Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns most of the characters mentioned, and I'm only doing this for fun. Characters I have created include Hagawthe Malfoy, Abbigale Snape, Muruvi Paradigm, Diana Malfoy, Yuko Kimura, Xing Chang, and various others. These characters are only used in my fanfictions, and should be used with my permission. The way I write certain stock characters (such as Mulciber, Rosier, Mary MacDonald and Avery) is based on little canon evidence and from my own imagination. I use lyrics of songs that remind me of what's happening in the plot throughout the story to begin each chapter. I credit the artists underneath the quote. Each chapter title is based off or directly taken from a Tori Amos song. Tori Amos reminds me both of Lily and of Snape. She writes lyrics that explore women, specifically the mother/whore figure, and she's a lovely redhead (1990s era Tori is how I imagine Lily). Tori's "song men" remind me of Snape-she has a knack for exploring bitterness, wounds, cycles of family abuse and a mistrust of women. That is why I have used Tori Amos' lyrics a lot throughout this fanfiction.

A/N: I am writing this story to fill in the gaps in Lily Evans and Severus Snape's friendship during their school days. I do not think Snape's memories that Harry viewed in DH were complete—I believe them to be edited greatly. We only saw Snape and Lily's meeting, and then their breaking point. What I hope to do here is create a viable story that meshes decently with canon. That being said, it is Severus/Lily, but because it begins when they are age 9 and ends with their deaths, it's not specifically a romance. Actually, it will be more of a tragic love story than a romance, in general. There will be other pairings going on. Obviously, James/Lily is going to happen for a bit. The rest are sort of surprises, but James/Lily and Snape/Lily are the main ships. Also, I have gone to great lengths to try and make Severus himself extremely canon-compliant. He is abused, bitter, and cruel. Lily struck me as too-perfect and barely defined in canon- I will be trying to expand her character greatly. Severus/Lily reminds me very much of Wuthering Heights, and there will be certain parallels. Various details will be changed along the way, and I don't really need a reminder that I'm going A/U when this happens (however, sometimes I just go off head canon and make strange mistakes- it's always helpful to get kind reminders). For example, certain characters like Evan Rosier have changed gender. I think there are far too many stock male characters, and because Rosier has no background in canon whatsoever, I am playing with how "she" is supposed to be. I appreciate feedback and constructive criticism. I'm re-writing this note after writing chapter sixteen, and I'd like to say I will be editing the entire story starting today. Thanks to all who have reviewed so far.

Warning: Rated M. Trigger warning. Contains foul language, suggestive themes, child abuse, non-graphic mentions of rape and child molestation, severe bullying, lemon-grade sex scenes in later chapters, sexual harassment, graphic blood & gore, and general mischief.


"And I'm so sad, like a good book, I can't put this day back. It's a (sorta) fairytale with you."

-Tori Amos, "A Sorta Fairytale", Scarlet's Walk


Not a Fairytale


Chapter One: The Fear in the Boy, The Fire in the Man

Age nine until beginning of First Year at Hogwarts


"Wish me luck, Severus," Lily Evans whispered into Severus Snape's ear as the Sorting Hat finished up its song.

"You won't need it," he said back. But his insides were twisted with nervousness as well, which Lily did not need to know. She'd been worried again on the train ride that perhaps her Hogwarts letter had been a mistake, until Severus plainly told her to shut up, and that Muggles couldn't do any of the magical spells she was capable of. This made Lily laugh, which was one of the reasons he liked her—most people got horribly offended when he snapped at them. But Lily mostly found his way of talking amusing.

He wondered if his mum would even care if he didn't make Slytherin. His mother's side of the family had mostly been sorted there, save for a few Ravenclaws. Severus had spent the past year reading up on all of the houses, and scouring his mother's old yearbooks that she'd hidden in his parents' closet. The houses all had merit, he supposed, desperate for a world beyond Spinner's End where he'd been living for his eleven years. He had the house traits memorized, and he even had asked Mum repeatedly to rate his personality based on them—she'd told him he was driving her loony so he'd begun just worrying about it internally.

Many Hufflepuffs went on to work with other wizards as hard-working helpers, brilliant at communication and making peace. Ravenclaws were highly curious, smart, and sensible. Many invented spells, created elixirs, and wrote books. Gryffindors were adventure-chasing, and not as concerned with learning as they were with bold acts of solidarity. Many were later aurors or worked for the Ministry. Mum had told him about Slytherin and Gryffindor rivalry—Gryffindors were so pleased with themselves that they'd show off courageously for just about every reason possible. Severus had little respect for that kind of empty-headed hero work, and hoped he would not end up there (though there was hardly a question—he did not consider himself to be very good at standing up for things). As history had it, Slytherin was where you went to achieve academically while forging deep and long-lasting friendships with people. Slytherins came up with new ideas, specialized in knowing about the dark arts and how to counter curses, and many became driven leaders, concerned with making a name for themselves.

"In astute Slytherin you will fit in if you keep your eye upon the prize," the hat had said, "no goal or dream will look to you to be too great in size!" Ravenclaw wouldn't be bad, but his mum explained it as though they were all know-it-alls who tended toward book smarts without much ambition. Severus definitely hungered for ambition, for power. After all, he'd had very little. He'd been particularly obsessed with changing his self-image, which he felt was too openly loser-like. He had little pride in his family, his looks, and his social status, but he knew that with a few little tweaks, he could make some definite changes. Perhaps in Slytherin, he'd be seen for his intellect, which he felt was superior to most other children, who he saw playing stupid games or screaming at their parents for sweets at the market. He knew better than to do either of those things. He had daydreams about how well he'd fit into the wizarding world, where he'd be far from his father's abuse and his mother's tepid way of existing. In Slytherin, he'd meet loads of people who accepted him for his good aspects and who overlooked the bad. At least, that was the plan.

Yes, Slytherin was the most suitable house for Severus and he had daft fantasies that Lily would be sorted there, too. She was a Mudblood, but she was talented and dedicated. Salazar Slytherin founded the Slytherin House based on the fact that Mudbloods would not be accepted but—Lily was different.

Then again, Severus hadn't really socialized with many other children besides Lily and her obnoxious older sister Petunia. He had dropped out of Muggle school almost instantly as a small boy of five, after mistakenly blowing up a desk. Mum had to come to the school and obliviate several people after little Severus was suspected of pocketing explosives. The way he'd learned he was a wizard was from one of his father's angry lectures (Dad didn't want him to be a wizard and took it personally). After Dad had passed out drunk, Mum filled him in on what it actually meant to be a wizard. She explained she was a witch from a Pureblood family. She'd never explained why they had no relatives but now she hinted that she'd been cast out at a young age. Magic was their bond, their shared trait. She told him outright he was an outcast and that many would never accept him, just as she'd spent half her life trying to prove herself. Furthermore, his father was a Muggle, which she explained briefly. It was evident that this embarrassed her and she did not want to say much. She went on to tell him about Hogwarts, which was the best news he'd ever had in his life. Until then, she said, she'd have to teach him how to read, write, and practice maths at home. She lowered her voice to a whisper and said that when she could, she'd also try to help him expand his familiarity with magic. Things changed for a while. Life became exciting.

Mum let him tag along on trips to Diagon Alley and Knockturn Alley, while his father was at work or away. These little trips were the closest he and his mother had ever gotten and Severus came to savor them. She put on black robes and wore her black hair back, her slight form looking mightier than it ever had. Mum was quiet and morose as usual but actually fitting in somewhere for once, pouring over copies of The Pureblood Periodical, dryly encouraging Severus to pet the owls at Eyelops ("Go on—if she bites it won't hurt too much"), and occasionally splurging on small bags of sweeties that they made sure to eat before returning home. He'd never seen her smile much in all his life, but in the wizarding world, she did. She even carried herself differently. When an aging witch greeted his mother, asking what she'd been up to since her studies at Hogwarts, she'd introduced him with a small smile ("My son, Severus— Severus, Professor- er, I mean, Magnolia Snapjacket. She was my Runes professor at Hogwarts. Severus just showed his first signs of magic last month, strong magic!"). He'd never been spoken about with such pride by either of his parents. Finding out he was a wizard was what was missing—it was the thing that made him special.

Going home was when the fun ended. If Father was there, she'd make excuses for their absence and have to deal with his screaming. If Father wasn't there, Mum was a nervous wreck thinking he'd show up any minute, or not show up at all. Severus crossed his fingers for the latter but Tobias Snape always seemed to show up, however late, reeking of the pub and looking mean. He was tall, with slick black hair and a large crooked nose he'd apparently damaged in a fight as a youth, one of the only stories he ever told Severus that didn't have an obvious moral. "He wasn't always like this," Mum would say defensively, as if Severus were an adult, a friend she was confiding in. He'd sit in the corner of the den, which doubled as his bedroom, pretending to read. He'd check the windows, knowing the old Buick would clatter home eventually. He made the photographs on the walls switch slowly from side to side.

Magic was like a language he wasn't supposed to speak in front of his father, but one that he heavily indulged in otherwise, reading books and practicing small charms by himself in the nearby woods. Mum had soon forgotten her pride in his magical ability and the visits to Knockturn Alley and Diagon Alley grew less and less frequent. The fights between Mum and Dad happened more and more though, an unfortunate trade. Dad screamed about lots of things—money, the state of the house, Mum's worthless background, Mum's looks, and "all this rubbish you forgot to tell me before you got yourself knocked up with that runt". Severus wasn't certain what a lot of the subject matter really meant but it scared him. He wished Dad would get stuck somewhere, be too drunk to ever find his way home…

For a while, Severus got his wish. For reasons unbeknownst to him, his father didn't come home for nearly two years. Severus was seven at the time he left and although Mum was a wreck for half of it she seemed calmed by the silence of the house. Together, they ate beans on toast and she taught him how to play Exploding Snap and Gobstones, actually laughing while doing so. They perused an old used bookstore in Knockturn Alley, and she let Severus pick a book out to buy. He chose a battered book on curses and countercurses. She showed off her wand for the first time since introducing him to magic, and this time, she showed him actual jinxes. He practiced by memorizing spells and taking heavy notes for himself. He began making objects move. Pictures on the walls swung harder from side to side, rocks shot up in the air and flowers sucked themselves back in the ground. He experimented with insects, pulling the legs off of spiders and then willing them back on. Out of boredom he willed sticks and pebbles to fall over the heads of children on the playground while he hid in bushes, watching them. He skipped stones on the dirty river that bounced and spun in circles. "Severus, watch this!" Mum would say, and he'd laugh delightedly as she made all their laundry whir around them.

Mum was the quiet and stern sort. Mostly she quietly encouraged him, nodding when he got something right and looking down when he didn't. She told him stories about Hogwarts that made him yearn so hard to be eleven that he spent many nights tossing and turning in excitement. She told him about the best wizard families, the professors, the subjects he'd learn ("I was brilliant in Divinations, I read everyone's futures. It was the one thing I was popular for, all the girls in my dorm would ask me to predict who they'd marry. Right pack of babbling idiots. If I didn't like them, I'd predict they'd go off with a mountain troll…"). She spoke to him at length about Muggles and Muggle-borns, advising him that he was luckily a Halfblood. Muggles would never quite understand magic, like his father, and Muggle-borns were fortunate to even be allowed at Hogwarts. "Some of them are brilliant at magic, but it is not the same. It's not the way that it used to be. There used to be more of a respect for the old wizarding families, like ours," she said, almost smugly, although Severus had never met their relatives and had a feeling he never would. This made so much sense to Severus—his father was a Muggle, an idiot Muggle who would never understand the world of magic. He'd been hoping to be somehow different from his father; after all, he used to pretend to be adopted. "How did you and Dad meet?" Severus asked, at once craving more of his history, needing to know how his mother had met this Muggle. His mother's black eyes flickered and her cheeks flushed. "I thought he was someone else," she said, and that was all she was willing to discuss.

Severus hung upside down from the monkey bars on the local playground, letting go sometimes and then trying to stop himself from hitting the ground. Once, it worked. But mostly he just got dirty.

And as soon as things were feeling good, Dad was back. The magic went away, but not quickly enough and not completely. "What bullshit have you been teaching that boy?" grunted Dad, kicking a pile of library books on hexes and elixirs down the floor. "I told you if we were going to make this work, none of that blasted paranormal shit could go on anymore!" Mum shrugged helplessly, "You went away—I wanted him to know-" Without thinking, Severus willed the books back and off they went, zooming right back to where Dad had kicked them from, neatly piling up as though nothing had happened. "Severus!" shouted Mum, "Don't!" Dad rounded on him, clearly not amused. He grabbed Severus by the shirt collar and lifted him in the air, shaking him. "STOP THAT!" he screamed. Severus was afraid to think; he was afraid to breathe. Mum watched from the doorway, wringing her hands. Dad suddenly dropped him to the ground, and screamed at Mum: "How dare you get in my head like that!" Mum stared hard, and replied, "You were going to hurt him!" Severus looked between them, not understanding, and shrunk into the background, tears running down his face.

That year, it was arguing and more arguing. His mum would be talking and Dad would cut her off, call her names, call Severus things he did not understand ("that bastard boy!"). Once or twice Severus saw him strike Mum. Severus would watch from the corner until he felt completely beside himself with uselessness and he would cry with his face covered, hating his tears. This only encouraged Dad to mock him ("What, you're a nancy boy now, too?"), so Severus spent most of his time outside, practicing his magical powers and playing by himself. When he played with the Muggle kids in the neighborhood, he had little tolerance for imaginative games and tended to like making up harsh rules for their play. The children began to think he was odd. Some of them wore tatty clothes, but they still poked fun at him for the same reason. Severus did not follow in his father's footsteps as a brawler, so he relied on insults, and when those did not work, he'd slip away. It wasn't worth his time to try and impress people he didn't care for. But then a new family moved into the nice neighborhood across the river and beyond the old mill—The Evans family. They had two little girls who looked about Severus' age, and he watched them with negligent interest as he did with the rest of the neighborhood characters until he began to notice that the redhead one was special.

The first time he noticed, she and her sister were playing by the dirty river down the road from his home, the one that divided Spinner's End from the more suburban homes. He was reading a book on the history of Slytherin house, hidden behind an oak tree. He only looked when one of the girls, the blond, shrieked. "Lily!" she screamed, "How are you doing that?" Severus peered around the tree in time to catch the redhead girl floating across the river, and then falling down on the other side, his side, only meters away from his tree. Severus hid back behind the tree, but his heart was beating terribly hard. Had he really just seen that? Was this girl like him? "Lily, get back here! Lily! How did you—Lily! GET BACK—WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO GO TO SPINNER'S END!" Severus carefully turned around the tree, to watch Lily float back, laughing. "I feel so light!" she kept saying, "Come on, Tuney, you do it!" But "Tuney" snatched her hand, and off they ran, home. Severus made it his personal quest to determine whether this girl was a witch. Severus watched Lily and Petunia for weeks, peering out of bushes and trees at them, or walking past pretending he wasn't interested. Lily was not simply magical, she was extremely magical. Her way of doing magic was so carefree, so lovely—she made flowers open, she conjured leaves up to twirl around she and her sister, she floated carelessly off the swing set in the park. Severus was half jealous of her joyful, pretty magic—here she was, a Muggle-born, just like his mother had said, "brilliant at magic". But more than that, he was determined to woo her as a friend. When he finally made an appearance, he blundered the situation royally. She thought that he was calling her a witch as an insult, and Petunia was no help either. Lily had left thinking he was merely insulting her, but the next day she came searching for him at Spinner's End. She found him sitting cross-legged outside of his house, reading.

"Hi there. I've been looking for you—we met yesterday. Sorry to bother you," she said in a polite yet assertive manner, "but what exactly did you mean when you said I'm a witch? You weren't being rude, were you? Tuney said you were. She said her friends at school know you, that you're mean …"

At once, Severus dropped the book, shocked at first to have someone speaking to him and then mortified that it was her, and here he was looking ordinary, sitting in front of his old house with the dirty paint job and the unkempt grass! "Oh, hello," he said, his mouth dry. He cleared his throat, and tried to sound confident. "I wasn't being rude at all. If they think I'm mean, it's their own fault. Like I said, I'm a wizard and my mum—" he heard the unmistakable groan of Dad's Buick growing louder as it clanked down the lane. "Look, let's go somewhere more private, we can't talk here!" With that, he took off running out in front of her, his winter coat flapping in the summer breeze. He half-expected her to go away. But, behind him, he heard her following. He led her to the woods by the river and finally stopped, trying to catch his breath. Lily giggled, almost nervously. "We can't talk in front of Muggles. Non-magic people," he explained importantly, watching her expression shift from being nervous to being intrigued. "They don't get us, people like you and me and my mum. I'm like you. Watch this." This time, he was completely focused on not screwing up the picked up a rock and threw it. It ricocheted off five trees before falling to the ground and rolling back to them. Lily stared in awe and then beamed at Severus; despite himself, he gave a little smile in return, being careful not to show his uneven teeth.

"You weren't lying! Do something else! Please?"

Heart pounding in his chest, he focused on her. It was like a great wind had rolled in—her hair swirled around her, rippling in an invisible vortex. She laughed delightedly, her hair falling back around her face. "I'm Lily," she said, sticking out her hand.

"I know," he said and then went red. "I heard your sister calling you. Severus," he said and they shook hands cordially. "How long have you been doing magic?"

"I guess about a year, off and on. My family is getting worried."

"They needn't be. You're not doing anything bad. My dad hates magic, too. He's a Muggle and he forbids Mum and I from doing it when he's around," Severus said, almost out of breath from trying to convey everything he wanted Lily to know right away. Lily looked overwhelmed. He was afraid he was going to make her leave again, and was desperately trying to find a hook. "But it doesn't really matter what they think anyhow! Muggles, I mean. You and me are going to go to wizarding school! I've known for ages. I started doing magic when I was five," he boasted, but Lily's eyes had lit up when he mentioned school.

"What's wizard school? How do you go there? Are you sure I'm a… a witch?" Lily's green eyes were alight with wonder. It was clear she was regarding Severus much differently then the day before.

Severus' dark eyes glinted, knowing he had her. "You're not a Muggle, that's for sure. Muggles don't have magical powers. The school we'll go to is called Hogwarts. We'll get wands, and get trained, and learn more and more spells. There's lots of wizards and witches—you'll see." Severus spent what seemed like hours explaining as much as he could to Lily, as quickly as he could. She asked him question after question, her pretty eyes lighting up with every response. Severus had never felt so cool before.

They started meeting nearly every day, conversing in the clearing. He'd never had a friend to confide in before, let alone someone he could discuss magic with. They had become close rather fast, given that they were the only two magical kids in the neighborhood, as far as Severus could see. This was good, because even as it was he had a difficult time enough sharing Lily with her family and other friends. Severus made a habit of looping endlessly around the neighborhood, in hopes to catch a glance of the redheaded girl. Lily lapped up his knowledge of everything magic with a longing he'd never seen. No one he had ever met had regarded him with such interest, such undivided attention. Lily loved to laugh, and she laughed at Severus when no one else had, finding humor in his bitter comments and poking fun at his unwillingness to let loose and play. At first Snape thought she was making fun of him, but soon he saw that she actually seemed to enjoy his quirks. This made him vaguely jovial.

Lily had no way to learn on her own, and so Severus got to tell her all about the wizarding world, about what Mum had said to do with Hogwarts, about the shops in Diagon Alley, the broomsticks, everything. He and Lily had big plans—they'd already decided they wanted to be the best at every subject and that they would learn absolutely everything they could. He even told her about his dad, and how his mum and dad often fought. Lily seemed to know even less about this sort of situation then she did about magic. Severus wondered what it was like inside her head. He regarded her as perfect. Unlike her sister and other children he met, she seemed unconcerned with his shabby clothes and awkward, almost pedantic way of conversing that he'd picked up from his shy, sullen mother.

They made water from the river spray up and spiral, and Severus taught Lily to skip stones that bounced. She showed him how she floated in the air. Weeks went by, and then months. After her read her a passage on Dementors from one of his books, she was delightfully afraid of the moving pictures and urged him to play "Azkaban Prison" with her. Severus, who usually wasn't one for pretend play, found himself getting into his roles quite beautifully. "I saw you performing that spell! Don't you know underage witches can't do that outside of school?" Severus cried out, and Lily half-giggled, half-shrieked hysterically as he dragged her by her arm and shoved her into the sand box in the playground. "This is the prison," he explained in a whisper. "Oh no! I'm in Azkaban!" Lily yelled, "I'll never get out! I hope the Dementors won't come!" Severus watched her with his arms at his side, smiling his crooked smile. "Severus," she whispered urgently, "be a Dementor!" Severus blinked, trying to figure out what to do. In a rare moment of frivolous creativity, he pulled his coat over his head like a hood and made his arms dangle in front of him.

"I'm here… for your SOUL!" he yelled, and Lily broke into a run, howling with laughter as Severus chased after her. "Hey!" he said in his normal voice, "you can't just break out of Azkaban, you know. I was guarding it and it's really secure—" "Well, I used magic to get out and I broke out and now I'm really in trouble and you have to track me," Lily retorted and watched as Severus put his coat back up over his face. She broke anew into giggles. She dove behind the swings, and they circled around the swing set. Severus changed direction suddenly and swooped through the swings, grabbing Lily by the shoulders. They toppled into the gravel, Severus on top of her. Lily was beside herself. "No, don't take my soul!" she screamed. "Dementor's kiss! Dementor's kiss!" Severus shouted, holding her down, and it was then that it dawned on him. He wasn't really sure how to mime a Dementor's Kiss, was he really supposed to kiss her soul out of her—

Another voice cut in. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" screamed Petunia, charging toward them. Instantly, Severus jumped up, covered in sand and bright red in the face. His too- long hair hid the guilt in his black eyes. "STEALING HER SOUL?" she screeched, dropping in at Lily's side and helping her up, pale. "No, stupid," Severus spat, but his voice was wavering from being caught in such an embarrassing position, "it's just a game we were playing." Lily nodded, dusting herself off. "She's not stupid. We were just playing, Tuney. It's like I told you, the Dementors suck the souls out of prisoners—" "And I told you that was GROSS!" Petunia yelled, but it was clear she felt silly for assuming he was actually taking her sister's soul. "Anyway, it's suppertime and you're in trouble for staying out all day without telling Mummy and Daddy. I told them I knew where you'd be. I can't believe you're still playing with him, Lily. He's entirely awful." She stuck her tongue out at Snape and led Lily, who gave a sheepish wave, away. Severus kept blushing until long after they were gone.


Soon, Severus got his letter from Hogwarts, and Lily's parents were informed of her invitation to school by way of a professor of magic and a Ministry of Magic official. Dad said he'd be glad to see Severus go, even if he would come back "half crazy". Mum took him out to Diagon for second hand books, robes, and his very own wand. Severus had almost asked if Lily could come along, but he wasn't certain his mother would like it. Mum had already expressed concern that the Evanses would out her as a witch, even after Severus informed her that Lily knew just about as much magic as he did. Lily's parents ended up taking her, and she and Severus compared their goods. Severus was most proud of his wand, which was the only new thing he remembered owning, save for the donated Christmas toys he had gotten a few times from the local church. Lily had a wand, too, and an owl that she named Atticus who was very temperamental and quickly got into the habit of hissing at Severus if he thought the boy was getting too close to his master. They took their new schoolbooks to the clearing and read one of their history of magic text aloud, Lily reading in silly voices as though performing in a play. Despite himself, Severus was driven to small giggles. At the end of the chapter, Lily fell to Severus' side, Atticus hissing from his perch atop Lily's new book bag.

"Atticus, shh," Lily said. "Severus, it's two days before we actually get to go! Aren't you excited?"

Severus gave a rapid nod. "Are your Mugg—er-parents dropping you off? If they don't want to, my mum might." He wasn't sure why he was offering something he didn't really even want to do.

"Of course they want to! They loved Diagon Alley." She was quiet for a second. "Tuney didn't want to go, and she hasn't been speaking to me much."

"I told you, she wishes she were like us. She's just being stupid."

"Severus," Lily said firmly," she's my sister. Don't talk about her that way. I've told you."

Snape's ears turned pink and he shrugged, ripping up a handful of grass. "I can not like her, can't I? She hates me, all right. I bet she sits in her room and tries to do magic." The thought of this made him smile unpleasantly. "I wonder what would happen if she actually did. She'd probably wet herself and cry."

Lily smiled slightly and then frowned. "Shut it, Severus! Leave her alone!" She gave him a little shove.

He flinched and then collected himself. "You thought it was funny," he said. "Admit it."

"No!" Lily snapped. "She's my sister—"

"You did, you liar," Severus said darkly, and tossed the grass he had picked into her lap.

"Severus!" she yelped, making him laugh his rare, panting laugh. She grabbed up more grass and tossed it at him. He tried to slap her away and then spied a spider they had rustled up from all the grass. Lily noticed at precisely the same time and said one firm word: "Don't."

But Severus had already snatched up the creature, holding it by its fat body and dangling it in front of her face with a smirk.

Lily was half-screaming and half-laughing. "Don't! Don't! Don't!" she repeated again and again. Atticus bobbed his head and hissed, finally swooping at Snape, who dropped the spider inside his own coat and spent the next few minutes scrambling to get it out with one hand and fighting off Atticus with the other. Lily dissolved into giggles. When he fished out the spider, he put it in his hand and let it walk around, trying to demonstrate that there was really nothing to be fearful of.

"It's not going to hurt you, see?"

Lily hesitated and then opened her hand. The spider walked across Severus' to hers and crawled up her arm. "Augh! It feels like little pinpricks! You're right, though, it's not so bad."

After Severus scooped up the spider, Lily grabbed their books. "It's time for tea. Want to come over?"

Severus nodded that he would, and still flushed and smirking, he flapped off behind her, careful to avoid Atticus' beak. When they entered the Evans' home, Severus felt as out of place as ever. Their home was not enormous, but each girl had her own room and their parlor was very much in order, with a neat bookshelf and a spot for Lily's father to do his office work. Lily's mother greeted them pleasantly, though he got the distinct feeling she thought little of him. Lily told him that her parents had forbade her from ever going to Spinner's End, but that suited him fine. He didn't care to have her come to his house anyway. It was embarrassing.

"Hello, dear," she said, kissing Lily's forehead. "Hello, Severus. Your father's not quite home yet, busy day at work. And Tuney's been upstairs for ages, I'm not quite sure what she's up to. I'll bring up some biscuits in a moment. If you chose a board game, perhaps you all could play?" she urged. Severus did not hide his sour expression. He wasn't here to hang out with Petunia, after all. Mrs. Evans raised her eyebrows at him. He stared back.

"Maybe," said Lily faintly. "Come on, Severus." They walked up the stairs to the second story of the home, Atticus flying up to Lily's room ahead of them. Petunia's room was silent when they passed by.

"Told you," Severus said, feeling like being particularly obnoxious. "She's in there practicing."

"No, she isn't," said Lily impatiently. "Tuney!" she said. "Tuney!" There was no answer.

"Of course she's not going to reply. Open the door, and you'll see."

"I don't want to snoop—"

"Go, on. Just peek in." Severus wasn't sure why he was acting like this today. It may have been partly because of the reaction it was sparking in Lily. He wouldn't have normally cared so much, but Lily was considering him with so much awe that it was inspiring. "I'll do it."

"Severus!" urged Lily, but she did not pull him away when he cracked open the door.

"She's not here," he said. And then, "Yikes! Her room is so pink!" With that, he walked in, Lily following him.

"We shouldn't be here," she whispered tersely.

"But look!" Severus whispered back, holding up a bright pink journal, his eyes shining greedily. "Her diary."

"Severus—stop!" Lily said, but there was a similar hunger in her eyes. As though on a cord, she tiptoed over and fell in beside him, peering over his shoulder as he opened it.

"'Dear diary,'" he whispered, leaning into Lily, "'Lily can make things move, at first it was only a little but now she does it all the time. It's scary and very unnatural. Today I saw her actually make a vase fall off the table without pushing it. I don't know what to think and I'm very upset with her!' Doesn't think about much, does she?"

"What else does she say?" Lily pressed him.

Severus flipped a page. "'..and now Lily won't stop hanging out with that boy I wrote about in my last entry. He doesn't look normal, it's like his parents don't care much about him, he has no sense of rules and is always dirty…'" Severus trailed off, his face burning.

"Oh, she doesn't mean it," Lily said, her own face pink. "She's just—"

"I don't care about anything she says," Severus said stiffly, and flipped the page. An envelope fluttered out onto the floor. "What's this?"

Lily picked it up. "It's… for Hogwarts! For the headmaster—"

Severus snatched it and opened it at once. "'Dearest Miss Petunia Evans, I regret to inform you that I cannot enroll you into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.'" Severus' face twisted into surprise. "What?" He read on. "'Although judging by your letter you seem to be a very intelligent and level-headed sort of girl, Hogwarts students are sought out based on their affinity for magical talent'—Intelligent!" He snorted.

"Let me see!" Lily grabbed the letter away and read. "Tuney tried to get into to Hogwarts—"

Severus gave a sardonic laugh, fully satisfied. "Told you, told you! I told you, didn't I? She's so jealous—I can't believe a Muggle actually wrote a letter to Dumbledore. I wonder if there are wizards at the post office, how else could she have sent it? She can't have known how-"

"HELLO ALL!" came the pleasant yell of Lily's father entering the front door.

Lily slipped the letter back in the journal and pried it out of Severus' hands, tossing it on her sister's dresser. "Let's get out of here."


Today was the day. Severus had packed his new belongings and his clothing into an old suitcase, had choked down some cereal that seemed to be a bit moldy, and was now facing his father for the first time in weeks. When he'd awoken in the den, Tobias had been sitting at the kitchen table, glaring at him blearily. He'd been silent, but now, he addressed Severus with a small, simpering smile.

"When you come back," he said," there won't be a place for you." His dark eyes stared into Severus'. "Are you listening to me?" He'd started drinking early in the morning; there was a whiskey bottle next to the milk on the kitchen counter.

Severus paused for a moment with his head drooped down, his sheet of uneven hair hiding his face. He nodded slowly.

"Is he an idiot?" Dad asked Mum. "A mute, like you?" He raised his hand like he was going to thrash Severus across the face and Severus flinched. Dad let out a laugh. "Little bastard."

"Come along, Severus," Mum said stiffly. "You've dawdled long enough."

Severus grabbed his bag and followed her out the door to the bus stop. They didn't speak at all until they got to King's Cross. "He's just upset," Mum said with a shrug. Compared to the other mothers and fathers in the station, Severus thought she looked very small and tired. "You're welcome to come home for break, although they do keep the school open if you want to stay back. "

"I'll think about it," Severus said, though his eyes were on Lily and her family, who had just come onto the platform.

Mum turned to track his gaze. "Is that your Mudblood friend?"

Severus nodded.

"You can join them, if you wish." She hesitated. "You can write... They supply owls, though I know you will be busy with class work. If you send them infrequently, your father won't care too much, if he's even around. At least let me know what house you get into. I know you're dying to see." On her thin mouth formed a hint of a smile that fell away as quickly as it came. "So long, Severus." Without even a backwards glance, his mother swooped out of the station, her black handbag swinging at her side.

Around Severus, hoards of people chattered and yelled, sparks flew up, parents kissed and hugged children, cats wove in and out of people's legs, howling. He felt a rise of excitement in his chest as he turned toward Lily. But she was gone. All that was left was her parents, who seemed to be comforting a crying Petunia. Irritated, Severus passed through the crowd, and boarded the Hogwarts Express. The first thing he did was put on his dress robes, hiding away his mismatched clothing. No one had to know where he lived and he suspected many of them wouldn't have even heard of it. Severus felt his fortune changing immediately. When he'd changed, he wandered from compartment to compartment, looking for Lily.

He finally spotted her in one near the end. She was crying and gazing out the window and when he greeted her, she was mad at him. Petunia had discovered that her letter had been found, and was apparently very cross with Lily. In a matter of minutes though, Lily settled down and they chattered happily about how wonderful it was to finally be going. At that point, the other boys in the compartment started poking fun at them. One was slight and black-haired, with robes that looked like they'd been pressed. The other had long, dark hair and was wearing hip trainers that Severus had seen in Diagon Alley—they were dragon hide. Severus and Lily decided to leave—rather, Lily, looking aggravated had ushered them out of there, the boys hooting with laughter behind them. "What did they just call me?" Severus asked, as they dipped into another compartment across the way.

"I don't know," Lily said angrily, her green eyes flashing in a way that Snape found sort of disturbing. "Just forget it. They had no business acting so rotten. Your Mum was in Slytherin, and so I'm sure it's quite good!"

"My mother's a professor, one of Slytherin's alumni," piped up a small, dignified looking black boy wearing fresh robes and reading a book on fortune telling. "Madame Zabini. And I'm Rainworth. Rain, for short. What are your names?"

"I'm Severus," he said. "This is Lily. Are you a first year, too?"

"No," said the boy shortly. "I'm a fourth year."

Severus and Lily cast sideways glances of amusement at each other.

"Do you think you'll be in Slytherin?" the little boy asked.

Severus nodded. "Yes," he said forcefully. "Probably the both of us."

"Mother's tough, but very fair. She always gives me the best marks," he said, all of which Severus thought was ridiculous coming from someone who was her son. He glared, and Lily, sensing his annoyance, gave his foot a nudge with her toe. Luckily, Zabini seemed to not want to be bothered, and Lily and Severus were free to chat for the rest of the train ride.


And now, here he was, standing in the Great Hall, which was even better than he could have imagined. He was taking it all in, but it was too much—it was all too much.

Severus shook himself out of his nervous thoughts. The line was moving forward. Soon it was Lily's turn, and she squeezed Severus' shoulder before running up to the chair. The hat took a fair time with Lily, and Severus kept his fingers crossed behind his back. But it was to no avail—the hat shouted "GRYFFINDOR!" and in an instant, off she went. Severus stared as she scooted in easily at the Gryffindor table. He was shocked, though he did not know why. It should have been obvious that they wouldn't be sorted in the same house. It was typical of Severus' luck.

Still. Lily in the thrill-seeking Gryffindor house? As if sensing his gaze, she turned to him and made a sad smile, shrugging. Severus finally sat down to be sorted; he was one of the last. "Ah, very interesting," the hat whispered in his ear, making him jump. "You've got plenty of brains but there's something else—you'd love to be noticed, wouldn't you? You're brave, even though you might not think you are. You're observant, self-reliant, and calculating…Well, it's quite obvious. You'll prosper greatly in—" "SLYTHERIN!" it screamed, hurting Severus' ears. He put the hat down and wandered over to the banquet table with the green satin tablecloth where his new housemates were clapping.

"Welcome," said a tall older blonde boy with gleaming teeth, patting Severus on the back. He stuck out his hand to shake Severus'. He had a very firm grip and an intense stare. "My name is Lucius Malfoy. I'm the head prefect in Slytherin. If you need anything or have any questions, you can ask me—"

"Basically, if you miss your Mummy, it's his job to give you a teddy bear," cackled a pretty black haired older girl with hard eyes.

"Do you have to say that to every new first year, Bellatrix?" another girl, poised and blonde, asked. She was staring at her nails intently, making them change colors.

"I like the silver, 'Cissa," Bellatrix said. "And I'm merely helping Lucius. I know he wants to do well on his first day." She cuffed Lucius on the shoulder.

Lucius, scowling darkly, looked a bit put out. "It's not my job to give you a teddy bear," he said, sort of ferociously, in Severus' opinion. Severus tried to put on an expression that conveyed he that he very much did not need or want a teddy bear. "Narcissa and Bellatrix Black," Lucius gestured to the girls. Severus knew the surname from his mother, who had gone to school with the previous generation of Blacks. "And that's Dolores—" a small prim girl in pink with a flat nose giggled and waved—" this here is Xia Marks, Selden Parkinson, Caulworth Jones, and Rita Skeeter." They waved. "This is Rain Zabini—his mother is a—"

"We've met," said Rain shrilly, waving Lucius away, still buried in his book.

"Balls still haven't dropped," muttered Parkinson into his napkin. Caulworth Jones sniggered.

"And these three are new like you…" Lucius paused. "Forgive me- you'll have to introduce yourselves, I've been learning too many new names."

"Mulciber. Vincent Mulciber," said a high-voiced prim looking boy with thick brown curls and a chin that seemed too big for his small face. He waved with the tips of his fingers. "Samuel Avery," said a slight red haired boy with blue eyes like slits. "Evan Rosier," grunted a tan girl whose face was framed with dark bangs, offering her hand. Severus shook it, his heart racing. He wasn't enjoying being around so many people.

"Severus Snape," he said to everyone after a few moments. There was a thick pause.

"Excited?" Lucius loudly asked all the first years in earshot as though he were addressing two year olds, smiling widely. He gave Severus the distinct impression that he wasn't always this nice. "I remember when I first came to Hogwarts… It seems quite long ago—"

"Yes, because you're so grown up now and everything," Bellatrix said, her heavily lidded eyes filled with amusement.

Lucius went on in a patronizing tone, apparently liking the sound of his own voice. "I have high hopes for all of you. As you should know, Slytherin is the best Hogwarts house. Salazaar Slytherin, the founder, was a man well known for his—"

"Penchant for snogging the wives of his best friends?" Bellatrix offered.

"Really?" Rita asked. "Which friends? Godric Gryffindor? Was that why they broke apart?" She and Dolores twittered together.

His face turning red, Lucius breathed in slowly as though he might momentarily burst into a fit of rage. Watching him made Severus sort of nervous, so he looked behind him at the Gryffindor table, where Lily was talking to a crowd of people. "NO," Lucius continued," and you should bite your tongue. Slytherin was a keen mind; he wrote several books and is responsible for creating some of the most effective curses, which will come in handy to learn about when you are all much older. Of course, no one here will teach you." He fell silent, as though daring people to ask who would teach them, and how he was smart enough to know.

"It's true that he was a philanderer," Bellatrix said rather bleakly, obviously upset that Lucius would question her loyalty to Slytherin. "I read it somewhere. Anyway, I'm just angry that Sirius got sorted into Gryffindor. He's such a little show off. Probably begged the hat to go there so he'd look rebellious."

Narcissa nodded. "Always has to stand out. Auntie will absolutely die when she hears the news."

"Ahem, hem," coughed the Dolores girl. "Girls, I think Dumbledore's about to start the beginning of term speech!"

Severus and the others turned toward the front of the hall, where the bearded Headmaster was shooting stars out of his wand and smiling. Dumbledore had been head of Hogwarts since before Snape's mum was there. She'd said very little about him, but seemed to think favorably of him. Despite feeling bad about Lily, Snape was excited and more than a little hungry. This would be the first full meal he'd had in about a week.

After the meal, Severus was feeling upset. It was a travesty. Severus knew Lily well enough to be sure that she'd be a much better Slytherin. Hogwarts was going to be the improvement Severus' life had needed, but now he was certain everything was going to go terribly wrong. He'd tried to get her attention after the feast, and off she went with the Gryffindors, happy as anything! What if she forgot they were friends? What if she realized that he really was weird, and that she was—well, she was Lily? Severus' brow furrowed. In the time they had spent together, Severus had been Lily's only link to the wizarding world. But now that they were at Hogwarts, anyone could help her out. This horrified Severus. Why had he not thought about it before? Lily was the best thing that had happened to him… It was stupid even in his head, it sounded so soppy and ridiculous. But he realized it was true. He knew he should be conversing with his new classmates, but instead, Severus yearned for his best friend. His best friend who was in stupid Gryffindor.

"All right, Snape? It's Snape, isn't it?" came Lucius' drawling voice.

Severus, who had been hunched over the common room fire, turned around to face the Slytherin Prefect. "It is," he said quietly. "And yes, I'm all right. My friend got sorted into the wrong house, that's all." He tried to hide the fact that he was rather upset about this news.

Lucius smiled pleasantly, but a couple other boys sniggered. Snape narrowed his eyes, wondering if Lucius was really being friendly or if he was having some fun with him. "Pity for him," Lucius said. "Slytherin is incomparable to the other houses—"

"Her," corrected Snape instantly. "She's stuck in Gryffindor."

"Oh, her," Lucius grinned even wider, flipping his wavy blond hair out of his face. "Tut, tut, bad luck." The older boy sat up and patted the spot on the couch next to him. "I don't bite," he said laughingly when Snape hung back.

Snape breathed in nervously. Lucius hadn't directly spoken to him since greeting him at the feast, and in his experience, older boys did not normally like him. Girls at least either left him alone, pitied him, or weren't half as cruel to him. He sat down next to Lucius crisply.

"Aren't you hot in those robes?" Lucius asked suddenly. The others had all changed into different clothes. "They look like the old velvet kind."

Severus shook his head slowly, though he was sweating bullets. The fact was, all of his clothing had been donated to his home from a local organization for poor families. Severus' clothes were all too big, too small, or strange looking. His shoes made clapping sounds when he walked, and the underpants he had were all faded and baggy, some sort of factory rejects. He was determined not to look like a total fool during his first week at Hogwarts. The robe, though second-hand, was better than all of his Muggle clothes put together.

Lucius stared at him through his bright grey eyes. "Snape," he said, as though deep in thought. "I'll have to ask my parents if they knew yours at school. What was your mother's maiden name? Perhaps they knew both your parents. "

"Prince," he said softly. His mother hadn't told him, but he'd seen it in her old yearbooks.

Lucius clapped him around the shoulder suddenly, making him jump. "You'll find a new girlfriend, I'm sure."

Instantly, Snape went red and clenched his teeth. "NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!" he all but screamed, thoroughly annoyed.

Lucius dissolved into hearty laughter, which inspired the entire common room to follow suit. "That's rich," Lucius said," that's so rich. You are too much, Snape!"

Severus was almost halfway down the common room stairs to get to bed. In his dorm room, he was unhappy to see that Mulciber, Avery and Ethan Middleton were all awake, chatting animatedly. For a brief instant, he missed his solitude at home but that was instantly pushed out of his mind. He'd rather be surrounded by hundreds of idiots than be stuck alone with his father.

"Hi there, Snape," said Mulciber in a prissy tone of obvious high breeding. "We're all just getting to know each other, being that we'll be stuck together for the next seven years. I'm rather looking forward to Hogwarts. Where are you from, anyway?"

Severus sat on his bed and pulled off his shoes. "Cokeworth," he said. The boys watched him. "I live with my mum?" he offered meekly.

"Is your father dead?" Middleton asked in an unsympathetic tone. It was clear he was both trying to gauge Severus' blood status and whether he was from a broken home.

Severus nodded without thinking about it. "I don't know much about him. And I'm really tired." With that, he settled in his canopy bed and closed the curtains around him, not caring that he hadn't changed to pajamas, not caring he'd turned away his dorm mates. They were quiet for a few minutes and then kept talking, exchanging information about the size of their estates, their Pureblood lineage, and how early they'd produced magic.