When Elephants Grieve

It was an accident. I didn't mean to do it
come on now, I need you to understand

Don Conoscenti

Synposis: A new take on the confrontation scene between Nick and the Under Sheriff from For Warrick

For the Nick Stokes Song Fic Challenge

No flames

He never thought in a million years he'd be sitting in this chair.

He never thought in a million years he'd be sitting across from Jim Brass , as opposed to sitting beside him, interrogating the suspect.

He was now the suspect and his boss Grissom sat in the very seat he normally sat in during the process.

Nick Stokes never noticed how barren this room was, and how bright the light was. This room, the very same room where he had presented evience to suspects contradicting their claims of innocence took on a whole new meaning for him, because for the first time in his career he had to face scientific facts stacked against him about actions taken while in pursuit of Under Sheriff, Jeffrey McKeen.

Oh Jesus Nick!

He turned around and watched as if in a dream Brass approached him a look of horror on his face.

He turned back to see Mckeen and a fresh blood was sluicing from a new wound.

No, this was not where Nick should be sitting. His mind screamed these thoughts as the detective stared at him with a mixture of anger and sadness. The table was so clear. He'd never noticed this before. He could see the fear in his brown eyes, his jaw clenched with tension. Even the moving of the ring as he twirled on his finger.

"So you found McKeen. He's laying there bleeding like a stabbed pig and you go and shoot him. Why?"

Leaning back in the chair, his face clammy from sweat born of pure anxiety, Nick answered, "He was...he was saying all kinds of bad shit about Warrick."

Brass nodded, "Of course he was Nick! This was a suicide by cop situation. You know when someone wants to end it all, but doesn't have the guts to do it themselves; they provoke the cops to shoot them."

"I know!" Nick snapped angrily. "He just wanted to get out of going to jail. He knows former law enforcement are choice meat in the prison system."

Brass huffed, "I should have known you were up to something, Stokes. You turned off your radio."

"Because I didn't want him to hear me!" Nick protested, feeling his heart beat frantically with fear, like an animal caught in a leghold trap trying to free itself before hunters came back to finish him. If Nick were one of those animals, he'd sure and help chew off one of his legs to get away.

Brass was unconvinced, "You saw how much fucking blood was on the ground, Nick, there was no way he was in any shape to run away."

"Yes." Grissom agreed, finally speaking up for the first time, "But he may have been cognitive to have his gun ready for Nick."

"Yeah, sure." Brass shook his head, "You didn't see the look on Nick's face when I came around the bend."

Grissom stared him. Nick hated that stare of Grissom's. He recalled the look of disappointment on his boss's face years ago when he admitted he slept with Kristi Hopkins.

"You know Nick." Grissom spoke in a voice filled with sympathy, "I remember the moment you found Warrick and I. Your reaction surprised me. I thought you would be more emotional. But you stood there, in complete silence before going over to a bench and sitting there. Afterwards, you came over and just paced around his body." His eyes brightened, "You watch Animal Planet."

"All the time." Nick smiled softly, "Warrick used to come over and change it to BET, but I made him change it back."

"You ever watch anything about elephant death rituals."

Nick straightened up and nodded, "Elephants stand around the dead body of one of their own for about two to three days."

"Elephants are one of the empathetic animals on the planet, Nick." Grissom said. "They look out for one another, protect one another, and if one of them dies, they guard the body."

"You saying Warrick and I are elephants." Nick winced at the present tense word 'are'

He had to learn how to talk about Warrick in past tense.

"No I'm saying you two looked out for each. When you were kidnapped, Warrick was hell bent to find you as you were to find his killer." Grissom explained before placing his hands on the table.

Nick bit his bottom lip and tears stung his eyes, "He was my best friend and there McKeen." He spit the name out. "There was McKeen calling me a son-of-a-bitch, saying I should kill him."

"He knew the right buttons to push, Nick." Grissom sighed.

"And now he's dead, McKeen is dead and I killed him." Nick grasped his chin, his chest tightened as the realization unfolded within him. He'd killed a man. He'd killed a human being.

Grissom's stare bore into him, and he finally spoke, "It was an accident! I didn't mean to do it."

Brass leaned back in his chair and spoke gruffly, "I know, Nicky, I know it was an accident."

"I don't know what happened. I snapped." Nick swallowed a lump, "I kept telling him to shut. To just SHUT UP! He wouldn't listen to me. He wouldn't fucking listen to me."

"What did he say?" Grissom asked.

"He said.." Nick swallowed once again, "He told me Warrick died with a big smile on his face. He kept..saying..what kind of friend was I..shoot me you son of a bitch!"

"He provoked you." Grissom said, "He pushed all your buttons. He knew damn well Warrick was your best friend."

Sniffling, Nick nodded, "He is..no..was my best friend."

As tears flowed from his face he looked at the two men, "I'm sorry. I let you guys down. I let Warrick down." At the mention of his deceased friend's name, Nick placed his hands over his face, "Warrick would be so pissed at me."

A knock on the door interrupted them. Ecklie was looking in nervously. Brass stood up and trotted over to the door and stepped out.

Grissom leaned over, "Nick, grief has many ways of showing itself and erupts when you least expect it."

Nick wiped his nose and sniffled, "Yeah, I've been focussed like hell on finding his killer, I never, well, I just shoved away somewhere to deal with it another time. Work's no place to grieve. "

The door opened and Brass looked in and while it may have been his mind playing tracks, Nick swore the detective's face was a slight bit relaxed than before he left the room.

It wasn't a trick as Grissom noticed it as well, "What's going on."

Brass sighed, sat down and folded his hands on the table, "You're lucky Stokes, the hospital called and Eckie's going to make it. You only grazed his shoulder while you were aiming for the ground."

Relief washed over Nick like baptismal water. Every single mucles uncurled itself within him.

Blowing out an equally relieved sound, Grissom looked at him, "You were lucky Nick."

Nick was quiet for a moment before answering, "Warrick wasn't."