Title: Thinking About Forever

Summary: She was dead and it was a set up.

Rating: PG - for one bad word

Disclaimer: As always, not mine.

Dedication: To melanieanne, because her Alias FF is just unreal, and she got me back into the fandom! Big kisses for that!

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It was a set up. She was dead and it was a set up. He had killed her.

(You watched as her blood mingled with water, the taste of her still on your lips.)

He'd killed her because he thought she'd betrayed him, and Sydney. Again. Why had he been so quick to believe it? No questions asked. He laughs, because that had always been her mantra.

Shoot first, ask questions later.

(You swear she was laughing at you as her lifeless body shifted weightlessly through the water.)

He's alive. Breathing. Living. But still she got the last laugh. He wonders if she knew what he was planning to do, because she never struggled, or tried to talk her way out of it.

(Your body burned for her. Just to feel her again)

All he could see was his daughter standing there, telling him, that it was a set up. That he'd killed the love of his life for nothing.

(You clutch the bottle closer to you and crumble against the wall.)

There is so much he can regret in his life. Lies. Deceit. Betrayal. On his part and others on him. (Marry me Laura.) But for the life of him, he can't regret her, the first time or the second time, or even the third time.

Irina Derevko is the blood in his veins.

(And for god's sake, you don't even believe in soul mates or any of that destiny crap. But if you did, you would say she was yours and that you were hers and that you were destined to be together, like some beautiful tragedy.)

He'd been once told that Irina Derevko was immortal. Some wannabe follower had laughed at him, spitting out blood onto the floor, his own death looming behind him.

(You think that maybe that guy was right, but for all the wrong reasons because you know you'll never be able to forget her. You didn't the first time round, why would it be any different this time. You've had to live through her death twice now, and not once did you get over her.)

For so many years after Laura's death, after learning the truth, he dreamed of the day he would put a bullet in Irina Derevko's head. The pain of Laura's (Irina's) betrayal too much for him to handle, all he had left was anguish and fury. He'd but a bullet between her eyes, and after so many years of dreaming of it, it leaves him with very little satisfaction.

(But you can't help but feel like you failed her in some way. After all you've been through and all she has done to you, you're the one left feeling like the betrayer and the one in the wrong.)

He takes another swig out of the bottle. Pain etched all across his face. His body shakes and he cries.

(And you feel so much guilt it almost fucking chokes you. You killed your daughter's mother. The mother of your child. Your soul mate, and its no longer beautiful, just a tragedy.)

fin