The War of Awkwardness was what it would be called. It wasn't like the Giant War. And it wasn't like the Titan War. There were no losses, no big shows of bravery. Just, a lot of stupidness.


Jason had always been obsessed with parodies. Every Roman has their quirks. Reyna had her jellybeans. Dakota had his Kool-Aid. Of course, no one knew. Romans never betrayed their kin. Except for Octavian. Everyone was fine with betraying him. Was he even Roman?

So yeah. Jason really liked parodies. Especially ones that had been written by himself. Jason also really liked Taylor Swift. Most of his parodies were based on Taylor Swift songs.

For example: (We Are Never Getting Back Together)

I remember when I woke up,

First time, saying this is it I've had enough,

Cause like, we hadn't played with chainsaws in a month,

When you said, let's try to be SAFE.

WHAT?

Or: (Blank Space)

Saw you there and I thought

Oh my God, look at that face

It is one, huge mistake

Sometimes, he switched to movies: (Love Is An Open Door, Frozen)

All my life has been a series of slaps in the face,

And then I have to talk to you

I've been waiting my whole life, to find my own place

And I really hope it's not with you

Or Ellie Goulding: (Outside, featuring. Calvin Harris)

DIE

DIE

Stupid mouse won't let me in,

Now I'm on the outside

Jason really liked parodies. Then again, it was sort of awkward to have I really really really really really really hate you stuck in his head while he was battling .

It was true, but still. It got really awkward when he started humming the song. Then he started muttering it. While simultaneously summoning lightning to strike down the manticore in front of him and stabbing at him with a sword in midair.

Thorn raised an eyebrow. "Is this not challenging for you?" He demanded.

Jason shrugged sheepishly. "Not really."

The manticore chuckled evilly. "You will soon regret those words." He left in a flash of light. Jason was left staring at a patch of grass.

"Okay then," he said, taking flight back to Camp Half-Blood.


The next afternoon, Chiron called a counselor meeting. Since Jason was at Camp Half-Blood because of the whole shrine thing, he went too. When he got there, Annabeth was already there (Of course. Athena daughter alert) and surprisingly, so was Percy. (Interesting...)

Jason sat down beside Nico (He had decided to stay. Absolutely nothing to do with Will Solace) and after Lou Ellen from Hecate and Clovis from Hypnos joined them, the meeting started.

"I am afraid there will be another war," Chiron said, his brown eyes troubled. "Monster attacks are increasing, Cecil from Hermes reported seeing someone who looked suspiciously like Hyperion-"

"But we turned him into a tree!" Grover protested. Jason rose an eyebrow. He would definitely have to ask about that later.

"Gaea was not put to sleep." Chiron winced.

Eyes turned to Piper, who looked down, guilty, and disappointed in herself.

"She was, however, delayed," Chiron amended. Piper didn't look up.

"C'mon Piper, it took all of you guys to defeat that magic guy!" Percy exclaimed. "You all on your own stopped the freaking Earth from going crazy!"

Piper opened her mouth to retort, but an Iris Message depicting Reyna's urgent face interrupted her.

The Praetor's eyebrows were furrowed, as were Frank's who was standing beside her, and Hazel, who stood beside him.

"We saw Krios," Reyna said bluntly.

"But we sent the Titans to Tartarus," Annabeth said.

"We're demigods," Nico said, with a shrug. "Messing up our lives is what the universe does best." There was a moment of silence.

"Man, I hate life sometimes," Leo said, breaking the silence.

"Us too!" Travis and Connor chorused, high-fiving. Katie whacked their heads.

"Ahem," Reyna coughed. "We have more news." The demigods focused on her again.

"Gaea's heading over to Camp Half-Blood," Frank said. "She plans to fight where she did last time, only this time, she'll win."

"No, she won't." Everyone stared at Jason. "She's not going to win," he repeated.

"Jason's right," Percy said, standing up alongside the son of Jupiter. "We beat her before, we can do it again."

"But we didn't beat her before," Piper said, in a small voice. "I messed up."

"No you didn't," Hazel convinced her. "And even if you did, you won't do it again."

It took a while, but Piper nodded.

Clarisse cracked her knuckles. "All right, let's do this thing!"


The next four days were hectic. Demigods ran around like crazy, sharpening weapons (Ares), forging new (Hephaestus), and sparring in the arena (Ares-again). The Athena kids designed battle tactics, the Apollo kids practiced their archery, and the Hecate kids turned demigods into pigs.

On the third day, the Romans arrived, perfectly drilled, and in ranks. Jason whistled.

"Not bad Rey!"

She ruffled his hair jokingly. "Better than when you were Praetor."

He put a hand on his chest. "That hurts Rey! Right here!"

"Jason?"

"Yeah?"

"The heart is on the left side of the chest."

"I know! My hand is on the-" He looked down. "Oh." Then he moved his hand.

"That hurts Rey! Right here!" Reyna rolled her eyes with a long-suffering sigh.

"Why do I put up with you?"

"I ask myself that same question every day," Annabeth said, walking up behind them with Percy.

"Hey!" Percy and Jason chorused half-heartedly. Reyna shook her head and laughed, her braid thumping on her back.

"I have to go check on the cohorts." Jason watched her as she walked away.

"Man, you've got it bad," Percy said, patting Jason on the back.

"Who's got it bad?" Leo asked as he and Piper joined them.

"Jason's head over heels for Reyna," Percy laughed.

"I am not!" Jason yelled exasperatedly.

"Not what?" Hazel asked as she and Frank walked up to the group.

Jason glared at Percy before the son of Poseidon could say something idiotic.

"Head over heels for Reyna!" Leo sang.

Jason huffed. "Shut up, Repair Boy." He walked away, probably to ask Reyna something.

"Yup," Piper said, nodding after him. "He is definitely in love."


Screams.

Shouts.

Blood.

War.

Gaea had surprised them. How the primordial goddess of the earth, bigger than the Athena Parthenos, had managed to surprise them was beyond Jason. All he knew, was that Krios, Cronus, and Hyperion, definitely shouldn't have been there too.

Beside him, Percy traded blows with a pair of gorgons, while Jason himself stabbed relentlessly at the Kekrops, king of the gemini, the guy that made awesome Bundt cake.

A shadow fell over New York. Gaea loomed over them, as tall as some of the buildings, Kronos beside her like some golden eyes commander.

"Demigods," she boomed. "Lay down your weapons, for you have lost."

Everyone froze. Including Jason. Except while everyone else was thinking "OHMYGODS OHMYGODS OHMYGODS WE'RE GOING TO DIE" he was thinking, "This is way too good an opportunity to miss." So Jason pulled out his iPhone.

Dude. What the Hades are you doing? Percy mouthed at him.

Jason ignored him. the music started flowing, and the words rolled of his tongue.

"In the half-blood army, gods, I'm scared to death

Scary silence caused my Gaea freaks me out

Man I really hope that I get out alive

But right now the prospects aren't looking good."

Gaea raised an eyebrow. Jason sang on.

"And I'm like get out of New York

We all really hate you

Get out of New York

Get out of New York."

Jason frowned in confusion as someone else's voice joined him. His

eyes widened. Reyna. She knew this song, but he didn't care about that. She was singing along. He sang with a new passion.

"Get out of New York

We all really hate you

Get out of New York

Get out of New York."

Three voices joined them. Bobby, Gwen, and Dakota, now all standing beside Jason. Bobby even had a guitar and was playing in sync with the iPhone. He passed the Apollo kids from both camps a piece of paper.

"Damn she's staring at me

Gaea, Gaea

I hate you."

The musical children joined in and the monsters on Gaea's side shifted uneasily.

"The lights are so bright," The kids of the sun god whooped loudly, and one of them whistled.

"And they're going to blind

You

You."

Everyone knew what was coming now. All together, every satyr, nymph, and half-blood started singing their hearts out. Jason didn't know how it happened, but he guessed Apollo was watching over them all, since the whole of Olympus's army broken out into a choreographed dance routine.

"And I'm like get out of New York

We all really hate you get out of New York

Get out of New York

Get out of New York.

Get out of New York

We all really hate you get out of New York

Get out of New York

Get out of New York."

Leo and Frank, Travis and Connor and Will and Nico joined Jason and Percy at the front of the army formation.

"Swifties unite!" They yelled, pumping their arms.

Kronos muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, "Well this is awkward."

"My gods I think this is actually working

In your face Gaea's army, you're going down

We are way too awesome for you dumb titans

We've totally beaten you

So suck it up, suck it up."

The immortals were staring at the performance in awkwardness. Pure, undulated, awkwardness.

"Well, I'm going to go now..." Oceanus said. He was quickly joined by Krios, and just about all the gemini and dracaenae.

"And I'm like get out of New York

We all really hate you get out of New York

Get out of New York

Get out of New York.

Get out of New York

We all really hate you get out of New York

Get out of New York

Get out of New York."

Nyx sunk into the ground, and the remaining monsters left with her.

"Son..." Gaea shook her head at Kronos who ducked his head and muttered, "Sorry Mommy."

"Damn she's staring at me

Gaea, Gaea

I hate you.

"The lights are so bright

And they're going to blind

You

You."

"My light shall not be blinded!" Hyperion growled.

"Is that so old man?" A voice answered. Will looked up in amazement -as did everyone else- at the god standing in front of them, smirking at the Titan of the East.

Apollo.

"You gotta hand it to these guys," he said, gesturing to the demigods. "They are really something else. I'm on punishment so I can't sing with you," he sighed mournfully, "But there is someone who can."

The god snapped his fingers, and standing in front of the army, right beside him, was Taylor Swift, the woman who had penned the original song. Apollo whispered something in her ear and she nodded. Holding the microphone stand in front of her, she yelled "Swifties unite!"

"WHOOO!" The 'Swifties' replied. And by that, I mean the half-bloods, nymphs, and satyrs.

"I did good," Apollo said, nodding, before he pouted and yelled, "I'm coming!" at the sky.

After winking at Will and telling him to man up (The Aphrodite Cabin nearly cried with relief. Solangelo would finally be complete!) the god teleported back to Olympus.

Leading the army, Taylor Swift started singing alongside Jason. Apparently Apollo had told her about the parody.

"And I'm like get out of New York

We all really hate you get out of New York

Get out of New York

Get out of New York.

Get out of New York

We all really hate you get out of New York

Get out of New York

Get out of New York."

Taylor Swift disappeared, Apollo wanted the demigods to finish this on

their own.

"I'm sorry Gaea, but it is over

I'm telling you you're totally done for

If I'm being honest you really suck

And you know that you can't change

Anything, anything, anything."

There was a flash of light, and the gods of Olympus, major and minor, were belting out the lyrics alongside the demigods.

"And I'm like get out of New York

We all really hate you get out of New York

Get out of New York

Get out of New York.

Get out of New York

We all really hate you get out of New York

Get out of New York

Get out of New York."

Gaea patted her son's shoulder. "I'm sorry Sonny, but this is just way

too awkward." She disappeared, to go sleep for another million years hopefully never to wake again.

"Damn she's staring at me

Gaea, Gaea

I hate you.

The lights are so bright

And they're going to blind

You

You."

Kronos shivered.

"Get out of New York

Damn she's staring at me

We all really hate you

Get out of New York

The lights are so bright

And they're going to blind you

Get out of New York

And they're going to blind you

Get out of New York

Get out of New York."

Will ended it off with his taxicab whistle. Kronos screamed like a little girl and disintegrated into sand.

Everyone panted, catching their breath.

"They'll stay down this time," Athena said. "And if we do have to deal with this again, it won't be in your millennia."

"Good to know," Percy said.


Jason really couldn't get used to the pats on the back, slaps on the shoulder, "Good job dude!"'s.

Of course there was the occasional giggle, "Really Jason?" and smirk, but all in all, Jason thought he'd done well.

Until, of course, his birthday. Candles lit, pile of present, hippie Zeus statue dressed in hippie clothing, this was totally unexpected. But instead of "SURPRISE!"...

"SWIFTIES UNITE!"

Not sure if I liked the ending. My friend and I always talked about this, but I never really worked on it until now. Review!

~River