Pairing: Yugi x Seto and Atem x Seth.

Warning: This is yaoi, don't like it go away. Rated T for well... language and Yugi's thoughts.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! Only this... well I guess it's sort of a twoshot. :P

A/N: This story is very personal to me... so I hope it's not bad or anything... there's supposed to be another chapter, so if I get nice reviews I'll update again.

Review please.


Yugi slowly found his eyes opening, sunlight had creeped over his face making it harder to see. He brought his hand up to his face to block the luminous light, when he found enough strength he slowly sat up. With the sun now out of his face, he was able to look around his room that was only lit by the stray beams of sunlight from his window next to his bed. The first thought that entered Yugi's mind was one he asked himself every morning.

Why did I get up?

He still couldn't figure this out. He couldn't figure out how he was still waking up, and being able to move with being so broken inside. Yugi brought his knees up to his chest then wrapped his arms around them, resting his cheek against his knee to look into his empty room. His room was very small, there was a desk across from his bed that was made of red oak but looked much darker in no light. The only thing that sat on his desk was a large binder for work and a small blue lamp.

Right next to his desk was a closet with a sliding mirror as a door, he didn't have a bunch of clothes so it fit everything fine. Next to his bed was a small end table with a digital clock. He couldn't see the numbers now since he always turned it away when he slept, and that was it.

Yugi turned his head to look out the window, he always enjoyed his view. There was park across the street from where he lived, it was always full of life whether it be people or animals that inhabit it. Right now he could see birds perched upon the branches of the trees, chirping happily at the coming day. Yugi would have smiled if he had it in him. Beyond the park was where he worked, a large tower loomed over the entire city, there he was a secretary to one of the world's most powerful and prosperous companies.

He didn't know how long he had worked there for, maybe ever since the accident…

Yugi immediately cringed. He hated thinking about that, but it was always on his mind anyways. It was impossible to forget about when it was the event that devastated his life and left a scar of depression in its wake.

Yes, he was depressed. The fun loving, happy, excitable, bundle of joy was depressed. It was a spiraling depression, with each day taking more life out of him, more and more did he see in black and white that he barely remembered what the color of life looked like. He was unable to move on, he just couldn't, it wasn't possible for him. There was nothing in this world that could ever, ever, fill that void in his heart that was sucking away his very life.

He had mostly gotten past the tears, he felt as though he had none left to cry. Now, it was just a great pain, ache, sore in his heart. He could barely even function anymore, that was why he questioned why he got up every morning. How was he able to? How was he able to open his eyes and actually start a new day? It felt all like a never ending cycle of pain and misery with each breath and step he took, the pain grew. He felt like he would never escape this fate.

He would never escape the loneliness.

There was nothing left of his life anymore, nothing that felt meaningful because it was taken away from him. The one thing that he had treasured the most was ripped from his hands and murdered before him. The only thing that kept him who he had been, what kept him happy, that made him feel important, that made him feel wanted, that made him feel like he could do anything. That thing could never be replaced.

It was his friendship, his friends. They could never be replaced. Jou, Honda, and Anzu, they were his best friends, no one could take that away. Then how, how had his friends been taken from him? They were like his family, they had done everything together, they had supported each other through everything in life. When one of them was down, the other three would do everything they could to pick them back up again. They were all he had left when Yami moved to Egypt after getting married.

What did he have now? Nothing but a heart full of shattered memories. His friends, the three of them, had been killed in a car accident four months ago and Yugi still couldn't get over it. He couldn't stop the loneliness from taking a hold of him, he could stop the want to join his friends where ever they were. He hated this feeling, but he still forced himself to live. Why? He still couldn't figure out why. He didn't know how to cope, he didn't know how to get over it, maybe that was because he simply didn't want to.

Was it because if he coped or got over it, then he'd feel like he would just forget about his friends? That their memories inside his heart would just disappear? Possibly. But for this, there was a cost that wasn't worth it, but Yugi didn't realize this. The cost was his sanity, his drive to live, his want to move on and be his own person, the possibly to start new, to pick up his life and start again. He didn't want that, he didn't want to have a new life, he refused to move on. He just couldn't, there was no one that could take his friends place.

Coming from his thoughts, Yugi lifted his head from his knees, he wiped his eyes realizing that he had been crying the whole time.

"I guess I still have some tears left…" Yugi murmured to himself. He'd thought within the months he'd cried himself dry, but maybe there were always tears inside him. Maybe he didn't realize he cried anymore due to how much he had lately.

Yugi furiously wiped his eyes, he then adjusted on his bed so that he could turn his alarm clock towards him and see the time. Once his brain registered that it was eight am, he jumped out of bed in a panic. He was going to be late! He had to be out the door by eight thirty and he wasn't even out of bed yet! Yugi ran to his closet, flinging it open, the door vibrating and for a moment while it did Yugi hoping the mirror wouldn't somehow break. That last thing he needed was the mirror shattering, but then again it might kill him… maybe it would be better that way.

Pushing that away, Yugi reached into his closet and grabbed whatever clothes he could find but made sure they were work appropriate. Once they were in his arms, he shut the door with his foot and ran out of his room to the bathroom for an insanely quick shower.

xXxXx

As soon as Yugi entered the tall corporate building from the sliding doors, he was ten minutes late. He was panting from having ran from his apartment to here within five minutes, normally he walked which took ten, but that was on days he wasn't late.

Yugi hurriedly walked to his desk, it was much bigger than the one he had at home and ten times as nicer. It was made of glass and wrapped around a large portion of the wall, in front of it was a small waiting area and an elevator right next to his desk. His job was almost simple, picking up the phone was mainly all he did, but he also wrote memo's, did paperwork, and sent emails to whoever that needed it.

When he was behind the desk, he dropped down the larger binder filled with paperwork and somehow a planner, Yugi sat down in the black chair and took a breath.

Though his breath was cut short by the intercom already buzzing, that was rare, normally it took a few business hours for that to happen. Sometimes it never did since the one of the other end of it was the CEO of the company, he barely wasted any breath on Yugi. Anytime he heard his voice it was rare. He barely even got to see him, he was always on the top floor, where his office was. Yugi had only gone up there a hand full of times to deliver papers and memo's.

Sometimes when breath didn't even want to be wasted, he'd just get emails telling him to do things. Yugi wanted to say he didn't mind it, but deep down it made him feel even more pathetic, it made him feel so pathetic he wasn't worth the time to speak with to the executive. There was also the fact that he was in love with him. He had been ever since he first laid eyes on him, but what did it matter? Only in his dreams were his feelings returned.

Not wanting to keep him any longer, Yugi reached over to press the button right below the flashing red one. He opened his mouth to speak but the harsh voice of the CEO broke through, leaving his mouth dry.

"Why were you late?" he snapped hastily. How did he even know he'd walked through the door? Either way, Yugi wasn't going to question it, he had to answer him, and it had to be a good answer. Too bad he didn't have one. He wasn't going to tell the man he was in love with that he was late because he was crying In bed.

"I'm sorry… I just woke up late. It won't happen again." Yugi answered. Hoping he wouldn't be snapped at again, he hated when he heard his voice so cold to him. Why couldn't it ever be like in his dreams?

"That's what alarm clocks are for! If your late again, don't even bother showing up." Was his reply before the red button dulled to nothing.

Yugi sat and stared at the intercom after removing his finger from the button. Before he even realized what was happening, his eyes swelled and tears drifted down his cheeks. He didn't know what made him cry so abruptly, maybe because of how fragile his heart was right now. Maybe it was because he'd never once had an actual conversation with Kaiba, the CEO of KaibaCorp. He was in love with him ever since he started working here, and yet had he ever really spoken to him.

The reason was obvious, it was because Kaiba didn't want to waste any time talking with him, talking with someone as pathetic and weak as Yugi. Who would want to? He was a nobody, he had nobody. He had no friends, he was a loser. He was alone. He didn't even deserve to love Kaiba, nothing would ever happen between them. Like Kaiba would ever love him back? It could have been almost funny to think about.

Though Yugi couldn't help it, he just did. He loved everything about him, he loved his dedication to his company, he loved his determination, his intelligence, and his eyes. He loved those blue eyes so much, he wished that they would only look at him more, he wished they'd look at him the way they did in his dreams. Kaiba was his first love, and probably his last. Yami was the only one who knew about his love for Kaiba.

They wrote each other letters all the time, talking about their lives and what was happening. When Yami had found out about the accident he'd been crushed also since he'd been so close to his friends as well. Though he seemed to get over it in a month or so, maybe that was because he was married, he had someone who loved him and was with him all the time. Yugi had never met the man he'd married, but Yami had explained that he was kind, handsome, and that they loved each other very much. Yugi barely remembered his name now, but he recalled it being Seth.

Despite the fact that they sent each other letters, Yugi never spoke of his true feelings. Yami had thought he got over his friends dying also. He neither knew anything about his depression, Yugi wasn't sure why he didn't tell Yami, but it had to be because he didn't want to worry him. He didn't want to feel like a burden to him now that his life was so perfect. Yugi didn't want to ruin that. Yami deserved to be happy.

Yugi moved his eyes to the computer near him, shaking the mouse to wake up the monitor from its sleep. He couldn't keep doing this, his life was a joke, just one big joke. What was he living for? Why did he exist? Wouldn't the world just be better off if he didn't? If he just disappeared?

That way at least Kaiba could find a better secretary, someone who wasn't late.

At this moment, Yugi's actions froze but the hand over the mouse tightened. He knew the truth, he knew he couldn't keep this up, he had to join his friends, he wanted to be with them again, he wanted to hear their voices. Yugi knew that there was no other way, he just couldn't take this pain in his heart any longer. He hated being alone, he hated feeling like no one cared about him, he hated feeling unwanted, and he hated being unhappy. He wouldn't get over the deaths of his best friends, he'd join them. No one would miss him anyways.

When the phone rang, Yugi waited until he was collected enough to answer. It was decided, this would be the last day of his life, it would be the last day he worked, the last day he felt pain or sorrow, he would make it stop. He didn't care what he had to do. He just couldn't take living such a worthless and meaningless life.

xXxXx

Before he left work early, he'd sent Yami an email. Telling him of his plans of suicide and that he was sorry, but he couldn't take being trapped in the circle of pain any longer, he told him the truth. After sending it, there was a moment of wanting to take it back, but then it changed into relief, at least now Yami knew the truth. He'd know why he died.

On his way home he'd stopped by the drugstore, searching for minutes before picking up a bottle of Aspirin and settling with a that. He didn't want to use any kind of weapon or alcohol, even though in the end it didn't matter, he just didn't want to do it that way.

He now sat in his living room, staring down at the bottle in his hands. He turned it over a few times, glancing at the warning of not taking more than two every few hours.

Was this what he really wanted to do? Did he really want to die this way?

Yugi gripped the bottle tighter, biting back tears. Yes, this was what he wanted to do. He couldn't take living if he was going to feel so lone for the rest of his life, it wasn't worth it. He didn't want to go through every day like cement weights were tied around his ankles. He had nothing else to live for, his life would turn into a rut. Eventually he knew he'd get fired from his job, that was only a matter of time. Kaiba clearly, strongly disliked him, he would probably be happy knowing he was dead.

No one needed him around, no one wanted him around. He was just a waste, in a way he was doing the world a favor.

Yugi brought the bottle closer, unscrewing the cap he poured a handful of pills into his hand. They were small, which made them easier to swallow. Yugi stared at them like he was looking death in the face, he practically was. There had to be possibly nine or ten pills in his hand, and he planned on swallowing them all.

For a moment, he felt sick of himself, that he was actually doing this, but what other choice did he have? He didn't feel wanted anymore, he didn't feel cared about anymore, without his friends he was nothing. He missed them so much, things had never been the same without them, like a huge part of his heart was missing. The pain it left even after so many months was unbearable, he couldn't go through with his life any longer. He just wanted to die. He wanted to be with his friends, where he was wanted. Where he wouldn't feel lonely anymore.

"I'm sorry…" he murmured his last words, bringing the handful of pills up to his mouth.