The air outside was cool on a fall evening in London. The wind blew gusts of chilly phantoms, making the fallen colours dance on the street in the dark. The amber glow of the street lights under a dark silhouette of a man were the only light as the crescent moon was hidden in the misty grey clouds. He took his eyes away from the street below and put my attention back on the sleeping boy, almost man, a few feet in front of him. The boy was comfortably tucked under the large down blanket on his double bed, his figure slightly curved in towards itself and his blonde hair a mess on the cream coloured pillows. He had pulled the blankets all the way up to his nose like he always had done in the more chilly months of the year; the man had seen him do so many times as a child.
But why would the man know that? No, he is not a stalker because if I was he would have lost interest in him long ago. He is a guardian angel, though one of no name. He is like those in the tales mothers would have told their children. Maybe an angel was watching over those children as they listened closely to those tales of fantasy, silently watching with a smile on their pure face. And they would always watch; up until the child's twentieth birthday anyways. At that point they would make sure the man, or woman was happy and well before finding a new child to watch over and guide, it was the final act they would commit for their child. That is what they do. They watch over children until adult hood were there would be left to face the world more or less alone.
For the angel of no name, he has watched over many children. Most of which he had watched since they were first born into the world, kicking and screaming, and some he found at an older age but he watched over them just the same. The angel was like any other guardian angel; he could watch over a child and feel no connection between them that would tie him to child. He only saw them as my responsibility to watch, to keep safe. Nothing more.
However, Arthur Pendragon was different…when the angel found him he had just been born a few days before, though he was quiet unlike other babies. While the angel of no name watched him through the nights, silently watching from his windowsill, Arthur would never cry in his crib. Only sleep. Arthur was such a well behaved child and it warmed the angel's heart to see him never cry. Even though the angel has been living for thousands of years; seeing a baby cry still hurt a little. He felt helpless as he could not do much other than try to soothe their cries with soft words until their parents rushed into the room.
Now Arthur…the angel would smile at the thought, the stupid thought on his part. With Arthur it had been different from the start, yet he did not know it would be. As the angel sat patiently at Arthur's side, silently watching, Arthur did something that was new to him. The angel has been living for so long but he had never seen what Arthur had done.
He spoke to the angel of no name.
He could remember exactly when Arthur had spoken to him, but it was around the twelfth of august when Arthur was six. It was a very hot evening, more so than usual, so Arthur's father had left his window open to let the cool breeze in. The Pendragon's were not the wealthiest of people for Arthur's childhood so the only air conditioning the house really had was opening a window. That night the angel watched Arthur as he tossed and turned, unable to get comfortable in the heat even with his blankets tossed to the ground.
The angel was just about to get up from my post to help when Arthur turned to face the window and laid still, just looking. The angel froze for a second, his wings quickly tucking close behind his back.
"Mister-" Arthur started, his voice showing how tired he was.
"I-I…" The angel tried to form words but he could not. "Arthur…"
"Mister Angel, are you there?" The angel let out the breath he was holding and relaxed against the wall, his wings slackening and unfurling slightly. Arthur sat up and swung his small legs off his bed and padded over to the open window, kneeling on the ground and placing his arms on the large ledge. He resting his chin on his hands and stared out over the quiet city. The angel turned to look out of the window as well, his wings gently curling around Arthur protectively. He gently touched Arthur's shoulder, the touch only feeling like a cool breeze of air to him, and smiled when Arthur's eyes drooped. Arthur yawned a cute little yawn and rubbed his eyes but did not make any effort to move back to his small bed.
"Mr. Angel, if you're there…will you stay? Forever?" He yawned again and the angel's wing brushed against Arthur's cheek. His eyes drooped closed and he laid still. Soon soft snores escaped his mouth showing he was finally asleep. Gently the angel took him into his arms and placed him on his bed, keeping the covers off but folding them nicely at the end of his bed. He smiled at his peaceful face and returned to his post at Arthur's window, his wings stretching out to catch the faint breeze outside.
"I will stay for a while, Arthur." He murmured.
As Arthur grew up similar instances occurred. Every so often he would go over to his window and look out into the night until he grew too tired and would fall asleep and every time the angel would stand by his side with a small smile on his face before carrying Arthur back to his bed. Some days Arthur would tell his father or friends that the angel of no name was watching him when indeed he was. Silently watching from a safe distance. But, as the years went by Arthur soon forgot. He got caught up in his own life, something the angel was only a fragment in.
Now as the angel watched Arthur he realized he did not want to leave, he had gotten too close to the human boy. But the angel would have to be gone in a few hours. He would have the choice to leave without a fight, to go peacefully, or to be forcibly torn away. He did not want to do either; he wanted to stay with Arthur, to keep him safe. That was what he was supposed to do. So the angel thought.
He paced in front of the young man's bed while the moonlight shone into the room, catching the whites on his wings and reflecting the light onto the walls. He had to think, he did not know what to do. He glanced at Arthur than back at the clock, his mind starting to race when he saw it was so close now.
He did not want to go.
Then the angel thought of it. The irrational idea had suddenly popped into his head and without a second thought he went over to the window and spread his wings wide, taking one last look at Arthur, his Arthur, as he did not know if he would ever come back. The clock hit midnight and the angel of no name was torn from the room, the window slamming shut behind him.
Arthur shot up in his bed and looked wide eyed at the now closed window.
"Are you there…?" He whispered into the silence. But the angel was no longer there to answer him.
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-
The sounds of the busy London streets were the first thing to rouse the angel of no name. He struggled to a sitting position, his head now pounding, and his limbs aching. The whole experience was new to him as angels never felt pain or even touch. They were like the wind. Able to make contact with animate things but could not receive contact, fully, in return.
"I-I'm not…I'm mortal, I'm a human." The man, once angel, murmured to himself. Once he gathered his thoughts he looked around to find himself sitting in a dirty ally only a few feet away from the busy streets of London. He couldn't help but smile a bit to himself. He could feel. He could feel the ground beneath him, the cool air blowing through his hair, the scratchy clothes that hung somewhat loosely on his skinny frame. He was taken from his thoughts when something jabbed his side.
"Oi! You there!" A woman's voice came from beside him. Surprised, the man looked up to see a shorter lady standing beside him leaning on a polished silver cane. She was bundled up in a large grey jacket and matching pants with fuzzy black boots, her hair a bright yellow blonde which was obviously dyed. The whole combination seemed a bit odd to the man but he didn't question it. He knew how mortals could be.
"Um, yes?" The man said, surprised at his own voice. It wasn't how it used to be. It wasn't smooth and soft. Now it was scratchy and slightly squeaky like he had coughed his throat raw and to be fair with himself; he did feel like he had coughed for hours straight.
"Yes you! What other bum do you think I would be talking to?" The woman spat making the man flinch slightly.
"I'm sorry-" He had begun, only to be cut off quickly with another jab to his side.
"I was not done speaking!" She hissed. "Now stand up so I can address you properly." The man quickly scrambled up so he wouldn't anger the woman any further, though he didn't know what he had done wrong. But now that he stood tall the woman seemed tiny and he couldn't help but crack a small grin.
"Don't start grinning at me you filthy street rat!." Another jab to his side. "What is your name anyways?" The man froze. He didn't have a name. He was never given one and never bothered to name himself. He quickly looked around - the woman raising an eyebrow in question, when he eyes landed on an old tattered poster sticking to the brick wall behind the short woman. It was a picture of a bird, probably for some sort of Zoo advertisement, and the word that stuck out the most was 'Merlin'.
"Merlin!" He replied quickly. A bit too quickly as he went into a coughing fit. The woman looked disgusted and took a step back.
"Well, Merlin. Get off the streets, will you? It would do all of us a favour so we wouldn't have to see your pathetic shape sleeping in every god forsaken corner of the city! There are enough street rats around but you Merlin are young. Or at least you look young. You can probably find yourself a job somewhere if you are lucky." She said, sticking her nose up at him. The man's new name rolled around in his head for a moment. It did seem fitting now that he thought about it. A Merlin was a bird and he was, in sense, a bird before. He had wings and watched people perform their daily lives without really intruding.
"I will defiantly do that. But I do have a question. Do you know where I can find Arthur Pendragon?" Merlin asked.
"Why would a person like you be wanting to meet with Arthur Pendragon? You are aware that he doesn't socialize with your…kind." She narrowed her eyes at him.
"Oh, I'm an old friend of his." He replied with a smile. "And actually, I don't live on the streets I was out the other night and had one to many drinks at the pub." Merlin didn't feel right lying but the rude woman was Merlin's only chance of finding Arthur. The woman seemed to buy the lie and gave a stiff nod to Merlin.
"Right then…well he lives in a flat at the more prestigious part of the city, not sure which flat number it is, but you can try for him at the university."
'Prestigious part of the city? Before I left Arthur was living on instant noodles in a shabby flat.' Merlin thought but quickly discarded the thought.
"Thank you so much!" Merlin grinned and grabbed the woman's free hand, shaking it quickly and dashing out of the alley. He was grinning like a madman now as he ran. His plan had worked and he was able to see Arthur again. He came to a quick stop however when he realized what he was going to do when he met Arthur. It would be rather odd of him if he just showed up and tried to become friends with him. Merlin glanced down at himself and frowned slightly. His clothes were loose on his body and were a white t-shirt which had blotchy patches on him from dirt and light grey sweat pants with the same marks but slightly ripped on the knees.
He huffed lightly then continued on his way but taking a slight detour to a small thrift which he had seen Arthur and his father go to a few times when Arthur was smaller. It had changed little. A few selves or racks had been added and a wall or two had been painted crudely. The shop was still small and stuffy and had the same odd smell in the air, presumably from the old clothes which weren't being touched.
As he glanced over the racks of clothes he dug into his pocket and was surprised when his hands grabbed onto a few crumpled notes. He took them out and quickly counted them then went back to finding some better clothes. It took a few minutes and multiple combinations of clothes but finally found some clothes that fit him well: A pair of faded 'skinny' jeans, a greyish blue t-shirt and a brown jacket with a red scarf to top it off. He paid for the clothes then went in the back to change. As Merlin was changing in the back he took a second to actually look at himself in the tall yet grimy mirror that stood in front of him.
He smiled when he saw his reflection since he had never actually seen himself, only a ghost of his old form. A bright cloud of white mist usually with traces of a human shape. He had never really had a face or any features for that matter. But his form now, his mortal form, was as clear as day. He was a young man, most likely in his twenties, and had short, slightly messy, dark brown hair. His eyes were a deep, bright, blue which stood out from his pale face with prominent cheek bones. He had to admit his ears were a bit big for his liking but other than that he thought he was a fairly good looking bloke.
Now all he had to do was track down Arthur which shouldn't be too hard. Merlin had seen all of London from different periods of time, including the twenty first century. But when Merlin left the small shop he was surprised when he saw a large billboard he hadn't noticed before. It was an advertisement for a company, Camelot Industries, and it had Arthur's father on it.
'What? That can't be right…' Merlin thought to himself as he studied the simple advertisement. Arthur's father, Uther, didn't look like he did the night Merlin had left. Uther was a complete wreck that night since it was the anniversary of his wife's death and having just lost his job earlier in the day with the rent of the flat quickly building up didn't help him either. He had been unshaven, dirty and smelled strongly of alcohol. Uther looked like a man ready to take his life. But now, Uther looked completely different on the billboard. He had cleaned up greatly, practically glowed now and for once he looked confident. Maybe a little too confident but it was a good change, Merlin supposed.
Before continuing on Merlin mentally noted the address of Camelot industries head office and was on his way again. It took him a moment to remember where the University of London was then quickly flagged down a cab. Merlin was almost beaming with joy at the thought of seeing Arthur again; he knew it would be slightly difficult to become friends with him, even to get close. But he had this feeling that it wouldn't be that hard, that there was a slight chance that Arthur would somehow recognise him or remember him.
"This is your stop, right?" The cabbie asked from the front since Merlin hadn't realised the cab had arrived at the university.
"Oh! Yeah it is, thanks" He quickly paid then hopped out of the car, taking a quick look over the campus before going to try and find the main office. As Merlin walked he stole quick glances at the students who walked past him, checking to see if he may pass Arthur. Though as Merlin got closer to the main building he got lost in his thoughts again. Some memories of his past were cloudier than others, faded.
"Can I help you sweetie?" A women's voice took Merlin out of his thoughts. He had zoned out again.
"Um, yes-" He began, glancing over the woman who had stopped him right before the collage's entrance. The woman looked more professional then any of the students on campus as by her formal attire; A black blazer which buttoned at the middle, a white blouse underneath and matching black slacks. Her dark brown hair was long and full because of her curls; her eyes a lighter shade of green and her lips a ruby red.
"I'm looking for Arthur Pendragon." The women smiled sweetly and nodded.
"If you would follow me."
Merlin smiled back and followed the dark haired women away from the main building, back behind a smaller building where not a single student was near. He slowed his pace to leave a large gap between the two of them; this whole thing didn't feel right to him.
"Are you not coming?" The woman asked, a smirk sliding onto her face. "I'm sure Arthur will be dying to see you again."
"What? Who are you!" Merlin yelped, taking a few steps back. But the woman vanished right before Merlin's eyes.
"You are such a fool!" The woman's voice now behind him. Before Merlin could turn he was flung off his feet by an invisible force and slammed harshly against the side of small building. He let out a groan as a wave of pain rammed into him, knocking the air from his lungs. Pain. He wasn't used to it.
"Who a-are you…" Merlin forced out when he had got some air back in his lungs. His back was throbbing in pain and his chest hurt from trying to breathe properly.
"Oh you don't recognize me? We were both in your life, Emrys."
"Of course I don't recognize you! I've never seen you in my life!" Merlin snapped but was caught in a coughing fit. The women laughed and walked over to Merlin who was still lying on the ground, propped up by his right arm.
"You're probably wondering why I said 'we' and why I called you Emrys, yes?" She didn't wait for Merlin's answer. "Well for starters, I know who you are or really what you are. You were a guardian angel but now you are a fallen angel, a pitiful sight you are by the way."
"How in hell do you know that?"
"If you would shut up I would tell you." She sneered. Her eyes flashed gold and Merlin again was flung off the ground, slamming into the same brick wall but this time he couldn't move.
"Now. I am an angel as well, but un-like you I am smart enough not to give up my grace. This woman is simply a way of transport for me, a vessel you might say to hold my grace and let me interact with this primitive species. "
"But you're a guardian angel; you're supposed to respect humans! We're supposed to watch over them!" Merlin said through gritted teeth.
"And I should listen to advice from a fallen angel? Ha! They were so wrong about you Emrys." The woman's eyes flashed gold again and Merlin felt his chest tighten like someone was slowly placing more and more weights on it. "They said you were supposed to be the one angel to guide all of us, to be the messenger of god, our father, himself. Now look at you."
"How though-" He gasped, the pressure coming at a fast rate now. "I-I was just an angel of no name, I was like all the others."
"No you just thought that. Yes most of our brothers and sisters did as well but you were always known as Emrys to the higher ones. How else were you able to connect with children in such a way? You've got so much power Emrys! Yet, you chose to get rid of all that and turn yourself into a stupid, defenseless human." She looked at him in disgust, her eyes flashing gold once more and Merlin was free. He topped to the ground gasping for breath, his body racked with another wave of violet coughs.
"I'm surprised you don't know me, Emrys. Or this body for that matter. Let's start off with myself; I'm Dina, remember me? Angel of learning they said. Hated my name, still do." Merlin's eyes widened when the memories came flooding back and a grin slide onto Dina's face. Merlin knew that grin all too well, he had seen it so many times and not when anything good would happen. Dina was power hungry from the start, always wanting to be better than anyone else. No wonder she stuck with Merlin.
"There you go. Now about this human. A much nicer name I think and if I'm correct, you've seen her once or twice when she was a child. She's Morgana Pendragon."
"Get out of her!" Merlin snarled and tried to jump up. Arthur may have been the child he watched over but he had a responsibility to Morgana as well when she was young. Dina simply laughed and with a small wave of her hand Merlin was tossed to the ground again.
"You do know that she is perfectly fine with all this, or was. I'm not sure if she has left her own body or not."
"What do you mean that she left her own body?"
"Oh it can happen. If an angel is accepted into a humans body sometimes the human's spirit will stay until the angel leaves and the human takes over again, or they simply leave. Morgana used to be prattling on about so much up in her skull but she's been quiet for a while now."
"You can't do that, it's not right." He tried to get up once again but was only thrown back down.
"And getting your grace ripped from your body is right? I'm more powerful than you now, Emrys. Treat me with respect." She spat, face lit up with rage. For a moment Merlin thought her eyes would flash gold again and she would do another horrid thing to him but she only let out a small laugh and started to walk around him like she was examining him.
"It takes weeks for an angel's grace to be shaped into a human body; months even. Then whatever grace is left gets torn from your new body. It is an extremely painful process. Many times it leaves you an empty shell of what you once were. No memories of anything, basically leaving that person like a new born child. They only know how to live, how to breathe. Half of the angels who have fallen couldn't even speak as they didn't remember how. But you somehow managed to save all your memories, all your basic functions. My question is how."
"How should I know?" Merlin muttered and struggled to a sitting position. The pain in his body still very present and not planning to leave any time soon.
"It took you three days! Three days to become mortal and you are barely even scarred!" Dina hissed, grabbing Merlin's shirt collar and pulling him to his feet. He swayed for a second before getting his balance and managed to stand tall in front of his old friend.
"Dina, if I knew anything I would tell you. You should know that." Dina ignored him and looked over Merlin's face, her eyes scanning every inch. Merlin squirmed slightly in her grip as the whole thing made him uncomfortable. If he tried to divert his eyes she would grab his face and make him look at her. After a few long minutes she smirked and let go of him, pushing him to the ground.
"I see now. You were so powerful that you were able to save your memories but now that you are human and no longer have any grace, your memories have started to fade. It's happening already, I can see that. Oh you stupid, stupid man. Soon you'll be like the others; you'll have no memory of anything you've ever seen or been. You'll have no memory of anyone. Not even Arthur." Dina laughed again and grinned down at Merlin, grinning as if she won the best prize of them all.
"No, you're wrong. You are so wrong Dina, I will never forget about Arthur." He struggled up to his feet, swaying for a moment again before gaining his balance. He took a shaky step towards Dina, hand reaching out. He felt so tired now. So very tired. His body ached, his head throbbed. He needed rest badly.
"Look at you, you are pathetic." She laughed and pushed Merlin's shoulder lightly making him stumble backwards. "You can't even live up to your real name. Emrys was powerful and great. You are just like any other human being, Merlin. You're weak, fragile, and so stupid. Give up on Arthur, Merlin. Oh, and please don't call me Dina. It's Morgana now." She flashed Merlin another grin then disappeared again, leaving a light breeze in her wake.
That was just what Merlin needed, an old 'friend' who was against him now. He couldn't think about anything Dina- no, Morgana, had said. Not now. It felt like his whole body was starting to shut down and he was still in pain. He rocked on his feet as he tried to keep his balance only to collapse to the ground in a heap. He didn't bother to try and move or get up. He had absolutely no energy left. But at the same time he felt warmth grow in his chest, a soothing warmth that spread throughout his body and the pains started to slowly fade.
Merlin's eyes drifted shut while the warmth swept over his body. Soon he was surrounded by darkness and engulfed in warmth.
