Okay, so this is basically something to keep me motivated in my writing. I decided it might help me if I could see I was in fact improving on my writing skills, so I took some of my older stories and re-write them how I would now. Keep in mind that these are still going to be quite short because that's how I used to write.
Please do not flame this particular series. Any other series of mine, eh, go ahead. Get it, got it, good.
iThe first paragraph is the original story, while the second is the edited copy/i
I had a MAJOR headache. Where was I? More importantly where was the flock? I looked around. The first thing I noticed was white. Everything was white except me. The school, I thought, Dang it! The first things that popped into my head were: Did they get the flock, Is the flock okay, and, I am going to MURDER Fang. Ugghh! I hated the smell of this place! Why did everything have to be so damn clean? It smells as if someone dumped a bucket of cleaner in here!
Max's POV
I opened my eyes slowly and winced. iOw/i. My head was pounding. Where was I? I sat up and looked around.
The first thing I noticed was that everything in the room was white, except for me. I blinked. This was inot/i good.
'The school.' I thought, 'Dang it! I'm at ithe school/i!'
Then a thought came to my mind that made my heart heavy and my throat close. 'Do they have the flock?' Soon, questions were racing through my head.
'Is the flock okay? Did they even get the flock? Does the flock know I'm gone? I'm going to ikill/i Fang!' The thought that floated at the top of my mind though was, 'If they have the flock, where are they?'
Ugh! I closed my eyes again and tried to think of something else. Successfully, I thought, 'I ireally hate/i the smell of this place!' Seriously! It smelled like someone dumped a bucket of cleaner all over the floor and decided to leave it!
iThe first paragraph is the original story, while the second is the edited copy/i
As I landed at Dr. Martinez's house, two little kids came running at me. "FANG,FANG,FFFFFAAAAANNNNNNGGGGGGGG!!!!!" yelled Angel. "What, what's wrong?" I asked. "Nudge is GONE!" Gazzy screamed. "WHAT?!" I yelled, scaring them both. "We need to tell Max." said Iggy walking into the yard followed by Ella. "W-we can't do that." I stammered. "Why not?" Asked Ella, "We need to go find Nudge, she went shopping five hours ago and hasn't come back, Max will kill us if we don't find her!" "Well, Max is gone to." I blurted out. They all stared at me. "W-wh-what?" Iggy stammered, "You were with her the whole time weren't you?" "Yes, but the flyboys came and they attached and took Max." I said. Max's POV Well then this makes today's total: 1. Captured and brought to the school. 2. I have no CLUE if the flock is okay. 3. I am mad at Fang and Fang is mad at me. Well that about sums everything up, doesn't it? Jut then a bundle of arms and legs was thrown into the room with me, screaming all the way. "Nudge?" I asked just before I was grabbed and dragged from the room. "Come now girl, don't fight, it's time for a little operation." Said the man who was dragging me. I turned to glare at the person. "JEB!"
Fang's POV
As I landed outside Dr. Martinez's house, two short, blond kids with wings came running at me.
"Fang, Fang!iFang/i!" Angel screeched.
I felt my heart skip a beat, "What is it? What's wrong?" I asked, the panic rising from my stomach, up my throat and leaking into my voice.
"Nudge! She's gone!" Gazzy yelled, tears streaming from his eyes.
"What?! No!" I raised my voice, scaring them both.
Iggy walked into the yard, "Good, you're back." He said, "We need to tell Max!" I could tell he was as panicked as I felt.
"W-we can't do that…" I stammered, not able to hold my voice steady. I couldn't say it. It was too hard.
"Why not?" asked Iggy, "We need to find Nudge! She went shopping ifive hours ago/i and hasn't come back! Max will ikill/i us if we don't find her!" He was idefinitely/i panicking.
"Because Max is gone too!" I blurted out, my voice cracking at the end.
"W-what?" Iggy barely managed out in a whisper, "Weren't you with her all this time?"
"Yes, but the flyboys came. They attacked us and took Max when I wasn't looking." I answered weakly, guilt seeping through my words.
Max's POV
Well, this makes up today's total on the terrible-things-that-always-happen-to-me board: 1, Captured and brought to the school against will; 2, I have no iclue/i where the flock is and if they're okay; and 3, I'm mad at Fang who's mad at me.
That sums about everything up. I was contemplating my list-rearranging the content in order from bad to worst- when a bundle of arms and legs was thrown into my room.
The bundle was screaming, and I thought I'd never been more happy to hear that scream. "Nudge?" I asked, hope searing through my words. Before the bundle could answer, I was pulled harshly out of the room.
"Come on now girl, don't fight. It's time for a little operation that will improve you." Said the man who had dragged me away from Nudge, and was still dragging me down a hall.
I turned my neck to glare at the person. "Jeb."
Next chapters coming soon. This is a WIP. :) Thank you for yout time. R and R!
