Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Stephenie Meyers owns everything Twilight.

1. Letters from the edge.

Epov:

I glanced at my watch. Still twenty minutes too go. I still had plenty of time to watch the beginning of 'The Holiday'. I smiled thinking how Emmett would tell me that I'm a sissy for watching a chick flick in my spare time but I couldn't care less. Bella convinced me to buy this particular DVD because according to her it symbolized all the different loves the best. She was right obviously, somehow she was always right.

We watched it together and she pointed out to me the love between friends (Iris and Amanda), the love of a new couple (Amanda and Graham, Iris and Miles), self love (Ethan), selfish love (Jasper), parental love (Graham and his daughters) and lastly an ageless love (Iris and Arthur). I had no choice but to agree with her that the movie was definitely one of the best romantic films I have ever seen. But I couldn't help but categorize the love between us: love between friends.

I can say with certainty that there is one emotion that is the same no matter how you look at it. A very strong emotion, the complete opposite of love and that little emotion is called hate. I hated the fact that I never told Bella how I felt about her. I hated the fact that I never stopped her from getting on that plane three years ago. I hated my heart for falling in love with her in the first place. Most of all I hate that I can't seem to muster up the courage to move on.

So in a stupid attempt to feel closer to Bella I decided to watch a movie she forced me to buy. I pressed play and settled into the couch to get more comfortable. I turned up the volume when the opening monologue started. The monologue was my favorite part of the movie.

Iris: I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that…. You and I both Iris I thought.

But I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. Well my life was forever altered and the other person doesn't even know it.

It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. I wish my love for Bella was blind, maybe then I didn't have to feel this why about a woman halfway across the world.

For some quite inexplicably love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind; the one that almost kills its victims. It's called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Right, it's as if I said the words myself.

Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other, but what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at such an individual.

As the alarm of my watch began too beep, I paused the movie. I killed the alarm and stood up. I was also such an individual, but I had it far worse than Iris. I walked to the front door and grabbed my rain jacket. It always, but always rained in Forks. Zipping the jacket all the way up, I walked out of the front door and into the pouring rain. The mailman waved at me as I retrieved the few envelopes he stuck in there a few seconds ago. Squeezing them tightly to my chest I ran back to the house.

Once back in the sheltering walls, I shrugged out of my jacket quickly, careful not to wet any of the envelopes. As I walked back to the living room I shuffled through them, amongst the useless junk mail and the usual bills I found the one thing that I searched…no craved for the most. To a normal person the blank white envelope with the one postal seal might seem random or inconsequential but to me it was a life line. It was the only constant thing I received from Bella.

I always found our way of communication funny. She would write me a letter, I would reply to it in an E-mail and once maybe twice a month we would call each other. Sure calling was the optimal choice of communication but unlike most people I know, Bella doesn't call or text. She says it's too modern and that writing makes everything more personal.

Edward Cullen. 68 Willow Street. Forks. Washington.

Bella was the only woman I knew, whose writing looked like chicken scratch but still managed to be unique at the same time. It was something that was purely Bella. I closed my eyes briefly before I tore open the envelope falling down on the couch.

Edward.

I frowned and instantly began to worry. Usually she started her letter with Dearest Edward or Dear Edward and she even once used Sweetest Edward. Never has she started a letter with just my name. I began reading the rest with more urgency.

Something happened…. See I knew it, something was wrong.

After all this years that we spoke of it, I never thought that experiencing it first hand would be so invigorating. It is like someone switched on a light and everything seems brighter, everything looks better, smells better and even tastes better. Sure we see it in books and movies, but they don't even begin close to actually describing it. Love. What, did she finally feel the same way about me? With haste I began to read the rest of the letter.

The very reason my life has a new meaning. Love the very reason why I get up in the morning, the reason I'm all hyper and happy. Edward I can't even begin to describe to you all the emotions that rush through me when I see him. Him what? You idiot of course she wasn't talking about you. I began raking my mind if she ever mentioned someone in her previous letter.

The very person that makes me deliriously happy, who makes me want too dance like a dervish. She was quoting Meet Joe Black, another of her favorite movies. This means she really got it bad.

He makes my heart beat faster with just one look. He makes me breathless when he smiles and when we speak it is like he has known me all of his life. Edward I'm in love. I'm unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Matt Colt. Matt Colt, I stared at the name hoping that if I stared long enough the name would disappear from the paper. Of course it stayed there mocking me.

We both work at the same school, he is a history teacher and just like me he loves literacy. Yeah I bet there are a lot of things about you that he loves and they have nothing to do with literacy.

We are going on our first date Saturday night and I just can't wait. I'm so excited; I'll tell you all about it in my next letter. Edward I hope all is well with you, how is that stupid boss of yours treating you? Oh now you only remember about me.

Did you find that one person that makes your heart beat faster yet? Yeah I found her, you just didn't find me.

Send Carlisle and Esme all my love and tell Alice to stop bombarding my email with requests to buy the latest fashion for her. If she wants the latest Armani dress she can come buy it herself, it's not my fault I live in London and she doesn't.

Oh and Edward stop worrying about me you'll give yourself an ulcer. Be sure to tell Emmett I said happy birthday and that he must use my present with caution.

I miss you and wish you were here so that I could talk to you personally; I'll be looking out for you e-mail. You and me both, Bells.

All my love: Bells.

I read the letter over and over again and each time my heart just grew heavier. Who was this man that clearly swept Bella of her feat? This was my Bella; he had no right to her. How dare he? She was my Bella, my best friend. She was the one who made my heart beat faster. She was the one who made my stomach flutter like butterflies. She was the one who made me deliriously happy and she was the one who made me want to dance like a dervish.

All the things she described in the letter was what I felt when I spoke to her, when I read her letters and when I looked at the photo's she sometimes sent along with the letters. She was my one true love but she would never now it. I had no claim to her. She was free to date whoever she wanted.

As her best friend it was my duty to stand back and let her date whoever she chose, to smile and listen to her problems and no matter how much it hurt me, if this guy made her happy, then I wouldn't get in the middle of it. I will let her go and let her be with whoever she chose. I pressed play and listened to the rest of the monologue.

And I have willingly loved that man…. (Woman I corrected in my mind.) ….for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas's, the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life.

All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man…. (Woman.) …..who does not and will not love me back. Oh God, just the sight of him…. (Her) …..heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms. I understand the feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible.

And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or how many gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with you girlfriends. (Endless bottles of tequila with your mates)

You still go to bed every night going over every little detail and wonder what you did wrong (I know what I did wrong, I never told her) or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can convince yourself that he'll (she'll) ….see the light and show up at your door.

And after all that, however long all that maybe, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade. If only it was possible, then I would gladly wait for Bella to show up.

Yeah I wish it was that simple. I stopped the DVD and switched of the TV. Life never asks you what you want. It takes from you and it steels from you, it manipulates and has a total disregard to your feelings. You just have to suck it up and be a man, a man that can be nothing more than the best friend of the girl he can never have. Well then I better go write that e-mail Bella is waiting for. She would want to hear what I have to say about this new guy in her life.

She would like to hear what I have been up to since we talked last. I got up and walked to my study, I opened my laptop and started to log into my Email account. Just as I typed in her email those two voices began to speak to me. I never thought it was possible to hear your good side and your bad side arguing about something.

It was like in those cartoons where the devil sits on your right shoulder and the angel on your left. Right now the devil was telling me to ignore Bella and try to move on with my life. The angel was telling me to be there for Bella and support her, she after all didn't ask for her best friend to fall in love with her.

What is the fun in that Eddy-boy? Ignore her like she's been ignoring you for the past years.

The devil whispered in my ear and it was so easy to listen to him, so easy to give in.Ok that wasn't helping me. My good side; please say something for me to ignore him.

Tell her how you miss her; make her see that you know her best and that you know her better than this new guy. Remind her that you have a history together and that she could never have what she has with you with this new guy she has now. Be a man Edward for just once in your life.

You see that was what I wanted to hear. Angel one, Devil zero. I took a deep breath and thought about everything I knew about Bella.

Subject: Your stupid crush….no that won't work erase that.

Who the hell is Matt Colt? No, that won't work either.

I'm missing you.

Bells.

I just realized something. Three years ago I watched as you walked through the security check gate with a jacket in your hand. I continued to watch you as you handed you passport to customs as you made your way to a foreign land. Your eyes were filled with tears but your heart was so brave. After all you are only young once and because you are so young you were aloud to be crazy and set of too London too study and teach Literacy.

Out there, in the unknown, you knew you where going to be alone but you knew that better opportunities awaited you. Even friendship could wait, time could only tell if a friendship like ours where going to make it through it all. But I had to go; I couldn't bear to watch you disappear. Afraid that I might say things I would only regret later on. I knew that I would get to see you again one day.

Until that day we could communicate through the internet, we had other ways of communicating and that was enough for me. But I came to realize that there were things that I missed dearly and after three years apart I miss them now even more than I did back then.

I miss our Tuesday night movie-thons. Popcorn, three movies… (You chose one of your choice, I chose one of my choice and then we chose one together. Do you remember how it was the only why that we didn't argue about what to rent?)….and a Christmas bed on the living room floor.

I missed our wrestling match sessions when I rolled over you on purpose. Somehow you always pinned me, how was it that you could always pin me?

I miss our late hour Starbucks runs and our never ending Pizza nights; well I guess they did kind of end when you moved away. I tried eating pizza since you left but it just wasn't as much fun without your endless jokes and chatter about inconsequential stuff.

I miss the leather seats of that rusty truck you always drove around town. I swear it is a good thing that no one ever hit you because that 'Thing' would chew up whatever foreign cars and only spit out the bolts. I know you hated it but I loved it, it was something that said it was Bella.

I miss the coffee lattes and your worn-out skinny jeans. No matter how much Alice tried to convince you to throw it out, you never budged and your jeans became part of you, whenever I picture you nowadays you always wear those pair of jeans. They are just so, Bella.

I miss the way you would grab my arm when we watch a scary movie. Then you would declare that nothing was remotely scary about it. When I referred to the way you clutched my arm you would punch me playfully and tell me that you only did that so that you could keep me from running away like a scared little girl. I would respond with whatever makes you sleep at night. We'll laugh and next week you will choose another horror, repeating the whole process.

I miss your name on my caller id every time you blessed me with one of your calls at three in the morning. How you would tell me that you couldn't sleep or when you had a bad dream. Just one time you phoned because you wanted to hear my voice.

I missed your little inconsequential little text messages about what silly thing Alice made you do or some joke Emmett told you or even how Mike Newton wouldn't stop bugging you for a date.

I miss the way you always moved your hands about as you talked, remember how almost took someone's eye out that one time in the shopping mall. I miss the way you always bit down on your lower lip whenever you where deep in thought.

I miss the way your eyes got wider when you where angry and how you use to blush whenever someone teased you. I miss our Sunday morning breakfasts and your flat screen TV.

After three years of letters and calls I come to realize that I miss you. A letter in the post is what became of our friendship. Let's face it, you and I where fooled by time. For the first time in my life my heart feels broken, wherever I go I felt like a third wheel.

Even when I tried to do the stuff we did with someone else, it just never felt right. I guess time will tell if our friendship can last through another three years. Bella, I (my fingers lingered over the four keys that would tell her my deepest feelings for her. L O V E. I sighed) miss you dearly and just whish you would come back to me.

Too answer your questions. Yes my boss is still a pain in the butt, although he did give me a promotion. I'm now the chief of staff at our architect firm. That one special person I found a long time ago but things didn't work out the way I planned and I never got the chance to tell her how I feel. Now she seems so far and she is constantly out of my grasp. I don't think I would ever be able to get her back.

Esme and Carlisle also send you their love and Esme, as well as others cough Emmett cough, think that it is time that you take a holiday and come visit us here in Forks. I can protect you from many things Bella accept from my fashion crazy sister. You know Alice; it's not even remotely possible to rain her in.

Bella I don't think that I would ever stop worrying about you, I care immensely about your wellbeing and therefore I would be there in a heartbeat should you ever need a knight in shining armor to protect you from all the bad guys in the world.

Emmett loved the new car part you bought him, I don't exactly now what it does but he says that it makes the car go faster and that is all that matters. I wish I could be there as well, but work has me tied down and it doesn't seem like I will get to go on a holiday anytime soon.

You better tell this Matt Colt that he better treat you right or your friends will come bust him up. I have to go; Jasper invited me to some dinner.

I miss you and love you.

Lots of love.

Edward.

PS. I hope that you are happy, your happiness is always of the utmost importance.

Before my courage could desert me, I pressed the send button and then I closed the laptop. I didn't have time to think about the letter I just wrote her as a loud knock resounded through the house. Sighing to myself I walked over to the foyer quickly to save the person from the cold outside.

"Edward, finally did you want me to freeze my butt of out here?" Jasper asked as he walked in quickly as I shut the door against the ice cold wind blowing in. "Change of plan, everyone is coming over here. Alice and Emmett will bring pizza and I believe Rosalie is on alcohol duty." I stared at him as he shrugged out of his jacket.

"Why is everyone coming over, I thought that we were going to have dinner at your place?" I asked and he just shrugged as he hooked his jacket on the coat hanger.

"Alice said that you needed cheering up so naturally everyone said that we should come over." I frowned, how did Alice always know when something was wrong with one of us? "It looks like Alice was right on the money yet again, what's wrong with you?" Jasper asked looking at me concernedly.

"Nothing is wrong with me, I'm over worked, under paid and have absolutely no social life, in other words my life is just great." I remarked sarcastically and walked into the living room falling into the nearest couch. He followed me into the room and sat down in the love seat across from me, his actions was more graciously than mine.

"What did Bella do now?" He asked once he was settled comfortably. Unlike the others Jasper had a way of looking past your pretences, seeing the hurt you are hiding from the world. I guess that is what makes him such a good Therapist.

"I'm not one of you patients Jasper." I said and he shrugged.

"No you are a friend and that means I know when you are trying to coax an argument out of me in a vein hope that I would forget about my question." He said folding his hands under his chin.

"It was worth a try…..I just miss her that's all. It's just so hard sometimes to keep a friendship going. Only hearing tidbits of her life and not celebrating her Birthday with her or seeing her unwrap a Christmas present. I can't help but wonder if she is coping with everything. Sometimes I see a bruise on her arm or leg, in the pictures she sends, and I can't help but question what happened. Did she have another clumsy moment or did someone bump into her. I just worry about her."

Jasper let me finish my little rant knowing that I needed to vent. "You still haven't answered my questions Edward. What has she done now?" Damn him for his observances.

"She fell in love." I said bluntly hoping that his curiosity was satisfied.

"And the fact that she didn't fall in love with you is what is bothering you." Once again his reaction is unlike the others, they would have asked who the guy was but Jasper saw past that to the fact that she loving someone else is what is hurting me the most.

"It's my fault Jasper, I should have told her how I felt the day she announced that she wanted to go to England. But I couldn't offer her anything back then so who was I to stand in her way?" I asked and Jasper sighed.

"Edward you have to forget about the past, you can't do anything to change what happened but what you can change is the future. Fight for her now, because if you don't you will never have her in the future." I sighed just as the door banged open and a mountain of a man walked through the door. He was followed in closely by a blonde Ice-queen and a little annoying pixie.

"Let the cheering commence." Emmett bellowed in his deep voice, as he placed pizza boxes on my coffee table. Rosalie placed Vodka, tequila and some other bottles of alcohol next to the pizzas.

"Come on Edward stop brooding and turn on the music." Alice said after she gave Jasper a quick kiss. I sighed for the millionth time inwardly and turned to do as she asked. Well my life sucked, the girl of my dreams was in love with someone else. My worked sucked, my best friend was half way around the world and my friends where here to cheer me up.

Why not enjoy the party, why not get drunk and just live a little for once? I cranked up the base as 'Boom, Boom Pow' by 'The Black Eyed Peas' started playing. Emmett and Rosalie were already moving to the beat. I grabbed a bottle of Vodka and filled a glass to the very top.

Taking a big gulp of the fiery liquid I watched as my friends moved and bopped to the beat. As the vodka burned its way to my stomach I felt a little better already. Taking another gulp I started to join them swaying my body to the beat.

By the time my glass was empty I had already forgotten about Bella.

A/N Feel free to review.