Title: Invader Zim and the Mid-life Crisis of Red
Dedicated to: Mom!
AN: This is a story I wrote with my bestest friend, Rachel, also known as
Red&Purple. It started with an in-joke about an IZ site we RP at, but then
wouldn't leave us alone until we put it into words. So here it is. Ta-da!
Disclaimer: Invader Zim and all related indicia is copyrighted to Jhonen
Vasquez and Nickelodeon. All we own is Deya, and obscure referenced to
completely fictional planets, such as Bahamia and Deformita.
It was just another day at the office. Another hectic, juice-deprived day, full of whiny, needy Irkens and complicated problems that involved too much thinking. Red was absolutely sick of his job, and today, on top of it all, he had a migraine.
That, and no juice smoothie.
So, to recap; Red's job sucked. He had a headache. And he had no smoothie. He didn't think he could take it much longer.
"So I says to Mabel, I says, 'You better give me some of that popcorn!' I mean, she was three feet shorter than me and she had the nerve to even consider defying me? ME? Tallest PURPLE? Anyways, I..."
And that was the point where Red stopped thinking he couldn't take it, and started knowing he couldn't take it. He slammed one two-fingered fist down onto the control board, startling his co-worker into silence.
"That is IT! I cannot take another MOMENT of life on this juiceless SHIP!" He screamed. The entire control deck of the ship went completely silent; the pilots stopped pulling on their little levers or pushing their little buttons or twisting their little knobs. Even the machines seemed to go silent for a moment.
"Your incompetence SICKENS me!" Red yelled, then turned and stormed out of the room. Purple paused, jaw hanging slack in his sockets. He hadn't even gotten to finish his story...
And behind the scenes, the Invaders to the Tallest were buzzing frantically. Red had just taken off in a neon-crimson Voot Cruiser, apparently experiencing some kind of mid-life crisis. One of the two most vital supports had suddenly been yanked out from beneath the unstable Irken government. Blasphemous conversations, discussions of fraud and scandal and cover-up, flitted through the air in the deepest rooms of the Massive. Among these words, one general phrase was most common.
"Fetch Deya."
And so 'Deya' was fetched. Deya proved to be a rather bemused purple-eyed Irken, normally on Smeet-surveillance duty. She was yanked off her shift and whisked up to the Massive via cramped juice transportation vehicle, and passed off to the aides of the advisors for 'transformation'. Deya was the advisor's fail-safe, someone who could stand in for an Irken of public importance, until a more appropriate solution was reached. Last time, she had played Miyuki for a few hours until the advisors could prepare a statement to release to the oblivious Irken populous about the Tallest's unfortunate demise. Now, it was time for her to play Red.
"Okay, now tell me again what I'm doing?"
"Red's vanished. We might have been able to smooth it over, if it hadn't been for the explosion at the Northern Irk Smeet factory earlier today. Now Purple's left running the planet and the advisors have their hands full with the Smeet thing. And we can't let everyone else know that. Thing of the chaos that would cause. So we just need you to be Red until he returns or someone better can be found." Explained a short, pudgy Irken with crooked antennae as he poked giant red contacts into her eyes without warning. He was one of advisor's attendants, generally in charge of all the dirty work that came with being the hand in the puppet of the government.
"Oh. Well, that's not strange at all." Deya said sarcastically, trying out her new contacts by rolling her eyes. The half-dozen Irkens buzzing about Deya proceeded to paint her skin a shade darker green, tape thin straws to her curly antennae to straighten them out and pluck her eyelashes. Then came a quickly-constructed voice box re-shaper that was stuffed unceremoniously down her throat.
And last, the suit. She was shorter than Red, and not quite as freakishly skinny in the waist area. Some modifications were made to the lower section of the costume to make her appear taller, and everything seemed in order. Until they tried to put it on.
"My god, stop! My ribs do not bend that way!" Deya cursed as the chubby little Irken jerked on the metal middle section. It was worse than a corset from the planet Deformita for her.
"Suck it in!" The attendant yelled, pulling extra hard. Deya felt something within her torso crack, but at last the suit fit. Never mind the fact that she was in excruciating agony.
When it was over, she was given a scrambled de-briefing on the current conversation, and shoved into the control room that Purple was occupying.
Feeling as if thousands of eyes were watching her (and they were) Deya-Red scratched the back of her head and coughed.
"So...umm...Mabel popcorn...and...stuff...yeah..."
It was just another day at the office. Another hectic, juice-deprived day, full of whiny, needy Irkens and complicated problems that involved too much thinking. Red was absolutely sick of his job, and today, on top of it all, he had a migraine.
That, and no juice smoothie.
So, to recap; Red's job sucked. He had a headache. And he had no smoothie. He didn't think he could take it much longer.
"So I says to Mabel, I says, 'You better give me some of that popcorn!' I mean, she was three feet shorter than me and she had the nerve to even consider defying me? ME? Tallest PURPLE? Anyways, I..."
And that was the point where Red stopped thinking he couldn't take it, and started knowing he couldn't take it. He slammed one two-fingered fist down onto the control board, startling his co-worker into silence.
"That is IT! I cannot take another MOMENT of life on this juiceless SHIP!" He screamed. The entire control deck of the ship went completely silent; the pilots stopped pulling on their little levers or pushing their little buttons or twisting their little knobs. Even the machines seemed to go silent for a moment.
"Your incompetence SICKENS me!" Red yelled, then turned and stormed out of the room. Purple paused, jaw hanging slack in his sockets. He hadn't even gotten to finish his story...
And behind the scenes, the Invaders to the Tallest were buzzing frantically. Red had just taken off in a neon-crimson Voot Cruiser, apparently experiencing some kind of mid-life crisis. One of the two most vital supports had suddenly been yanked out from beneath the unstable Irken government. Blasphemous conversations, discussions of fraud and scandal and cover-up, flitted through the air in the deepest rooms of the Massive. Among these words, one general phrase was most common.
"Fetch Deya."
And so 'Deya' was fetched. Deya proved to be a rather bemused purple-eyed Irken, normally on Smeet-surveillance duty. She was yanked off her shift and whisked up to the Massive via cramped juice transportation vehicle, and passed off to the aides of the advisors for 'transformation'. Deya was the advisor's fail-safe, someone who could stand in for an Irken of public importance, until a more appropriate solution was reached. Last time, she had played Miyuki for a few hours until the advisors could prepare a statement to release to the oblivious Irken populous about the Tallest's unfortunate demise. Now, it was time for her to play Red.
"Okay, now tell me again what I'm doing?"
"Red's vanished. We might have been able to smooth it over, if it hadn't been for the explosion at the Northern Irk Smeet factory earlier today. Now Purple's left running the planet and the advisors have their hands full with the Smeet thing. And we can't let everyone else know that. Thing of the chaos that would cause. So we just need you to be Red until he returns or someone better can be found." Explained a short, pudgy Irken with crooked antennae as he poked giant red contacts into her eyes without warning. He was one of advisor's attendants, generally in charge of all the dirty work that came with being the hand in the puppet of the government.
"Oh. Well, that's not strange at all." Deya said sarcastically, trying out her new contacts by rolling her eyes. The half-dozen Irkens buzzing about Deya proceeded to paint her skin a shade darker green, tape thin straws to her curly antennae to straighten them out and pluck her eyelashes. Then came a quickly-constructed voice box re-shaper that was stuffed unceremoniously down her throat.
And last, the suit. She was shorter than Red, and not quite as freakishly skinny in the waist area. Some modifications were made to the lower section of the costume to make her appear taller, and everything seemed in order. Until they tried to put it on.
"My god, stop! My ribs do not bend that way!" Deya cursed as the chubby little Irken jerked on the metal middle section. It was worse than a corset from the planet Deformita for her.
"Suck it in!" The attendant yelled, pulling extra hard. Deya felt something within her torso crack, but at last the suit fit. Never mind the fact that she was in excruciating agony.
When it was over, she was given a scrambled de-briefing on the current conversation, and shoved into the control room that Purple was occupying.
Feeling as if thousands of eyes were watching her (and they were) Deya-Red scratched the back of her head and coughed.
"So...umm...Mabel popcorn...and...stuff...yeah..."
