A/N: This is my second fanfiction story. This is going to be a very painful one with lots of anger and suffering, dealing with drugs, molesting, abuse and so much sadness.
Thanks to Susie…..thanks for your help…Thanks to Rosa….a special dedication to qu3bz….I love you hun… and again thanks to my readers and friends…I love you all….
All the characters belong to S.M but Bella the bitch and Edward the bastard belong to me…
Life can be like paradise or hell…. I have seen hell….I seek revenge…
Bella and Edward
HOPE
MISERY
BELLA
I am a bitch…I know I am…Life has made me the bitch I am. I want people to be hurt. I have only one goal in my life. To pay them all back…Whether I know them or not…I don't fucking care. I lived hell…As far as I remembered…fucking purgatory….
My mother was a crack-addict and a fucking whore. I was the product of a rape. My father was her pimp. I don't remember my early childhood, but I know that I came in this world as an addict, too…I was born from a mother who took drugs during her pregnancy, so all that shit was in my blood …a fucking gift from my oh-so-slutty mother…
My mother died when I was four years old from an overdose. That part I remembered. I was there with her. Four days with a dead corpse…me and her, alone in our apartment…The smell of her rotting body and my dreadful cries alerted the neighbours. They found me lying near my dead mother, dirty, exhausted, completely dehydrated, starving and devastated.
And then my neglected childhood went on. My mother had no relatives at all….Maybe she did, I don't know. All her so-called friends or acquaintances where fucking prostitutes, drug dealers and pimps…so nobody fucking cared for me…
So the government and their institutions took care for me…took responsibility of me…how fucking did they care to care…The first place I was sent to was an orphanage… I was fed, if you could call that food - even a dog would have despised the food they served, clothed and educated…yes…educated…slapped, battered, secluded, famished…
Then I was sent to various families. I was dragged around like a nuisance from one adoptive family to the other….I don't know how many families hosted me. I lost count. I was not an easy child. I was stubborn, rebellious and withdrawn. I had a temper, and they all wanted to break it. So the battering continued, as well as the mistreatment and the sexual abuse. The more they hit me, the more I acted out. I ran away, spent time on the street as a homeless teenager, ate food out of the garbage, took drugs, slept with men, offering my body in exchange of money…I did not care…I did not give my fucking life any importance. I was just existing and surviving. I had no hope for something better. I was living in darkness and despair. Every time I ran away, the police tracked me down; found me and sent me back to the different hosting families…It was always that vicious circle. I was trapped in the system…
As soon as I was 18 years old my last adoptive family threw me out with a backpack and fifty dollars…I was an adult now so I had to take care of myself.
I was not very well-educated. I went to school from time to time, but missed a lot of school days. I was either playing hooky or most often because the bruises my so-loving adoptive family graciously left on my body were far too evident to be seen at school. It is not easy to hide a black-eye or a cut lip or a purple- bluish bruised face at school…I could hide the other marks with a long sweater and pants but not my face…I could not wear a mask at school….so when those marks were imprinted on my face, my family kept me secluded in the house, inventing some illness…I was indeed a very sick child.
But now I was 18, an adult and fully responsible for myself. I somehow deep inside me knew I would get some direction. I had to assure my own life. I had three goals now….earning money….an education…and revenge. I would do everything possible to achieve those three goals…No matter the time…No matter the ways…That was my life now…Those were my aims…
EDWARD
I am bastard…I am a fucking bastard, and I know it. Life made me the bastard that I am. Life has been a bitch and I do everything in my power to make people's lives a constant torment. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. I hate people. I hate society. I hate what people did to me. They are all going to get paid back. Whether they had anything to do with my fucked-up life or not. Nobody was there for me when I needed them to be… except for my parents.
I seek revenge and I will get it.
As a young kid, I was a very shy boy…a very sensitive child, withdrawn and unsociable. Not that I didn't want to have friends, but other kids didn't want to have me as a friend. I grew up feeling very lonely and rejected. Nobody understood this fact. No psychologists, no teachers, no principals, and not even my parents.
Although I had been a beautiful boy with brownish-copper hair, deep green eyes…very pretty, as everybody told me. I was a very intelligent kid as well. My intelligence quotient was high, above average. I took some tests and my IQ results were comparable to Einstein.
I was in love with all kinds of arts…drawing…music…literature…poetry…these were my real friends. My parents were wealthy…my dad an art teacher…my mom…a very famous actress. So I was raised up in an artsy family. At a very young age, I learnt to play piano and guitar. I took drawing lessons. I had private teachers who helped me discover the beauty and the power of words, the musicality of poetry, the intensiveness of literature. From Shakespeare to Baudelaire to Lord Byron to Rudyard Kipling to Emilie Bronte to Tennyson to Charles Dickens and Daniel Defoe…I read a lot….I craved reading and to know all those famous poets and authors. I was insatiable. My dad took me to the museum. I discovered magnificent painters and their masterpieces: Picasso, Monet, Dali, Van Gogh, Gauguin, Cézanne…All of those talented and genius creators…I was in love with the arts.
School was easy, I mean the subjects were. I was getting 'A' grades in all the courses…math…sciences…literature…geography…history…I was good in everything except sports…I was uncoordinated. I was an uncoordinated nerd…And this simple fact made me different… That was the cause of all the bullshit I soon began to live…
My two first years at school were good, not great, but good…I had a few friends, if one could call them friends. They were more acquaintances than friends. This all stopped in grade 3. I was 8 years old, and slowly the kids in my class began to intimidate me. They began to reject me…and it went on for three years. I was the last to be chosen when they made their teams to play sports. They excluded me when there were special events outside of class, like birthdays and outdoors activities. Nobody invited me. Nobody wanted to play with me during recess. I was alone…always so alone… Then some of those bullies began to wait for me after class. They made fun of me by tripping me up on my way home, punching me, hitting me and throwing my schoolbag in the water or in the mud. I was very often their punching bag. I was unable to fight back…how could I do it…when there were four kids against me…I endured them and it worsened…
My parents knew there was something wrong with me. I began to have dreadful nightmares ...At first; I would not talk at all. I kept the secret for three years. My marks in school were not as good. I began to lose my appetite and lose weight. I had a temper, too, at home. I was impolite and aggressive… And I began to hate school…Every morning I dreaded going to school. I knew the bullies were waiting for me…to tyrannize me before and after school and during the recess, even during classes when the teacher was not looking.
One day after school as I was going to take my schoolbag to put my books in it, I discovered a dead rat in it…and a note a rat for a rat. That's the day I decided to talk to my parents. They went to the principal who could not do anything, because I refused to give names. I was not a stool pigeon.
My dad Carlisle and my mother Elizabeth decided to sell the house and to move…They did that for me…They did that because they loved me….but the damage was done…The venom was in me…Three years of suffering was enough…I could not bear anymore pain. I developed a wall of indifference and selfishness.
The shy, sensitive boy was dead…I became a hard, unruly, delinquent teenager. In high school, I began to associate with rapacious, drug dealers and very bad students. I took boxing lessons and self-defence classes. I had a personal fitness trainer. I sold drugs to minors, I was a minor myself. I discovered the power of my beauty and intelligence. I had sex with a lot of girls, using them as toys and then throwing them away like rubbish when I was done. I provoked fights, getting in brawls for whatever reason. Just a look from a guy could lead me to violent outbursts. I was Edward Masen, the provocateur, the agitator, the drug dealer, the fighter and the sexiest guy in high school. I was the best manipulator. From the intimidated, I became the intimidator. I was now eighteen years old…I was a pimp with many girls working for me…I had not lived with my parents for a year…I was their failure, in a way, I supposed…Maybe I was my own failure, too…but I did not give a fucking damn…I had so much resentment and hate in my heart…And I had an ultimate goal…one day I would return to Forks and beat the shit out of those boys…I would track them down and make their lives a living hell.
A/N: This is the end of chap.1. As I will go on we will go deeper into the pasts of Bella and Edward…before their current lives…some very painful memories…and in the present moment too…They are both seeking revenge…At this point of their existences they don't give a shit about anyone…They can be very cruel in a way…but who are we to condemn them with the background they have…
Leave me some love and review…This is hard for me to write….maybe I have some demons in my heart too…Love you all…France xxx
