Prologue

Lillian Amell Hawke was a proud warrior, revered in her achievements, but she was not blind to her failures. Her deepest regrets were Carver's untimely death and Bethany's inevitable exposure as a mage. However, nothing compared to finding her mother butchered by a lunatic. Now more than ever, she had turned to prayer, hoping the light of the Maker might shine down upon her and blot out the image seared into her mind of her mother's mangled corpse. Lillian found herself confining in Sebastian, the only one who knew what it was like to lose a family and the only visitor she had allowed since the tragedy conspired.

Lillian crossed her room and knelt down in front of her miniature chest. It was filled with small possessions she had owned before the Blight had driven her out of Lothering. Lifting the lid, Lillian gazed down at the mementos and felt the nostalgic ache eat at her heart. Movement to her left caught Lillian's attention and thinking it to be another burglar, she slammed the chest shut and stood. Her quickened heartbeat slowed slightly as her eyes met Varric's. She wanted to hug him, perhaps crumble in his arms and weep, knowing he would never hold such an action against her. Instead she addressed him in a monotone. "I don't want any visitors."

"That's not true Lavender, Choirboy's visited quite alot, hasn't he? Which is understandable, considering..." Varric began.

Taking a shaky breath, Lillian broke him off. "H-How is everyone?" she asked.

Varric was silent a moment, studying her. "...Good. They've written you know...well I wrote on behalf of Fenris since he doesn't know how to. Between you and me, I've taught him a little and he's making excellent strides. He'd much rather be slaying bandits of course, but I don't think he trusts himself without you around to ground him."

Lillian retreated to her bed, perching on its side. "..I'm not ready.." she whispered, mostly to herself. Her blue eyes followed Varric's as he headed for her desk and wasted no time pulling the chair out. Raising her voice she added. "I think you should go.."

Varric seemingly ignored her as he sat down, readjusting his jacket. "I hate to disagree with a grieving woman, but that doesn't mean I won't..." he replied with a neutral expression and an even tone.

"Varric.."

"Hawke...it's been two and a half weeks. You can ignore me if you want, but you need my presence just as much as I need yours. Besides, Bianca likes to keep track of her competition. So if you won't indulge me, at least indulge her." Lillian felt her lips crack into a smile. "Neither of us think Choirboy should be your only source of company, too much goodness is a bad thing."

"The expression is 'too much of a good thing, is a bad thing'." Lillian corrected.

"Well I was going to say that but I wasn't sure how you'd react to me calling Choirboy a 'thing'..." Varric retorted with a grin.

To her own amazement Lillian laughed, but it was only for a moment. "..Have you visited Bethany?" she asked softly, staring at the floor.

"...I think she's more heartbroken than you are, seeing as it was one of her own that did it."

"...If I had only been more vigilant than maybe..."

"No." Varric interrupted. Lillian glanced up at him sharply. "Don't do this Hawke; no good will come of you blaming yourself. Leandra wouldn't have wanted that."

Replying with a bittersweet smile, Lillian said. "You obviously don't know my mother..."

Varric could easily argue that point, but he decided not to. "...I know what she said as she passed on. She was at peace with her predicament."

"And how am I to be at peace knowing the only family I have left is a gambling bastard of an uncle and a sister I can only see once a month?!" Lillian snapped.

"You're forgetting Cessah." Varric pointed out and from the hallway, her Mabari barked his agreement. Continuing to address Lillian, Varric stood. "You may not recognize it, but we're all your family Hawke, Barnum, Sandal, Orianni...each one of us would stop at nothing to see you happy. We love you...and I don't use the word lightly. Especially when it comes to Rivanni."

There was a gentle knock on the door and Barnum's voice called through. "My lady? We're back from the market."

"Ah so that's how you got in.." Lillian mused.

"Actually I came in through the cellar tunnels, ya know the ones that connect to darktown. I considered bringing Blondie along but I figured he has enough to worry about without you holding resentment for him invading your home."

"...You weren't afraid I'd resent you?" Lillian asked.

"Nah, it's hard to resent a man that sings your praises." Varric answered coyly.

"I suspect my grief is having a poor impact on that vision of me you paint for your unsuspecting audience."

"Shows what you know about storytelling Hawke."

As Varric turned to leave, Lillian halted him. "Varric? Tell Anders I'd like to speak with him..here.." she requested. There was something other than grief that had been devouring Lillian's morale. It was time she faced it.


Lillian tore her eyes away from the dancing embers of the fireplace as Anders entered her room. She forced a smile onto her face but before she could say a word, he began to speak. "Justice does not approve of me being here. He thinks you're a distraction. Worse, he thinks you'll hold magekind accountable for what happened..."

"I don't." Lillian told him.

"I know, but it'll make things easier hearing you say it." Anders said with a nimble smile.

Lillian's faint smile grew dimmer. "I can't do this Anders.." she confessed.

Anders's face grew cloudy. "A relationship you mean?" She nodded. "Does it have anything to do with that lunatic?" She shook her head, but neither Anders nor Lillian knew if that was an honest response. "...Than...it's Sebastian isn't it? Course it is, he's the only one you've allowed visit you during this hardship...Not to mention he's kind, he's reliable..."

"Anders.." Lillian interrupted.

"He's safe." Anders continued. "And I'm not….You took my advice afterall…" he realized with a bitter smirk.

"..I'm sorry.." Lillian said sincerely.

"You needn't be…" Anders replied just as sincerely. "It's the right choice…except for the Sebastian part…"

Lillian perked an eyebrow. "..Excuse me?"

"He's not the right man for you Lil. Anyone could see that. You may think you share the same principals but you differ on a large one, a personal one even..apostates. Were it up to him, Merrill and I would've been made tranquil after our first meeting." Anders responded.

"You're wrong." Lillian argued.

"I'm not, and you know I'm not. He would never stand for magekind with an honest heart…Neither would Fenris for that matter."

With narrowed eyes, Lillian sighed. "Must you bring Fenris into this?"

Anders stared at her. "Must you always defend that rabid dog?!" he countered.

"Do not call him that!" Lillian warned.

A blue glow gleamed across Anders's brown eyes and when he opened his mouth, Justice spoke. "You defend someone who would slaughter your sister for sneezing without a second thought? Surely you know that elf is no less guilty of desire than I am. His ill-gotten devotion to you is the only reason Merrill's still breathing!"

"Enough Justice! I will hear no more!" Lillian snapped.

His lips curled into a snarl. "This impasse benefits us all! The elf will brood, the highborn will pray and the heroine will save the day…just as pure as the day she was born!" he growled, as the glow faded from his eyes. Blinking rapidly, Anders muttered under his breath as he tried to regain his composure. "Lily.."

"Leave Anders…Let us pretend you were never here.." Lillian told him, turning towards the fireplace once again. She refused to look at him, refused to see the raw emotion etched on his face. Justice had hit a very delicate nerve bringing her virginity into his ramble.

"...I'll go...but you should know, Fenris did threaten my life. Said he'd kill me if I broke your heart." Anders responded. Lillian resisted her urge to scoff and just fixed Anders with a blank stare. "If you don't believe me, ask Varric." he added sourly, turning on his heel. She never did.