Disclaimer: The only thing I own is the story idea and only some of the witty remarks. I own so little; so please don't steal.

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You Can't Spell Victory Without Canada

"Hi, how are you…I beat my big brother over the weekend!"

America didn't hate Canada. They were brothers. The best brother friend. BBF. Or best friend brother. BFB. Whatever. When it came down to it, no matter how many arguments and pointed fingers, he and Canada were family who lived on the same landmass and enjoyed the same conquered beginnings of that little thing called Europe.

But still, Mattie was being rather annoying as of late. All because he won in ice hockey. Like that was a big deal. Yeah right. And he had gotten the most gold metals. Yeah, real big deal. And that meant that people were actually paying attention to him or something. Like he cared about attention. No way.

"Oh, hi! We've never really spoken…you've never really seen me…but I beat America at hockey!"

America spent his time glowering as Canada made friends.

"Oh Canada, our home and native land~!" He couldn't bear to listen to that anthem again. So he did as any normal brother would have; he tackled Canada into the wall. That shut his brother up, but temporarily.

"Oh hi, second place America!" Canada's smug 'I-got-you-back-from-that-last-defeat-you-damn-Yankee' look was NOT annoying him. Not in any way. They were BFBs, after all. "What's up?"

"I got more metals than you, okay? So what if you beat me in the last of the winter games? So what if a lot of your people were watching and a lot of my people were watching? I got more metals than you! So there!"

"Yes, yes." Canada pat his brother awkwardly on the head; if he wasn't mistaken, America was starting to whine into his maple leaf sweater. "I won't say anything about it anymore. I won't sing my song anymore. I mean, some of my team were from your house, anyway. And you did make it exciting."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…"

"It's not like gold is better than silver."

"Yeah…"

"It's not like I totally beat your sorry ass in front of the world in my favorite sport…I mean, Sweden totally won in curling…home field advantage…you know…eh…"

"You're not helping!"

"I'm sorry, America, but I'm pretty awesome. You gotta admit that."

"I admit nothing! England! England!! Canada's picking on me again! England?"

England had taken the first opportunity to hop the next plane back home and relax back at home. He hadn't had a good cup of coffee and sleep in a while. He had security systems against France and he'd already turned a deaf ear on Sealand's protests that he didn't have an Olympic team. And anyway, he was still waiting to get the money from the various bets he'd made on the game.

Owari

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Note: YES! Me, who never actually watches organized sports, watched the hockey game from start to finish. GOD America, I give you credit for tying up the game at the end of the actual time! But when Canada scored that last goal, I screamed like a maniac. GO CANADA! I believe now that we can't just pretend Canada doesn't exist. He does. Also, I find it amusing that the Canadian athletes (and any other country, for that matter) mouths their national anthems when it plays, but most of the Americans who win gold just stare at their flag like they don't know their song. Seriously. Show some knowledge. But you're alright, America. We still love you.

Mattie rocks. Review, please. I'd love to hear from some Canadians and Americans! And Finnish, too, because third place is still great, no matter what Mattie says. Two words: inflatable beavers.