Disclaimer: Friends is not mine. Probably never will be. But if you do own Friends, feel free to give it to me.

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LIKE BROTHERS

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Joey leaned against the door to better hear Ross and Chandler. They seemed to be arguing about... something. He didn't want to walk into the middle of it, but he did want to hear it. This was like the time Ross and Rachel had been fighting. But now he was alone, and had no wax to eat. Now that was a strange thought. He pressed his ear to the door in an attempt to hear better.

"You were my best friend in college!" Ross exclaimed.

"And I'm your best friend now!" Chandler said.

"Yeah. You're my best friend but I'm not yours. Why not?"

"Ross, what are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about. Oh no, Chandler can't be friends with Ross because he's got his precious Joey."

Joey jumped, startled at the use of his name. Were they arguing about him? Why?

"Dude, you make it sound like were dating or something. He's not 'my precious Joey!' It's not my fault everyone wants to be my best friend."

Joey almost giggled, but he held it in. Precious Joey. He didn't need to be caught listening in by giggling, especially that they were arguing about him. That would be really awkward.

"And anyway," Chandler continued, "I HAVE to be there for Joey all the time. You can take care of yourself. You don't freak out about every little stupid thing. Remember when he bought that bracelet I hated? It was the ugliest thing I'd ever seen worn by a human that wasn't my dad."

Joey stiffened as he heard the bracelet mentioned and insulted... again. Why did Chandler keep doing that?

"But when I insulted it he totally freaked out. And I had to pretend I'd bought that other one for him to make him feel better. I mean, he's my friend, but I have to make it really obvious for him to be happy."

What? Pretend? Joey was shocked. His best friend lied to him? After he'd known what that had meant to him? He was no longer in the mood to giggle. He should have known. Chandler was a liar, he'd lied about other things before. How many other times had he done that? Chandler thought he was a stupid idiot, someone to hang out with and eat pizza with and watch Baywatch with. But of course there was more to Joey. There was more to everyone, wasn't there? He thought Chandler would have realized that by now.

"No offense to him, but sometimes he's not the smartest, either. He can be fun, but I bet he's claimed himself that his best talent is with 'the ladies.' It's annoying sometimes."

Joey almost left the door. Did Chandler really hate him this much? No offense! Of course that was offensive. He wasn't stupid. He probably read as much as Chandler did. He just read stories, like The Shining, not the boring crap Chandler liked. But he didn't leave the door. It was somehow morbidly and depressingly fascinating to hear himself insulted and put down by his very best friend.

"Chandler, are you listening to yourself?" Ross asked. "I'm mad because you're ignoring me, but that doesn't mean I don't like Joey."

"It—it doesn't mean I don't like him either," Chandler said.

Yeah right, Joey thought. See if I ever play foosball with you again.

"You wanna explain?" Ross asked. "Because it sounded like—"

"Yes, I do. Me and Joey are almost opposite—except that we both like pizza and Baywatch and foosball, but that's beside the point—but we're like... more than just friends. Not like that! Gross. No, we're more like... brothers. We play, but we fight too."

"Well, that's sweet," Ross said sarcastically.

"And if he heard all of that stuff I just said he's probably hate me forever and vow never to play foosball with me again, but... I don't know. He's the brother I don't have, and I'd hate myself forever if hated me forever. Oh well. At least the Chandler hate club would have two members."

Joey wanted to hate Chandler forever, but that would mean making Chandler hate himself too. And he didn't hate him THAT much. Or did he? He probably should.

"Um, Chandler," Ross said, "Where is Joey now?"

There was a pause in which Chandler was probably thinking this over. Joey waited, now slightly amused through the hurt, for his reply. What would he do when he realized Joey was in this room?

"Oh God," Chandler said.

"What? Why?" Ross asked.

"He's in his room."

"As in right there?"

"As in RIGHT there. Probably listening to everything I just said."

Joey considered moving back from the door, but then, why pretend he hadn't heard all of that? He wanted to see just what Chandler would come up with to explain it away. Would he lie, like with the bracelet?

The door opened and Joey moved back enough that he wouldn't fall over when the door was moved. Chandler stood over him and Ross was a few feet away.

He straightened up. He said nothing, just stared his roommate in the eyes.

"Please don't hate me," Chandler said.

Joey said nothing. What would be his excuse now?

"I'm sorry. I'll start the Chandler Hate Club now."

Joey kept staring.

"C'mon, man, Joey, please, say something! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! How much of that did you hear? Did you hear the part about the brother, and how I'd hate myself if—"

"Yeah," Joey said.

"And...?"

"I can't figure out whether to hate you or not. I've hated you before, and I'll probably do it again. No crates can save you now."

Chandler grimaced. "I think you know what I'm hoping you'll say. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm--"

"Sorry doesn't mean anything! You don't know me at all! Some brother," Joey closed his door on Chandler.

"Please, man, don't do this to me!" Chandler pleaded. "If sorry's not good enough, what do you want me to do?"

"Don't care," Joey shot back.

"Ross, could you go away, please?" Joey heard Chandler say through the door. He also heard Ross' footsteps as he walked away. It was just Chandler and him now. And he didn't know what to say.

Ross mumbled something like, "Oh yeah, gotta save your precious Joey."

"Oh god," Chandler said, maybe to himself, but loud enough that Joey could hear. "Now both my best friends hate me. Three members for my hate club. That's a scary thought. Hey, maybe the girls will hate me too. Am I so hate- able? Is hate-able even a word? Why am I wondering this? And why the hell am I talking to myself out loud? Maybe I want Joey to hear me. Yep, that must be it. Oh my god, Joey will hate me. My best friend. What did I do to deserve this? Okay, that's pretty obvious. I insulted him behind his back. Maybe I deserve to be hated. I'd probably hate him if he did that to me. Why am I saying him? You, I'd hate you if you did that to me. But then I'd probably realize that you're my brother, at least in my mind, however sane that is, and then I'd stop hating you. I'm probably talking to myself now. But if you're listening, Joey--"

Joey opened the door.

"Joey," Chandler repeated. "Do I need to make big banners that say 'We hate Chandler Bing'? Or can you forgive me?"

Joey said nothing.

"Please, I'm sorry again, even if you say it means nothing, I'm still really sorry. We can be friends again, can't we? We're Chandler and Joey. Apartment 20. Best buds."

"You didn't even buy that bracelet for me. You lied."

"I didn't say I bought it for you. I said it was FOR you. I bought it to replace the one I lost, but when I found it, I decided it was for you. So if you thought that was a lie, I'm sorry. Maybe it sort of was."

"Oh, it was," Joey said angrily.

"How can I make it up to you, best bud? Brother?"

Joey considered closing the door again, but Chandler looked so pathetic he stepped out of his room.

"You know," Joey said, "I have a lot of siblings, and you're a pretty sucky one."

Chandler winced. "Am I really that bad?"

"But," Joey held up a hand to stop any other arguments Chandler might have had. "But you are one. I'd miss you if I hated you. And anyway, I have no brothers. So you're the best brother that I've got right now."

"Really?"

"Well, I've tried hating you before, and it sucked. So I guess I love you, man."

"Me too."

There was another silence, but this time it wasn't uncomfortable.

"Oh, what the hell," Joey muttered. He enveloped Chandler in a huge hug. Yeah. They were brothers, the fights and the friendship both included.

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It was kind of pointless... I dunno. Please review.