A/N: This is my first ever fic, so please be gentle. Also, I am American, so there's a lot about England that I don't understand. For that reason, I am writing this from an American point of view (don't hate on me!), and in my mind this story is set in the US. However, I probably won't ever make reference to politics or locations per se, but it's easier for me to imagine/write what I understand. I don't think that it will detract from our beloved DA characters-I will try to keep them true to character, but obviously there will be some liberties. I am very open to reviews/critiques, but like I said, try to take it easy on me, and I'll try to incorporate your thoughts. Also, if this bears any resemblance to any other fic, it is completely unintentional. I am sure I have been influenced by other stories, but I've tried to make this one my own. It has actually been in the works/partly-written for nearly two years! I'm just too scared to publish! Ha! Plus, I keep changing things. Thanks for reading and giving me a chance! Also, thanks to awesomegreentie and downtonluvr for their encouragement!

Disclaimer: I own nothing Downton Abbey related. It all belongs to Julian Fellowes.


Chapter 1

Anna looked down at her phone as it buzzed for the second time in a half hour. It was Greg. Again. Gregory Jones was her boyfriend of almost a year…at least for now. The relationship was stagnant, really. He seemed to be putting less effort into their relationship, and unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, she didn't really mind. She was beginning to look forward to dates with Mary more than her dates with Greg.

It was her own fault, she was sure. Early on, Anna told Greg that she didn't want to consummate their relationship until she was sure it was going somewhere. He had agreed, which had made her fall a little bit more in love with him, or so she thought. She was refreshed to be courted by a man who was not just after sex, and he wooed her as if she were a princess. Still, something didn't feel right. He never pressured her for more, but as time went on, she felt him receding from her. At first she thought of giving in and making love with him just to keep him interested. After all she was thirty three when they met, and her biological clock was ticking. If she didn't make a commitment to Greg, she was running out of time, at least in her her mind, to find the man of her dreams and create a family. And who said Greg wasn't the right man, anyway? She just had to give him a chance, right? After all, dating only eleven months was still a new relationship, wasn't it? As Anna rationalized her choices, she wasn't sure who she was trying to convince that Greg deserved a permanent place in her life—Greg, her friends, or herself.

Anna also realized that there was irony in wanting a baby, but not engaging in the act that created one. Yet, she was tired of being pursued because men were physically attracted to her. She'd had enough of that. Not that she didn't want a man to be physically attracted to her, but she wanted more. She wanted a relationship that was just as emotional as it was physical. Furthermore, she had seen too many women burned by giving themselves, body and soul, to a man only to be rejected a short while later. Still, if she was truthful, she knew Greg was not the man for her. After all, what woman in her right mind would not be ready to give herself physically to the "man of her dreams" after eleven months?

Anna sighed to herself as she ignored the second call from Greg. She really wanted to finish up her work and get out of there. The Queen City Brass Quintet, for which she was the second trumpeter, had a gig this evening, and she just wanted to get to a good stopping point before she transitioned from her daytime roll as an event planner to her nighttime roll as a musician.

She started thinking about her fellow ensemble members. Her best friend and business partner, Mary, played french horn in the group. Anna half thought of walking down the hall and venting to the Mary about the Greg situation. Mary didn't dislike Greg, but she'd never shown any affection for him either. Anna always told herself that Mary's aloofness was just her way; she seemed to have a cold heart towards anyone who wasn't close to her. But that trait also made her an impartial judge of character as she didn't tend to become too vested in others' lives, including those of her sisters and parents.

Anna smiled as she thought about Mary's dad, Robert, who played tuba for the group. He was by all means, the heart and soul of the quintet, and it was his musical influence that set the tone for the ensemble. He was a traditionalist and rolled his eyes when Joseph Mosely, the lead trumpet player and arranger for the group, brought in more progressive music for them to learn. Yet, Robert could eventually be brought around these newer concepts, usually with the help of his good friend John Bates, who rounded out the group on trombone.

Anna shook her head, still smiling, when she thought of Joe and John. Joe had once had a thing for Anna, but she had been oblivious. She eventually figured it out and let him down gently as he was not her type in the slightest. She typically was attracted to the strong, silent type of man, which did not begin to describe Joseph. But it did describe John.

Anna first laid eyes on John her freshman year in college and immediately developed a crush on him. It was innocent, and safe, as he was fourteen years her senior and married. She met John, or Mr. Bates as she called him then, at the Crawley's house over her first Thanksgiving break at Queens University. She had joined the Crawley's celebration that year when her then new friend Mary had discovered that Anna had no biological family left in this world and no where to go for the holiday. Mary immediately took Anna under her wing and made sure to include her in all her family's parties and holiday events. To be truthful, these gatherings were what made Anna want to be an event planner. The Crawleys always threw incredible parties, even if it was just a barbecue, and Anna could not remember happier times in her life. She couldn't think of a better way to spend her life than making sure that everyone had parties and events as inviting and enjoyable as her surrogate family's.

Around the time Anna met John, he separated from his wife, Vera. Anna had never met or even seen her, and by all accounts she did not want to. While the separation began twelve years ago, John had only finished the divorce proceedings in the past year or so. John was never available to Anna, with both the age gap and his marital status being hurdles between them. Or at least that's how Anna thought about it. He had never so much as looked inappropriately at her, much less showed her any romantic attention. All in all, he had become a good friend, but she still couldn't help the butterflies that fluttered when John was near her—even if he didn't feel the same.

And this brought her train of thought back around to Greg. Surely if Greg was the man of her dreams, she wouldn't still get butterflies from a man she'd known for over a decade? Sighing again, she finished her work and headed out for her performance.


When Anna returned home after the gig that night, Greg was waiting at her door. She smiled as she reached for the key from her purse. "Hey, Babe," she forced. "I'm sorry I didn't call you back. Today, has been so busy…"

Greg simply nodded and looked at his feet, shuffling them a bit. Anna took the time to look him up and down and appreciate that he really was a very handsome, fit man. Why could she not fall in love with him?

"Listen, Anna, we need to talk," Greg stated, looking up at her. While Anna knew the relationship wasn't progressing as she would like, no one ever wanted to hear those four words. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," Anna answered as the smile dropped from her face. She reached around him to unlock the door. Greg followed her into her condo and began pacing in front of her fireplace. Anna had barely put down her trumpet and other belongings before he began talking.

"There's no easy way to say this. I don't even know how to work up to it so I'm just going to say it." He paused to take a big breath. "I've gotten another woman pregnant."

Anna felt as if her legs were going to collapse beneath her. She quickly sat down on the couch before she fell. While she'd figured out she wasn't in love with Greg, she still felt betrayed. Her mind began working in different directions. She should have given in to the physical side of the relationship. He wouldn't have strayed then. Maybe she would have fallen in love with him had that part of the relationship worked.

"I know what you're thinking, Anna," Greg interrupted her thoughts. "Yes, I looked outside of our relationship for a physical release because I wanted to respect your wishes."

"Respect?" Anna forced out. "What kind of respect is cheating on one's girlfriend?" She was going to be sick. She knew it.

"It wasn't like that. I just wanted my needs met. I don't love her." Anna ran to bathroom as Greg defended himself. As she retched into the toilet she wondered if maybe she had more feelings for him than she thought. But then she realized that she didn't. What she felt was inadequate as a girlfriend—which was a position that no woman wanted to be in. She wanted to be all her man desired.

As she wiped her mouth clean, she rubbed salt into her wounds by reminding herself that she really wanted a baby and her boyfriend had impregnated someone besides her. Again, she partially had herself to blame, but that did not excuse him. Tears began silently falling down her cheeks as she realized what a mess she was. She didn't even know who to blame for his infidelity. While her head assured her it was always the fault of the one who strayed, her heart kept feeling as if she'd let him down. That if she had only given her body to him this would have been avoided.

She stood and dried her eyes. Regardless of how confused she was and no matter what emotions were warring inside her, Greg needed to leave. Not only did she not want her pride wounded any further by letting him see how much this bothered her, she did not want him in her life any longer.

Anna sensed, more than knew, that Greg was standing behind her. She hadn't even closed the bathroom door in her dash to the toilet. She squared her shoulders and said with a much stronger voice than she was expecting, "Greg. You need to leave."

"This does not have to mean we're over, Anna. I can—"

"Yes. It does. How you could think otherwise is beyond me."

"I made a mistake. We can still make this work," he begged.

"I can't, Greg. It's not been working for some time, has it? And there's no way I can get past this. I need you to leave, now." Anna didn't turn around, but she heard his footsteps on the hardwood as he retreated down the hall. There was a slight pause before she heard the door open and close. She screwed her eyes shut as she silently thanked herself that she never gave Greg a key to her unit. She followed his path to the door, looking around a bit to make sure he really had left. Once she convinced herself that he was gone, she locked the door and headed to bed where she cried herself to sleep.