I'm not sure where this came from; it just felt good writing it.

Dear Kyle,

My eyes are dry as I'm writing this letter. No matter how badly you hurt me, I can't cry. It feels almost as if my heart has turned cold. So

cold, like my empty bed at night. When did you stop caring, Kyle? Was it the same moment I realized I was falling in love with you? It

feels that way to me. You know, in the beginning, I never thought I could care for you this way. But then we shared our first kiss, and you

took me by surprise. I melted under your touch; you tasted so good, like nothing I'd ever had before. You noticed all the little things back

then. My cool new shirt, when I switched colognes. You made me think that you really liked me a lot. It was strange at first, but you made

me feel special. And then I let you make love to me. I wanted to shout it out right then and there that I loved you, but I knew I couldn't.

You wouldn't even admit to anyone that we were dating. Hell, you wouldn't even put your arm around me in public. When we were in

bed together, I felt so safe in your arms. And then would say "I have to tell you something." My hopes would soar, only to be crushed

when you spoke again. Instead of those sweet words I wanted to hear, "I think I'm falling for you, Stan," or "Stan, I think I'm ready for a

serious relationship with you, I want to you to be mine and no one else's." No, it was always "God you look hot tonight. I want you SO

bad!" I would have to fight back my tears and take only what you would offer to me. For a while, I got used to it. I silently loved while you

only used me for your pleasure. But you were sweet to me. You told me you liked spending time with me and you made me laugh. And

then, when I was on the verge of confessing my true feelings for you, you started slipping away. The funny text messages stopped, I didn't

get anymore cute messages on my answering machine just to say you were thinking of me. Late at night I squeeze my pillow so hard it

hurts. It hurts my heart to think about what else you're doing that must be more fun than spending time with me. I really thought you were

special, Kyle. I was so intrigued by you; you were my role model and my lover. When you kissed me I felt so powerful, like I could do

anything. Now all I have left is lonely memories. I just want to know what I did wrong. Why did you just leave me? I guess we were never

really together in the first place, because you wouldn't claim me as yours. All I did was treat you good, why would you have to go astray?

I know that you had to have fun with me, at least for a little while. When you laughed at my jokes, I know I wasn't imagining the sparkle in

those giant green eyes of yours. I've heard that the eyes are windows to the soul. For some reason, I couldn't clearly see inside your

windows. I never really knew what you were feeling inside. What was wrong with me? Why couldn't you let me have you? I would have

been the best boyfriend ever. You thrill me, inspire me, and frighten me all at the same time. Our love could have been so deep and

exciting. Why couldn't you give me that chance? All I ever wanted was for you to love me back. That's all. Maybe it wasn't meant to be.

Maybe I don't love you as much as I think I do. Maybe I'll be over you in a few days. Who knows? I just wanted you to know that I love

you Kyle. And I hate you for making me love you. I hate you.

Yours even though you don't want me,
Stan

P.S. I lied to you at the beginning of this letter. I cry myself to sleep every night wondering why you're not there.

I debated and debated over whether or not to publish this. But I figured, why not? If you hate it/love it/ don't get it, leave a review and tell me why!