"Judai, stop it. We've been walking for hours."
He ignored her.
It was a chilly morning, indicative of the autumn season that was starting to creep in on the edges of summer. It was even colder this high up the mountain, even with all the tall pine trees to block out most of the breeze. From here, he couldn't see the huge drop off into the valley that he had been looking at from the other peak before. He knew it was there, though, and that's where he was hiking to. He just wanted to see the view from up there. Maybe he'd try to get into the valley itself and explore a bit.
"Judai. Judai! Judai! Are you listening to me? You need to stop."
He pressed his lips together and tried to tune Yubel's voice out. It was hard though, when you were stuck with an ethereal spirit pretty much literally attached to you at the hip. Her ghostly image floated in front of him, but did little to slow his pace. Her arms were folded and her teeth were bared just slightly – she did that when she was irritated.
"You haven't eaten anything in two days. You haven't slept for three. You have to stop. Just for an hour. That's all I'm asking – sit down and eat something."
Judai shook his head, refusing to answer her. To answer her would be to acknowledge that she had a point.
He couldn't stop. Had to keep moving. The last few weeks had been hell. Hadn't been able to close his eyes for a moment without seeing the flames and hearing the screams. No time to stop and rest. He had to get somewhere.
Didn't know where, but somewhere.
"Judai Yuki!" Yubel shouted at him.
She couldn't do much, though. She was just attached to his soul, nothing else. She couldn't take control or anything.
"I'll stop when I get to the valley drop off," he mumbled.
"And then what? You'll pause for maybe a second and then you'll get yourself killed trying to climb down it! You have to take a break, Judai!"
Judai shook his head, closing his eyes against her. She growled at him like a mountain lion.
"Daitokuji, tell him. Tell him he needs to stop," she snapped at the teacher's spirit who was lingering a good distance behind.
Daitokuji flinched and smiled nervously.
"There's really not much I can say that will get through to him, Yubel-san," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. Pharaoh yawned at him with his little fangs and Daitokuji jumped again.
Yubel ground her teeth.
Judai tried to ignore all of them. Thinking. Thinking was bad. He didn't want to think right now. Just had to keep moving. Maybe he could get away from the nightmares, the memories, the goddamn guilt that was tearing at him every single moment of every day. He should have known it would be like this eventually. He should have known that his brief few months of enthusiasm would wear off. Even a duel with the King of Games wasn't going to fix his brain.
He shook his head, feeling dizzy. His mouth was dry, tongue thick. He had finished his water bottle an hour ago. It was fine. One more thing to distract him from thinking.
"Judai!" Yubel shouted again.
He continued to ignore her. The trees were starting to fall away. He was almost at the valley – he could feel the wind and the air changing slightly.
The valley yawned open ahead of him. So focused was he on walking that he almost fell right off the edge of the cliff. Yubel cried out behind him, but he somehow managed to regain his footing. Nothing but mountains as far as the eye could see. Thick with trees and thin with air. He drew in a sharp breath, at the height, at the view, at the cold air that blasted his face.
But it only lasted for a second. Then the dizziness and the fatigue came back over him. All he wanted was to just close his eyes –
Panic washed over him like a tsunami. No, no, no, can't close eyes, closing eyes would mean seeing things he didn't want to see again. Can't sleep. Can't sleep. Can't think.
His heart fluttering traitorously, he took a step back from the cliff. Could he scale down it, maybe? It would be the quickest way of moving forward.
"Judai, don't even think about it, dammit," Yubel said. "I'm not letting you climb down in that state. If you have to keep moving, we go around."
The panic hadn't subsided quite yet. Somewhere at the back of his mind he knew he wasn't thinking clearly, but that didn't stop him from kneeling down at the cliff edge and starting to swing his legs over the side.
"Judai!" Yubel said.
"I have to keep moving," he muttered. "Don't want to think about it."
Yubel exploded in front of him, grasping for him with her insubstantial hands.
"No!" she said. "I know you don't want to think! I know you don't want to have nightmares! I know, I know, I know! But if you try to climb down this cliff you're going to kill yourself!"
"Well maybe I oughta die, ever think about that!" Judai shouted back.
Yubel actually flinched. Guilt struck him hard in the chest, but he couldn't stop himself now. Gods, he was so exhausted.
"I can't live like this, Yubel, I can't keep walking around without a thought of where I'm going. I can't keep moving when I don't know what I'm moving to, only what I'm running from! Dammit, Yubel, I can't do this. Maybe I should just die."
"Judai..." Yubel whispered.
"I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't do a damn thing without thinking about it."
"Judai, it gets worse sometimes, you know that, you can't give up right now," Yubel whispered, her voice cracking with fear.
"It doesn't show signs of getting better this time!"
"You can't know that for sure."
"I know what it feels like!"
"Judai, please. Not right now. Not now. You can't make a decision like this the way you are now. You have to rest."
"I can't rest," Judai said, and he could feel the tears bubbling over his cheeks. "Dammit. I can't rest. I can't do anything. What the hell do I even exist for, anyway?"
The question came out louder than he had intended, and it seemed to echo slightly in the mountains. The echo hung in the air for a long time. Brown eyes stared at teary orange and green eyes.
Judai wasn't sure what he was about to do next. He thought Yubel was about to open her mouth and speak again.
And then the strangest sound echoed across the mountains.
It was a soft, keening sound. It struck right through Judai's heart and brought tears to his eyes. He could not remember hearing anything so beautiful in his entire life. It was...song-like. It didn't grow in volume, but it seemed to swell anyway, growing around him like the soft rush of the tides coming in.
And then something huge rose from the valley.
Judai felt his breath leave him. Sinuous red, like flickering flames or molten lava in the form of a snake slithering through air, moving upwards. He heard Yubel gasp. The thing circled him once, twice, three times, and then it swiveled itself around to hover in front of him. The huge head of a dragon made entirely from red light stared down at him. Its spindly wings did not move, but the lights down its body seemed to ripple down it like lava down the side of a volcano. It considered Judai for a long moment with one huge, glowing red eye.
Then it opened its mouth and let out that beautiful sound again.
Judai had no idea how long he was sitting there on the side of the cliff, staring at the dragon and listening to it sing. Images flashed through him: the ancient past, his own past life, his childhood, his time at Duel Academia, his darkness and the fear of his memories, and, for a brief second, he thought he could see all of the possible futures.
Then the dragon closed its mouth. It hesitated for a brief moment. Then it let out one last cry, and disappeared from sight.
When Judai was fully aware of himself again, he found that he was shaking, and tears were running down his cheeks. He was breathing heavily as though he had just run miles. But there was a release. He felt a glorious, beautiful release as though he had just broke through the surface of the water after almost drowning. The images he had seen of the future and distant past had completely disappeared from his head, but they left a soft, nostalgic feeling behind.
He looked over at Yubel. After a beat, she met his eyes, her own bichromatic eyes shining with awe.
"Did you...see things too?" she whispered.
"Yeah," Judai said.
They stared at each other for another moment.
Then slowly, Judai pulled his legs back from the cliff side and retreated back to the woods. Yubel followed silently as he found a tree and slid down to the ground against it.
"I'm sorry about worrying you," he murmured to Yubel. "I'm gonna sleep now."
She just smiled – half exasperated, half relieved.
He closed his eyes.
For the first time in what felt like forever, he didn't have a single dream.
