Title: Severus' Snake Quits the Castle
Author: Keppiehed
Disclaimer: This all belongs to J.K. Rowling
Summary: Hollywood, here he cums!
Warnings: Um, see above pun. Yeah, that's warning enough! Oh, and crack!
Prompt: Crack! And "Sweet merciful Merlin!"
A/N: Winner of week 3 at Snarry_LDWS! Much thanks to my sis, who came up with the summary, even though she disdains all things HP, and a great big hug to Grander_fanfics, who is the Gold Standard and Queen of the Crack.
"I'm here to tender my resignation. Effective immediately."
"But why, Severus?" Dumbledore wailed.
Snape held up a stack of owls. "I'm a star, Albus, that's why! It turns out that the mere sound of my voice makes ladies cream their knickers. I'm going to Hollywood, where my career as a—" here he checked a note "—'porn star' is assured. These notes are full of such talk. This one, for instance, says, and I quote: 'You're wasted as a Potions professor. The very sound of your dark honey brings me to climax.' So, what do you think of that?"
Harry choked. "Dark honey? Um, Professor, Snape, Don't you think—"
"Quiet, Potter!" Snape snapped.
Albus stroked his beard. "You really think you could succeed as a porn star?"
"I have fan clubs, Albus. And it seems I'm quite a hit on these internets already, or so these ladies claim. I am slashing it up as the hero of their stories. Although they insist on misspelling my name Snarry." He frowned. "No matter, I shall correct them upon my arrival."
Albus peered at an owl. "Sweet merciful Merlin, you must go! It says here that she'll die of UST without you!"
"Er, Professor?" Harry began.
"This isn't your concern, Boy Wonder!" snapped Snape.
Albus clapped him on the back. "Be sure and sing 'Some Enchanted Evening' in your first pornography film, will you? You've a lovely tenor. It would be a shame not to showcase it properly."
"But Professor—" Harry tried.
Snape left in a swirl of dark robes. They could hear the strains of "Let Me Entertain You" following him out.
"Shush, Harry. Let him shine." Tears of pride shone in Dumbledore's eyes.
Harry just groaned.
