the hot drink all down his front.
It was always the same with these two, Rose thought absentmindedly, chewing on some popcorn. Charlie does something, Alan gets the blame. Any moment now, the coffee lady's angry father/fiancé/co-worker would run in, injure Alan in some way, then leave before they could be aimed at Charlie. That was just how things ran.

"Alan! I just ordered some coffee and then bam! There we were!" Charlie was explaining.

This explanation may have worked if it wasn't for his tone. Rose had to admit, Charlie had some faults, and his pathetic attempts at arguing his case were one of them.

"Oh, of course. So this is – so this is my fault?" Alan retorted jerkily. "This is my entire fault?"

"Yes. Yes it is."

"Yeah, that'd be right."

"Well duh."

Alan paused, then shook his head and turned to go into the kitchen. Rose craned her neck for a better view as Charlie followed him.

"You know what?" Charlie was saying now. "I think you're just jealous."

"Jealous of what? Your ability to have repetitive, meaningless sexual encounters with women?"

"Your ability to have repetitive, meaningless boring come-backs?"

That didn't make sense, and Alan pointed it out. Charlie waved that irrelevancy away and continued with his arguing. Meanwhile, Rose leant back slightly to see is Jake was taking in any of this. He was a world away, listening to his iPod. On noticing the woman on the balcony, he gave an enthusiastic wave that she matched. Good. The poor child shouldn't have to hear this, anyway.

"Listen. How about you just... you just go on and apologise to her, and then I can get my drink again," Alan said carefully, aware of the dangerous territory he was stepping into.

"Mmm... no."

"Please, Charlie?"

Ah, classic. When arguments fail, why not try grovelling? That was why Charlie fought with Alan: he knew how long it would take for him to break.

"Just tell her there was a misunderstanding," Alan pleaded. "That you thought she was your, I don't know, model ex-girlfriend or something. Because, if you don't... I will."

Charlie laughed out loud at that one. "Okay. Sure. You go and tell her."

That discussion was over.

----

As expected, Alan returned home steaming slightly, his beige ensemble ruined. Charlie took one look at him, cackled, and turned back to his magazine. Alan didn't say anything, but instead went down the hall to get changed. Rose watched all this with vague amusement. Nothing would ever change.

AN: This is me being brilliant and pointing out that, while they're awesome, every episode of this show follows the exact same plotline. It's ok, and I forgive them, but hey!
(PS – this isn't supposed to be a literary wonder, and it's not. Borderline drabble, I'd say. And 500-odd words! Filth)