Authors Note: This was written as somewhat of a crack!fic thingy...as you may be able to tell, it is not an entirely serious story. It was born from a conversation between myself and one other, then tweaked by two more people. So...here we have an interesting take on how K-san might cheer up Shuichi

Gomen ne

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Shuichi slumped in his chair and sighed. Really, what was the point in even being here? He looked around the practice room, seeing nothing but blonde hair and glasses.

It's not right. Why does he always treat me like this? I didn't even do anything! Telling me I'm annoying and throwing me out AGAIN. What's with that Yuki?

"...chi? SHUICHI! Wake up!"

Shuichi snapped to attention at the booming voice.

"I'm not!" he yelled, leaping out of his seat. The blond figure in front of him blinked.

"You're not what?" K-san asked, eyebrows raised.

"That damn Yuki! What does he know? He never appreciates me! Well I'll show him. I'll show him I'm the best thing that ever happened to him!"

It wasn't until then that Shuichi noticed the others looking at him. Hiro just looked bored, but Fujisaki had all the signs that showed he was about to really lose it.

Oh yeah, we're supposed to be practicing.

Hiro brushed his hair out of his face.

"Did Yuki kick you out of the house again, Shuichi?"

"The hell - " Shuichi began, but suddenly all the fight left him and his shoulders dropped. There really was no point in trying to lie to his best friend.

"Yes."

Shuichi felt the tears welling up, which made him think of Yuki, which made him feel more like crying. Before he knew it, he had crashed, howling, to the floor.

"Why does he always do this to me? Why is it whenever he has a deadline coming up, he acts even more like a monster than usual? Can't he at least pretend to act like he loves me?"

"Oh, for the love of whatever it is you believe in." muttered Fujisaki before slamming his hands on his keyboard. "I've said it before, and I'll say it again. There is just no way I can work like this. K-san, please get him under control. I'll be coming back tomorrow, and maybe then we can get some work done. Now, I'm going to find Sakano-san and tell him not to bother coming in here unless he wants to have a nervous breakdown. Although that'll probably give him one anyway."

K stood with his arms folded in front of his chest, watching the scene play out. It really was interesting the way it almost always followed a script. Shuichi would go strange, Hiro would make a comment, Shuichi would cry, and Fujisaki would get irritated. Normally at this point K himself would draw one or other of his guns and force them all to get on with it. This time though...K thought he might have a little fun.

"Shuichi, I think it's time you had a break. From everything, not just practice. Hiro, Fujisaki, you too. And Sakano, if he turns up from wherever it is he's run off to."

Fujisaki stopped with his hand on the doorknob and slowly turned his head.

"Are you sure about this, K-san? You're not going to come after us firing your guns?"

"Fujisaki, how could you say such a thing? Am I not a man of my word? Now go, and have fun! We can come back and practice properly tomorrow!"

Fujisaki wasted no time. Before K had finished his sentence, he had already exited the room and was halfway down the corridor.

Hmm. Well...now there's just the other two to get sorted. Although I already have plans for Shuichi.

"What about you, Hiro? Don't you want to go off and call Ayaka?"

"She'll be at dinner with her family at the moment. I'll just jam a bit, then call her later."

"Right. So, Shuichi, you're coming with me. No arguments."

"What? But I wanna go home to Yuki!"

"Would this be the same Yuki that threw you out of the house?"

"That's it exactly!"

K sighed. There was just no helping the boy. He appeared to have not a single connection to reality.

"Shuichi, how can you go back home to him if he kicked you out? You know he'll just keep telling you to go away until he finishes his work. So, I'm going to take you out. You are going to learn that it is possible to have fun without Yuki Eiri."

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Shuichi stared out the car window, and for about the millionth time since K had bundled him into the vehicle wondered what exactly it was the manager was up to.

"Where are we going, K?"

"You'll see, dear Shuichi. This is going to be one night you won't forget in a hurry."

"Ok, yeah, but seriously. Where are we going?"

"I told you, Shuichi, it will all become clear. For now, just enjoy the fact that not only are you not working, but I, your wonderful manager, am treating you to a night out!"

Shuichi looked at K out of the corner of his eye. Maybe he was being unfair, but there was something he just didn't trust about K taking him out. His style was normally threats, not pandering.

Well, how bad could it be? K-san is weird, but he's not crazy. Well, not totally crazy. At least, he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. Much. I think.

Shuichi started banging on the window, screaming at the people on the street.

"Help! I'm being kidnapped by a lunatic! Someone help me!"

He closed his mouth when he felt the gun press against his temple.

"You're going to have a good time tonight, Shuichi. Trust me! There's no need to panic!"

"Only you can point a gun at someone with such a wide smile on your face."

Shuichi continued to mutter under his breath for the rest of the journey. Eventually though, the car came to a stop. K thanked the driver before dragging Shuichi out the door and onto the street. Shuichi followed K through a door, and down some stairs. There was no sign above the door, or anything that Shuichi could see that would give some clue as to where they were. The street above was crawling with people, and there were brightly lit bars and clubs as far as Shuichi had been able to see. This place K had brought them to was dark and dank though.

"K, I want to go to one of those other places! This is...not nice."

"Just trust me Shuichi! Once we get inside you'll change your mind."

"Trust me, trust me, you say, but you haven't given me any reason to yet! I want to go home. I want to see Yuki. I miss him." he trailed off miserably.

K felt a brief pang for the boy, but he squashed it down. This was for Shuichi's own good. They reached the bottom of the stairs, and found themselves outside a beaded curtain. There was music emanating from deep inside, a kind of rhythmic thumping in tandem with a high pitched sound. K took them further inside, taking Shuichi right inside the club.

"K-san! This is a strip club! I can't be here, Yuki will kill me if he finds out!"

The pink-haired boy tried to pull away from the older man, But K had a firm grip on Shuichi's arm.

"What Yuki doesn't know won't hurt him. And anyway, it'll be his fault for not letting you stay at home. Now come with me."

K hauled Shuichi to the front of the stage, where with nothing more than a little coaxing and the flashing of what may have been a gun, K managed to get the two of them a seat each. Shuichi looked up at the dancers on the stage. They swayed back and forth, occasionally leaning down towards the men lined up in front of them, various articles of clothing littered around their high-heeled feet. Shuichi thought he should find this at least vaguely interesting, but all he could think of was Yuki.

If Yuki were here, he'd probably make a big show of how interested he was. He'd completely ignore me.

K looked down to see Shuichi sigh and put his head in his hands. He raised an eyebrow in surprise.

I know he's with Yuki, but in spite of that he's always denying that he's gay. He even says he still likes girls! He should be showing some signs of life at least.

K caught the eye of one of the girls, and pointed towards Shuichi. She took the hint, and sauntered her way over to the boy. Holding onto the pole behind her with one hand, she let herself fall until her own face was level with Shuichi's. She reached out with her free arm, taking Shuichi's hand in hers. This snapped Shuichi out of his dream, and he looked up at the stripper in surprise. K smiled. This was more like it. He needed to start getting out a bit. He watched as the girl pulled Shuichi's hand toward her, and nearly fell off his stool when Shuichi suddenly pulled his hand back, almost taking the girl with it. Her eyes widened in shock, and she shot a venomous look at K before jerking herself back up and striding down the other end of the stage. K shook his head.

Shuichi, Shuichi, Shuichi. What will we do with you.

K took a breath, rubbed his chin, let the breath out. He had to think of something to get Shuichi out of the funk he was in. It wasn't just Yuki. He had been like this for some days now. But what to do? The problem was, the girls here would have no idea how to get Shuichi's attention. To do that, they really had to be someone Shuichi knew, and he wasn't exactly in the habit of associating with these sorts of people. He wasn't really in the habit of associating with people of the female persuasion full-stop, for that matter.

Well, there's only one thing for it then.

"Shuichi, I'm going to show you how to have a good time!"

K got to his feet as he spoke, climbing first on his stool, then up onto the stage. Shuichi stared at K, a look of horror slowly working across his features.

"K-san, what are you doing! Get off there!"

"No, Shuichi. I'm going to show you how to have a good time, and I'm going to show these girls how it's done!"

He leaped in front of Shuichi, who looked on in horrified fascination. K grasped the pole and swung around it. He stopped, facing Shuichi and kicked off first one shoe, then the other. He leaned down and pulled off one sock by the toe, before flicking it over his shoulder. The second sock soon followed, and K ran a foot up his other leg. By this point, people had started to notice the strange foreign man dancing his way along the stage. The girls had stopped their own dancing and stood in small groups, giggling behind their hands.

Oh god, please let this not be happening.

Shuichi wanted to run and hide, but somehow he couldn't quite manage to tear his eyes away from the spectacle in front of him.

He's like a train-wreck...he thought in wonder. He watched as K pivoted around the pole, shaking his head so his blond hair flicked out behind him. Holding on with one hand, K leaned backwards, feet either side of the pole, until his hair touched the ground and he had Shuichi's face upside down in front of him. He grinned, and pulled himself back up.

The girls had all made their way out now, and stood in a semi-circle around K, calling and cheering.

Don't encourage him! Shuichi screamed in his head, but it was no use. This was apparently the most entertainment they had seen in their entire lives, and there was no way they were about to let it end so soon.

Now K-san had removed his ever-present tie and shirt and gyrated, semi-naked, around the pole. He held one arm above his head in imitation of the strippers they had been watching, as they themselves called out tips and suggested different moves for him to try. Shuichi could still only look on helplessly as K parted his feet and leaned down, palms planted flat on the ground. He tried to back away in terror as K dropped to his knees and began crawling towards him, but a crowd had seemingly magically appeared behind him and he couldn't get out. He hoped like hell no one here would recognise him. It would be just too much if this got into the papers. He stared, if only because he had nowhere else to look and he was damned if he was going to let his imagination do even more damage to his brain if he closed his eyes, as K got up onto his knees. He felt his mouth drop open as K reached for his belt buckle. He felt his eyes threaten to run screaming from his skull as K undid the belt, opened the button of his trousers and began to lower the zip.

Pleasenopleasenopleasenopleaseno HE IS NOT ABOUT TO STRIP HE IS NOT TAKING HIS PANTS OFF OHMYGOD HE IS I'M LOOKING AT K-SAN WITH NOTHING BUT HIS UNDERPANTS ON AND HE'S THRUSTING HIS HIPS IN FRONT OF MY FACE PLEASE GOD OR WHOEVER IS LISTENING KILL ME NOW!

Shuichi didn't think he had ever seen anything quite so terrifying as the sight of his manager right at that very second. He had to get out, he couldn't breathe, it was too hot in here and how do I get out of here someone help me please!

As Shuichi's vision began darken, he felt someone shoving passed him, saw a pair of uniformed arms grabbing the tall blond.

Why are they putting bracelets on him? He wondered as darkness closed.

-------

Hiro and Fujisaki looked at each other, then at their singer. He looked exhausted, and deathly pale. Hiro had tried asking what he and K-san had done the night before, but Shuichi screamed that he couldn't remember, that they were supposed to be practicing and by god, thats what they were going to do.

"So where is K-san, I wonder?" asked Fujisaki.

"It's probably best we don't ask," replied Hiro, eyeing Shuichi warily. "Best get to it then."

Hiro picked up his guitar, preparing to start, when Seguchi entered the room.

"Shindou-san. I was wondering if you might tell me why it was I had to bail your manager out of jail last night? He refused to tell me unless you did first."

Shuichi looked at Tohma, before suddenly bursting into tears.

"I can't remember! There's no way I'll ever remember that!" He wailed.

Hiro looked at Shuichi and grinned. This was going to one interesting story to get out of his friend later.