Numb. In shock. Worse than ever before. Worse than the first time Robin left her and worse even than Daniel. In her darkest moment she wishes Robin would have just died because then it would have been final. As long as Robin is out there she will always be thinking of him and always wanting him near. Near to her, next to her, with her always.
…
At first she is just shell-shocked. Having something beautiful ripped away from her is somewhat of a common occurrence; however, that does not make it any less painful. That first day she walks around in a daze. She goes to Granny's, eats, picks up Henry from school, – which, thankfully, has started up once again – drops him off with Emma, then goes to her vault to tidy up. This is a mistake. The second she enters that vault it smells like him. Like forest. In the corner, the bed she had conjured is still there, still unmade. She walks forward, crawls onto the bed, and collapses. Somewhere between tears she falls asleep.
…
She awakes the next afternoon to the sound of knocking on the vault door. She vaguely remembers this sound from earlier, but this is the first time she is conscious of it. Conscious of anything, really. The knocking continues and then suddenly a voice is attached to it. "Mom! I know you're there and I know you can hear me. Open up!"
How long has she been asleep for? How could she let all this time slip away from her? Then her heart jumps. Henry. He must have been worried and looking for her. She sits up in the bed and looks at the disaster around her. Henry couldn't come in the vault and see her like this. He couldn't come in and see the bed where she and Robin had been together. It takes everything in her, but she stands up and strides over to the door. She flings it open and wraps Henry in a giant hug. "I'm so sorry, Henry." As she lets him go, she sees the scared look in his eyes and this makes her want to cry all over again. Not only has she scared him by disappearing for the night, but as she looks in the mirror beside them, she is pretty sure her appearance is pretty horrifying, as well. She doesn't believe how selfish she has been. "I'm okay, I promise. Let's just go home and forget –"
Henry, apparently, isn't going to let her off the hook so easily. "You're not okay. Please let me take you to Mary Margret so she can help take care of you. We're all going to help you get through this. As a family."
Regina nods, but there is no way she can be in the presence of Snow right now. Or anyone, really. Henry is an exception, of course. He is the only one in this town who sees her as she truly is: not a villain. "Why don't we just go home and then talk about everything later." Regina shepherds him out of the vault and back home.
…
Things are not much better at home. Yes, she showers and forces herself to eat, but nothing about her mood has changed. In the days that follow she tries to smile and be positive whenever Henry is around, but it is just plain exhausting. She wakes each morning to get Henry ready for school, but the moment he leaves she crawls back into bed for a new wave of fresh tears. She wishes she weren't like this, but that wish isn't as strong as the memory of Robin crossing the town line – seeing the look in his eyes as he watched her fade into nothing. Sometimes she cries just because she misses him, but every time that memory resurfaces, she can feel a jolt of sadness stab her heart. Every time she sees it, she feels the moment happening all over again. The agony of him leaving with his wife and son and knowing she couldn't do anything to stop it. Knowing that she was the one to suggest it for the sake of saving Marian's life. Sometimes she thinks about what would have happened if she had just let Marian die. It would have been so easy. But she knows deep down that it wouldn't have been right.
When she dreams, it's always of him. Sometimes it's a nightmare – the memory of him leaving – and she wakes up screaming. On those nights, Henry comes to stay with Regina in her bed to calm her down. Every time this happens she is so grateful, but when morning arrives, always feels so guilty. She should be the one comforting him after a bad dream, not the other way around. But sometimes the dreams are good. She and Robin are in the woods, on the grass, and he would just tell her over and over again how much he loves her. In these dreams she would grin ear-to-ear, never responding back to him but wishing beyond anything that she could.
…
It's her first time out of the house in two weeks. Henry had begged and begged her to come over to the Charming's house for a nice, quiet dinner, and finally she gave in. Regina does not want to be around anyone now, but considering she's had no adult interaction in quite some time, she knows it's probably for the best. She also wants Henry to see that she is feeling better, even though she thinks she can never be repaired.
As she walks with Henry, side-by-side down the street, her signature lasagna in hand, she begins to feel nervous. Nervous is not an emotion Regina experiences often. It is other people that are nervous around her and never the other way around. But something is different tonight. Snow and Charming, and hey, even Emma and Hook, have the upper hand because they are happy. Now that happiness has become so desirable for Regina, she realizes how much wealthier the Charmings are because of it. With every step, she thinks about how much less she has and how with every passing moment she is that much closer to tears. No, she can't let anything show. She has to put on a brave face and pretend to be just as happy as the Charmings are. No other option.
The moment they arrive, Snow wraps Regina into an all-consuming hug. Regina is so shocked she hangs there like a wet rag before giving the smallest of hugs in return. Regina is not a touchy-feely person – she practically is the opposite of Snow in almost every way. But then again she has become a bit more vulnerable. Before Robin – and there's that stabbing pain again – the only person she would publically be affectionate with was Henry. And even then nothing too over the top, despite her warmth at home. With Robin, she had let many of her guards down… kissing him outside of Granny's, not caring what the world thought. Watching now as Snow and Charming hold hands, and as Hook rests his arm around Emma, something catches in her throat. These were things she never got to experience with Robin. Their time had been too short. Too messy. It isn't fair. But nothing is fair for her and she has spent all her life growing accustomed to that fact.
"Thank you so much for cooking, Regina. I can't wait to taste it." Snow lifts the pan of lasagna from Regina's hands and floats on over to the kitchen. Regina rolls her eyes at Snow's enthusiasm but can't help but smile. She guesses it maybe is nice to be around people again – perhaps Henry was right after all.
David hangs Henry and Regina's coats in the hall closet and moves toward Snow in the kitchen, eyes still on the newcomers. "You know, Mary Margaret made all your favorite dishes from back in the Enchanted Forest." He takes a moment to watch Snow stir what looks suspiciously like steamed vegetables. "Well, as close as we could get."
Snow lovingly swats him with a wooden spoon. "Stop that. This would be considered a delicacy back there." She turns back to Regina with grin. "And the bread pudding might as well be Knight's Cake." Regina feels a strange mixture of love, embarrassment, and sadness at Snow's thoughtful gesture. Back when Snow was younger, the child used to steal pieces of Knight's Cake and bring it up to Regina's room whenever she was sad, which was most times. Regina sometimes said thank you but it was never genuine. Sometimes she didn't even acknowledge the little girl's presence. And it was all because Snow had seen Regina smile one time at the palace ball when a towering Knight's Cake had been brought out.
Regina quickly pushes this thought away. She's come so far and memories of her days as Queen send shivers down her spine for a plethora of reasons; one reason being her distain for the young Snow White. She looks back up at the adult Snow White, still with those eyes, as hopeful and loving as her childhood self. This time she returns Snow's smile with a genuine one and says thank you.
…
Dinner has ended and Regina is helping Snow clean up in the kitchen. Emma and Henry are sitting on the couch in the other room playing with baby Neal, who refuses to go to sleep. Charming and Hook are sitting in the two chairs next to the couch excitedly talking about who knows what. For them, everything is perfect. No Wicked Witch or Snow Queen threatening their every move. For the first time in what feels like forever, there is peace in Storybrooke. Peace for everyone expect Regina. Her happy ending had been ripped from her, as plain and simple as that. "What's on your mind?" Snow asks, startling Regina who almost drops the plate she has been drying.
"Oh, not much." Snow waits for Regina to say more but she doesn't.
"You've been particularly quiet tonight."
"Is that so?" Regina is not in the mood for one of Snow's speeches right now. While it's nice being in the company of others, she can't really handle much more than that.
"I know you're hurting." Snow puts down the plate she is washing and lowers her voice. "And I know you don't want to talk, but you'd be surprised how much it could help. Me, even David and Emma – we are here for you."
Regina gently puts down the plate and braces both hands on the counter, willing herself to not break down. She knows if Snow or anyone mentions his name, she will lose it. She can barely think his name without her eyes watering. "It's just so hard." Snow nods at this and there is a beat. "I think about how long it took me to get over Daniel and how his death destroyed me beyond repair. Just think what will happen now." Regina's eyes are tearing up – exactly what she didn't want to happen. But Snow's hand is on her arm and she feels less alone.
"You are not the same person as before. You are good. Think about how many times you've saved us from disaster. You are a true hero." Regina shakes her head at this. She is no hero.
"That's just it. Daniel's death turned me into the villain. What's to say that won't happen again."
"It won't. I know it won't. You are smarter now, you are much less naïve, and this time you have us. We will support you." Regina's first reaction to lash out at Snow and tell her Snow's 'support' was the reason last time had happened. Stupid little… no, Regina did not think like that anymore. Snow was a child then and Regina could not fault her. Regina knew that the blame game would solve nothing. It took her decades to learn that, but better late than never.
"That's terrific, but I can't just sit here and mope. There has to be something we can do. Something to get the wall down." Why hasn't she thought of this before? Of course, she has fantasized about the invisible wall around the town being destroyed… running off to find Robin Hood and make him hers once again. Snow's hope must be radiating off of her because Regina is suddenly fueled with more motivation than she has had the past few weeks. Well, any motivation would be 'more' motivation, considering her hope barometer is set in the negatives.
"We are trying to figure it out." Snow lifts her hand off of Regina's arm and begins to fiddle with the dishrag. "But according to Hook, all the fairies are trapped in a hat, and Rumple is gone."
"Because of Belle. How could that idiot just have – "
"Regina."
"Sorry. I just don't think it was the wisest decision to cast away the only person who can get us out of this mess." Regina feels anger coursing through her. For the first time since… that day… she no longer feels sad. Just anger. Hate. Just like she said to Tinkerbell so many years ago, the anger she felt kept her grounded. Being happy made her float away and within the reaches of sadness. Like rock, paper, and scissors, the only thing to crush sadness was anger.
"Regina?" Snow has noticed her shaking hands. One look into Snow's eyes brought common sense right back to Regina. She could not become angry. That was her downfall the first time. She took a deep breath in and then out, forcing the anger to leave her body. "Regina," Snow says again, "you are just as powerful as Rumple. I bet that you can help find the antidote to all of this. And once you've broken down the wall, I'm sure Robin will be easy to find. I doubt he could have strayed too far."
But Regina stopped listening the moment Snow had said his name. She knows Snow was trying to be upbeat and hopeful, but hearing his name spoken aloud sends a wave of nausea through her body. She backs away from the counter and hurries to the bathroom.
Finally alone again. She leans against the door, silent tears falling from her eyes. It had been a mistake to come here. It had done no good.
…
A few minutes later, a soft rap on the door has Regina immediately wiping away the tears still streaming down her face. "Regina?" This time it's Emma. What could the Savior possibly want with her? "Come out, we want to show you something." Regina looks in the mirror. Damn. It would be impossible not to notice that she has been crying. She could hear muttering in the room outside. She thinks she hears Charming say something about not bothering her. She actually allows herself to smile at this. As hard as Snow tries, sometimes Charming can be just as helpful with a simple gesture. This kind of thing almost makes her feel bad for calling them both idiots behind (and in front of) their backs. Almost.
She opens the door and everyone is circled around her. "What?" Regina accuses. Emma immediately steps up to the plate, holding baby Neal in her arms. "This is what you wanted to show me? I've seen a baby before." Regina watches Emma and Snow share a look at this snide remark.
"Well…" Emma begins, "I don't think you've held baby Neal yet. Maybe your touch will finally help him go to sleep." Snow nods encouragingly and Regina gives a heavy sigh but takes the baby anyway.
Immediately, Regina's entire body relaxes. She hates that they are right. Without looking at anyone, she strolls away from the circle of intense stares and heads toward the couch. She sits down, rocking the baby in her arms. She doesn't know how to describe it, but it feels good holding this baby. She feels warmth. Is it happiness? Maybe. Is it peacefulness? Definitely.
The rest of the group has dispersed, but Snow comes to sit right next to Regina, adjusting the baby's blanket. Regina looks up into Snow's eyes and sees she is tearful. Regina almost forgot that other people besides her have the ability to cry – she has been doing so much of it herself that she forgot it was such a universal reaction. But Snow's tears are those of happiness, while Regina's have only been those of sadness. However, when Regina and Snow lock eyes, Regina feels tears returning to the corners of her eyes.
"I'm so glad you're here," Snow whispers. "I've missed you." Regina nods in agreement and then her gaze drifts back to the finally sleeping baby. She knows Snow is not just talking about tonight. And Regina can finally admit to herself that she is just as glad to be here as Snow is to have her.
…
A few more weeks pass. Days have become a bit brighter, with constant distractions such as helping Snow with mayoral duties (which she needs a lot of) as well as almost daily lunches with Emma and the Charmings. They'll do anything to keep her busy and occupied. While Regina demands she does not want to be treated like a charity case, she is glad to help when she can. Any distraction, no matter the shape or form, is good.
The nights are still brutal. Even the good dreams - the ones where he wraps his arms around her, kisses her neck and runs his fingers through her hair – are wearing on her, making her miss him even more. The dreams are so real. His eyes, his voice, the smell of forest. It's all so real until she wakes up. There is a sudden jolt of realization and there is no going back to sleep. One look and she is sure all anyone would see is weakness, but every day when she gets out of bed she feels strong. Every day is a success. She has to think this way or else all hope will be lost.
Recently, the dreams have been more intense, causing her to be sick when she wakes up in the middle of the night or even in the morning. The few nights when Henry stays with his other mother, Regina refuses to fall asleep. It is torture to wake, realizing Robin's arms are not wrapped around her.
…
Overtired and feeling a bit loopy, Regina heads to lunch at Granny's. The little bell tinkles as she walks through the door and spots Emma and Snow, already seated across from each other at the far booth. They seem deep in conversation. Regina catches the words "Hook" and "matching jackets" as she slides in next to Emma. Regina interjects, "So where is Mr. Motorcycle Jacket on this fine day?" Emma and Snow do not find this funny and they continue their debate.
"I just think it'll be sweet. You two never do anything romantic." Snow seems genuinely upset by this, but Regina does not have the time of day for this discussion and chooses to dive nose-deep into the menu.
"Mom. That is a dumb idea. He'll never go for it." Emma mumbles this next part, "And I'll never go for it." Snow shakes her head. "Plus," Emma adds, "Maybe I just don't tell you every time Hook decides to be romantic." At that, Emma also picks up the menu and tries to block her blush from the table. Regina shrugs at Snow – kids these days!
After the general small talk is over and they order their food, Snow brings up the topic of the town line. This is a daily occurrence but Regina becomes nauseous nonetheless. Whenever the words "town line" are spoken, she envisions the last time she saw Robin and it breaks her heart all over again. The good news is that they are close to finding something that will break down the enchantment around Storybrooke. Even without fairy magic or Rumple's knowledge of… well, of everything… they have done enough research and gathered enough magic to create a potion in which one person can cross the line without consequence. Regina is frustrated because this still doesn't really solve anything. Snow says this is just the first step in the process. But Regina wants something bigger.
Regina feels another jolt inside of her, same as almost every other day this week. She excuses herself and runs to the bathroom. This has got to stop – the anxiety she is feeling is beginning to manifest physically. Although she knows it's wrong, she's considered many times taking a forgetting potion. Life would be so much easier. However, that is something the old Regina would do. She is stronger now. This is her life and she is going to deal with it – no cutting corners.
She returns to the table minutes later, weakened and tired. This can't keep happening. She slowly chews on her piece of gum and stares out the window in a trance. Only moments later does Regina realize both Emma and Snow have gone silent and are staring at her. "Regina, are you alight?" Snow voices, hesitant and concerned.
"Of course I am." Regina practically scolds Snow as she tosses back her hair.
"Are you sure?" Emma asks quietly. All Emma gets in return is an icy glance from Regina.
"It's just," Snow begins, "we… well, mostly I… have noticed your behavior recently. You're tired all the time –"
"I haven't been sleeping well," Regina snaps.
"OK, fine, but you've also been moody and you've been getting sick recently. Maybe you have the flu, but maybe…." Snow trails off, not wanting to say it.
"Maybe what?" Regina retaliates. Regina knows what Snow is getting at. She sees a tiny smile begin to creep along Snow's lips. No no no. It can't be. Regina hasn't thought it because she hasn't allowed herself to think it. Because it cannot be. Regina glances away from Snow and turns toward Emma, who's wearing her signature frowning face. Either Emma's really an idiot or she and Snow have been talking about this for a while and Emma is deciding to play dumb in this very moment. She looks back to Snow, and Regina realizes tears are forming in both of their eyes. Suddenly she feels hot and overwhelmed. She has to get out of here.
In a cloud of purple smoke, Regina vanishes.
…
She is in the local drug store. Her mind is racing. Her heart is beating out of her chest. She grabs cough syrup, a bag of pretzels, cinnamon candy, laundry detergent, and a pregnancy test. She hides the pregnancy test in her jacket and pays the cashier an extra amount "just because." It is the same amount as the test so this really isn't stealing. Just as soon as she entered the store, she is gone.
She's already forgotten that she has the ability to poof home in her purple cloud. She races out the store and continues speed walking home, mind racing. When she gets there, Emma and Snow are standing in front of the house, apparently waiting for Regina to arrive home. As soon as Regina sees them, she turns around hoping to escape, heart still racing a million miles an hour.
Too late. Emma and Snow catch up with her and drag her inside. Regina is not resistant because she has no energy. She is speechless.
Snow unpacks the "groceries" and Emma finds the pregnancy test in Regina's jacket. No one speaks as Emma hands her the test and nods her head. Regina, after a few moments of just staring at it, grabs it from Emma and heads into the bathroom.
This time there is no ancillary noise coming from the other side of the door. Maybe whispers but she doesn't care. She waits however long the packaging says, pacing up and down in that little room.
She knows the time is up but she can't look. She's afraid of what the little stick might say. She can barely process her feelings but she knows either way, for some reason, she will be upset. She briefly wishes she could go back to the days when she had just one emotion and it was anger. Things may have been deadlier, but they were also simpler. For her, at least. She must stop thinking about the past. This in front of her – this little stick – this is her future. One way or the other.
Finally. Finally finally. She looks down to see a small, pink plus sign and the widest grin spreads across her face. This was not the right emotion and this is not how she is supposed to feel but she feels it anyway. She cherishes the moment, knowing it could be their secret for just a bit longer.
She emerges from the bathroom and Emma and Snow are standing in the same spots Regina had left them. They look nervous, fighting the impulse to speak. Snow is practically bouncing on her toes. But the minute Regina smiles, the answer is abundantly clear. Snow tackles Regina saying how happy she is and a thousand other things that Regina isn't processing. Emma is congratulatory as well, but in a less perky manner that Regina is extremely appreciative of.
"We're here for you. Whatever you need," Emma says as Snow is still wrapped around Regina. Regina thanks her and then finally manages to escape Snow, who is now crying. Great. Of course she would have to be consoling Snow during in the middle of… these present circumstances. She can't say 'pregnancy announcement' because that evokes good times, a stable family unit, and a spouse who isn't married to someone else.
Regina gets Snow a glass of water and by the time everyone is settled, Regina is more annoyed than anything else. Snow is going on and on about what baby clothes she will pass down, and even Emma engages in the great boy/girl/either would be great debate. Regina almost begins to tune them out when she hears Snow say, "OK, time to get back to work on this town curse."
Regina looks at Snow, not knowing why she's suggesting this when the topic had already been discussed that day. They've made great development with the potion, but no other news. What else was there to add? "Well, Regina," Snow explains, locking hopeful eyes with Regina's confused ones, "we have to break this curse immediately. All hands on deck, right? Now more so than ever."
This time it is Regina's turn to act completely irrational, by her standards at least, and embrace Snow, teary-eyed. Snow seems shocked by the hug, despite all that were given earlier. Regina whispers a thank you in her ear. There's nothing else she can say, but Regina hopes Snow realizes how much weight that thank you carries. Regina isn't one for hugs and giggles, but in this moment she appreciates everything Snow is and everything Snow stands for. Despite all her doubts in the past, she is truly glad that she has invested so much time trying to be good. She is spending time now fighting for what's right instead of what is easy. Maybe, she realizes, Snow has been a good influence on her all this time.
The hug grows in size as Emma puts her one arm around Regina and the other around Snow. "What am I, chopped liver?" The three women laugh. Regina might have to raise this baby as a single mother, but she understands for the first time that she has these two people to depend on. They are not helping her in order to gain anything, or to destroy Regina. They are helping her because they love her, a feeling Regina is not used to being on the receiving end of.
…
Regina is pacing up and down the foyer, waiting for Henry to return home. It took her a while to shake Emma and Snow. They wanted to stay – Snow had even offered to stay the night to make sure she was alright. They finally left and now Regina is just alone with her own thoughts. The one main question taking up all the space in her mind is how she should go about telling Henry. He's old enough to know how… how this kind of thing works. However, she feels almost embarrassed to tell Henry the news. She knows he will be beyond thrilled and beyond supportive, but what if he's not? He's too old to be jealous of his mother having another baby. It's something else. What if he's upset with Robin? She just doesn't want Henry asking too many questions. He is a curious child, though.
Round and round. Regina's mind won't stop whirring and she almost doesn't notice when Henry's school bus pulls up to the house. Just like any other day, he walks to the front door, backpack slung over one shoulder. Wow, he grows taller and taller each day. Soon he'll be towering over her.
Regina makes Henry a snack, one that requires sitting down at the table for more than a quick second. On some days, Henry grabs a handful of chips (much to Regina's chagrin) and runs upstairs to do his homework. Today, however, she needed Henry to stay downstairs for a bit longer.
Henry is munching on his cut up apple with peanut butter and Regina is staring him down from the other end of the table. How should she even broach the subject? This kind of thing does not fit casually into conversation.
"Mom, why are you staring at me like that?" Regina changes her slight frown and harsh gaze into something more lighthearted.
"I just love you so much, Henry." In the old days, Henry would roll his eyes or say something rude in return. Accuse her of being evil. Or just run away without saying anything. But things had changed. So this time, Henry answers her with a smile and an "I love you, too."
But Henry is more perceptive than that. "What's going on? I know there's something else." Regina fidgets in her seat and adjusts the sleeves of her sweater. Does she just say it? Does she need a long speech or segue that builds up to the announcement.
"There's something I need to tell you." This time it's Henry's turn to be nervous. He puts down his apple slice and looks at his mother, eyes narrowed.
"What happened?"
"No, no, nothing happened. Well, something did… but it's good!" Regina looks away from Henry as she breaks into a wide grin. She knows that this baby and everything surrounding it is nothing but trouble. She knows she should be lost, hurt, and confused, but she feels happy and alive whenever she thinks about what's growing inside of her. Instead of feeling further from Robin, this baby brings him closer.
"What?" Henry is on the edge of his seat. Regina looks over at Henry. It's on the tip of her tongue. "What? Tell me. Mom!"
"I'm going to have a baby." There. The first time she's said those words aloud. Even to herself.
Regina is nervous when Henry doesn't immediately say or do anything. But all of a sudden Henry pushes back his chair and slowly walks over to Regina. Regina may just be nervous herself but she senses a bit of apprehension on Henry's part as he walks forward. Without saying anything, Henry leans down and gives her a hug. Long gone are the days where Henry was small enough to fit on her lap, so Regina meets his hug by standing up herself.
"I love you, Mom." Regina sighs deeply and kisses the top of Henry's head. And here she goes again now, feeling tears prickle the corners of her eyes. She loves Henry so much. But their sweet moment is short-lived. They break apart and Henry demands, "We need to go to the town line right now. We need to find a way to tell Robin. The potion for the town line – we need to make more of it now. We have to—"
"Woah, Henry, slow down." Regina guides him back to his seat, and then slides her own chair to sit right beside him. "We have been working as fast as we can. But this curse… I don't know what to tell you but it's very, very strong."
"We can break any spell. We've done it before and this time will be the same." Regina begins shaking her head at this but Henry stops her. "No, Mom, have faith. We're going to get to Robin." Sometimes Henry sounds so much like Snow. Well, they are technically related. Regina nods, trying her hardest to believe that hope will prevail. "Are you feeling OK?" Henry asks, almost as an afterthought, definitely quieter than his previous demands.
Regina nods. "Yes. And I don't want you to worry about a thing."
"How long have you known?" Regina takes a deep breath in, ready for the interrogation that she knows is just beginning, and dramatically rolls her eyes, making Henry raise his eyebrow and cross his arms in mock annoyance.
"Just earlier today, although I've suspected it for about a week now."
"Ok. Who else knows?"
"Just Emma and Snow. And I'm sure by now David and Hook know, as well. I'd like it if we kept it to just those people."
"How old is the baby?"
Regina blushes slightly at this question. She knows exactly how old the baby is, practically down to the minute. "I'd say seven weeks."
Henry nods, reciting his next question. "How much longer until we break the curse around the town?"
"I don't know." Henry opens his mouth to respond, but Regina says, "Enough with the questions for now. Why don't you start with your homework and I will continue doing research on the town line."
Henry decides this is fair. They finish their snack together and Henry heads upstairs to do his homework, giving his mother an extra special hug on the way out. He also says a goodbye to the baby, too, which makes Regina's heart melt into a thousand pieces. What is she going to do in another year when Henry becomes a teenager? She hopes he'll keep his childlike wonder, much like Snow still does after all these years.
But when Henry leaves, Regina does not follow through with their deal. She goes up to her room and does not open her many spell and potion books. Instead, she reaches under her bed for a small, wooden box. In the box are a few different trinkets. She pulls out a tattered, taped-together piece of parchment. Will Scarlet had given this to her about a week or two after it had happened. She was fuzzy on the details. He had taped it the best he could, and it was good enough for her, as well. It is very wrinkled, but she could see, as clear as daylight, the two people in the picture smiling at each other, lips inches apart, happiness all over.
She stares at the photo and imagines what it would be like if Robin were still here.
…
The Mayor's office has turned into a laboratory of sorts. Potions are brewing, books are flung about, and strange noises keep emanating from different sized beakers. It had been set up for this only a few short days after Storybrooke had discovered the curse around the town. But now it is being put into overdrive. Now more than ever they needed to find some kind of antidote or curse reversal spell. Belle, Hook, and David are still working hard, even after a putting in a full day already. Belle had said she was doing this just to help Regina. She has no intention of going off to find Rumple, but Regina wonders how long before that intention wears off.
Regina and Snow are sitting on the couch, watching everyone work. After many hours, Snow had forced Regina to her seated position, telling her it wasn't good for a woman in her "condition" to be on her feet for an elongated period of time. After much stubbornness, Regina finally gave in, if only to stop Snow from nagging.
"There has to be something else we can do," Regina demands. She catches Snow's deep sigh and amends her statement. "I mean, something more than just this." Regina gestures toward the scene in front of them.
"Okay," says Snow patiently. "Where else would you like to go?"
"I don't know. It just seems like we're missing something. And we're not going to find it in any book." Regina gives Belle a short glare. She has been keeping her temper in check recently, but today they have been sequestered in this room for far too long. Regina is getting hot, annoyed. She wants to see Robin now. Every day the baby grows is another day Robin isn't there. She's scared she'll be nine months pregnant by the time they finally get around to breaking the curse. Or what if it's years. Or never. Regina wipes her brow and wishes she had a tie to hold up her hair.
"Maybe we should change scenery? Get you something to eat."
"No. We can't waste another moment." Regina begins to stand up, but Snow lightly guides her back down with a hand on her shoulder.
"We can still be helpful," Snow tries to reassure her. Regina crosses her arms and raises one eyebrow in an almost mocking manner, waiting to hear Snow's brilliant plan. "I have an idea. Do you trust me?"
…
Regina regrets her decision as soon as she's made it. But here she is, sitting in the passenger seat of Snow's car, trusting her. Snow is humming softly to herself as the car turns a corner, now heading straight towards the dying sun. Despite her not un-pleasant surroundings, Regina is gripping both sides of the seat as if she were on a thrill ride.
"I think we would be more helpful back at the lab," Regina mutters through gritted teeth.
"It was getting too stuffy in there. I could tell you needed a break." Snow looks over at Regina with worried eyes. "Unless you think going to the line will be too much for you right now. And in that case I completely under—"
"No. It's fine. I'm fine." When Snow first told Regina where they were headed (while they were already underway in the car), Regina's heart stopped in the same way it used to whenever she heard Robin's name. It's been a few weeks now. A few months, actually, so the pain of thinking or hearing about Robin has somewhat dulled. It's upsetting, but it doesn't send her into a tailspin like it used to. But this. Now. Going to the spot where it happened. Snow may be right and it may be too much to handle, but her gut is telling her that she has to go. Frankly, she is surprised she has not gone sooner. She knows Snow, David, and the rest of the lot had gone multiple times to look for any sort of lead. Earlier in their car ride, Snow insisted that maybe Regina would find something new, and thus help break the curse. Regina does not know what to expect but she feels strong enough to not back out. And she knows that it's the baby that's making her strong. She might not have been able to do it by herself but now she knows she's not alone. Even though Robin has disappeared across the town line, she has a little piece of him with her to keep her strong.
As the car nears the town line, Regina sees for the first time the place where it happened. The car stops and Snow gets out with Regina slowly following her. Regina feels like she has just stepped back in time. With every crunch of gravel under her feet, she feels her heart beat quicken. She feels so close to him. She feels that all she needs to do is stick her arm over the line and pull him back in.
"Regina?" At Snow's voice, Regina realizes she has stopped walking. She is just staring right at the line, too afraid to move any closer. All her regrets are pouring back into her –everything she's placed out of her mind and banished. What if she had let Marian freeze? What if she had followed Robin across the line? What if she had dragged Henry and the whole town across the line? There are probably better places than Storybrooke in this strange world. Emma keeps mentioning places like New York, Tallahasse, and Dallas, which frankly sound a lot more cultured than the peasants that occupy Storybrooke.
"Regina? Are you sure you're O.K.?" Regina is glad to once again be shaken from her dark thoughts. She takes a look at Snow who has her hand reached out toward Regina. Regina almost raises and eyebrow and almost gives Snow a snide remark about her gesture. But Regina doesn't want to push back anymore. She's tired. Taking a breath, she reaches her hand out to Snow and the two women walk together closer to the line.
…
The next time Regina decides to visit the line, she does so alone. Three days ago, when she had gone with Snow, Regina was heartbroken all over again, but also more motivated than ever. She had spent those days after working harder than ever in the lab, despite Snow's plea to rest.
The morning light is streaming through the back window of the car as Regina pulls up near the line. She gets out and walks cautiously toward the line. It was harder without Snow guiding her, but she could feel her motivation take over as the driving force bringing her closer and closer to the line.
She stares across for quite some time, taking in all the morning light has to offer. That's when she sees it. Shimmering slightly in the light but mostly covered by shadows. She wishes she could get closer but the line wouldn't allow it. It is some kind of writing – maybe in paint but she couldn't be sure. She is now walking up and down that section of the line, trying to read what it says. However, a few pebbles lined up inches away from the line suddenly distract her. She strides over, heart racing, and infers that those pebbles were man made and not part of nature's design. She stands there stunned for minutes on end. Who could have done this? It couldn't be.
The shadows finally uncover the words feet away from the pebbles, which Regina can now read properly:
Sunday 3 always –R
That's it! That's all that was written? The "R" had to be Robin. It just had to be. Sunday meant Sunday, ok. And 3 meant… three times? Three in the afternoon? The morning? What would happen then? And has it already happened?
Her breathing picks up and she runs back to the car, starts the engine, and speeds back into town.
…
Regina is pacing up and down her office… Snow's office now. Even though it's been a while since Snow assumed the mayoral position, Regina will always think of this first and foremost as her office – despite the cutesy paintings and trinkets Snow has added.
"Regina. Sit down and breathe. Let's all try to make some sense of this," Snow says, trying to stay calm, guiding Regina back to the couch. Regina plops between Snow and Emma in a complete daze. Charming is on the chair across from them, deep in thought.
Emma finally breaks the silence by saying, "There's nothing to make sense of right now. We're just going to have to go to the town line next Sunday at three." Regina catches Emma's determined eye and quickly looks away, embarrassed to be more nervous about this adventure than excited. So what if Robin actually shows up? What then? It's not like she can magically be with him. It's not like true love's kiss will break the spell. The thought of the word "love" sends a chill through Regina. She's said those three little words to only three people in her life: Henry, Henry Sr., and Daniel. She guesses she also must have said it to Cora and Leopold – but not in any sincere manner.
Of course Snow senses Regina's hesitation. She takes Regina's hand in hers and says, "Or, if you want, next Sunday you can stay here and we can go see if there's anything to see." David gets up and crosses over to Regina. He puts a hand on her shoulder and Regina is suddenly overwhelmed by the amount of people in direct contact with her.
"Snow is right," David's voices, steady as always, "We will go scope out the situation for you. No need to worry unless there's something… or someone there." Regina nods and then stands up, releasing herself from everybody's grasp. She makes an excuse that Henry needs her at home – despite it being the middle of the school day – and then disappears.
…
Regina wakes up Sunday in the middle of the night. 2:30am. She is restless and worried. Part of her wanted to take a huge sleeping pill and just sleep right through the night and the day – skipping all the anxiety she knows she is bound to feel.
David is going to, as he so charmingly put it, "scope out the situation" near the town line at three in the morning. Regina sometimes may call him an idiot but she could not be more grateful of his kind gesture. They all doubt that Robin meant 3am, but David was determined to check, or else they'd have to wait another week to figure it out. Regina had tried to stop David, telling him he didn't need to do it, but she was secretly happy when David ignored her requests.
Her cell phone, which she usually turns off or leaves in the other room during the night, is for the first time on her nightstand. She told herself she'd go to sleep but she cannot stop staring at that little rectangle, waiting for it to light up. It really is magical, this cellular phone – but all magic comes with a price. And that price is her lack of sleep.
She tosses and turns and then falls into a light sleep. There she is again with Robin in the forest. Sunlight is bathing both of them and he is placing little kisses all over her cheeks, neck, nose, and forehead. She is grinning ear to ear and he keeps saying how much he loves her. They are holding hands and Regina just keeps smiling.
A small ping noise wakes her from her light slumber. Her heart catches and she sits straight up. She darts towards the little phone that is now illuminated, and squints in the brightness. When her eyes finally adjust to the light, she can confirm that it is indeed a text from David.
No sighting. Must be 3pm.
Regina looks at the time. It's now 4am. David waited outside for an entire hour in the middle of the night just for her. How is she ever supposed to repay him? She lays back down on her bed, putting the phone back on the nightstand. All her energy now is focused on that 3pm time. What will happen if she sees him? And the scarier thought – what will happen if she doesn't?
Regina tosses in bed the rest of the night, unable to get a proper sleep. Maybe seeing things in the cold light of morning will ease her anxiety.
…
Maybe not. If anything she is more anxious when morning arrives. As she takes her pajamas off to get in the shower, she catches herself in the mirror and gives a horrified gasp. Her hands go straight to her belly. There it is. Only the smallest protrusion but, still, there it is, as clear as day. A tiny bump. It has been weeks – almost months now – and according the many pregnancy books she owns (plus Snow's incessant babbling), it is about time she started to show. She hops right in the shower and tries her best not to let tears slip from her eyes. She is so happy – this is all becoming more real every day – but she is also terrified and confused for that very same reason.
By the time Henry rolls out of bed, Regina has already showered, dressed, done two loads of laundry, and made a full breakfast. She imagines Henry has awoken to the smell of pancakes, because he wanders straight into the kitchen rather than taking a detour to the television. He takes a seat at the table, still pajama-clad and rubbing sleep from under his eyes.
"Since when do you make pancakes?"
"Don't you mean, 'thank you my wonderful mother?'" Regina brings two stacks of pancakes to the table and sits down adjacent to Henry.
Henry looks up, laughs a bit, and says, "Thank you." Regina grins back and they both dig in. Between bites, Henry amends his thank you. "But…" Regina glances his way. "You usually make us eat something healthier?" Henry takes another big bite. "I'm not complaining!"
Regina swallows and puts her fork and knife down. She reaches for her stomach and looks almost shyly back up at Henry. "I guess I was just craving pancakes." There's a pause as Henry looks down at the little bump Regina is covering with her hand. "Apparently I do whatever it says now," Regina says with a sharp laugh.
"It?" Henry asks. Regina cocks her head in confusion. "We can't keep calling the baby 'it.'" Regina is amused and also comforted by Henry's interest.
"Well then what should we call it- I mean, what should we call…" and Regina takes a deep breath, "the baby?"
Henry shrugs, "For starters, 'baby' is better than 'it.'" Regina nods in agreement. "But we could also use Regina Jr.?" Regina laughs at Henry's suggestion. "Or Rob –" Henry stops right there, probably thinking he has gone too far. Regina heart has already started beating much faster at the reminder of Robin's name, and also about her impending fate for later in the day. "Sorry, Mom. I didn't mean –"
"No, it's alright, Henry. Don't worry." Regina reaches over and fixes his sleep-matted hair. They are silent for a few moments while they each eat their pancakes.
"So you're going then? At 3pm with David and Snow?" Regina's fork and knife ring out as they crash down on the ceramic plate.
"We'll see." Regina says, still trying to stay a bit positive for Henry's sake. Honestly, she does not know whether or not she will go. Before she saw the baby bump this morning, she would have given Henry a definite 'yes' on the question. But now, somehow, things are different. So much hope is riding on today, and if Robin doesn't show, she will be devastated. Better to stay home and not have to witness in person the crushing blow. And even worse, what if he is there. Like a mirage, she will have to stand there and see him and want him, but will not be able to do anything about it.
…
At 2:30pm she realizes she has done every chore in the house twice over. She's standing in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and staring off into space. Her phone has rung upwards of ten times, and Henry keeps quietly pacing next. There is so much silence that they can hear a car pull up in front of the house, and voices and footsteps approach the door.
Giving a huff, Regina stomps over to the front door and swings it open before anyone has a chance to even knock.
"Regina!" Snow says in shock. "Are you coming?"
"I'm going." Regina pushes through Snow, David, Hook, and Emma and marches to her car. Her welcoming party, including Henry, run after her. But she reaches her car first, and gets in, slamming the door.
"Alone?" Snow questions, as her footsteps slow.
"I am not a child. I do not need a babysitter."
"No, but you do need a support system." All eyes are on Emma now, who's getting visibly annoyed at the situation. "You think we're doing all this just to keep an eye out for you?"
"I don't care why," Regina retorts.
Emma scoffs. "Too bad. We care about you because we love you." Regina turns the key of her car and the engine warms up. "We want to come with you because we want to help you if you get hurt out there."
"Out there?" Regina shakes her head, giving a quick laugh. "I'm not going into battle. I am looking across the town line at something that may or may not be there."
"Someone." Now everybody turns to Henry. Henry walks up to the car, gently leaning into the window, where Regina is now looking away, not wanting to see the look of concern on her son's face. "We know this is hard for you. Please let us help."
Regina cannot say no to Henry. She knows what they are saying is true. She does need help and she is terrified, although she would never care to admit either one. That is why she wants to go alone. Things will end poorly one way or another so going alone will ensure no one will have to watch her breakdown and cry.
Regina looks over at Snow. 'Have hope,' a tiny little voice says in Regina's mind. Regina takes a deep breath and looks back at Henry. "Okay, you can come with me." Henry runs around to the front seat and hops in. "The rest of you…" she looks into all of their faces, "follow me in ten minutes. I just want some time alone first."
They nod. "We can work with that," says David. Regina puts the car into gear and drives off, not looking back.
…
"What made you change your mind," asks Henry, after about ten minutes of silence.
Regina shrugs, but gives him her honest, deepest, truest answer, one she is embarrassed to say out loud. "Hope."
Henry grins ear to ear. "Me, you, and our little ball of hope. No matter what happens we are a family."
Regina feels tears gather in her eyes. Henry, once again, outshines everyone with his wisdom. How did he even get like this?
"I love you," says Regina. "And…" Here it comes. The fourth time these words have ever rang true. She puts on hand on her belly and says, "I love the our little ball of hope." Before Regina processes what's going on, the ground below seems to move. Almost like an earthquake. Regina begins to slow down the car and she and Henry give each other a look. After a few moments of nothing, they continue driving. They have only a minute until three.
…
They pull up close to the line and hop out. Something is different. The invisible and immaterial "wall" now has a slight shimmer to it. Regina backs away, throwing her arm in front of Henry.
"What's going on?" voices Henry. Regina just shakes her head. The "wall" has now become a visible entity, shimmering and creating waves like something has just passed through it.
Then, in the distance, she sees a little spec growing bigger. It's a large, dark green pick-up truck. Regina can feel her heart beating, wanting to break through her chest. Regina does not answer – she does not know how – when Henry starts to ask, "Is that…?" She does not know anything but she feels everything. She can feel that it is Robin. Of course it is.
The truck stops a few yards away from the line. Regina can almost make out the person in the front seat – the not-so translucent wall obstructing her vision just the slightest bit. But there is no mistake when he hops out of the truck.
Henry grabs her hand and Regina squeezes back.
Almost like it's happening in slow motion, Robin straightens his forest green jacket and runs a hand through his hair, which has gotten a bit longer, and there are definitely some grey streaks, too. His brow is furrowed and all Regina wants to do is break through the barrier and wrap her arms around his. Kiss his frown until both hearts piece back together. Hold onto him until both their souls are fused.
She takes one step forward and then remembers she is holding onto Henry's hand. She squeezes his hand tighter and stays where she is, willing Robin to see her. And for a moment she thinks he does. But his piercing blue eyes circle up towards the sky and then back down towards the pavement. He must notice something strange is going on with the wall. He must be seeing the same wave-like movement that she is.
Suddenly he turns around, veering left towards the ends of the road. "Robin!" Regina calls out, letting go of Henry's hand and running as far left as she can. It is torture. She knew it would be. Seeing him through this one-way mirror of sorts. Robin leans down and picks up what looks like a little pebble. "Robin," she yells again. And then much softer, almost under her breath, "Come back." And then, magically, as if he heard her, he turns around, pebble still in hand. He walks back towards the barrier and right before he meets it, he bends down again and places the pebble at the end of a line of pebbles Regina is now seeing for the first time. She counts. Fifteen. Fifteen pebbles. She knows what they are immediately. She's seen in done before in various other ways. Baelfire in Neverland for instance, tallying the days he had been stuck on that island. In this case it was different. Instead of one mark for each day, it was one pebble for each visit. If he came every Sunday, that meant it had been 15 weeks since… since he left.
A short sob comes from her throat. Robin had been right here all this time, every week. And she was so busy moping and feeling sorry for herself that she only decided to investigate this spot one week ago. But still, what's the use? He can't see her and she can't get to him.
Robin stands up, takes a few steps backwards, front still facing the wall. He clears his throat and Regina freezes. "Hello again," Robin begins. His voice. The one she had been dreaming about for months. It's deep like thunder and thick like honey. Half of her wants him to talk forever and just never stop. The other half wants to shut him up by kissing him. But all of her is in complete shock, not believing the sights and the sounds before her.
"Today is the fifteenth week we've been separated. Every day I miss you more. I will continue to come here every week until we are reunited." It's almost like it's rehearsed, but then again it probably is. He comes here and says the same few lines, just hoping someone is on the other side. Today is the first day anyone (that she knows of) is here to listen. The thought of Robin speaking like this to nobody brings tears to her eyes. Especially when Robin seems to be looking straight at her. "However, there is something different about today. If you're there, can you see how there are small waves – bends in the light – all up and down the wall?" Robin looks to the ground, trying to stay strong and then back to Regina. "There's something different about today, and I can feel that you're getting closer to breaking this. There is no magic in this world, or else I would do everything in my power to knock down this damned wall with everything I have. As opposed to once a week, I'm going to come back each day at this time and wait for you. This might all be lost to the wind, but if you're there, just know I love you and will always love you. I will not rest until we are together once again." Robin's gaze lingers and then he turns away and walks back to his car. Something he has done every other Sunday.
Regina spends the rest of the visit screaming out Robin's name, and trying to blast down the barrier with every spell she can think of. Weak, out of breath, and crying, Mary Margaret, David, and Emma (who have showed up, just as promised) pull Regina away from the spot. It takes a while, but she is finally in the backseat of Emma's yellow bug. Henry is in the back with her, trying to calm her down.
…
She wakes up the next morning, cheeks tear-stained and voice hoarse. As she takes in her surroundings, she realizes she is in Emma's bed. Emma's old bed now, Regina assumes, since Emma spends most her nights at Hook's. She hates that Snow, Emma and whoever else brought her to the Charmings' to sleep. She stands up, about to storm down the stairs, but she is greeted with a searing headache as soon as she is vertical. Nevertheless, she heads downstairs, a bit less aggressively than she had planned.
Snow, Charming, and Henry are seated around the table eating breakfast. Conversation halts the moment they see Regina descending. Great, Regina thinks, of course they were just talking about her. Breaking the silence, Regina scolds, "So I need to be babysat now?"
Snow sighs and answers, "No. You just needed your family, whether you'd like to admit it or not."
Before Regina has time to sass back, Henry stands up and walks to Regina. "Mom. We were really scared. Don't be mad at them. I was the one who said you should stay here. What if something happened to the baby?"
Regina's hands instinctively glide to her swollen belly. She realizes now what her temper tantrum has cost her family. Henry upset, the baby in danger. All because what? She saw someone and couldn't get to him? She has always put Henry first but this new baby also has to come first. Regina looks from Henry's face to the Charmings and then back to Henry. Shame washes over her. She turns around and runs up the stairs.
…
Regina wakes hours later, feeling slightly less nauseous than before. She sits up in the bed and watches the afternoon sun dance across the hard wood floor. She takes her belly in her hands and looks down at it… not 'it' – the baby. She takes a deep breath and does something she has never done before.
"Hi there," she hears herself say aloud. She feels a little silly and a little bit embarrassed, but she keeps pushing through. "I'm Regina. I'm your mother." She takes a few more deep breaths. "I want to apologize for yesterday. I shouldn't have gotten upset… well, that upset… and I shouldn't have put you in harms way. You're so little that I didn't think anything could hurt you, especially me. But I will devote my life to make sure you are safe. I will always be with you, and your father will always be with you, too." Regina begins to tear up, but takes a few more deep breaths. "It was so hard to acknowledge that you were growing because that meant time was passing without seeing your father. Oh, his name is Robin, your father, although I'm sure you know that already." Regina gives a laugh and shakes her head, thinking of her constant screams of his name. "I just want you to know that I love you."
She takes a moment and then goes to stand up. However, the ground shakes underneath her for a brief second. Just like it did when she was in the car with Henry. After making sure it doesn't happen again, Regina runs downstairs to where the Charmings are sitting on the couch playing a board game. Well, not playing in the moment as Henry is picking up the many game pieces that fell on the ground. "Did you feel that?" Regina looks wildly at the faces around her.
"We did," David confirms.
"It's like the one we felt before. In the car," Henry adds.
Regina nods at them, trying to slow down each breath. "We have to go back. To the wall. I just know it."
"I don't think that's such a – " Snow is cut off by Regina.
"I can handle it. I wasn't prepared yesterday and today I am." For once, Snow does not try to put up a fight.
"Alright. But we're going with you," agrees Snow.
"And I'm driving," adds David. Snow shakes her head. Men. But Regina nods in agreement.
"Fine. Let's go." And with that, Regina is already half way to the front door.
…
It's almost three o'clock when they arrive at the line. The moment the car stops, Regina jumps out and rushes to the line. The mysterious wall looks thin and translucent, like a bubble that has not popped – a rainbow if you catch it in the right light. It definitely has more movement than yesterday, Regina decides.
Henry and the Charmings congregate behind Regina.
"Doesn't he only come on Sundays?" David asks.
"Every day, now," Regina responds, still staring ahead, unnecessarily annoyed at his question. Charming starts to ask something else, but Regina can hear Snow shush him.
They wait in silence until she sees his truck headed in their direction. Her heart begins to race. She puts a hand on the little bump of her stomach – she knows the baby is just as excited as she is.
Robin's truck stops, and he hops out, excitement on his face. Regina is sure it is due to the change in the wall. Robin walks towards the wall examining each bit of it. He then looks straight ahead, trying as hard as he can to see what is beyond. Regina starts screaming his name again. Maybe with the wall in this new state, it can now transmit sound.
Snow puts a hand on Regina's shoulder and says her name. Regina stops calling out and looks over at Snow through the tears in her eyes. Snow points again back at Robin, who has begun to speak. "- fifteen weeks and one day since we were separated." Regina puts a hand over her mouth, realizing she missed the first few words of his speech. Her other hand moves to hold onto Snow's.
"Every day I miss you," Robin continues, "And I know you are working very hard. Something is different about today – different than yesterday and especially all the days before it. If you're there, know that I love you very much. I am here. I will always be here." He stands there for a few minutes while Regina and her party just stare back.
They watch him turn back around and get in his car. They watch until his truck is out of sight. Finally Regina turns around, looking at Snow. She is shocking to see that Snow is crying. David and Henry have already retreated back to the car and they are talking in hushed tones. "Really, Snow?" Regina tries to sound disdainful but it's not working through her shaking voice and watering eyes.
"I'm sorry," Snow apologizes, wiping away her tears. Regina knows Snow is crying because the situation itself is depressing. Having someone so close yet so far. It's gut-wrenching. But Regina suspects Snow is crying for another reason, too. Snow wanted Regina to find her happy just as much as Regina wanted it for herself. Snow has thrown herself in front of Regina countless times, but Regina still has a hard time believing that anyone could be rooting for her to succeed. She sees it now in Snow's eyes. Snow loves her. Of course she does. Regina sees a young Snow just wanting her step-mother to love her. Now Regina has tears in her eyes for two reasons.
"Don't be sorry," Regina corrects Snow. "Let's go." Regina and Snow head back to the car. Henry takes Regina's other hand and gives her a look that says 'I'm always here, too.' And now, despite the bleakness of her situation with Robin, she knows she is surrounded by love. Snow in one hand, Henry in the other, and a child growing inside her.
…
The next day Regina arrives alone at the line. She convinced everyone that she was good to go on her own. Snow begged to come with her, and so did Henry. Even Emma threatened to show up unannounced. But Regina insisted that she needed time just alone with him. Well, not really with him, but alone… with him. David said that is she wasn't home by 3:30 he would come looking for her.
But here she is, alone at the line, wishing everyone had come with her. She's afraid she will see him and run toward him, crossing over through the line. There is no one literally holding her hand this time. No background voices to pull her from a fantasy.
When his car arrives, he does the same thing as he's done the past few days: announce himself, count the days that have gone by since they've separated, and profess his love for her. There is no change in the wall today. It looks like the same un-popped bubble that was there yesterday. Nothing has changed but yet Robin still waits. Regina tries to call out his name, but stops soon enough, realizing there is no use.
Another day, and another time her heart breaks. He turns around to head back to his truck when an idea hits Regina. Without thinking this plan through, she takes off her black, high-heel and tosses it through the barrier. It lands next to Robin, who immediately halts. She cannot believe what she has just done. She doesn't know whether this is a good or bad idea, but she knows it's gotten Robin's attention.
He picks up the shoe, studies it for a moment, and then runs back to the edge of the line. It is his turn now to call out Regina's name.
No. She shouldn't have done that. Regina takes a step away from the line, looking away, not being able to bare the sight of Robin looking so broken. After a long string of 'I love yous' from Robin's end, he finally settles down. "I know you're there. I can feel it. I will come back tomorrow." Taking her shoe with him, he leaves.
Regina stands there, her right foot bare, for who knows how long. David sticks to his promise, though, and picks her up. She spends the night once again at the Charmings.
…
The next day Regina once again convinces everyone to let her go alone. Henry is of course worried, especially because they had to stay over at the Charmings a second time, something that Regina is not too pleased about. She tells Henry that every day she goes, she gets stronger, and so does the baby being so close to his or her father. This seems to convince everyone, and once she says it, she realizes that it is true. She can sense that the baby loves being near him.
She walks out to David's car and gets in the passenger seat, her left heel sitting in her lap while a new pair sits snugly on her feet. She looks down at the dark heel and rereads the little note she taped to the inside. She wonders if this is a good idea. Will the message even go through? She has found a way to cheat the system, but that can often backfire. Regina is willing to take the chance. The wall did not seem to notice when a shoe was flung through it, so maybe it won't notice if a little note goes through, as well. David hops in the driver's seat, startling Regina. "Ready?" David puts the car into drive without waiting for an answer.
"Thank you for driving," says Regina, a bit embarrassed that he had to drive her home yesterday in the first place.
"No worries. You're saving me from diaper duty." Charming smiles as the car makes a turn onto Main Street.
They drive in silence for a few moments as Regina thinks about Charming's little joke. Regina swallows and looks straight ahead as she says, "I don't know how I'm going to do it again."
David's brow furrows. "What again? Go back to the line? I know –"
Regina cuts him off. "No, raise another child. Raising Henry was the hardest thing I've had to do, and while he turned out to be a wonderful child, I'm afraid that wasn't all my doing."
"First of all, you have all of us to help this time. And second of all, I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit. Why do you think Henry has such strong morals? Such a large heart? You can't say you had nothing to do with that."
Regina smiles at his comment. The last person she expects to make her feel better is Charming, but that is exactly what he's doing. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," David continues, every word coming from him strong and earnest. "I can't wait to meet your new little one and watch your… our family grow."
Regina rolls her eyes, trying to not smile too widely. "You and Snow must be drinking the same Hope juice."
Charming laughs. "Maybe you should try some." Regina considers this. Touché.
…
David drops off Regina at the town line, kindly not saying a word about the one shoe she is holding. David gives Regina a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He wishes her good luck and then is gone. Just as he leaves, that familiar dark green pick-up truck is headed her way. Regina's heart soars and she squeezes the shoe in her hands.
Robin excitedly gets out of the car and rushes toward the line, holding her other shoe in his hand. Regina wonders how long he's been holding onto it. One hand automatically reaches to her belly, glad to have a part of him with her at all times. Regina only has moments to gather her thoughts when he begins to speak.
"It's been fifteen weeks and three days since we've been separated. I love you very much and I am always thinking of you." Regina notices that he grasps the shoe in his hand a bit more tightly. He is silent for a bit, and Regina once again impulsively decides to toss the shoe across. This time it's a small toss so the shoe only lands inches from the line on his side.
The delight on Robin's face when he sees this shoe is incomprehensible. He picks it up and notices the note. He takes it out, unfolds it, and reads aloud. "I am here. Working hard. Always." Robin looks up, a goofy grin covering his entire face. Regina honestly had not known what to write. She wanted to simply convey that it is her standing here, throwing shoes at him. She also wanted to convey a hope for the future, an idea Snow drills incessantly into her head. The idea of actually being able to communicate with him is honestly a bit terrifying. She could have easily written him an epic letter, detailing everything she misses about him, but she didn't know how.
"Regina," he says breathlessly, "I knew you were here. You'll get to the bottom of this curse any day now – I know you will. I have faith in you." He stares across the line to Regina. Every part of her body wants to leap across the line into Robin's arms. It's painful standing here watching him. It's not fair.
"If you break this curse and I'm not here, we are living in a small cottage twenty-five miles south. I'm working for a carpenter not too far away." Every bit of information comes tumbling out of Robin. It's like he's been waiting forever to unload all he has seen and learned in the outside world – a world Regina has never explored. Roland is enrolled in a local daycare, the same one Marian is working for. They have a modest life, not wanting to stray too far from Storybrooke. On occasion, they have taken trips to nearby cities such as Boston and Providence. Marian is now just a close friend to him, and this was made abundantly clear when she started dating the head of Roland's day care. Roland asks about Regina sometimes. He misses her. He wants to know when they will see her and Henry again. He thinks the boys were just starting to become friendly before they left. He thinks about her every day, all day.
This is when Regina leaves. It's so hard to think about what could have been – to imagine their lives together when they are so far apart. What's the point of torturing herself like this?
…
The next afternoon she is at Granny's with the usual suspects. Everyone is in high spirits because they are decorating the diner for Snow's birthday. Regina is looking solemnly out at the cheer.
Snow scoots into the booth opposite Regina and is silent for a moment. Out of the corner of Regina's eye, she can see Snow studying her. Finally Regina asks, "Can I help you?"
"No. Just wanted to keep you company. And," Snow adds, "I don't want to do anymore decorating." Snow giggles and Regina rolls her eyes. Snow reaches across the table to hold Regina's hands. "I know you've had a rough few days. Is there anything I can do for you? Any food –"
"No," Regina interrupts. "This baby won't let me keep anything in my stomach for too long."
"Any names?" Snow asks, steering Regina away from that topic.
"Henry keeps calling the baby Regina Jr. but I'm not too sure that would be good for my ego." Both women laugh at this.
"Are there any family names? Cora, perhaps?" Now both women are in hysterics. She and Snow have come such a long way. It's funny, Regina thinks, that not too long ago the subject of Cora would bring about such tension between the two. Unlike her mother, Snow has a big heart and Regina is very thankful of this fact, even on days when she's not.
"Well, she does already have quite a mind of her own," Regina states.
"Maybe something more modern then?"
"I think maybe once I see the baby I'll know. And plus, I don't know whether it will be a girl or a boy." Regina takes a sip of her tea, looking away from Snow. She doesn't know why, but she feels very exposed – vulnerable even – talking so openly about her baby and names and her feelings associated with everything. She knows she can open to up to Snow, but it's not something she is used to. The only adult she's ever opened up to in that way was… well, was Robin.
"I knew Neal was going to be a boy," Snow remarks.
Regina cocks her head. "Really? How?"
"I could just feel it."
Regina looks at a smiling Snow and furrows her brow. But on some level she knows Snow is right. She knows because she could also feel it growing within herself at this very moment.
Charming interrupts them by leaning over to put a hot chocolate down in front of Snow and kissing her on the cheek. "Here you are, my dear."
"Thank you. Now back work you go!"
"Of course, your highness," Charming says while taking a bow.
"I love you!" Snow calls to him in almost a mocking way as he begins to turn around. He then turns back around and kisses her again, this time on the lips.
"I love you, too." His is sincere. And his sincerity washes over Snow.
Regina looks upon this scene not with her usual disgust, but with sadness. Her brow is still furrowed in the same place as before, but now she is thinking about Robin. She looks toward the counter where Hook is helping Emma string up lights. They are laughing, teasing, and kissing each other. Basically they look like they are two models in an advertisement. She looks at all the love around her and decides to get up and leave.
"Where are you going?" Snow asks.
"It's 2:45."
…
Regina is lost in thought on the ride to the town line. This has become the part of the day when she looks forward to and dreads most. Seeing Robin is like a dream, in the best and worst sense. It's real but not real enough. She wants Robin. She wants a family. She wants love.
As she puts the car into park, she can see Robin's already walking toward the line. She jumps out and runs as close as she can to him. She doesn't know why – as she already knows it doesn't work – but she calls out his name three times. He paces back and forth, talking, telling her about his day, but she can't listen.
She looks at him, tries to catch his eye. And once he finally stops pacing, she thinks she has it. His eyes. They are green, bright, and hopeful. And here she goes... she can't hold it in anymore… she has to say it.
"I love you."
She means every part of those words. And she wishes she had said it long ago, back when he would have heard it. There have only been a few people she has said those words to. Most recently, to her unborn child and to Henry.
All of a sudden, the earth begins to shake, just as it did in the Charmings' loft and in the car with Henry. And Robin can feel it too. His arms are out and he is looking wildly around.
"I love you!" Regina shouts it this time.
The ground is rumbling more but Regina stands her ground. The wall is coming down. She shouts it again. The bubble is popping.
Then everything is still.
Robin looks into Regina's eyes. Really looks into them and sees past the deep, vast, coffee color and into her soul.
Regina doesn't even have time to inhale when all of a sudden Robin is striding toward her. Within a second his arms around her. And hers around him. She says the words again and again. I love you. I love you. I love you. Again and again in his ear as the two remain in an everlasting embrace.
Tears are coming from both their eyes. "It's really you," he says. And then they kiss. She feels like she can breathe again. His lips are everything she's ever wanted. Deep and passionate. Like they haven't seen each other in years.
After minutes she breaks the kiss by smiling. The biggest, most genuine smile. She can feel the words melt out of Robin when he murmurs, "I've thought about that smile every waking and sleeping moment since I met you."
She doesn't know what to say to that so she smiles even more and then kisses him once again.
…
A while must have passed because there's a little tug on Regina's jacket. Regina breaks away from the kiss and looks down to see Roland grinning up at her. Regina gasps and picks Roland up into a hug.
His arms and legs are wrapped around her body like a monkey. "We can see you now!" Roland shouts.
Robin and Regina laugh and a voice behind them says, "We were worried when you didn't come home at your usual time." Regina turns around to see Marian walking toward them. "But," Marian continues, "it's really is nice to see you." Regina places Roland back down on his feet and smiles at Marian.
From the opposite direction David's truck pulls up, Henry in the passenger seat. Upon seeing the reunion, Henry runs full speed to Robin and gives him a tight hug. Then he leans down to Roland's level and gives him a hug, too. The littlest boy is overjoyed.
"I think we have a celebration to get to," announced David, grinning ear to ear.
Everyone besides Robin and Regina gets into David's truck and drives off toward Granny's.
Now it's just the two of them alone once more.
"A party?" asks Robin.
"Well, Snow's birthday is today," Regina shrugs, "but I think now she'll have to share the day with someone else." Regina grins and presses her lips against Robin's. Robin's fingers run through her silky hair, causing a shiver to go through Regina's body, and then his hands continue down her back and land on her hips.
Then she realizes something. She breaks away from the kiss and removes Robin's hands from her waste, holding them both in hers. "There's something I have to tell you before we do anything else."
Robin moves her hands to his chest, incasing them in warmth. "Anything, my love," he responds.
Regina takes a very deep breath. She had spent so long thinking about how she would tell him and what her precise wording would be… but now… she doesn't know how to say it. Will he be upset? Will he be anxious? But she was never one for beating around the bush. "I'm pregnant." She looks up into his eyes, tears forming in her own. He moves his hands, in shock, to feel her belly. "Close to sixteen weeks, I'd assume."
And there it is; a warm smile beings to creep along Robin's mouth. "A baby?" Regina nods fervently. It seems like Robin can't help himself as he dives down and kisses her once more. When he breaks away he declares, "This is the happiest day of my life."
Tears are running down Regina's face and they embrace once more. "I love you," Regina whispers into his ear.
"For all of time," Robin whispers back.
…
Snow's party – Robin's party now – is a success. There is love all around and Regina does not leave Robin's side. If she goes up to get a drink at the bar, he follows, never letting go of her hand. She doesn't care that Granny, Red, and other townspeople are commenting on how "cute" they are and how "happy" Regina looks. She is so joyful of Robin's return that nothing else matters.
The two are squished in a booth, across from Roland and Henry. Henry is showing an in-awe Roland the storybook. He's explaining to Roland that Regina and Robin were destined to be together from the start. The conversation quickly turns to knights and castles and then the boys are chasing each other around the diner. Regina, who is leaning against Robin, closes her eyes, puts a hand on her stomach, and basks in her own happiness.
…
A month later Robin takes Regina to their special clearing in the woods. It's where they always go – together or alone – just to think. It's quiet, always sunny, and the perfect place for an afternoon rest. Regina is slightly annoyed that Robin had insisted they climb up to this specific spot. She is growing bigger every day and she is – although she refuses to admit it out loud – having mood swings. Robin is always perfect and always knows what to say, so she makes the sacrifice and says she will hike with him up to their thinking spot.
Once they are settled, there is quiet for a while as they both take in the beauty of their surroundings. Regina breathes in the forest air and remembers why she loves it here in the first place. The solitude. The openness. And then part of her also loves it because Robin loves it. She looks over at his peaceful face and can't help but grin. She also can't help but blurt out – breaking the silence in the process – "I love you."
"I love you, too," he says, looking into her eyes and holding her hand. "I've loved you from the first moment I laid eyes on you. When I saved you from the flying monkey."
Regina laughs, "I would have been perfectly fine without your interference."
Robin shakes his head, smiling. "Nevertheless," he continues, "from then on out, I have been in complete awe of everything you do and say and think and feel. Basically all of you. Every moment I spend with you I am a happier and better man."
"Robin –" Regina starts, tears forming in her eyes.
But Robin keeps on speaking. "Being away from you was the hardest thing I've had to do. I never want that to happen again." Regina shakes her head in response. She never wants it to happen again, either. "I love you, I love Henry, and I love our family with all my heart." Robin wipes away a tear that has fallen down Regina's cheek. She doesn't want to cry but she just can't believe she has this in front of her. She really did get everything she ever wanted. She has love in her life and a family to cherish. Things that many years ago, she couldn't even dream of.
"So…" Robin continues, "I want to ask you…." Suddenly Robin is off the tree bark they are seated on and kneeling in front of her. Regina doesn't have time to think in the few seconds before he asks, "Will you marry me?"
Regina lunges forward, wraps her arms around him, and kisses him.
They continue kissing until Robin breaks away. "That's a 'yes' I'm assuming?"
"Yes!" Regina exclaims between laughter and tears. "And will you marry me?"
"Of course I will," he responds, in all sincerity. And the two are tangled up in each other once more.
…
A month later they marry in that same spot in the woods. In attendance are just the people that matter – which honestly is more people than Regina ever thought she would have in her life. She looks around and realizes how complete her life is and how many people she cares for and care for her in return. As she walks toward her groom, she looks into Snow's kind soul and knows she has a family forever. She looks at her two boys, standing near the front, beaming with love and pride. Then, as she stops in front of Robin, she looks into his eyes and knows that their love is eternal.
…
The baby comes a few months after the wedding, the product of true love.
It is a girl.
And her name is Hope.
