Seven Unique Ways to Commit Suicide

Possibility one: Offer yourself as a babysitter for Hagrid's pets.

Especially recommended to: People who are not afraid of a painful death

Assumed probability of success: Depends on your skill

Possible reason for failure: Hagrid has just locked himself up in his cabin, refusing to listen to your offer, because of the latest attack on his self-esteem.

Side effects: Might break Hagrid's heart if you get into a close relationship with him first.

Possibility two: Dig up Voldemort's corpse, take a Polyjuice Potion with a part of him and show yourself in public.

Especially recommended to: good actors and actresses or people who suffer from a lack of attention

Assumed probability of success: ~80% (under the assumption that you are able to brew the Polyjuice Potion correctly or get some correctly brewed potion from someone else)

Possible reasons for failure: The people you show yourself to are Death Eaters, Muggles, cowards or manage to arrest you without killing.

Side effects: Might cause a mass panic, make a random person become a hero and give the future History of Magic students more to learn.

Possibility three: Make an Unbreakable Vow that you will die within a certain period of time – you'll either die or die.

Especially recommended to: People who'd like to die during a specific action (e.g. while sleeping)

Assumed probability of success: 100% (under the assumption that you manage to find two people willing to assist you with the performance of the vow)

Possible reasons for failure: None

Side effects: None

Possibility four: Use a Time Turner and duel yourself.

Especially recommended to: People who'd like to die in a fight, but have no enemy who's good enough to stand a chance

Assumed probability of success: 100% (under the assumption that you keep fighting until either you or you are dead)

Possible reasons for failure: None

Side effects: You'll experience your own death twice (once as the killer and once as the killed)

Possibility five: Persuade Snape to become a double agent and convince him that it is necessary for his credibility to kill you while members of the enemy group are watching.

Especially recommended to: People who want to give their death a higher purpose

Assumed probability of success: ~5%

Possible reasons for failure: Lack of enemy groups or lack of influence on Snape

Side effects: Might pose a psychological strain for Snape, but will help fighting the enemy group

Possibility six: Have dinner with twelve guests and get up from the table before anyone else does.

Especially recommended to: People who believe what Professor Trelawney says

Assumed probability of success: ~0.0000000001%

Possible reason for failure: Lack of coincidence

Side effects: You might have a nice evening.

Possibility seven: Keep drinking Aging Potion until you die of decrepitude.

Especially recommended to: People who share the medieval belief that suicides will burn in hell and therefore want to die a natural death.

Assumed probability of success: ~85% (under the assumption that you are able to brew a sufficient amount of Aging Potion correctly or get enough correctly brewed potion from someone else)

Possible reasons for failure: The growing age makes you so clouded that you forget your plan (and therefore stop drinking) before it makes you die.

Side effects: You get to know how you look as a very old person.


So, which possibility do you find most interesting? Which one would you choose to carry out if you had to?